Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I'm Pretty Sure My Head Is Gonna Pop Off
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 08:08 AM 08-24-2012
Uh... I have a 7 month old that mom holds all the time.( I have no problem with cuddling your baby) However, now that the baby is older it is causing a lot of issues. Baby is completely unable to put self to sleep and has no idea what shelf soothing looks like. It is getting worse and worse with each passing week. Baby is very large for her age. She is just as big as my 19 month old at 22lbs and 30 inches long. I know I have talked about her before, always having to be in motion. She is way... way to big for the swing. She has actually bent the poles now so I will not put her in it. Today I gave her bottle and she was falling asleep in my arms so I put her in the pack-n-play to nap. As soon as I went to bend over she wakes up and starts to scream at the top of her lungs. This causes a train reaction. The other 6 month old starts crying, then the1 year old starts and then my 19 month old starts because she has no idea why everyone is crying. So i pick her up and again she falls asleep and I tried to make sure she is good and sleep before I put her back in the pack in play. Again as soon as she starts to leave my arms she starts to howl. Again the train reaction starts. So this time I start to pat her back to try and sooth her, but no she continues to howl and scream. Finally after I can no longer stand to be bent over the pack in play i decided it is time she is just gonna have to cry it out because it is snack time for 1yr old and my dd. She howls and screams the entire time. I guess my question is what is the appropriate age to let them start to CIO? I have tried the sitting next to the pack in play and talking. I have tried the pats on the back. I have tried the music. She is starting to drive me nuts. She is not the only one in my care and it is not possible for me to hold her while she naps as I have other kids in my care. I also can't afford to terminate right now. I know mom is not gonna get on board with letting her CIO at home. I'm right in her view from the pack in play so it is not like she is alone in a bedroom to fall asleep. Should I move her to a room see how she does?
Reply
Unregistered 08:22 AM 08-24-2012
Own room, fan, music, white noise. Put in pnp, walk out. Cio.

Camera from babies r us so you can see how things are going without going in. 20 min cio, out to play if no5 asleep, rinse repeat.


Since mom does something different at home be prepared for a month of this routine before baby learns to fall asleep on own. I wouldnt mention it to mom either, since you think they wont be on board and you cant let them term.
Reply
SunshineMama 08:36 AM 08-24-2012
I understand what unregistered is saying, but I know that if I were a parent and the provider just let my child CIO for a month without at least talking to me I would be upset. I think you need to discuss the reality of the situation with the parents and let them know that you need to work together to formulate a plan that will work, as it is unrealistic in any group daycare setting to hold a baby for naps every day. If the parents are doing the opposite of you, that is sending mixed messages to the baby and a child that young really won't know what is going on. Consistency is so important.

An alternate to terming and CIO, would be to use a backpack style baby carrier. I know this is difficult with a bigger baby, especially in a daycare setting if the baby is not yours, but I thought I would throw the suggestion out there.
Reply
cheerfuldom 08:40 AM 08-24-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Own room, fan, music, white noise. Put in pnp, walk out. Cio.

Camera from babies r us so you can see how things are going without going in. 20 min cio, out to play if no5 asleep, rinse repeat.


Since mom does something different at home be prepared for a month of this routine before baby learns to fall asleep on own. I wouldnt mention it to mom either, since you think they wont be on board and you cant let them term.
definitely the bolded. I know you think you are helping by waiting till she is asleep in your arms before putting her in the PNP but actually, you are making it worse. She isnt learning to self soothe and she wakes up in a different place than she fell asleep in and that is scary for babies. I would give it at least 2 weeks of consistent CIO and then decide if you can handle things or not.....you should see a lot of progress by then assuming that she is attending daycare full time and has the consistency of your plan. if she is part time, there is a very small chance that this will work but mostly likely not. Between a random schedule and your inconsistency in the past, she has a lot to overcome (plus mom holding all the time of course). I would stop all the motion care right now...no more swing, no more rocking and bouncing, no more carrying. She plays on the floor and is only picked up when she absolutely has to be (diaper changes and such) or when she is not crying. If you have to hold her, sit on the floor with her in your lap....again, no carrying/rocking/bouncing. I know it seems harsh but if you cant get this under control, this kid is going to take over your household and your sanity.
Reply
cheerfuldom 08:43 AM 08-24-2012
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
I understand what unregistered is saying, but I know that if I were a parent and the provider just let my child CIO for a month without at least talking to me I would be upset. I think you need to discuss the reality of the situation with the parents and let them know that you need to work together to formulate a plan that will work, as it is unrealistic in any group daycare setting to hold a baby for naps every day. If the parents are doing the opposite of you, that is sending mixed messages to the baby and a child that young really won't know what is going on. Consistency is so important.

An alternate to terming and CIO, would be to use a backpack style baby carrier. I know this is difficult with a bigger baby, especially in a daycare setting if the baby is not yours, but I thought I would throw the suggestion out there.
I do think mom should be aware of the situation. I personally dont babywear daycare babies except for the occasional infant because I think it is a temporary fix....not a long term solution that is necessary for group care. Plus this kid is huge.

anyway, if mom is absolutely against any form of letting her child cry, that is her right as a parent but that means that you are not the right daycare for her. I had to let a baby go a long time ago because the parents were absolutely against any form of letting their child cry at any time of the day and they did not want me or my assistant telling their child "no".....didnt work for us so out they go.
Reply
SunshineMama 09:05 AM 08-24-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I do think mom should be aware of the situation. I personally dont babywear daycare babies except for the occasional infant because I think it is a temporary fix....not a long term solution that is necessary for group care. Plus this kid is huge.

anyway, if mom is absolutely against any form of letting her child cry, that is her right as a parent but that means that you are not the right daycare for her. I had to let a baby go a long time ago because the parents were absolutely against any form of letting their child cry at any time of the day and they did not want me or my assistant telling their child "no".....didnt work for us so out they go.
I agree with you about the baby wearing and daycare kids, just wanted to offer that idea out there anyway

And I also agree that not every daycare is right for every child and every family. I do think if the provider explains the situation to the parents, they should be willing to work with her. If not, they will have to look at a 1:1 nanny, and these days, people don't want to pay those prices.
Reply
countrymom 10:44 AM 08-24-2012
I agree with unregistered.
Reply
momma2girls 10:49 AM 08-24-2012
I have one like this as well!! She has seperation anxiety!! Is held all the time, and apparently not put down much to sleep at all. They do not let her cry at all!!! UGHHH!!!!!!
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 11:11 AM 08-24-2012
Well I ended up putting the baby in the pack in play while I went to the bathroom and wouldn't you know it dad shows up. He walks in and asked if that was his baby crying. I just looked at him and said yep. That is what she does unless she is being held. He said I know I keep telling "wife" that she needs to just let her cry sometimes and that it is not going to hurt her to cry. Although he did seem a little pissy that I was allowing his daughter to cry for a few minutes. She is 7 months not 7 weeks. This child is huge. Her mom is 6'1" and her dad is 6'5" and both are just very large people. Oh and baby is 1st and only child.
Reply
Heidi 11:18 AM 08-24-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Own room, fan, music, white noise. Put in pnp, walk out. Cio.

Camera from babies r us so you can see how things are going without going in. 20 min cio, out to play if no5 asleep, rinse repeat.


Since mom does something different at home be prepared for a month of this routine before baby learns to fall asleep on own. I wouldnt mention it to mom either, since you think they wont be on board and you cant let them term.
I agree...although it won't take a month, in my opinion, and I would go in after 7-8minutes...whisper "it's night night time, and go back out. Then repeat as needed. You don't want her to feel abandoned. You want to give her the message that you are there, that you love her, and that you KNOW she is just fine. You just need to convince HER.

As for mom, I don't like to hide things, but sometimes you don't have to tell the whole story, either. Something like "just so you know, we are going to be working on sleep skills for baby. It may take a little while, but I KNOW she can learn to sleep on her own. Of course, I will be handling this in the kindest way possible, but there may be some fussing". or something like that
Reply
busymomof2 12:37 PM 08-24-2012
I have a dc baby that is an only child too. Had her since she was 4 months till now 1 year old. She is never put down and cries if I am not holding her or leave the room. You are not doing her or you any favors by going along with it. You have other children who need your attention plus it is too exhausting to hold a baby all day. I place the baby on the floor to play. She cries for a minute or two...I don't pick her up and she is fine. For naps I place her in the crib in a room by herself. She cries for a bit then goes to sleep. I have to start this iver every Monday. IMO there is nothing wrong with letting a child cry a bit. She needs to learn to self soothe and you need a break. I don't see any need to tell mom either. I'm sure she knows how baby is. It's your house, your rules and you need to do what is best for you before you get burnt out and have no choice but to give notice.
Reply
Scout 12:59 PM 08-24-2012
I am still in the process of opening but, as a mom i would understand if my sitter said she had to do the cio method. my son is 14 mos & when he went to dc at first he screamed cus i did hold him a lot . my older son actually told me sitter put brother in the closet cus he wouldnt stop crying! I bawled like a baby one night & then was fine about it! I knew she wouldnt have put him in a closet! It was probably a back bedroom. the good news is now i can lay him down for a nap & walk out. just recently i started sleeping with a fan to block out any noise since i still find it hard to ignore him at night & a few nights that i had it on low HE SLEPT GREAT! Mom needs to understand baby will survive & will be better for it, babies need naps ALONE, as do ur other dck. good luck to you!
Reply
Reply Up