Updating from my last post...*********She came over unannounced with a sketchy looking guy asking to see her daughter to which I replied that legally I cannot let her see her. She was calm but there is so much more to this story. She is manic and was getting better but now she is really bad again. Her husband has full custody so she legally does not have a right to see them especially stepping foot on my property under the guise that someone was going to drop something off from her for her. The father knows the police well and so they are involved and stopped by my house to make sure I am ok. They've filled an order of protection for me and so I must call the police anytime she steps foot on my property. I am nervous for my safety as well as the kids in the daycare even though everyone has stated she is not dangerous only to herself. I am the only stability the kids have right now and I would feel terrible terminating care but where do I draw the line? If she was committed, I'd feel better. What would you do?***************

Previous post: Has anyone had experience with parents who are divorced and one of the parents has mental issues? I have great families but one family is making me a little nervous. Mom has bi-polar and was committed last year before I began daycare for this family. She has since been doing better and had supervised visits that moved into unsupervised. Now she's had many episodes so the court took away her rights again for unsupervised visits only now no one will agree to supervise her and the kids in her family until she takes her meds. I am privy to this information by dad but I feel so uncomfortable as I just met mom for the first time a few months ago and have never had any contact with her until now. This week I've gotten two messages from her. One was ranting on about how the truth will come out and she is the one who was abused by everyone including her ex and her kids are in danger and she has a right to see them. She went on to say that she does have a right and she is not insane or crazy, she kept saying listen to my voice, i don't sound crazy... and she wants to meet to talk about her kids The next message she sounded upset that I hadn't called her back and she'll give me another chance to call her. She said she wanted to know where her kids were since I don't have them on Wednesdays and she usually does. I did text her to say that I didn't feel comfortable meeting yet as I have to follow the legal parameters of contact. Sorry for not calling her back sooner as I was waiting to know what I can and can't do, etc. I talked to dad about this information and the accusations on the voicemails about her ex and the rest of the family (I don't want to go into detail here). What would you do in this situation? I now have my door locked and was told to not let her in if she should come her...it makes me very uncomfortable to be in this situation! What would you do?

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Get the legal paperwork. Then follow what it says, not what anyone else tells you. If she is not actually supposed to see the kids, tell her that you have legal paperwork that does not allow that. When you get paperwork to the contrary you will talk. Otherwise she needs to deal with the court. Block her until other paperwork arrives via mail or legal route, not delivered by her. If she shows up and she is not supposed to be there, call the police.

Mental issues have nothing to do with it, only what is actually legal.

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Simply tell her that your contract is with the father and that you won't have contact with non-custodial parents. Tell her to speak to the childrens' father. Then stop answering ANY communications.

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Unless she has court documents stating that she can, she has NO right to contact you.

She should not be discussing any of this with you. period. Her thoughts, feelings and rights are all given fair consideration in the court system.

You should have nothing to do with her unless she is legally allowed to pick up or drop off the kids. And, even in that situation the discussion should be ONLY about the kids while in your care. Nothing more.

I have first hand experience with this type of mom...almost word for word what your DCM has said to you. Right down to the "Listen to my voice...do I sound crazy?" It's almost scary. If I didn't know better, I'd wonder if you have the same mom I did but in my case the kids are grown beyond needing child care.

Those suffering from mental illness like bi-polar especially are usually very intelligent people that are very charming and very adept at persuasion in order to get what they want.

I would separate myself from the situation all together other than what directly affects the care you provide to the kids. Anything else is not something you should be involved in at all.

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I'd ask for a copy of the most recent custody documents to keep in his file if you don't already have one. I'd never take anyone's word for it and would want official documents which tell me who can and can't see the kids, also a good idea to have in case you ever have to call the police like if she ever showed up and caused problems.

I would also look in the documents to see if it says anything about contact with the kids daycare and if not think about calling the non-emergency number to your local PD if you could do anything about her calling and mention that you're worried that she might keep calling to harass you or show up and see if there's anything they can do.

And as already mentioned, this has nothing to do with mental issues ... this is a legal issue. If she can't see her kids then she can't see the, period. End of story.

If she contacts you again I'd ask her to not call and instead send emails, give her the excuse that talking on the phone is very difficult because you're very busy. This was at least you can save her emails and if you feel like it can give copies to DCD if he has to go back to court with her.

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I agree with all previous posters. Follow the legal documentation you have, stop communicating with DCM (and alert DCD of any calls, voice messages, texts, or emails she may get through to you). Keep your doors locked and call the police if she comes around.

I had a similar situation, but DCM had problems because of Rx drug abuse. It made her act really crazy, and it was tough for everyone. I tried to hang in there for DCBs sake, providing him with a "safe place" and consistency, but for my own sanity I finally had to term. I didn't realize till I let them go how much it was draining me. I still wonder about that little guy from time to time...

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