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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Please Help With Own Child and DC
Baby Beluga 07:47 AM 04-20-2015
I could really use all of your help and wisdom, please. This will be long, so I do apologize. I have one child who is 3 years 3 months old and lately we have been having two big issues with her and DC.
Issue 1) Meal times. When DC children are here she is a terror at meal times. She spends the entire time playing instead of eating. She fidgits in her chair, tried to antagonize the other children, makes noises, sings, you name it. Here is how I have been handling this: She sits at the table with everyone else. The first time she acts out she gets a warning. The second time she acts out she has to leave the table and wait in her room until the DC children are done eating. Once the DC children are done eating she may return to the table and will then eat alone. My thinking is, if you can't eat nicely with the rest of the group - then you can't eat with the rest of the group. We have been doing this for about 1.5 - 2 months and I have seen no improvement. Any other suggestions on how to handle this? I do not expect her to sit perfectly still and be quiet - however there is a difference between talking and laughing with the other children while still eating and her current behavior.
Issue 2) Pick up and drop off time - they are awful! She already is a big attention seeker. And at drop off and pick up times (mainly pick up times) she is always trying to get the attention of the parents/grandparents/whoever is picking up. Things like asking for hugs from the parents, jumping up and down and saying "I did xyz this weekend, or look at my shirt, etc" None of the other children do this. They all remain engaged in their current activity when a parent comes. Her and I have talked about this, I have explained that the parents are here to see their children and it is the children's turn to give hugs to their own parents and tell them about their day etc. When she starts attention seeking, I say (in front of the parents picking up) "It is so and so's turn to see their mom/dad/whoever, please go back to your activity." Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Should I just start sending her to her room when a parent comes?
Thank you all for reading and for any advice you may have
Issue 1) Meal times. When DC children are here she is a terror at meal times. She spends the entire time playing instead of eating. She fidgits in her chair, tried to antagonize the other children, makes noises, sings, you name it. Here is how I have been handling this: She sits at the table with everyone else. The first time she acts out she gets a warning. The second time she acts out she has to leave the table and wait in her room until the DC children are done eating. Once the DC children are done eating she may return to the table and will then eat alone. My thinking is, if you can't eat nicely with the rest of the group - then you can't eat with the rest of the group. We have been doing this for about 1.5 - 2 months and I have seen no improvement. Any other suggestions on how to handle this? I do not expect her to sit perfectly still and be quiet - however there is a difference between talking and laughing with the other children while still eating and her current behavior.
Issue 2) Pick up and drop off time - they are awful! She already is a big attention seeker. And at drop off and pick up times (mainly pick up times) she is always trying to get the attention of the parents/grandparents/whoever is picking up. Things like asking for hugs from the parents, jumping up and down and saying "I did xyz this weekend, or look at my shirt, etc" None of the other children do this. They all remain engaged in their current activity when a parent comes. Her and I have talked about this, I have explained that the parents are here to see their children and it is the children's turn to give hugs to their own parents and tell them about their day etc. When she starts attention seeking, I say (in front of the parents picking up) "It is so and so's turn to see their mom/dad/whoever, please go back to your activity." Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Should I just start sending her to her room when a parent comes?
Thank you all for reading and for any advice you may have
daycare 08:30 AM 04-20-2015
from my experience, I have to say my own was the hardest.
they see you every day talk to the parents, control the kids and they just want to be a part of it and don't know how.
Meal time, i had the same issue. I had to get to the point that I would have a conversation about what I expected before meal time, get down to their eye level and say. I would also say something like this.. I know you can do a really good job of setting the table for me and passing out bowls. How else can you help mommy. I found that if I included my child, he felt proud and really wanted to do good things. At lunch, I would give him one reminder and then lunch was over, he didn't get to come back.
At pick up, this is when i caved...My picks up all take place in about 30min so I allowed him to have screen time in his room on the ipad. It really was the only way that I could keep him from throwing a show for the parents or doing something that i would have to deal with at pick up time.
i just do my best to include my kids and make them feel a part of it, as opposed to trying to treat them like one of the dcks. I know they hate that
they see you every day talk to the parents, control the kids and they just want to be a part of it and don't know how.
Meal time, i had the same issue. I had to get to the point that I would have a conversation about what I expected before meal time, get down to their eye level and say. I would also say something like this.. I know you can do a really good job of setting the table for me and passing out bowls. How else can you help mommy. I found that if I included my child, he felt proud and really wanted to do good things. At lunch, I would give him one reminder and then lunch was over, he didn't get to come back.
At pick up, this is when i caved...My picks up all take place in about 30min so I allowed him to have screen time in his room on the ipad. It really was the only way that I could keep him from throwing a show for the parents or doing something that i would have to deal with at pick up time.
i just do my best to include my kids and make them feel a part of it, as opposed to trying to treat them like one of the dcks. I know they hate that
nannyde 08:37 AM 04-20-2015
She needs to go to her room with EVERY arrival and departure. She should NEVER be near your clients. Your own kid can loose you a seven thousand dollar a year contract in one sentence. As she gets older she will say "your baby cries all day and hurts my ears", "your sons shirt is ugly" "my mom is tired of him crying at nap" etc.
Once she grows weary of their attention by hugging, talking, interrupting she will escalate to way bigger intrusions.
Send her to her room EVERY time a parent comes or goes and she can't come out until YOU call her. If she raises hell in the room then discipline her ALL DAY LONG.
She keeps acting up at the table because she wants to eat alone. Let her.
Once she grows weary of their attention by hugging, talking, interrupting she will escalate to way bigger intrusions.
Send her to her room EVERY time a parent comes or goes and she can't come out until YOU call her. If she raises hell in the room then discipline her ALL DAY LONG.
She keeps acting up at the table because she wants to eat alone. Let her.
childcaremom 08:53 AM 04-20-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
She needs to go to her room with EVERY arrival and departure. She should NEVER be near your clients. Your own kid can loose you a seven thousand dollar a year contract in one sentence. As she gets older she will say "your baby cries all day and hurts my ears", "your sons shirt is ugly" "my mom is tired of him crying at nap" etc.
Once she grows weary of their attention by hugging, talking, interrupting she will escalate to way bigger intrusions.
Send her to her room EVERY time a parent comes or goes and she can't come out until YOU call her. If she raises hell in the room then discipline her ALL DAY LONG.
She keeps acting up at the table because she wants to eat alone. Let her.
Daycare is much easier now that my own children aren't in it. So much easier.She needs to go to her room with EVERY arrival and departure. She should NEVER be near your clients. Your own kid can loose you a seven thousand dollar a year contract in one sentence. As she gets older she will say "your baby cries all day and hurts my ears", "your sons shirt is ugly" "my mom is tired of him crying at nap" etc.
Once she grows weary of their attention by hugging, talking, interrupting she will escalate to way bigger intrusions.
Send her to her room EVERY time a parent comes or goes and she can't come out until YOU call her. If she raises hell in the room then discipline her ALL DAY LONG.
She keeps acting up at the table because she wants to eat alone. Let her.
I agree with above. I do not let my children near the parents. Period. I'm trying to close out the day, have a quick chat with parents, and get kids out the door. No need for distractions or delays.
As for meal times, by eating together separately, perhaps that could be a time where the two of you can reconnect and spend some time together.
Good luck!
AmyKidsCo 12:39 PM 04-20-2015
It sounds like she's looking for extra attention from you.
Meals: IMO your strategy isn't working because she WANTS to eat alone with you. I'd continue to do what you're doing, except if she has to leave the table she does NOT get to finish alone - she can wait until snack time. I know it sounds harsh, but no child has died from missing a meal (or two, or even three!).
Drop Off/Pick Up: My rules for my children are: 1. Anything you ask me when a parent is here is an automatic "No" - no second chances. 2. If it's a problem to have you around when parents are here you're not allowed on the same floor during drop off/pick up.
Naptime was always when I'd give my children extra attention. I put the DCK down first, then spend a little time with my own children, cuddling, reading, sharing a treat with, etc, before they did their nap time thing (napping or quiet activities). It was our special quiet time together.
Meals: IMO your strategy isn't working because she WANTS to eat alone with you. I'd continue to do what you're doing, except if she has to leave the table she does NOT get to finish alone - she can wait until snack time. I know it sounds harsh, but no child has died from missing a meal (or two, or even three!).
Drop Off/Pick Up: My rules for my children are: 1. Anything you ask me when a parent is here is an automatic "No" - no second chances. 2. If it's a problem to have you around when parents are here you're not allowed on the same floor during drop off/pick up.
Naptime was always when I'd give my children extra attention. I put the DCK down first, then spend a little time with my own children, cuddling, reading, sharing a treat with, etc, before they did their nap time thing (napping or quiet activities). It was our special quiet time together.
Controlled Chaos 01:05 PM 04-20-2015
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
It sounds like she's looking for extra attention from you.
Meals: IMO your strategy isn't working because she WANTS to eat alone with you. I'd continue to do what you're doing, except if she has to leave the table she does NOT get to finish alone - she can wait until snack time. I know it sounds harsh, but no child has died from missing a meal (or two, or even three!).
Drop Off/Pick Up: My rules for my children are: 1. Anything you ask me when a parent is here is an automatic "No" - no second chances. 2. If it's a problem to have you around when parents are here you're not allowed on the same floor during drop off/pick up.
Naptime was always when I'd give my children extra attention. I put the DCK down first, then spend a little time with my own children, cuddling, reading, sharing a treat with, etc, before they did their nap time thing (napping or quiet activities). It was our special quiet time together.
It sounds like she's looking for extra attention from you.
Meals: IMO your strategy isn't working because she WANTS to eat alone with you. I'd continue to do what you're doing, except if she has to leave the table she does NOT get to finish alone - she can wait until snack time. I know it sounds harsh, but no child has died from missing a meal (or two, or even three!).
Drop Off/Pick Up: My rules for my children are: 1. Anything you ask me when a parent is here is an automatic "No" - no second chances. 2. If it's a problem to have you around when parents are here you're not allowed on the same floor during drop off/pick up.
Naptime was always when I'd give my children extra attention. I put the DCK down first, then spend a little time with my own children, cuddling, reading, sharing a treat with, etc, before they did their nap time thing (napping or quiet activities). It was our special quiet time together.
I agree. It's hard. For meals: all kids know disruptive behaviors get one warning. Second time you are done. If you were hungry you would have been eating. It usually takes once. They won't starve. (Some may not be allowed to do thus, but I argue safety. I don't want a child choking or falling out of a chair, that is worse than being hungry.
With good behavior my kids earn 20 min on their leap pads. So if they had a good day they get screen time in their room during pick ups. If they had a rough day they just go to their room (which is still nice for them to have quiet time with their special non daycare toys.)
I also prep all dcks for each parents arrival as many families know each other so all kids have been attention seekers. I say "Tommy mom is here! Tommy get your shoes on." I then remind each child they are not to leave their current activity or their will be a consequence.
I also try and do special things with my kids during nap or right after closing so they don't burn out on sharing me.
Baby Beluga 07:27 AM 04-21-2015
Thank you everyone! Nan - your words resonated with me so much. There have been situations in the beginning where I remember thinking so and so was going to dis enroll because of my own child's disruptive behavior.
Yesterday we tried her going in her room during pick up time. I let her choose a few special books to keep in her room and told her when a parent comes she is to stay in her room playing with her toys or reading her books and not come out until I come and get her. She did well at the first pick up. Not so much on the second.
As for the attention - I give her attention all day long. We have a special 30 minutes after the kids go to sleep where we snuggle and read books before she lays down for nap, and we spend the entire evenings doing things together. Unfortunately this doesn't seem to be enough for her. She has always been an attention seeker though - not just from me but from strangers as well. She is the child who will speak to every single person she sees in the grocery store. "Hi, how are you, what is your name, how do you spell it, how old are, what is your favorite color?" These are all common things she asks when we are in public.
For meals, I like the idea of one warning and then you are done. It is true - if she truly was hungry she would be focused more on eating and less on being disruptive.
I love her dearly, but she is tough nut to crack that is for sure
Yesterday we tried her going in her room during pick up time. I let her choose a few special books to keep in her room and told her when a parent comes she is to stay in her room playing with her toys or reading her books and not come out until I come and get her. She did well at the first pick up. Not so much on the second.
As for the attention - I give her attention all day long. We have a special 30 minutes after the kids go to sleep where we snuggle and read books before she lays down for nap, and we spend the entire evenings doing things together. Unfortunately this doesn't seem to be enough for her. She has always been an attention seeker though - not just from me but from strangers as well. She is the child who will speak to every single person she sees in the grocery store. "Hi, how are you, what is your name, how do you spell it, how old are, what is your favorite color?" These are all common things she asks when we are in public.
For meals, I like the idea of one warning and then you are done. It is true - if she truly was hungry she would be focused more on eating and less on being disruptive.
I love her dearly, but she is tough nut to crack that is for sure
rosieteddy 10:19 AM 04-21-2015
I agree with the one chance mealtime.I would also maybe do a reward chart for her only.Maybe a check for every pick-up that goes smoothly.At the end of the week she gets a special treat with you.Could be a trinket from doller store,a book ,maybe special movie or trip to the library ect.She seems attention seeking and that way she will get good rewards for good behavior.I also had all my children picked up at the same time 15 min early we would get ready pick a couple of books each and be sitting waiting on a bench at the door.Children were told to greet their parents nicely say good bye and go.Other children were allowed to "say hello and go"they learned early that each parent will greet them ,but they wanted to speak to their own child.I also had infants ready in their car seats to cut down on the shennanigans of parents trying to get them in them.
Annalee 10:36 AM 04-21-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
She needs to go to her room with EVERY arrival and departure. She should NEVER be near your clients. Your own kid can loose you a seven thousand dollar a year contract in one sentence. As she gets older she will say "your baby cries all day and hurts my ears", "your sons shirt is ugly" "my mom is tired of him crying at nap" etc.
Once she grows weary of their attention by hugging, talking, interrupting she will escalate to way bigger intrusions.
Send her to her room EVERY time a parent comes or goes and she can't come out until YOU call her. If she raises hell in the room then discipline her ALL DAY LONG.
She keeps acting up at the table because she wants to eat alone. Let her.
Spot on!!!!! She needs to go to her room with EVERY arrival and departure. She should NEVER be near your clients. Your own kid can loose you a seven thousand dollar a year contract in one sentence. As she gets older she will say "your baby cries all day and hurts my ears", "your sons shirt is ugly" "my mom is tired of him crying at nap" etc.
Once she grows weary of their attention by hugging, talking, interrupting she will escalate to way bigger intrusions.
Send her to her room EVERY time a parent comes or goes and she can't come out until YOU call her. If she raises hell in the room then discipline her ALL DAY LONG.
She keeps acting up at the table because she wants to eat alone. Let her.
Been there too many times with my first son, finally learned with my second! 