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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Help Me Tell Them Nap Is Not Optional
nothingwithoutjoy 01:56 PM 09-18-2013
Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.
His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.
To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).
What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.
I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?
His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.
To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).
What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.
I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?
Leigh 02:00 PM 09-18-2013
I know lots of parents just can't understand the importance of nap time. I would tell parents that either the child starts napping or they need another daycare situation. I would recommend to them that naps start at home, as well, so that the child is able to nap at your home. I'd back it up with proof that a 3 year old NEEDS a nap. I do not accept children who don't nap-we discuss at the interview whether the child naps, how they put their child down for nap, and how long naps are. We discuss night time sleep habits, as well.
littlemissmuffet 02:01 PM 09-18-2013
You need to just tell them exactly that - not napping is NOT an option.
When parents start discussing that their child no longer needs a nap I let them know that I don't care for non nappers... NannyD always says "If a child has outgrown nap, they have outgrown my program"... and that is true of me as well.
In my case, the parents never mention it again and the child always stays (and naps)
When parents start discussing that their child no longer needs a nap I let them know that I don't care for non nappers... NannyD always says "If a child has outgrown nap, they have outgrown my program"... and that is true of me as well.
In my case, the parents never mention it again and the child always stays (and naps)
Play Care 02:06 PM 09-18-2013
Originally Posted by nothingwithoutjoy:
Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.
His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.
To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).
What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.
I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?
Honestly this is the point where I say clearly "I'm sorry Timmy doesn't like having quiet time, however per my contract it is non-negotiable. Perhaps it would be best if you looked for care elsewhere where they can accommodate a child who doesn't nap." I termed a family last year over the issue - kids were exhausted and crying nonstop because of it but the parents didn't think it was a big deal.Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.
His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.
To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).
What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.
I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?
Blackcat31 02:06 PM 09-18-2013
The next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"
just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."
I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.
Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?
I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.
I play audiobooks during rest time so the ones who don't actually sleep have to lie still and listen quietly.
Win-win for everyone.
just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."
I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.
Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?
I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.
I play audiobooks during rest time so the ones who don't actually sleep have to lie still and listen quietly.
Win-win for everyone.
christine19720 02:10 PM 09-18-2013
Hello!
Lurker here coming out from Lurkdom.
I have been a provider for many, many years and when the nap issue roars it's ugly head I just blame it on licensing. I have a blurb in my agreement that states that licensing requires children must have a rest period between 1 and 3 everyday.
So far, so good!!
Lurker here coming out from Lurkdom.
I have been a provider for many, many years and when the nap issue roars it's ugly head I just blame it on licensing. I have a blurb in my agreement that states that licensing requires children must have a rest period between 1 and 3 everyday.
So far, so good!!
MsLaura529 02:11 PM 09-18-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"
just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."
I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.
Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?
I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.
The next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"
just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."
I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.
Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?
I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.
christine19720 02:15 PM 09-18-2013
I too, use the word "rest". Seems to sit a little better with the child and parent. I mean, we can't make them sleep. And, on the other hand we can't deprive them of sleep for the parents well being either.
Leigh 02:18 PM 09-18-2013
One of the last kids I took insisted he didn't want to nap, but when he went to "rest", he was always the last kid to wake up (I had to drag him from bed).
Unregistered 02:18 PM 09-18-2013
That's one of the reasons why I don't like to cater to part timers
I only discuss my policies at registration and they are non negotiable.
I child is not willing to "rest " he needs to be picked up by noon or stay home.
I refuse to have the same conversation over and and over. This is my business and I will set up my own policies.
I only discuss my policies at registration and they are non negotiable.
I child is not willing to "rest " he needs to be picked up by noon or stay home.
I refuse to have the same conversation over and and over. This is my business and I will set up my own policies.
Play Care 02:40 PM 09-18-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"
just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."
I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.
Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?
I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.
I play audiobooks during rest time so the ones who don't actually sleep have to lie still and listen quietly.
Win-win for everyone.
Eh, in my contract and on my schedule I put "quiet time" the kids that I had to term wouldn't have cared if I called it "ice cream" time, they were not staying on their mats quietly for anythingThe next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"
just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."
I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.
Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?
I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.
I play audiobooks during rest time so the ones who don't actually sleep have to lie still and listen quietly.
Win-win for everyone.
nothingwithoutjoy 02:49 PM 09-18-2013
Thank you so much for your suggestions. I know I just have to learn how to be firm in person, and it helps to have your advice!
Not meaning to be incredibly difficult, but here are my additional problems:
When I have school-aged kids return (snow days, summer), they are up at nap time. This is NOT a choice for preschoolers, but it does make it very hard to say "if you've outgrown nap, you've outgrown me."
I discussed nap with them before enrollment, and since. They said he didn't nap consistently, but they'd try. They did, but I think they have quit. They have him 5 days; I have him 2.
I've tried the "rest time" phrasing, and they are really emphasizing that at home. But I think it's sending the message that it's optional. Their son tells me "my dad has a different idea. He says I don't have to have nap; I can stay awake." And then he makes himself stay awake, while he yawns and yawns and rubs his eyes. I think if we all said "nap time" and life stopped at home every day and they expected him to sleep, he would. And I think when dad keeps saying it to me in front of him, it sends a message to his son that that time of day is somehow negotiable.
This is really an issue for me lately. I feel like an old fuddy duddy saying "back in my day..." But it's crazy to me how much it comes up now! I am currently down two children because a mom wanted me to keep her 3-year-old awake and up at nap time and I said no, so she pulled her two kids.
Not meaning to be incredibly difficult, but here are my additional problems:
When I have school-aged kids return (snow days, summer), they are up at nap time. This is NOT a choice for preschoolers, but it does make it very hard to say "if you've outgrown nap, you've outgrown me."
I discussed nap with them before enrollment, and since. They said he didn't nap consistently, but they'd try. They did, but I think they have quit. They have him 5 days; I have him 2.
I've tried the "rest time" phrasing, and they are really emphasizing that at home. But I think it's sending the message that it's optional. Their son tells me "my dad has a different idea. He says I don't have to have nap; I can stay awake." And then he makes himself stay awake, while he yawns and yawns and rubs his eyes. I think if we all said "nap time" and life stopped at home every day and they expected him to sleep, he would. And I think when dad keeps saying it to me in front of him, it sends a message to his son that that time of day is somehow negotiable.
This is really an issue for me lately. I feel like an old fuddy duddy saying "back in my day..." But it's crazy to me how much it comes up now! I am currently down two children because a mom wanted me to keep her 3-year-old awake and up at nap time and I said no, so she pulled her two kids.
nothingwithoutjoy 02:54 PM 09-18-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
That's one of the reasons why I don't like to cater to part timers.
I agree. I wish I could have only full-time kids. I've found it impossible to find enough families who want full-time. (I think it has to do with my philosophy/style. The parents I attract are parents who refuse to work full time, or work for themselves, so they can spend time with their kids. I respect that. But boy, are 2-day kids hard!)That's one of the reasons why I don't like to cater to part timers.
Originally Posted by :
I only discuss my policies at registration and they are non negotiable.
I refuse to have the same conversation over and and over. This is my business and I will set up my own policies.
That's the backbone I wish I had!!!I only discuss my policies at registration and they are non negotiable.
I refuse to have the same conversation over and and over. This is my business and I will set up my own policies.
Originally Posted by :
I child is not willing to "rest " he needs to be picked up by noon or stay home.
I wish I could say that! "You're welcome to pick him up at noon." Practicing in my head...I child is not willing to "rest " he needs to be picked up by noon or stay home.
se7en 03:32 PM 09-18-2013
Could you maybe have the child who won't nap help you with some very boring activity ? It is your time to catch up on administrative things, etc. So tell him he is your assistant, have him sit in the kitchen, or wherever you can watch him, and maybe give him a pencil sharpener to hold for you while you work. No talking to him. Just have him sit and hold it until you ask him for it. In a few days he will want to rest on his mat instead of " assisting " you during naptime. I can`t think of any other strategies right now.
nothingwithoutjoy 03:42 PM 09-18-2013
Originally Posted by se7en:
Could you maybe have the child who won't nap help you with some very boring activity ? It is your time to catch up on administrative things, etc. So tell him he is your assistant, have him sit in the kitchen, or wherever you can watch him, and maybe give him a pencil sharpener to hold for you while you work. No talking to him. Just have him sit and hold it until you ask him for it. In a few days he will want to rest on his mat instead of " assisting " you during naptime. I can`t think of any other strategies right now.
I like the bore-them-to-tears strategy. But I think my issue is with the parent; I want to get them to back me up. I feel like I'm handling things with the boy well; it's the dad I'm not dealing with right.Could you maybe have the child who won't nap help you with some very boring activity ? It is your time to catch up on administrative things, etc. So tell him he is your assistant, have him sit in the kitchen, or wherever you can watch him, and maybe give him a pencil sharpener to hold for you while you work. No talking to him. Just have him sit and hold it until you ask him for it. In a few days he will want to rest on his mat instead of " assisting " you during naptime. I can`t think of any other strategies right now.
MrsSteinel'sHouse 04:29 PM 09-18-2013
Dad, I really need you to back me up on this one otherwise we are just making poor Johnny miserable with our inconsistency. I have other parents that really do want their children to nap so that they are happier in the evenings. You guys agreed to assist me in Johnny napping while he is here so I need you to be sure he realizes that your expectations and mine are the same. Please try to keep your comments about this subject positive. Thanks! :HUGE SMILE:
mrsnj 04:29 PM 09-18-2013
To me allowing to stay up to assist is rewarding bad behavior for not following rules. How do you explain to the others little John can stay up but you have to nap? Rules are rules. You break for one you allow for others to follow. It's a rule. Be done with it. I do the " they don't have to nap but they do have to rest". In the end most times they fall asleep. And if not that's ok too. But they must lay down and they must be quiet
mrsnj 04:31 PM 09-18-2013
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
Dad, I really need you to back me up on this one otherwise we are just making poor Johnny miserable with our inconsistency. I have other parents that really do want their children to nap so that they are happier in the evenings. You guys agreed to assist me in Johnny napping while he is here so I need you to be sure he realizes that your expectations and mine are the same. Please try to keep your comments about this subject positive. Thanks! :HUGE SMILE:
Dad, I really need you to back me up on this one otherwise we are just making poor Johnny miserable with our inconsistency. I have other parents that really do want their children to nap so that they are happier in the evenings. You guys agreed to assist me in Johnny napping while he is here so I need you to be sure he realizes that your expectations and mine are the same. Please try to keep your comments about this subject positive. Thanks! :HUGE SMILE:
Leigh 05:44 PM 09-18-2013
What does this child who refuses to nap DO during naptime? I have a 4 year old who occasionally refuses to nap-I put him on a cot in the corner of my living room, away from the other kids, hand him ONE book, a pillow, and a blanket, and tell him that he stays there until the other kids get up. Within 20 minutes, I am carrying him into the nap room because he fell asleep.
nothingwithoutjoy 06:12 PM 09-18-2013
Originally Posted by Leigh:
What does this child who refuses to nap DO during naptime? I have a 4 year old who occasionally refuses to nap-I put him on a cot in the corner of my living room, away from the other kids, hand him ONE book, a pillow, and a blanket, and tell him that he stays there until the other kids get up. Within 20 minutes, I am carrying him into the nap room because he fell asleep.
Oh, I wish!What does this child who refuses to nap DO during naptime? I have a 4 year old who occasionally refuses to nap-I put him on a cot in the corner of my living room, away from the other kids, hand him ONE book, a pillow, and a blanket, and tell him that he stays there until the other kids get up. Within 20 minutes, I am carrying him into the nap room because he fell asleep.
He used to do all sorts of quietly problematic stuff--pushing an ottoman until it went slid over another sleeping child, for example. But I quickly got him understanding that he is to be quiet on his mat. He lies there and is quiet, but is clearly fighting sleep (you know how they start to fidget or something the minute they start to nod off). Just to be safe (sure the other kids won't be disturbed), once I get the others to sleep, I move him to a pack-n-play in another room. (I do it that way rather than start him there because I really don't want to have to set up a pack-n-play all the time, and I hate putting a 3-year-old in one, and I have guilt about isolating him, and my real goal is to have him napping on a mat.)
Heidi 06:32 PM 09-18-2013
I'm not sure what your kiddo's particular reason is for attending only 2 days, but how about this:
I had a child enroll last year who gma cared for; but she needed a break a few days a week. When I found out he "didn't nap" during the interviews, I suggested instead of 2 full days, we do 3 half-days.
Problem solved. He got picked up right after lunch, and everyone else napped.
I had a child enroll last year who gma cared for; but she needed a break a few days a week. When I found out he "didn't nap" during the interviews, I suggested instead of 2 full days, we do 3 half-days.
Problem solved. He got picked up right after lunch, and everyone else napped.
nothingwithoutjoy 06:53 PM 09-18-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I'm not sure what your kiddo's particular reason is for attending only 2 days, but how about this:
I had a child enroll last year who gma cared for; but she needed a break a few days a week. When I found out he "didn't nap" during the interviews, I suggested instead of 2 full days, we do 3 half-days.
Problem solved. He got picked up right after lunch, and everyone else napped.
I don't do half days, but with the recent spate of parents fighting nap, I've been wondering if I should consider it. Seems like a hassle in other ways--more slots to fill, more kids, less cohesion in our days, late pick-up would mess up naptime, etc, etc, etc. But I've started considering possibilities. What makes it worth it for you?I'm not sure what your kiddo's particular reason is for attending only 2 days, but how about this:
I had a child enroll last year who gma cared for; but she needed a break a few days a week. When I found out he "didn't nap" during the interviews, I suggested instead of 2 full days, we do 3 half-days.
Problem solved. He got picked up right after lunch, and everyone else napped.
mnemom 07:20 PM 09-18-2013
I am a total wimp. I have learned it is easier to text or email the parents when I have an issue then to say it to their face. I also state that I am texting or emailing then because it is not a subject I want to talk about in front if their child but blah blah blah how I feel about whatever it is. I suck at saying something in the moment.
Unregistered 07:55 PM 09-18-2013
Originally Posted by se7en:
Could you maybe have the child who won't nap help you with some very boring activity ? It is your time to catch up on administrative things, etc. So tell him he is your assistant, have him sit in the kitchen, or wherever you can watch him, and maybe give him a pencil sharpener to hold for you while you work. No talking to him. Just have him sit and hold it until you ask him for it. In a few days he will want to rest on his mat instead of " assisting " you during naptime. I can`t think of any other strategies right now.
Brilliant, that alone would make me sleepy!!Could you maybe have the child who won't nap help you with some very boring activity ? It is your time to catch up on administrative things, etc. So tell him he is your assistant, have him sit in the kitchen, or wherever you can watch him, and maybe give him a pencil sharpener to hold for you while you work. No talking to him. Just have him sit and hold it until you ask him for it. In a few days he will want to rest on his mat instead of " assisting " you during naptime. I can`t think of any other strategies right now.
Play Care 03:17 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
To me allowing to stay up to assist is rewarding bad behavior for not following rules. How do you explain to the others little John can stay up but you have to nap? Rules are rules. You break for one you allow for others to follow. It's a rule. Be done with it. I do the " they don't have to nap but they do have to rest". In the end most times they fall asleep. And if not that's ok too. But they must lay down and they must be quiet
I agree. What happens when Johnny goes off to school and he doesn't want to sit quietly on the carpet for morning meeting? Or he doesn't want to come in from recess for Language Arts because "it's boring and he doesn't like it?"To me allowing to stay up to assist is rewarding bad behavior for not following rules. How do you explain to the others little John can stay up but you have to nap? Rules are rules. You break for one you allow for others to follow. It's a rule. Be done with it. I do the " they don't have to nap but they do have to rest". In the end most times they fall asleep. And if not that's ok too. But they must lay down and they must be quiet
Do the parents think the teachers will change up the schedule for him?
Laurel 04:20 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I agree. What happens when Johnny goes off to school and he doesn't want to sit quietly on the carpet for morning meeting? Or he doesn't want to come in from recess for Language Arts because "it's boring and he doesn't like it?"
Do the parents think the teachers will change up the schedule for him?
Well I kind of agree but I took the original poster who said this as meaning that she would only have to do it once or twice and when he saw he had the choice of lying down or 'helping' her then he might think lying down was a better deal. That is just how I took it anyway. I agree. What happens when Johnny goes off to school and he doesn't want to sit quietly on the carpet for morning meeting? Or he doesn't want to come in from recess for Language Arts because "it's boring and he doesn't like it?"
Do the parents think the teachers will change up the schedule for him?
I still think the issue is more with the parent so am trying to think of what she could say to him.
Laurel
Laurel 04:30 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by nothingwithoutjoy:
Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.
His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.
To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).
What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.
I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?
Maybe when dad says he doesn't want to come say "Well sorry about that but the rule here is that we at least rest." Then change the subject "Show daddy the art work you did today Tommy." That's when I kind of quickly get them out the door.Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.
His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.
To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).
What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.
I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?
When Tommy says daddy or grandma say this or that I say "Well at daddy's house that is okay but the rule here is that we rest. So lie down please."
Laurel
Familycare71 04:45 AM 09-19-2013
My fav is replying to dad- well we have rest time every day here at xxx. If you want him to miss it you could have him picked up at xxx. Let me know!
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-
Heidi 05:54 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Familycare71:
My fav is replying to dad- well we have rest time every day here at xxx. If you want him to miss it you could have him picked up at xxx. Let me know!
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-
My fav is replying to dad- well we have rest time every day here at xxx. If you want him to miss it you could have him picked up at xxx. Let me know!
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-
Play Care 06:52 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Laurel:
Well I kind of agree but I took the original poster who said this as meaning that she would only have to do it once or twice and when he saw he had the choice of lying down or 'helping' her then he might think lying down was a better deal. That is just how I took it anyway.
I still think the issue is more with the parent so am trying to think of what she could say to him.
Laurel
Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality. I have dcp's who were mortified when their child went to K screening and refused to do the tasks because "he didn't feel like it" when I had tried to let them know all along that this was what he did here. But it wasn't a big deal until it carried over to school.Well I kind of agree but I took the original poster who said this as meaning that she would only have to do it once or twice and when he saw he had the choice of lying down or 'helping' her then he might think lying down was a better deal. That is just how I took it anyway.
I still think the issue is more with the parent so am trying to think of what she could say to him.
Laurel
Play Care 06:53 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Familycare71:
My fav is replying to dad- well we have rest time every day here at xxx. If you want him to miss it you could have him picked up at xxx. Let me know!
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-
Love it!My fav is replying to dad- well we have rest time every day here at xxx. If you want him to miss it you could have him picked up at xxx. Let me know!
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-
Laurel 08:46 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality. I have dcp's who were mortified when their child went to K screening and refused to do the tasks because "he didn't feel like it" when I had tried to let them know all along that this was what he did here. But it wasn't a big deal until it carried over to school.
Oh okay, I understand. Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality. I have dcp's who were mortified when their child went to K screening and refused to do the tasks because "he didn't feel like it" when I had tried to let them know all along that this was what he did here. But it wasn't a big deal until it carried over to school.
Laurel
JoseyJo 09:20 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality. I have dcp's who were mortified when their child went to K screening and refused to do the tasks because "he didn't feel like it" when I had tried to let them know all along that this was what he did here. But it wasn't a big deal until it carried over to school.
Yep! I see that here a lot too. Out of our 3 that just left for K one of them is of that mentality (or actually I should say his mom is, and it has affected him!!). He is off to K now and I can't help but wonder what his teacher thinks of him thinking every learning activity is optional (and I wonder if his mom still does!!)Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality. I have dcp's who were mortified when their child went to K screening and refused to do the tasks because "he didn't feel like it" when I had tried to let them know all along that this was what he did here. But it wasn't a big deal until it carried over to school.
nothingwithoutjoy 09:36 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by mnemom:
I am a total wimp. I have learned it is easier to text or email the parents when I have an issue then to say it to their face. I also state that I am texting or emailing then because it is not a subject I want to talk about in front if their child but blah blah blah how I feel about whatever it is. I suck at saying something in the moment.
Me, too. I think that's probably what I ought to do.I am a total wimp. I have learned it is easier to text or email the parents when I have an issue then to say it to their face. I also state that I am texting or emailing then because it is not a subject I want to talk about in front if their child but blah blah blah how I feel about whatever it is. I suck at saying something in the moment.
nothingwithoutjoy 09:38 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality.
Yes, that's the piece that bugs me. What happened to parents saying "I'm sorry you don't want to take a nap, but your body needs it and you'll feel so much happier when you wake up"?Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality.
nothingwithoutjoy 09:40 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Familycare71:
My fav is replying to dad- well we have rest time every day here at xxx. If you want him to miss it you could have him picked up at xxx. Let me know!
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-
Yeah. I like the put-it-back-on-dad thing. Wish I could be this bold in person. Maybe my handbook should say that about picking up! Cut it off before it happens! :-)My fav is replying to dad- well we have rest time every day here at xxx. If you want him to miss it you could have him picked up at xxx. Let me know!
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-
My3cents 09:53 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by nothingwithoutjoy:
Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.
His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.
To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).
What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.
I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?
Nicely explain to them that all your kids nap/rest and have a quiet time. Rinse and Repeat- I would not address the boy in front of the parent, unless he kept at you to the point of it becoming you ignoring him. Then I would look at him and say nicely all the kids have a rest time. I think I would do a one two three with the parent and then be done with the argument. One- explain it all out just as you did during your interview two- show them the contract that they signed and your handbook/rule/ policy book three- be blunt- all kids here have a rest time. Then it would be nicely said to the parent, if you don't want your child having a rest here at three years old, then maybe I am not the right fit for you and your child. Most daycares and Centers that I know of have this time scheduled into the day. Let me know if this is going to be a problem and you need to give me your two week notice and find other care, but this is one thing that I am non-negotiable about. This time is needed by all the kids and it is my only break to get things done that I can't get done when the kids are awake and I have to have all my eyes on them. Remember this is your business, not the parents, they are not with the child all day or other children or you- Good luck- I stress for all future interviews that you make it clear that nap time is non-negotiable and all children in your care have a quiet time.Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.
His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.
To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).
What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.
I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?
My3cents 09:59 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
You need to just tell them exactly that - not napping is NOT an option.
When parents start discussing that their child no longer needs a nap I let them know that I don't care for non nappers... NannyD always says "If a child has outgrown nap, they have outgrown my program"... and that is true of me as well.
In my case, the parents never mention it again and the child always stays (and naps)
You need to just tell them exactly that - not napping is NOT an option.
When parents start discussing that their child no longer needs a nap I let them know that I don't care for non nappers... NannyD always says "If a child has outgrown nap, they have outgrown my program"... and that is true of me as well.
In my case, the parents never mention it again and the child always stays (and naps)
I really need to learn to read on before I respond but I am the type of person that will forget it if I don't get it out in the process.....but yea this is right on- Not many parents are going to pull the kid because of the nap issue. It takes a lot of work to find a good daycare and most parents want to work issues out. I truly believe their are kids out there that don't need naps, fight it and can manage with out it. Those kids are not right for my program. They need nanny care or relative care that is willing to go that distance with the child. Group care is not in a non nappers best interest.
My3cents 10:12 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
To me allowing to stay up to assist is rewarding bad behavior for not following rules. How do you explain to the others little John can stay up but you have to nap? Rules are rules. You break for one you allow for others to follow. It's a rule. Be done with it. I do the " they don't have to nap but they do have to rest". In the end most times they fall asleep. And if not that's ok too. But they must lay down and they must be quiet
I agree and I wouldn't be giving a kid a pencil sharpener to hold. That is not something we play with. To me allowing to stay up to assist is rewarding bad behavior for not following rules. How do you explain to the others little John can stay up but you have to nap? Rules are rules. You break for one you allow for others to follow. It's a rule. Be done with it. I do the " they don't have to nap but they do have to rest". In the end most times they fall asleep. And if not that's ok too. But they must lay down and they must be quiet
My3cents 10:16 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by nothingwithoutjoy:
Oh, I wish!
He used to do all sorts of quietly problematic stuff--pushing an ottoman until it went slid over another sleeping child, for example. But I quickly got him understanding that he is to be quiet on his mat. He lies there and is quiet, but is clearly fighting sleep (you know how they start to fidget or something the minute they start to nod off). Just to be safe (sure the other kids won't be disturbed), once I get the others to sleep, I move him to a pack-n-play in another room. (I do it that way rather than start him there because I really don't want to have to set up a pack-n-play all the time, and I hate putting a 3-year-old in one, and I have guilt about isolating him, and my real goal is to have him napping on a mat.)
Three year old would be on a mat not a pack and play. I don't think they are made for that age. Every time the kid got off the mat I would put him back on and give him a firm NO, rinse and repeat. I would also put the child in a place that the child is going to stay once he does fall asleep. Maybe next to a child that will sleep through anything. If after two weeks its a no go, then I would tell the parent its not working out or give them the option to pick him up at nap time for the rest of the day.Oh, I wish!
He used to do all sorts of quietly problematic stuff--pushing an ottoman until it went slid over another sleeping child, for example. But I quickly got him understanding that he is to be quiet on his mat. He lies there and is quiet, but is clearly fighting sleep (you know how they start to fidget or something the minute they start to nod off). Just to be safe (sure the other kids won't be disturbed), once I get the others to sleep, I move him to a pack-n-play in another room. (I do it that way rather than start him there because I really don't want to have to set up a pack-n-play all the time, and I hate putting a 3-year-old in one, and I have guilt about isolating him, and my real goal is to have him napping on a mat.)
My3cents 10:27 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
Yep! I see that here a lot too. Out of our 3 that just left for K one of them is of that mentality (or actually I should say his mom is, and it has affected him!!). He is off to K now and I can't help but wonder what his teacher thinks of him thinking every learning activity is optional (and I wonder if his mom still does!!)
Any Kindergarten teachers out there that could answer this? What do K teachers do when a child has this mentality because of home life and the way the parents are bringing the child up with everything being an option? Are these kids isolated in the school system until they adapt?Yep! I see that here a lot too. Out of our 3 that just left for K one of them is of that mentality (or actually I should say his mom is, and it has affected him!!). He is off to K now and I can't help but wonder what his teacher thinks of him thinking every learning activity is optional (and I wonder if his mom still does!!)
My3cents 10:32 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by nothingwithoutjoy:
Yeah. I like the put-it-back-on-dad thing. Wish I could be this bold in person. Maybe my handbook should say that about picking up! Cut it off before it happens! :-)
I don't think it is about being bold. I think it is about reinforcing your own policies......otherwise what is the sense of having these rules at all? Yeah. I like the put-it-back-on-dad thing. Wish I could be this bold in person. Maybe my handbook should say that about picking up! Cut it off before it happens! :-)
If you can't verbally spell it out to the parent, put something in writing, a note home-
Dear Parents,
Naps/rest/quiet time at XY and Z's daycare are non-negotiable please make sure your child understand this is what we do here. Thank you for your cooperation. Ms Joy
if they need to discuss this further with you just explain again and ask if they need to give you a notice. I would then call the parent if it the child would not be quiet during this time. Not fair to your group care-
nothingwithoutjoy 12:09 PM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by My3cents:
Three year old would be on a mat not a pack and play. I don't think they are made for that age. Every time the kid got off the mat I would put him back on and give him a firm NO, rinse and repeat. I would also put the child in a place that the child is going to stay once he does fall asleep. Maybe next to a child that will sleep through anything. If after two weeks its a no go, then I would tell the parent its not working out or give them the option to pick him up at nap time for the rest of the day.
It's not my preference, either. My kids are on mats by 18 mo. But it was a hard-made decision for my own sanity. If he's awake, my daughter wakes. Even if he's trying to be quiet. Even if he's on his mat. I don't want to spend my naptimes furious with him when he doesn't deserve it. I don't want him in the room where I'm working. I don't want him isolated from the kids if he does happen to sleep (he does sometimes). So I decided to move him to a room that really isn't ideal for nap unless he's in a pack-n-play. He's tiny. He's safe there. He reads books happily once he's there, and it doesn't disturb anyone. He's not really my issue; it's the parents. (Honestly, he seems perfectly content at nap time. If he complains about it, it's only at home.)Three year old would be on a mat not a pack and play. I don't think they are made for that age. Every time the kid got off the mat I would put him back on and give him a firm NO, rinse and repeat. I would also put the child in a place that the child is going to stay once he does fall asleep. Maybe next to a child that will sleep through anything. If after two weeks its a no go, then I would tell the parent its not working out or give them the option to pick him up at nap time for the rest of the day.
Nebula 08:42 PM 10-09-2013
We only take ages 18 months and up...
State says all walkers must be on a mat, not a crib or PNP.
My nap policy is simple, you do not have to sleep. However, you do have to lay on your mat, be still, be quiet, and close your eyes. Sleeping is optional lol
State says all walkers must be on a mat, not a crib or PNP.
My nap policy is simple, you do not have to sleep. However, you do have to lay on your mat, be still, be quiet, and close your eyes. Sleeping is optional lol
Maria2013 05:35 AM 10-10-2013
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
You need to just tell them exactly that - not napping is NOT an option.
When parents start discussing that their child no longer needs a nap I let them know that I don't care for non nappers... NannyD always says "If a child has outgrown nap, they have outgrown my program"... and that is true of me as well.
In my case, the parents never mention it again and the child always stays (and naps)
You need to just tell them exactly that - not napping is NOT an option.
When parents start discussing that their child no longer needs a nap I let them know that I don't care for non nappers... NannyD always says "If a child has outgrown nap, they have outgrown my program"... and that is true of me as well.
In my case, the parents never mention it again and the child always stays (and naps)
same for me
itlw8 08:13 AM 10-10-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"
just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."
I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.
Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?
I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.
I play audiobooks during rest time so the ones who don't actually sleep have to lie still and listen quietly.
Win-win for everyone.
pretty much the same here I tell the parents he does not have to nap but he does have to rest for 1 hour quietly then I let him up according to state regulations He can have a soft toy and a book. Even adults need a siesta. There was an article on facebook yesterday saying children who nap actually retain more of what they learn than nonnappersThe next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"
just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."
I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.
Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?
I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.
I play audiobooks during rest time so the ones who don't actually sleep have to lie still and listen quietly.
Win-win for everyone.
rhondawarren 06:27 AM 10-13-2013
Normally I tell them you don't have to actually sleep but you will need to lay down quietly while the others nap. Normally ... they fall right to sleep too
nothingwithoutjoy 10:23 AM 10-13-2013
Thank you. Just to clarify, the kids know perfectly well what I expect. It's the parents who seem to think they can talk their way out of it. I have a conference scheduled with this family next week. I'll be sure to make it very, very clear.
luckyduck4 03:13 PM 10-13-2013
There is so much documentation that children do not get enough sleep. Have you thought about citing a medical journal with how much sleep children need? I am a three's teacher in a center. The only one that refuses to nap is the directors dckid. He roams the classroom most days. She told me that he hasn't napped for 1.5 years. Nice.
JoseyJo 03:51 PM 10-13-2013
We have an almost 5 yo whose mom is just about ready to outright ask if we will keep him up at nap (she has been hinting around at it for a week). I just refer back to state guidelines. Every child must be given a daily rest time- my licensor says that every child must rest for 30 minutes and if they have not fallen asleep they can be given a quiet activity to do.
He sleeps well in the afternoon, she just thinks if he doesn't nap he will sleep better at night for her. I seriously doubt it would help her anyway as the problem is not that he is not tired it is that she entertains, pleads with, bribes, etc to get him to go to sleep. If he goes right to sleep he would miss out on all the junk food bribes, candy bribes, TV bribes, story bribes, etc!
He sleeps well in the afternoon, she just thinks if he doesn't nap he will sleep better at night for her. I seriously doubt it would help her anyway as the problem is not that he is not tired it is that she entertains, pleads with, bribes, etc to get him to go to sleep. If he goes right to sleep he would miss out on all the junk food bribes, candy bribes, TV bribes, story bribes, etc!
luckyduck4 04:05 PM 10-13-2013
Kids just need routine. If they routinely take a nap a dc, then they will routinely go to bed at the same time. When my own children were younger, I would have the same routine every night. Some parents just do not get it, the kids are in charge. The only time it was difficult for me to get my own kids down at their usual bedtime is if they napped too late getting off their schedule.
JoseyJo 04:26 PM 10-13-2013
Originally Posted by luckyduck4:
Kids just need routine. If they routinely take a nap a dc, then they will routinely go to bed at the same time. When my own children were younger, I would have the same routine every night. Some parents just do not get it, the kids are in charge. The only time it was difficult for me to get my own kids down at their usual bedtime is if they napped too late getting off their schedule.
Yep! That is what is happening in my dcf Kids just need routine. If they routinely take a nap a dc, then they will routinely go to bed at the same time. When my own children were younger, I would have the same routine every night. Some parents just do not get it, the kids are in charge. The only time it was difficult for me to get my own kids down at their usual bedtime is if they napped too late getting off their schedule.
