I have gone from a sweet and gentle push over to getting my backbone, now having to be rude. I don't like what I am turning into but what can I do?

DCM has really been working my nerves as much as she possibly can. It's like she wants termed! She breaks policy blatantly. Small things but over and over. I would term but I will lose my home. This is my only income so term isnt an option right now.

Biggest prob I can't get solved :
DCM has been told many many times not to arrive early I will not let her in and I have to take my child to school anyway. So she has been coming earlier and earlier. I stopped allowing her to sign in early and dragging her kids to school with me over a month ago. Then I had to tell her if she arrives early she will have to sit in her car. Kids were freezing while she waited 15 mins on my porch for me to get home. Also after she allowed the kids to destroy property while waiting on my porch. I have told her many many times just come on time as we agreed in the contract and we wont have problems like her waiting. She always giggles and says she doesn't mind. FINE!

So yesterday they are 20 minutes early!! I hear the car pull up we are about to leave for school. Next HOOOOOONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOOOOOONK! She's laying on the damn horn! I go out mad as hell! She sees my face and just as I am about to say something she laughs and says "it's Cindys (dcg) fault she's blowing the horn not me hee hee" I tell her I will be back and I walk away.

I get back 10 mis later and she gets out of the car and brings the kids in. "Umm it's still early" I say... She says "yeah I know but I have to get to work so I'm bringing them early". I tell her we agreed on the time... She says she has to be early today. I let that go and she stands in my hall for 15 minutes complaining about her DHHS caseworker! WTH??? I tell her "you better go I thought you had to be early today". She says "oh they can wait". I tell her we have to stay on schedule then she reminds me she's early so we have a few minutes Please don't be early tomorrow!

This morning we are getting ready again and I am trying to rush my poor child every morning now because when she pulls up it just sets me of on the wrong foot. I don't know why but it does and I hate it! So we are rushing and then I hear it, her car pulls up! Now she is 25 mins early!!
Next HOOOOOOOOOONK HONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOOOOOONK!
She's laying on the damn horn again! I go out and yell "PLEASE STOP THAT"! She laughs again and says Cindy did it not me. I go back in the house angry now, slamming my door. Get my child and go out to leave. DCM is getting out! I said "oh no you are 25 minutes early no more early drop offs and I mean it! We agreed upon a time you need to stick to it!" She loks shocked and says "that's fine I don't mind waiting in the car everyday I would rather be early, go ahead we will wait, no problem". IT IS a problem for me!! I then am so angry I am harsh with my own child on the walk to school.

AGAIN when I get home I have to listen to her vent about the govt owing her blah blah. She can't pay me because they didn't pay her blah blah. She stands with her hands in her pockets leaning on my wall as her children try to undress themselves I am sooo sick of this routine! She could at least help us with coats and shoes etc! I am not a shrink or the complaint department and I told her that today. I told her if she has such a problem she should complain to someone else besides me. That set her off for a whole other "OH I did... I called the state they owe us we are low income blah blah". I told her "we have to go get breakfast I will see you at pick up." DCG opens the door for her to leave I ignore her and push the kids over telling them to tell Mommy bye. She pushes the door shut out of DCGs hands again and ignores her kids hugging her so she can continue to vent.

I am trying so hard to get new kids in here. I spent $50 on an ad in the paper but only got calls for an infant and an evening shift. I don't take infants and I don't work evenings So I am stuck. I hung ads in the library and they took them down saying I am not allowed to do that. My ads on the pole by the grocery store got wet and ran. I am trying so hard to replace DCM but in the meantime I am afraid I am going to snap and tell her off then I will be the 1 in trouble because she will report me like she does her caseworker all the time.

I have sat and racked my brain trying to think of why she continues to purposly make me mad. I think she wants me to term her so she doesnt have to work. If she quits it's her fault, if she can't work because I term her and she doesn't have a provider, my fault she will say.

How do I keep my sanity? I have told her flat out she has to go and she still stands there venting. I can't push her so what next?

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I know this is tough, but I would simply tell her that she is not allowed on your property until X:00 each morning. Period. She can park on the street but no driveway, no porch, and no lawn until you are open. By talking to her each morning, she is getting the attention she wants. Ignore her in the driveway. No eye contact, no waving, no speaking. And you need to start walking her kids inside and leaving her outside at dropoff.

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Do you have current/updated ads out? Ones with color photos of your playroom, a sample menu and everything you offer?

It may be time to really put effort into making yourself stand out in your community.

Until you CAN terminate clients, you won't have the upper hand.

You NEED the upper hand.

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it sounds like maybe you should just take the infant or the evening child, term the problem parent and then re-interview for a day shift. otherwise, you have no recourse on this mom. you can try to add early fees on to her but if she doesnt pay them, are you willing to term? i know it is very exhausting to be trapped in a situation that is so frustrating because you need the money. you only other option is to reconsider your budget or get another job. easier said than done. good luck!

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Sounds to me like she has to go. Someone like that would have my blood pressure so high, I would probably have a heart attack. Have you tried putting an ad on sittercity (or however it is spelled) or Craig's list? I have never used those but my friend has used Craig's list. She actually got a normal family looking for care for thier son during the day. Of course, you have to weed out wierd ones, but I guess that goes for all ads anywhere. Maybe you could get the word out on FB or linkedin if you are on either of those and have friends give out your name if they hear of someone looking for care. I am totally into networking any way I can when I need kids and it sounds like you really need to replace this family.

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wow,
i would say not allowed on property until set time. big hugs of support!

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Do you have any contact with the caseworker? In the olden days, we could talk to them, but I know there are a lot more confideniality laws now. In those days, anyway, I would have called the caseworker and let them know what was happening, lest mom try to play that "I can't find childcare" game. It was so nice when we were all on the same team! Maybe it's still like that where you are?

Is this the same one whose child was running in the street not that long ago?

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Thanks everyone. Technically she isn't on my property she is parked on the street and stays in her car now but the damn horn is just the last straw for me! I think that's why she has no problem waiting in the car with a damn smile! Nothing I can do about it really. I'm just so sick of seeing her car. Even when I rush out early and make my kid sit in the media because he is so early I still walk home seeing her car sitting there waiting, like taunting me and I steam more with each step. I am not insane I swear! It's just getting to me after all this time.

I do have ads online. Craigs list gets me nothing but weirdos telling me they are moving to the US from another country and want to pay me highly for caring for their children. I don't get that whole scam but it is a scam.

I don't want the risk with an infant plus when I set up my registration I opted out the infant section so I would have to alter all of that. Plus it wouldnt be fair to use them and them term when I get the spots filled.
Evening is family time. I am already running into 6pm some days. Again if I take someone on for a while it wouldn't be fair to drop them when I get what I want kwim? I believe in Karma, reap what you sew etc. All I know is I should have super points after dealing with this... person! I started taking on SA kids just for a couple hours after school to try and get my income up so I can afford to term this... MOTHER!

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No her caseworker and I are not in contact. She has called me to verify I am closed on weekends though. She said DCM turned down a job claiming she couldn't find care on weekends and she wanted to make sure she was telling the truth. Bad when your caseworker doesn't trust you and has to check up. Yes same DCM kids running in the street.

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OMG! I would be livid! I AM livid just reading this post! How could someone be SO disrespectful!!!! There is NOTHING worse than getting ready in the morning and doing things you need to do BEFOFE daycare and worrying that there is going to be a parent that is going to show up early. I agree with the above ^ I would just take the infant and continue to advertise for a day kid. I have used Craigslist and gotten most of my clients from there. One of which I am still great friends with even to this day even though she and her family moved. My current FT DCG I got from Care.com.

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Do you have any ads in your community? Not just online....

I'd make some cute handmade flyers w/photos and have them put up in the break rooms/bulletin boards of your local schools, library's, Mom & Pop's and grocery stores. The personalized touch tends to pull more attention and taking advantage of the current "Shop Small, Shop Local" political climate can't hurt.

Grandmas don't typically google for a daycare provider....they see them on the grocery store bulletin board and call to ask a few questions. Word of mouth from Grandma can help..... I have gotten quite a few clients that way over the years.

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thats a cute idea Cath...unfortunately in my area, gas stations/grocery stores/library no longer provide these "community bulletin boards" like they used to. I started making a huge sign to post right outside my neighborhood (they dont allow them inside the subdivision). that got one family here.

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Not even in the older hair salons, nail shops, hardware stores, card shops, book stores....

I guess I am pretty persistant....

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Same here. Both our bank and our grocery store have locked cases, and you can only give them "non profit" stuff to post there. I joked one day about being non-profit, but they wouldn't budge.

Oddly, at the grocery store you CAN post "for sale" stuff, but not daycare or other services. Their perogative, I guess....

Oh, the laundry mat has a bb for that stuff, but um...laundry mat?

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maybe I should keep checking more places but I went to a TON with no luck. All the gas stations and such used to do this. Even some of the restaurants but it has been at least 2 years since I saw any board anywhere. Sad, huh? this is even in the midwest where there are still mom and pop shops, etc.

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I would definitely look for another client to replace her. When I first opened I put together an email describing my program. I then went on the local school websites and used the emails provided for all of the teachers to get my information out there. I actually got three families that way. Most teachers have kids or know people who do.

As far as her behavior, it sounds like she enjoys pushing your buttons a bit. Don't acknowledge her until her assigned drop-off time. As someone else suggested, don't even give her eye contact. Ignore the honking - maybe you will get lucky and a neighbor will call the police. Don't rush your own child out the door - keep to your own schedule. If she tries to hand the kids off to you when you get home, just briefly say "I will see you at - and walk into your house.

I would go crazy if someone was acting like this - I am so sorry! Hang in there and be rude if you have to be!!!

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Pitter Patter, I can understand, as I am single and this is my source of income as well.

I have found ALREADY that this is solved by charging them for early drop-offs. Go ahead and take the child, but make it well worth your while. For example, early drop off will be $5.00 or something every 15 minutes (rounded UP). Make it a flat fee.

e.g. - 5 mins is 5.00, as is 15 mins. 16 mins is 10.00 up to 30 mns, etc etc. That's 20 bucks an hour. I know I'd take her kids to school with me for 20 bucks an hour! Set whatever price you think is fair.

I've worked it out with my before school kids by charging her a certain rate, whether she is here or not (she likes to be late or cancel out). I still have to get up and still have to plan breakfast, etc. She now gets charged a flat fee per week for her scheduled 2 - 4 days, 1 1/2 hour ea. Beyond that I get a little more - like if school is off for the day. Then she pays the same rate per hour as anyone else.

Hope this helps a little!

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Maybe it's time to talk to a neighbor about calling her in for the noise disturbance!

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do you have a YMCA in your area?

I decided to volunteer as part of my New Years resolution. It has brought me great rewards... I am on a campaign to raise money for them and in the process met a ton of wonderful mothers and fathers in my community. When they found out what I do, they all had to come look for themselves. In the process, I made a lot of new friends and families, gained 4 new clients and have made a name for myself in my community. Best thing that i have ever done...

perhaps you can look into this.

Also, I always volunteer as team mom, room mother, etc so that when i email things out that my website address gets attached to every email. I often will have parents write me back and say, I don't have any kids that age, but I love your website, do you mind if I refer you? I have not really had any business yet from it, but the word is getting out.

with the internet there are so many ways to advertise your business.

I have also put myself on every free site that will allow me to place an ad.

all of it for free.....


I do a lot of community stuff. We did the Michelle Obama letsmove.gov and everyone that let us participate, like the local community gym, we sent them a huge thank you card from the DCK and I put my business info on it. The last time I was at that gym, I saw it hanging up at the front desk....

word of mouth is always best, but you have to do the ground work to make it happen.

I too have been in your boat with parents that put me down and made me feel horrible, so do your work and it will come back to you......

Plus, I think that sometimes we have to go through the bad stuff to teach us a lesson about what we DONT want. We know what to look for now when we interview and we know what we do want...

I hope things turn around for you soon......keep your chin up and try to stay positive...

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I used to have a neighbor who was picked up for work in the morning. The person doing the picking up would sit in the driveway and honk the horn every. single. morning. One day I stormed outside and told them that if they honk the horn again, I'd call the police - I don't know about your area, but here we have a noise ordinance and honking isn't allowed in the early AM. The next time they did it, I really did call the police. They came and had a talk with my neighbor. It never happened again.

Could you enlist the help of a neighbor, and actually have them call the police and complain?

I also totally agree with the idea of charging for early arrivals. Would she pay?

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Sounds to me like you need to head out to take your child to school earlier than usual, this way you aren't home and don't go back home until 1 minute before your open time.

Do this for a week and she'll get a clue.

Or

If you really want to get her going, tell her in writing effective tomorrow if she shows up early, it's $1.00 per minute and because the state won't pay extra, she will be required to.

She needs to follow your policies and if she's not, you need to have a sit down with her that it's not working out.

I understand your financial situation but I'd much rather kick them out the door and face the consequences with a clear mind than continue working for this family and being miserable and disrespected every single day.

Make up some fliers and walk the neighborhood, pass some out at the school, gas station, grocery stores usually have corkboards you can leave info on, etc.

Good luck!

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Thanks for the help Cat! I have a few differnt flyer types to hang. 1 I got here with the pocket on it. The other is my usual rip off tabs at the bottom. I just need more places to hang them. Most places around here have their bulletine boards encased and locked. Only non-profit flyers can go in there or school announcments etc.

Places that do have cork boards I did try to hang like the library. They took it down, even the local DHHS took it down 3 times and last time told me I wasn't permitted to post there because they would have to allow everyone else to do it as well and we have over 100 home providers in our small city.

Our launder mat is closed down. I do have a few hanging in the college, I only had 2 calls last semester both only wanted a couple hours ast a time a couple days a week. I didn't want to risk losing spots for that. The high school wont allow it, grade school same thing. I also have 2 big signs on my fence. I guess there's just not many parents in need. We have so many providers and a lot of centers as well. Plus the head start program. I know a lady who is over her limit actually but she only charges $10 per day per child. No way can I compete with that!

I did enroll a new client back in December and she and her child are just a dream! I love them but he is only part time SA so only part time pay there. I am keeping them though because she pays on time like clockwork and follows the policies 100% Rare around here!

I thank you for your help but sadly she can't even pay her little portion fees on time or in full so I know I would never see the early fee.

She would just say she doesnt mind sitting in her car and I can't charge her for sitting on the public street. I should have known better to take her in when I heard she had been termed from 2 centers. DUH

I am going to take a little advise from everyone especially the one where I stay away from the house until 1 minute before drop off time. Hell maybe I will even be a little late and make her sweat for a change!

(see see how terrible she is making me think? I am not spiteful. I know shame on me)

Thank you to each of you for your support and help!

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"It's ok, I don't mind being early"

"It's not me, it's DCG honking the horn"


This is passive-agressive BS on her part. It will probably take you being rude to get it through her head that it isn't acceptable behavior. Just because you can't afford to term her doesn't mean that she gets to do whatever she wants. Sit her down and TELL her what is GOING to happen. She doesn't get to say "that's ok", because it isn't ok. She doesn't get to pass off the horn honking, because she's the parent and it's her job to make sure that the child doesn't do it. If you have to close the door in her face and lock it, do it if that's what it takes to get your point across.

I'm sorry, but I am so mad for you. I put up with a lot of parent crap over the last few years, so I get fuming mad whenever I hear a story like this.

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I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said yet but I'm steamed for you too. I can't believe the nerve of some people!

If you charged her a $1.00 per minute at your door and she needed to pay before the kids could stay (cash) would that work? Just close the door and tell her to come back with *** amount. Or would that be the same as you terming?

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Yes because I think she wants me to term her or deny her access. That way she can blame me for her not being able to work just like she blames the govt for not giving her all her freebies in a timely manner.

Honest to God I have NEVER seen such an entitled person in all my life!!

I could tell you things she has said that would make you gasp so hard you would suck all of the oxygen out of the room!

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