16 month old crier

[Francine]

I have mentioned this little guy before....only child,young parents. Up until last week he was only coming two mornings a week and one full day. The full day was pretty good but the days that he was only here in the morning were usually pretty bad because the parents didn't want me to let him sleep at all in the morning because Dad wanted to pick him up at 11:00 and take him home and give him his nap ( dad wants to sleep because he works nights) So anyway after much talk last week it was decided that instead of doing two half days and one full day they were going to start bringing him two fulls days. This week though they are moving so I have him four full days. He has always been a crier because at home he has all of Mom and Dads attention, here he doesn't, it's just the way it is I can't sit with him all day and just do him. It has gotten to the point where I can't even move without him crying, I can't feed a baby without him standing next to the highchair crying, God forbid I leave the room, answer the phone, sit at the computer for a minute etc. He wants me undistracted, focusing on him 100%. So yesterday I started putting him on the couch every time he started crying and told him that he could get down when he stopped, this made him mad so he really started screaming. This is when Mom walked in! She is pregnant, starts to cry herself, I was trying to feed the baby, Mom is mad, I jumped on the defense (bad, I know) Mom says " He doesn't need to come back" grabs his shoes and walks out.

I called her a bit later to smooth things over and he is coming back but OMG, she starts in with " I walked in to find him sitting on the couch hyperventalating"...HE WAS PITCHING A FIT NOT HYPERVENTALATING!!!!!! Part of me wishing that she would have pulled him, this crying is driving me nuts. Good luck when that new baby comes in December.

Okay, it's 4:00 in the morning I should be in bed but I couldn't sleep because I needed to vent. Now it's to late because the minute I fall back to sleep my alarm with go off. I hate it when things like this keep me up.

[TGT09]

You are a much better person than I. The crying would drive me beserk and I wouldn't let her bring him back especially with the way she reacted. I can only imagine how she's going to check up on you now that it's happened.

ETA: She sounds like she wanted you to soothe him rather than God forbid feed the baby.....what is she going to say when it's HER baby that you'd have to stop feeding in order to give him 100% attention! She will learn that she can't give 2 kids a 100% attention!!!

[DCMomOf3]

I can just see what will happen when this mom has #2. They will see what you deal with and if things work out, they will be a lot more understanding when they have a baby to feed while this one is throwing one big fit and THEY have to choose.

[Francine]

I really do wish that she would have terminated, as it is though I am just buying time until I get a better offer. Once she has the baby they want to bring both of the kids just one day per week. I have had a hard enough time getting DCB use to being here and now you want to add the baby and only bring them 1 day per week. Not going to happen!

I wonder what she would have done if I hadn't called her last evening, would she have called me, not showed up this morning or came like nothing had happened. I hated to leave it the way it was though, if I am going to end the relationship I want to do it on my terms, I don't want her bad mouthing me all over town because I let her kid cry. I want to be able to blame terminating on my inability to hold a spot open for only one day per week when I have somebody else willing to pay for full time.

I have never had a parent do this and if I did I think I would of told her that he was having a fit and he doesnt need to be held everytime he cries. I dont think I would of called her either she was in the wrong not you. So what happened did she show up today?

[Lilbutterflie]

I am so sorry the mom reacted that way to you. You did not do anything wrong, and dcb needs to learn that his crying fits will not give him the attention he wants. He needs lots of positive reinforcement to give him the attention he does want; and he needs to be ignored when he starts his crying fits. If this happened to me and I was going to be continuting to keep him, I would sit down and have another chat with mom about how you both can work together to stop these crying fits at daycare. Explain that you are going to have to let him cry it out sometimes so that he learns it is not going to give him the attention he wants. And ask for her participation at home as well. You can also discuss the use of lots and lots of positive reinforcement, too. If she doesn't like the idea of letting him cry during his fits, then just explain that this is not a good fit for him or for you.

[Live and Learn]

I agree completely with little butterfly. Lots of positive attention when not crying and zero attention for screaming. Otherwise instead of you teaching her that you get attention for good behavior....she is training you to give her attention for screaming. When they scream at this age I check to see that they are ok and if they are I say in a sing song voice"You're ok".....and then I turn my back to them until they stop crying. I know how irritating it can be as I have Your little one's clone in my care.

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

totally agree,... I call it the barking dog cookie syndrome,... when a dog is barking you dont give it a cookie,.. when NOTHING is wrong,.. you dont give a yelling kid attention. If they are crying, or needsomething, yes,.. but a hey you are not looking at ME yell is ignored.