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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Sharing Toys...Quick Question
SunflowerMama 10:31 AM 12-07-2010
When child A is playing with something and child B wants the same toy do you tell A to share after a few minutes or just tell B to find something else to play with until that particular toy is free. I just feel like I'm asking kids to share toys ALL DAY and wondering if I should change my approach and just have them find something else to play with. What does everyone else do??
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melskids 10:37 AM 12-07-2010
child B has to find something else to play with until child A is finished. UNLESS child A is purposely hoarding and hanging on to something just so someone else can't have it. then i use a timer.
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laundrymom 10:38 AM 12-07-2010
I tell A,.. A when you are finished with that toy will you please give it B?? B really would like to play with it,.. I tell B,.. B when A is finished with that toy he will give it to you to play with so can you find something else to do until he is finished???

Originally Posted by SunflowerMama:
When child A is playing with something and child B wants the same toy do you tell A to share after a few minutes or just tell B to find something else to play with until that particular toy is free. I just feel like I'm asking kids to share toys ALL DAY and wondering if I should change my approach and just have them find something else to play with. What does everyone else do??

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MARSTELAC 10:45 AM 12-07-2010
If A is hoarding, then we use a 10 minute timer for a little while. All toys are given to someone else when the timer goes off. This usually only lasts maybe up to an hour then back to normal free play. The kids seem to love the timer. We do it for keyboard time as well. Sometimes we end up writing names on little slips of paper, I draw one out and that person goes first (for the 10 min) then next slip is drawn, etc. They seem to love it and it removes a lot of whining for toys.
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Blackcat31 10:53 AM 12-07-2010
I tell them to work it out or NO ONE gets to play with the toy. This is assuming they are old enough to do this. It is amazing how resourceful and willing to share (or not ) they are if left on their own to decide. Builds good problem solving skills. Some kids are takers and some are givers and I think they all need to work it out so they are happy. FAIR DOES NOT MEAN EQUAL.
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nannyde 11:36 AM 12-07-2010
I do this upside down.

I want the play to flow from toy to toy so if I see a child vulturing another toy they are told to go play.. if I see a child hoarding a toy I tell them to leave it and go play. Supervising them pretty much eliminates hoarding and vulturing.

I don't discuss "sharing" with them. I just make sure I have plenty of each toy collection for each child to have the key pieces in the collection. Whatever they are playing with has identical pieces for their mate to have too.

The "fixed" singular toys are larger and have the physical room to have two kids play. I have a "two kids" policy for free play with every toy every day. No more than two kids on a toy at the same time.
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momofsix 12:01 PM 12-07-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I do this upside down.

I want the play to flow from toy to toy so if I see a child vulturing another toy they are told to go play.. if I see a child hoarding a toy I tell them to leave it and go play. Supervising them pretty much eliminates hoarding and vulturing.

I don't discuss "sharing" with them. I just make sure I have plenty of each toy collection for each child to have the key pieces in the collection. Whatever they are playing with has identical pieces for their mate to have too.

The "fixed" singular toys are larger and have the physical room to have two kids play. I have a "two kids" policy for free play with every toy every day. No more than two kids on a toy at the same time.
Ha Vulturing is the PERFECT term for it! Never heard it before, but it describes it exactly!!!
I don't like to say "share" a lot, though it does slip out sometimes. I don't think young children grasp that very well. And just b/c someone wants something that another child has does not justify (IMHO) making the child that first had it give it up. I know I would be ticked if someone told me "OK you may drive your car for 2 more days, then it's your neighbors turn!" Yeah right! ( I know that's not a perfect example b/c i paid for my car!)
I try to make sure there is enough for toys for the demand. For example; I only have 2 dolls b/c their not in high demand, but I have 15 hot wheels b/c more kids want them at the same time.
I also have a "two kids" policy on bigger things. Leaves plenty of room for them both without any crowding, and for some reason 2 can always get along better than 3!
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nannyde 01:55 PM 12-07-2010
Originally Posted by momofsix:
Ha Vulturing is the PERFECT term for it! Never heard it before, but it describes it exactly!!!
I don't like to say "share" a lot, though it does slip out sometimes. I don't think young children grasp that very well.
Yes vulturing is one of my home made terms. Got a book of those.

Yeah I don't think I've ever said "share" to the kids. I'm trying to think of when that would come up and I can't think of any normal situation. It would be said before something happened like "this is your bowl of beads... you and little Missy can share this one". It wouldn't be as a prompt to share after the fact.

Having a good hearty supply of key pieces in sets of toys is the key to not having to go down the sharing road. Unfortunately "key" pieces are the least number of pieces in toy sets so I have had to basically buy them one by one. Ebay has been my main source to get mulitples of key pieces.

A "key" piece would meet two criteria: First it's a piece that can be managed without any adult involvement for whatever age group it's intended for. Secondly it's a piece the kids like the most.

In Lincoln Logs the 11 inch sticks are the most popular piece. Now most of the sets don't even have eleven inch sticks. Back in the sixties you could get four or six in a set. I've had to buy huge lots of Lincoln Logs JUST to get eleven inch sticks. I have about sixty of them now.

The next important piece in Lincoln Logs are the 7.5 inch sticks. They are second least common piece in sets. I used to buy lots of off Ebay and pull the longer sticks out and sell or give away the rest. You can always tell when a Lincoln Log set has a good number (like ten/eleven) of the 11 inch sticks because the end sale price is so high.

The least important piece in Lincoln logs is the one inch stick. They are the most common in sets. When you buy lots of Lincoln Logs it will be half or more of the lot and they are basically useless to me with this age kids. I have tossed thousands of those over the years. The little ones can't manage the one inch sticks well without an adult involved so we only put a bit of them out when they are playing with that collection.

With Brio trains tracks the most important pieces of track are the 12 inch straight track and the adaptor pieces.

With Brio trains the most highly sought after train is going to be the one with the most moveable parts. I have a ton of those but they aren't out in normal play. We only bring them out for special and we bring ALL of them out at once. If we leave them out the kids will hoarde and fixate on them so we have to just bring them out when we can manage the kids with them. We normally just have the single plain engines out. We have like ten Thomas, ten Percy, five Douglas etc. As long as they don't have movable parts the kids do nicely with two kids playing them at a time.

With the Fisher Price loving family doll house the poseable babies, their cribs, their blankets, and their pillows are the number one pieces.

and on and on..

We do have some toys that we don't have duplicates that just take too much room to have or I can't get. Anything that is a "container" like a shopping cart, a truck with a closed door area, or a basket is going to be highly sought after because that is where they can put the toys they are trying to haord. We have to supervise their play with these a bit more.

I don't do sharing convos too much but in our normal supervision we are watching for any hoarding or vulturing. These two things STOP play so they aren't conducive to the mojo we want to create. When we see the root behavior of these we move the kids on to something else. If the item becomes a source of repeated redirection we remove it from play completely.
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SilverSabre25 02:03 PM 12-07-2010
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I tell A,.. A when you are finished with that toy will you please give it B?? B really would like to play with it,.. I tell B,.. B when A is finished with that toy he will give it to you to play with so can you find something else to do until he is finished???
This. I also encourage B to tell A, "A, I would like to play with that toy when you are finished." I then keep an eye on A and if A isn't done in a few minutes, I remind A that B wanted to play with it and to please finish up. This works really well with my group.

Yes, it's totally backwards from how sharing is *usually* handled--watch most parents/care givers and if B wants it, A is told "You need to share" and is made to give the toy immediately to B. This is not sharing. It is taking, just the same as if B snatched it from A forcefully. The only time I use this approach if is someone (generally my DD right now) is purposely hoarding ALL of something (blocks, legos, cars) and not actually using them--just yelling, "NO MINE!" or something like that to not let someone else use some of the large number of pieces.
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kendallina 04:47 PM 12-07-2010
Originally Posted by SunflowerMama:
When child A is playing with something and child B wants the same toy do you tell A to share after a few minutes or just tell B to find something else to play with until that particular toy is free. I just feel like I'm asking kids to share toys ALL DAY and wondering if I should change my approach and just have them find something else to play with. What does everyone else do??
Here's what I do. I tell Child B to ask Child A if they can use the toy. I don't ask, because the child will ALWAYS say no...lol. I have found that at least half the time when another child asks for the toy, Child A will give it up. I praise Child A if that's what they do.

If Child A says no, I tell Child B to let Child A know that they want a turn with it when they are done. Often this 'second attempt' is enough to get Child A to turn over the toy right away. But, if Child A doesn't do it, it's ok. Child B almost always feels like they have been heard, they don't feel like they have to hoard over Child A waiting for them to be done and often Child A gives the toy over pretty quickly.

I've been doing this 'drill' with my kiddos since September (2s and young 3s) and the 3-year olds can often do it themselves now. It works really well for us.

I never tell a child that they need to share. But, they all understand that it's a good thing to share and they seem to even feel good about it themselves when they share with someone.

ETA: This is one of those life skills that children really need to be able to handle themselves (when developmentally appropriate). When they have no control in these situations and the teacher does all the talking and negotiating for them, they have no control, feel helpless and I really believe that it leads to the vulturing and hoarding behavior.
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Rachel 10:51 PM 12-07-2010
Originally Posted by SunflowerMama:
When child A is playing with something and child B wants the same toy do you tell A to share after a few minutes or just tell B to find something else to play with until that particular toy is free. I just feel like I'm asking kids to share toys ALL DAY and wondering if I should change my approach and just have them find something else to play with. What does everyone else do??
Whoever is playing with a toy can play until s/he is done. Then the toy is free game again.
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melskids 03:27 AM 12-08-2010
sometimes though, no matter how many multiples of "key pieces" i have, my bratty school agers (i say that with love) will STILL argue and fight over them.

15 matchbox cars? tommy's got them all

3 identical grey bats? they all want the one they dont have cause the other one hits the ball farther. yeah O.K.

100,000 legos? somebody needs the exact piece the other kid has.


AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
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nannyde 04:04 AM 12-08-2010
Originally Posted by melskids:
sometimes though, no matter how many multiples of "key pieces" i have, my bratty school agers (i say that with love) will STILL argue and fight over them.

15 matchbox cars? tommy's got them all

3 identical grey bats? they all want the one they dont have cause the other one hits the ball farther. yeah O.K.

100,000 legos? somebody needs the exact piece the other kid has.


AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


My stystem doesn't work on older kids. I don't keep kids past five. They are WAY too much work for way too little money.
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DancingQueen 05:51 AM 12-08-2010
Originally Posted by :
child B has to find something else to play with until child A is finished. UNLESS child A is purposely hoarding and hanging on to something just so someone else can't have it. then i use a timer.
I pretty much do this.
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countrymom 06:26 AM 12-08-2010
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I tell them to work it out or NO ONE gets to play with the toy. This is assuming they are old enough to do this. It is amazing how resourceful and willing to share (or not ) they are if left on their own to decide. Builds good problem solving skills. Some kids are takers and some are givers and I think they all need to work it out so they are happy. FAIR DOES NOT MEAN EQUAL.
your so right!, kids have a hard time problem solving so I use this method too, esp. if they know I will take the toy away if they can't figure it out. I sometimes have to tell them to wait their turn, but most of the time they figure it out. also problem solving with peers is now on our report cards and its amazing how many children (including mine) sometimes have a hard time with it.
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DanceMom 06:35 AM 12-08-2010
Depends on how long Child A has been playing with the toy. If she/he has had it only for a few minutes I tell Child B to find something else until so and so minutes are up then it will be her/his turn. If Child A has been playing with it for a long time, I tell Child A its B's turn.

If I set a time on it, it seems to work best. I always do this too before naps, lunch etc..."we all have 10 minutes before naptime" - seems to help them start transitioning themselves into the next activity.

If they fight over it, I take it away and no one is allowed to play with it for the rest of the day.
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melskids 06:43 AM 12-08-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:


My stystem doesn't work on older kids. I don't keep kids past five. They are WAY too much work for way too little money.
oh i hear that!!! LOL

sometimes i wish i didnt have SA, but they come with full time good paying younger siblings.

but they do seem to have a harder time sharing then the two year olds.
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sierrastreasures 07:28 AM 12-08-2010
I've learned long ago how to squelch the fighting when it comes to toys at my daycare.

1. First of all I've set the environment up so everyone has their own space.

2. Each child is allotted 4' x 4' taped off square area on a rugged area. This is called "their home" (like an house).

3. Each child is allowed to take any toy they wish into their "home".

4. No other child can enter that "home" space unless they ask the child that resides in that space first or is invited personally by the child.

5. The timer is set for 10 minutes. This is after everyone has picked out their new toys.

6. I announce they have 10 minutes to play and the timer is set.

7. Once they hear the ding (and believe me they hear it) and the time is up they have to change toys. OR...

7. If it is a board game or a complicated toy they have the option of electing to stay 10 more minutes playing with that toy.
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DBug 11:16 AM 12-08-2010
I do it the same way adults would have to negotiate for a piece of equipment (like, the photocopier at the office ).

When Child A is done, the toy is fair game and whoever wants to play with it next, may do so. When needed, I remind Child B to use the phrase "When you're done with that, can I please play with it?". More often than not, Child A will give the toy to B right away or within the next few minutes. I don't police how long they've had the toy though. I think giving them the freedom to keep the toy as long as they want to cuts down on hoarding ... jmho.
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