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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>what to tell DC mom about biting
Unregistered 05:14 PM 01-23-2015
My 16 month old day care girl left early today and her mom texted me a few hours later and asked if she fell or something, because she had a bruise on her arm in the shape of a circle. I told her I had not seen her fall, but that I wondered if my daughter (2.5) had pinched her, since I had saw the girls playing tug of war over the baby dolls earlier. Dcb had got really upset, but I didn't see what happened, and she just got a quick hug and that was it, so I never checked for any marks. Anyway, daycare mom seemed upset (it was text and tone is impossible to decipher, but her words were short). She said it was definately a bite, but that dcg is okay. I said I was sorry she was hurt and would keep a closer eye on them, to nip the biting issue in the bud, but should I have said more? I have one family who could care less about bumps and bruises their kid gets day to day, but this dcg is fairly coddled in that they follow her around and fuss and moan over her if she falls, so I am wondering if she will mention it on Monday and what I should say if she does? For the record, my daughter attempted to bite my son a few weeks ago, and about 2 months ago, she actually did bite him. We didn't see it, but he had a big bite mark and it bruised up bad, so I know she is capable of it, so the issue is not that I think the bite mark didn't exist, but more if I am just sensing her disapproval and it is getting to me? Thanks for any insight!
NeedaVaca 05:42 PM 01-23-2015
If you knew your DD was biting and the DCM mentioned a mark in the shape of a circle why did you think it was a pinch and not a bite mark? A bite would have been the first thing I thought of. Yes, I think the mom will mention on Monday so I would be proactive and mention it first, telling her all of your plans in place to make sure it doesn't happen again. Most parents will get upset over biting. Just because your other family doesn't care about bumps and bruises doesn't mean it's wrong for other parents to be upset by it. If the DCG gets bit again be prepared for them to leave, I would shadow your daughter to make sure it doesn't happen again. At 2.5 she should know better so I would also be talking to her about this and make sure she knows it's unacceptable.
Unregistered 06:16 PM 01-23-2015
I didn't think about it being a bite, because I never saw my daughter near the dcb with her mouth. They were tugging a doll back and forth, so I thought she may have pinched her, but it was really a non event, so I didn't give it much thought. Dcb started crying, we hugged it out and that was the end of it. My daughter has bit twice (this would be the third if that is what happened), so we have not really had a biting issue. More like, it happened and we dealt with it and moved on. If mom asks about it, I plan to say that I will keep an eye on the situation, and if there is an actual problem that persists, I will let them know and keep them updated on my progress. Isn't that good enough? Am I being too sensitive to mom's disapproval, or am I not being sensitive enough?
racemom 06:26 PM 01-23-2015
Bites seem to be a big issue with a lot of parents. Seeing their baby with a bite mark upsets them. I would definitely have a plan to makes sure it never happens again, or there is a BIG chance they will pull their child. I would reassure them that you do not allow this and will be taking steps to prevent future problems.
Unregistered 08:38 AM 01-24-2015
I am not worried about them pulling their child, and I will just reiterate what I already said and do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again. I think what bugged me was this sort of disapproval, like, if dcm was in charge and had been here, she never would have got bit. It is probably me beating myself up about it, because I am annoyed that I didn't see it and I always make sure to let mom and dad know of any bruises incurred through the day, so it bugs me that I didn't know about it, but I also have to say it is the first instance of a biting or bruise going unnoticed in my 15 years of childcare, so I think my track record is pretty good. I think I just take stuff too personally some times. We moved in to the city and there is a huge shortage of daycare, so dcm (I have been friends with her for 20 yrs) begged me to watch her little girl, since I stay home with my two, and I decided to do it, but now I kind of regret it and so I am probably taking everything personally.
I will just let her know I will keep an eye on the situation, and if she makes a big deal about it and draws it out, I will ask her if she wants to move on. Considering she pays me a very discounted rate and I have about 10 other families in need of childcare, it would actually benefit me and be a big hassle for her, so I doubt she will make a big deal of it, but I know it is also something parents really don't care for, so I guess it will be an interesting Monday
Thanks for the advice!
I will just let her know I will keep an eye on the situation, and if she makes a big deal about it and draws it out, I will ask her if she wants to move on. Considering she pays me a very discounted rate and I have about 10 other families in need of childcare, it would actually benefit me and be a big hassle for her, so I doubt she will make a big deal of it, but I know it is also something parents really don't care for, so I guess it will be an interesting Monday
Thanks for the advice!
Play Care 09:00 AM 01-24-2015
Maybe she's unhappy that her child had a large bruise and you didn't think to mention it?
I mean this in the nicest way possible but It sounds as if you don't really want to provide care for this child and that her behavior annoys you. I think the best thing you can do is let mom know you can no longer watch this little girl.
I mean this in the nicest way possible but It sounds as if you don't really want to provide care for this child and that her behavior annoys you. I think the best thing you can do is let mom know you can no longer watch this little girl.
Heidi 09:56 AM 01-24-2015
Biting happens. It' developmentally appropriate. It's not OKAY, but it is common toddler behavior. As with pushing, hitting, etc. The only difference with biting is, it leaves a mark, so you can't as easily deal with it and move on as with those behaviors.
DCM does not have to know who the "biter" is. Your own child is just as entitled to confidentiality as the other children. So, take that off the table.
Here is a good resource:
http://www.zerotothree.org/child-dev...on-biting.html
Let mom know what strategies you are using to curb the biting, and then let the guilt go. You cannot have eyes everywhere, every second. You cannot inspect every child from head to toe multiple times per day.
DCM does not have to know who the "biter" is. Your own child is just as entitled to confidentiality as the other children. So, take that off the table.
Here is a good resource:
http://www.zerotothree.org/child-dev...on-biting.html
Let mom know what strategies you are using to curb the biting, and then let the guilt go. You cannot have eyes everywhere, every second. You cannot inspect every child from head to toe multiple times per day.
Laurel 02:46 PM 01-24-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My 16 month old day care girl left early today and her mom texted me a few hours later and asked if she fell or something, because she had a bruise on her arm in the shape of a circle. I told her I had not seen her fall, but that I wondered if my daughter (2.5) had pinched her, since I had saw the girls playing tug of war over the baby dolls earlier. Dcb had got really upset, but I didn't see what happened, and she just got a quick hug and that was it, so I never checked for any marks. Anyway, daycare mom seemed upset (it was text and tone is impossible to decipher, but her words were short). She said it was definately a bite, but that dcg is okay. I said I was sorry she was hurt and would keep a closer eye on them, to nip the biting issue in the bud, but should I have said more? I have one family who could care less about bumps and bruises their kid gets day to day, but this dcg is fairly coddled in that they follow her around and fuss and moan over her if she falls, so I am wondering if she will mention it on Monday and what I should say if she does? For the record, my daughter attempted to bite my son a few weeks ago, and about 2 months ago, she actually did bite him. We didn't see it, but he had a big bite mark and it bruised up bad, so I know she is capable of it, so the issue is not that I think the bite mark didn't exist, but more if I am just sensing her disapproval and it is getting to me? Thanks for any insight!
You already told her you were sorry and you would keep a closer eye on her child. What more can you do? I wouldn't say anything unless she brings it up. If she does say something I'd say something like "Gosh, I hate that that happened and I'll be watching so hopefully it doesn't happen again." (notice how I made no promises My 16 month old day care girl left early today and her mom texted me a few hours later and asked if she fell or something, because she had a bruise on her arm in the shape of a circle. I told her I had not seen her fall, but that I wondered if my daughter (2.5) had pinched her, since I had saw the girls playing tug of war over the baby dolls earlier. Dcb had got really upset, but I didn't see what happened, and she just got a quick hug and that was it, so I never checked for any marks. Anyway, daycare mom seemed upset (it was text and tone is impossible to decipher, but her words were short). She said it was definately a bite, but that dcg is okay. I said I was sorry she was hurt and would keep a closer eye on them, to nip the biting issue in the bud, but should I have said more? I have one family who could care less about bumps and bruises their kid gets day to day, but this dcg is fairly coddled in that they follow her around and fuss and moan over her if she falls, so I am wondering if she will mention it on Monday and what I should say if she does? For the record, my daughter attempted to bite my son a few weeks ago, and about 2 months ago, she actually did bite him. We didn't see it, but he had a big bite mark and it bruised up bad, so I know she is capable of it, so the issue is not that I think the bite mark didn't exist, but more if I am just sensing her disapproval and it is getting to me? Thanks for any insight!
cause I've had biters and my own grandson was one in my childcare.)If it happens again and she wants to pull then she does. Kids bite. They shouldn't but they do.
Laurel