When a child is acting out, and you suspect that they are under the weather, but there are no excludable symptoms, how do you handle it?

Dcm kept him home on Wednesday because he was really tired on Tuesday (he is home on Tuesdays) and looked flush Wednesday morning. Great. Proactive.

He came back this morning complaining of being tired. Not new for him. Has complained off and on this morning of one thing or another being sore. Everything from belly to his toe. Acknowledged then ignored, as he tends to be dramatic.

But I have had a heck of a morning with him.
*remind him that we don't play certain games here (power rangers - jumping, attacking, shooting)
*remind him that we don't use potty language at my house
*Went outside and he whined to come in the entire time. My stomach hurts. My back hurts. I don't want to play. Came in and proceeded to run/jump/chase anything and anyone that moves.
*Pushed another child away from a toy he was playing with.

He is now sitting separated from the group, reading books until lunch.

So.... as a mom and as someone who spends 50 hours + a week with this child, I know he does not feel well. He is NOT coping here.

At drop off, dcm told me that he was fine yesterday. Active, eating and full of energy at home and at grandma's (where he went yesterday in lieu of here). I asked him what he did at Grandmas..... played the ipod.

I have an incident report to send home but am open to a friendly, professional way of suggesting to dcm that despite NO symptoms, his attitude is telling me that he is not feeling 100%.

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I monitor symptoms and change his curriculum to meet his needs at the time.

Example: If I had planned a lot of interactive activities for him, I would change it to more free art and listening center books.

If they don't meet my exclusion policy, I don't exclude.

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He was obviously not great at grandmas and mom is just not wanting to miss work. Is it possible she has him on medication so he is not exhibiting symptoms?

I Had this situation last week. A child could barely breath but her nose was not running. I suspect cold meds were given but I can't be sure...I just know that most kids with stuffy noses have runny noses too. She didn't have any symptoms though so I couldn't exclude. She was acting fine too.

I think in your case I might offer him a nap as soon as he gets to your house if possible. I have done that tons of times with tired kids. Also quiet activities etc. I think it is a lot better to be with you than with grandma on the ipad.

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Pretty much this, though my policy is that if they can't participate are crying, asking for parents, etc then I will call for pick up. It's really hard for me to do this because it's so hit or miss as to if they are really unwell or trying to get home so they can watch tv, play electronics, have 1:1 with parents, etc
And even when I know they are unwell the next day back the parent will insist they were 100% fine

I know my one drama mama DCG tries to fake illness because when she's home it's whatever she wants to do, lots of tv, tablet, etc. essentially the day or two after being home is "re-training"

And I am not above saying to parents "I believe dck was trying to con me in to thinking he was sick so he could go home and watch tv/play tablet, etc. So we had a talk about crying wolf and it would probably be good for you to reinforce that at home. You don't want to constantly being called for pick ups because he's faking out his teachers, etc"

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This is dcm. Doesn't want to miss work, which I get. I do. They have tons of family here for back up, though.

I asked him if he had any medicine and he said no. He is 4 so quite able to tell me.

Ugh. I just feel so badly for him. Who wants to be in daycare when you feel like crap? Just wish that dcm would recognize this for him, kwim?

Thanks everyone. Pretty much what I am feeling. Nothing to exclude for so he will stay. Our day was stripped to the bare bones once I saw his coping skills were nil this morning.

Here's to a good nap for him!

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Had one of mine do that a couple of weeks ago! Mom brought her and told me "I know she is faking but I said she could stay home". I said okay well if we are to sick to go to school we will do what sick people do. Layed her down on the sofa, told her friends to leave her alone she needed rest. They had a 2 hour school delay that day and after about 1.5 hours miss drama queen says "my stomach virus is gone now I feel good enough to play". Miss thrifty said "I am sorry but mom said you are to sick to go to school I can't have you getting your friends sick you have to lay down". She said at home when she is sick she gets to watch cartoons and play on the tablet. I reminded her we almost never do those things at Miss Thrifty's house, so we can't do them when we are sick either. All day she wanted off the sofa, all day she stayed there. Pretty sure she won't be "sick" at daycare again.

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He apparently does have symptoms: lethargy, irritability, aches/soreness. I'd call Mom to come pick him up...tell her that he is miserable and complaining, and that he's unable to keep up with daycare today.

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Thank you!

If he is like this upon waking, I am calling.

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Maybe he's just doing it to get sent home. Maybe his mom said something about it before he came to daycare.

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Ask him what he did all day yesterday

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Nope. He knows I don't play that game with him.

And mom has had the "boy who cries wolf" talk.

I know when he is pulling the drama strings. He is not. He also has not asked to go home.

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Played the ipod.

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True! I do have in my contract when a child is unable to participate they are excluded so I agree to see how he is after nap.

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Meh. I don't like these situations that come down to a judgement call on my part.

I have reason to suspect that dcm is trying to preserve family back up for personal reasons, rather than work, and wants to 'bank' the time. She had a late shift yesterday so he only spent a half day with grandma. She didn't mention how he was at home with her. She probably let him sleep in.

He has played the drama game in the past. I don't bite at all anymore. I know he does this. (I have a drama llama of my own )
This is always accompanied by a request to go home.

Today is just a lot of out of the ordinary behaviours, completely inappropriate, accompanied by a few little things that could be linked to not feeling well. Overall, I am getting the impression that he is not 100%, especially given that dcm kept him home for being 'tired'.

I just hate being a gatekeeper. Much easier to make a decision when symptoms are clear cut, rather than judgement based.

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I don't call for pickup unless it meets my exclusion policy.

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I'm sorry, I somehow got the impression he wasn't sick, just not yet back to 100%

And while I try to accommodate a kid who's just not fully recovered, Thats not something I guarentee.

I'd have no problem calling his parents and saying "Timmy is not well and needs to be picked up" if I thought that was the case.

But yeah it stinks because those are the times I get the "he was completely FINE last night" lines

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I have in my handbook that lethargy, irritability and inability to participate are exclusionary.

He probably still feels bad, and who wants to have a full day when they're run down, tired, cranky and achy? Not me. Adults have better coping skills when they are like this- small children do not.

I would send Mom a heads up text- "just to let you know, Jr is acting ______ and complaining of ________. I can tell he still doesn't feel 100% an is just miserable having to be on the go all day. If he still feels this way after a good rest, I'll let you know so that he can go home and get some rest. Thanks!"

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Yeah, I just hate having to be the one to make that call. That should be on the parents. And I just changed my policy to the 24/48 so I thought that she had caught on by keeping him home as a precautionary.... I guess not.

But I also suspect that she does not have a lot of face time with him, either.... which makes it difficult to make an informed decision.

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Sometimes not 100% translates to about 90% at home and 50% at daycare simply because the environments are so different.

When I have a cold or am just slightly under the weather, I feel 100x's better lying on my own sofa resting than I do when I am in Walmart picking up supplies.

^^ That is precisely how I explain it to parents too because "They're not like that at home" is probably #1 on my list of pet peeves in regards to daycare parents.

If a child is thrust into a stimulating environment BEFORE they are actually 100% and does not seem to be doing very well or is still out of sorts, I would send home and I would caution mom in regards to the "next" time.

I also have the 24/48 hour rule and if a parent doesn't get much facetime, that's a shame but still not my problem.

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Because of the 24/48 hour rule I dont usually have to make that call but when I do, it's because the parent didn't err on the side of caution and instead decided to "chance it"....which in turn ends up being THEIR issue because I usually end up making the call (decision) and the call (to parent for pick up) so....

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