Screaming Child! Help!

[Bizzymom1111]

Hi there! So I've been reading lots of posts on here and I have to say, I feel soooo much better! I don't feel like the only one with OMG!! moments!

So I need some advice about a dcb. He is 3yrs old, and has been here for 2 1/2 weeks. EVERY time anyone even looks at him let alone takes a toy away, he SCREAMS, a high pitched, blood curdling scream that just scares the pants off everyone else. I have tried talking to him and telling him it's not acceptable, and now I'm trying time outs. Am I being too harsh about this? I just can't stand all the screaming! He's already been on the time out 5 times this morning and it's only 9:30! Should I talk to his mom about this?
Any advice would be great! Thanks for reading!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

I would continue with the time out rule...he may not be used to time outs but give it time and be persistant and he'll understand that the screaming leads him to time out. Just keep doing it over and over and over and hopefully he will get it.

I would also bring it up to his mom...ask her if he screams at home and mention that he's been doing it there and it scares the kids. This will make her aware and maybe she'll be more firm on it at home.

[jen]

I do sort of the same thing, but I don't call it time out. I also don't make it unacceptable. I just say something like...

"Oh, you are upset. It is OK to be upset but if you'd like to cry/scream you need to come over here to the cry pillow. You may get up when you are done."

If we've done that a few time and the screaming continues I go on the notion that they are tired...

"Oh, you must be very tired today. Let's go take a nap." And down they go. It doesn't take long for them to figure it out.

[MarinaVanessa]

Originally Posted by jen

"Oh, you are upset. It is OK to be upset but if you'd like to cry/scream you need to come over here to the cry pillow. You may get up when you are done."

EXACTLY what I do. "You can cry, that's ok. Let's go to the crying corner" It's the only place that they are allowed to cry. I don't call it time-out though. I let the child sit there until they finish. They can stay there 1 minute or 20 if they wish (but I don't force them to sit). When they are ready they can get up and join the activity. If they get up and continue to cry I just lead them to the crying corner again. It's actually not even a corner at all. Just the bottom step to my stairs. Tattling turtle sits there also so they can tell all of there troubles to the turtle while they cry lol.

[sahm2three]

Originally Posted by Bizzymom1111

Hi there! So I've been reading lots of posts on here and I have to say, I feel soooo much better! I don't feel like the only one with OMG!! moments!

So I need some advice about a dcb. He is 3yrs old, and has been here for 2 1/2 weeks. EVERY time anyone even looks at him let alone takes a toy away, he SCREAMS, a high pitched, blood curdling scream that just scares the pants off everyone else. I have tried talking to him and telling him it's not acceptable, and now I'm trying time outs. Am I being too harsh about this? I just can't stand all the screaming! He's already been on the time out 5 times this morning and it's only 9:30! Should I talk to his mom about this?
Any advice would be great! Thanks for reading!

Nope, not too harsh in my book. If kids scream in my dc and are not hurt, they know the rules, they get sat in time out, then we talk about why we don't scream and we use our words and back to play. If it happens even a minute later then back in time out. Consistancy is key. I had some realy screamers but have nipped that in the bud. Good luck!

[jen]

Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa

EXACTLY what I do. "You can cry, that's ok. Let's go to the crying corner" It's the only place that they are allowed to cry. I don't call it time-out though. I let the child sit there until they finish. They can stay there 1 minute or 20 if they wish (but I don't force them to sit). When they are ready they can get up and join the activity. If they get up and continue to cry I just lead them to the crying corner again. It's actually not even a corner at all. Just the bottom step to my stairs. Tattling turtle sits there also so they can tell all of there troubles to the turtle while they cry lol.

I LOVE the tattling turtle idea!!!

[Bizzymom1111]

Originally Posted by jen

I LOVE the tattling turtle idea!!!

That IS a great idea! I'm going to scope out a crying corner right away! But how about a tattling tiger?! No turtle on hand!!

Play pen in room away from everyone else. Curtains drawn. No natural light - NOT a bright, airy atmosphere. NO stimulation.

He goes to that playpen EVERY time he cries until he figures out that crying gets him no where. And he doesn't come out until he is completely finished crying.

If he is done and you go get him and he starts you walk back out of the room and he starts over.

It's not rocket science. He is old enough to know better and is CHOOSING to use screaming as a manipulation tactic to get what he wants instead of being courteous and using his words.

[MarinaVanessa]

Originally Posted by Bizzymom1111

That IS a great idea! I'm going to scope out a crying corner right away! But how about a tattling tiger?! No turtle on hand!!

Tattling tiger sounds good to me. Ours is a turtle (Franklin) because that's the only animal I had that started with the letter T. Tattling turtle was originally in our book nook until one of the kids wanted to take it to the crying corner to share her troubles to and then some of the other kids would go get him too. It eventually ended up permanently finding his home there (his basket and all) because of the kids lol.

I hate tattle-telling, it's so tedious. Any time any one has a need to tattle on someone (other than if someone is in danger or could be or something against our rules) like "Vuuh-nneessuuhh! ____ is looooking at meeee fuhkneee!" I send them over to the turtle. "He's a good listener"

[sahm2three]

Originally Posted by Bizzymom1111

Hi there! So I've been reading lots of posts on here and I have to say, I feel soooo much better! I don't feel like the only one with OMG!! moments!

So I need some advice about a dcb. He is 3yrs old, and has been here for 2 1/2 weeks. EVERY time anyone even looks at him let alone takes a toy away, he SCREAMS, a high pitched, blood curdling scream that just scares the pants off everyone else. I have tried talking to him and telling him it's not acceptable, and now I'm trying time outs. Am I being too harsh about this? I just can't stand all the screaming! He's already been on the time out 5 times this morning and it's only 9:30! Should I talk to his mom about this?
Any advice would be great! Thanks for reading!

Originally Posted by judytrickett

Play pen in room away from everyone else. Curtains drawn. No natural light - NOT a bright, airy atmosphere. NO stimulation.

He goes to that playpen EVERY time he cries until he figures out that crying gets him no where. And he doesn't come out until he is completely finished crying.

If he is done and you go get him and he starts you walk back out of the room and he starts over.

It's not rocket science. He is old enough to know better and is CHOOSING to use screaming as a manipulation tactic to get what he wants instead of being courteous and using his words.

Just a thought on this because I did this with one of my sons. It backfired on me because if that is where the child sleeps, he will not want to go to sleep because he will associate it with him being naughty and getting into trouble. Just my 2 cents.

I think that a child's feelings can be acknowledged without anyone losing their hearing!!! I'm a big fan of separating a kid if they start the screaming, but not as a means of punishment. Screaming wears on everyone around the screamer. I have another playroom that I send the screamer to so that the kid can work it out without causing everyone else to melt down, too. I just let the child know that when he/she is done screaming, then he/she can feel free to join us. It's not a punishment, it's a way to allow the child to have their feelings without the fear of getting into trouble.

Originally Posted by sahm2three

Just a thought on this because I did this with one of my sons. It backfired on me because if that is where the child sleeps, he will not want to go to sleep because he will associate it with him being naughty and getting into trouble. Just my 2 cents.

Oh no, never, ever use sleeping area for anything but sleeping. I agree. It sends a mixed message.

[Golden Rule]

Originally Posted by judytrickett

Play pen in room away from everyone else. Curtains drawn. No natural light - NOT a bright, airy atmosphere. NO stimulation.

He goes to that playpen EVERY time he cries until he figures out that crying gets him no where. And he doesn't come out until he is completely finished crying.

If he is done and you go get him and he starts you walk back out of the room and he starts over.

It's not rocket science. He is old enough to know better and is CHOOSING to use screaming as a manipulation tactic to get what he wants instead of being courteous and using his words.

Dead on..... I wish I could do the separate room, thing.... That sure would help the ringing in my ears. I have a bean bag next to my desk that is deamed the screaming corner. The view is the side of an old, wide, roll top and two walls....

[Bizzymom1111]

Okay, so I talked to the mom when she picked up "my screamer" jk, and she said he does that at home. And then she said that she thinks it might have something to do with the father( apparently he was abusive and is not arou d anymore) I really don't think this poor boy has any kind of positive role model in his life and it doesn't seem like the mom disciplines him either. I finally got the younger brother to be okay with and not scream if I put him down( she said he was a "hip baby" until 10 months- he's 14 months now.) and this morning when she handed him off to me, I went and put him down in the living room with his toys and he started screaming, so mom went in- shoes and all- and picked him up!! Really? So now I'm thinking I'll have a challenge with the older one correcting the screaming behavior if mom is just going to let him do it. I'm going to give the crying corner idea a try tomorrow and see how it goes!

[MarinaVanessa]

Originally Posted by Bizzymom1111

Okay, so I talked to the mom when she picked up "my screamer" jk, and she said he does that at home. And then she said that she thinks it might have something to do with the father( apparently he was abusive and is not arou d anymore) I really don't think this poor boy has any kind of positive role model in his life and it doesn't seem like the mom disciplines him either. I finally got the younger brother to be okay with and not scream if I put him down( she said he was a "hip baby" until 10 months- he's 14 months now.) and this morning when she handed him off to me, I went and put him down in the living room with his toys and he started screaming, so mom went in- shoes and all- and picked him up!! Really? So now I'm thinking I'll have a challenge with the older one correcting the screaming behavior if mom is just going to let him do it. I'm going to give the crying corner idea a try tomorrow and see how it goes!

Ugh, the screamers are the worse. Maybe just talking to the mom about having a quick drop-off? Have her drop the kiddos off (even if they are screaming) and leave. Even of nothing changes at home it is possible for them to learn that it won't fly at your home. I have two that were like that (ugh awful) and the 2yo got the point within the first week. I still have trouble with the 8mo sometimes but I just put him in the pack n play for a CIO session and then when I pull him out he's better.

[Bizzymom1111]

Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa

Ugh, the screamers are the worse. Maybe just talking to the mom about having a quick drop-off? Have her drop the kiddos off (even if they are screaming) and leave. Even of nothing changes at home it is possible for them to learn that it won't fly at your home. I have two that were like that (ugh awful) and the 2yo got the point within the first week. I still have trouble with the 8mo sometimes but I just put him in the pack n play for a CIO session and then when I pull him out he's better.

Yeah, the 14 month old knows now that I'm not going to carry him
around like his mom does and usually stops crying right away. His first week here he would cry and carry on for quite a while, so it's a start! Screamers are the worst!! At drop off I usually try to scoot dcm out the door asap nut I suppose it wouldn't hurt to formally arrange this with her! Thanks for the advice!