I HAVE To Get This Off My Chest...

[jessrlee]

I'm really sorry if you sit through this, Hubs is deployed so my usual unload guy is AWOL.

I had an interview tonight... The WORST interview of my life. The interview from hell!

So in walks Mom, gma, gpa, and db1, db2. I show him my space, chat for a second and the FIRST question is gpa-"Do you let N's (black people) in your daycare?". I respond that yes, I accept all race, sex, religion, and creed. He responds with the most derogitory term I have ever heard (I had to google it when I got done. The people I hang with don't talk like that!!) and the poor kids mimic him!! So it goes on with mom telling me she doesn't disipline her kids, that she lets them choose when or if they want to go to daycare, I am not ALLOWED to make them do anything including but not limited to nap, listen, eat, stay indoors, stay outdoors, eh... anything the precious little dears don't want to do. Yup! That's right.

So of couse I jumped at the opportunity to take care of this fine family! I showed them the door with a grin on my face, and came upstairs to laugh my tail off and wonder at society!

What do you think? Was I on Punked?

[momofsix]

Oh wow, it's hard to believe there are really people out there like that. I wish you were on punked.
At least you found out what they were like before you invested any more time/money into them.
Good riddance

Thank you to you and your husband for your services on our behalf for our country! What branch is he in?

[Michael]

Believe me you were not on Punked. You can the correct answer. What was the term gramps used? You can PM me if you don't want to post it here.

[Cat Herder]

I would have been looking for the video camera from that "What would you do?" show....

Just wow....

[jessrlee]

I really just can't seem to get unhappy. This family was so over the top awful it doesn't seem real! Poor kids though, they are due to lead unhappy lives if the gpa has anything to say about it!

Hubs is ARNG. He is currently serving in Afghanistan. You are more than welcome. He adores his job, and I love that he has a job that makes him so happy. He will be home super soon. 4 mos left to go! (Psst: Then I get to go on my first cruise! We are taking a waaaaay late honeymoon!)

[DCMomOf3]

Seriously... the minute i heard the N word the interview would have been over.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Are people really like this?? OMG, my jaw is on the floor and I can't pick it up. That is just amazing.

[jessrlee]

Originally Posted by DCMomOf3

Seriously... the minute i heard the N word the interview would have been over.

I know and I agree 100%. However I am alone and doing an interview with three people that just might have been crazy. I would much rather just tell mom in a couple of days that I don't have room than confront them. Sorry. I had to think about safety. (Not to mention the delayed reaction thing. I am still in shock!)

[daycare]

wow what is wrong with all these nutty people... I am so sorry that you had to deal with this, but it sounds like you did a great job. Good job thinking thingsd through and not reacting. I am always alone too becuase of my husbands job and it really makes me think and keeps me on my toes.

I actually termed a family once when the DCD made a comment about how much he disliked asian people. My husband is asian and my 3 yr old was sitting right there when it was said. I waited it out too and at the end of the week I told them to go find a daycare that better suited their needs.

some people are just so uneducated its sicking and sad........

[squareone]

Originally Posted by Michael

Believe me you were not on Punked. You can the correct answer. What was the term gramps used? You can PM me if you don't want to post it here.

Michael, now I'm curious too!

This is disgusting. At least you had the professionalism to respond to him and complate the interview. If anyone had used the N word or any other derogatory term in my home I would have ended the interview immediately. Don't let the doorknob hit you on the way out!

[SilverSabre25]

I'm curious about the term too...

sounds awful. Hopefully you've got a couple more interviews lined up and you find a perfectly wonderful family to balance out the sick miserable cesspool that this family sounds like.

[DCMomOf3]

Originally Posted by Michael

Believe me you were not on Punked. You can the correct answer. What was the term gramps used? You can PM me if you don't want to post it here.

I would like a PM too if you are unwilling to post here.

[marniewon]

Sheesh, might as well post it here, as so many people want to know what it is....me included! LOL

Glad you showed them the door and you and your family are safe. You showed a lot of restraint after hearing the N word....I would have thrown them out the door too!

[nannyde]

The racist comment would have bought them a ticket to end of interview ... bye bye.

So it goes on with mom telling me she doesn't disipline her kids, that she lets them choose when or if they want to go to daycare, I am not ALLOWED to make them do anything including but not limited to nap, listen, eat, stay indoors, stay outdoors, eh... anything the precious little dears don't want to do.

Yup

Now few will be THAT bold and say it in THOSE words but THIS is what is coming our way. At least with her she said it specifically instead of using psychobabble words to tell you she doesn't want a no to come her little ones way.

[jessrlee]

Originally Posted by marniewon

Sheesh, might as well post it here, as so many people want to know what it is....me included! LOL

Glad you showed them the door and you and your family are safe. You showed a lot of restraint after hearing the N word....I would have thrown them out the door too!

Disclaimer: I DO NOT talk this way, or agree with this statement in any way!

Gpa said " "Do you really want to be hanging around with a bunch of porch monkeys?"

Originally Posted by nannyde

The racist comment would have bought them a ticket to end of interview ... bye bye.

So it goes on with mom telling me she doesn't disipline her kids, that she lets them choose when or if they want to go to daycare, I am not ALLOWED to make them do anything including but not limited to nap, listen, eat, stay indoors, stay outdoors, eh... anything the precious little dears don't want to do.

Yup

Now few will be THAT bold and say it in THOSE words but THIS is what is coming our way. At least with her she said it specifically instead of using psychobabble words to tell you she doesn't want a no to come her little ones way.

I don't know if she felt especially bold with Gma and Gpa or what? This would have been the kiddos first time in daycare because the grandparents have always taken care of them. I just honestly think these people were crazy. Way too hillbilly for psychobabble! I'm glad that it only took a few minutes to know that I could not deal with this family, and hopefully they have an idea of the expense and expectations of daycare!

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by jessrlee

Gpa said " "Do you really want to be hanging around with a bunch of porch monkeys?"

Nan says "Get the #$&^ out of my house. "

[AfterSchoolMom]

Wow, you showed incredible, superhuman control NOT to throw them out right then and there. I'd have had a hard time not using some harsh words of my own. Those sorts of comments BURN ME UP.

[gbcc]

Originally Posted by jessrlee

Gpa said " "Do you really want to be hanging around with a bunch of porch monkeys?"

I live in a small, predominate white town so I have unfortunately heard this saying many times. I never got it though, ya know what it meant or why they said it?

Anyways, good for you for maintaining composure and escorting them to the door professionally!

I am so sorry to hear that you had to deal with a family like that. It is very sad to know there are still people like this in our world.

I am proud of the way you handled things. I would of got my Bible out and read them a few verses.

[MG&Lsmom]

Oh good golly. That's horrible! People never cease to amaze me.

I had a similar comment made to me back when I was teaching public school, middle school Spanish. Older single dad not understanding why his son was mandated to take my class.

[squareone]

Originally Posted by Little People

I am so sorry to hear that you had to deal with a family like that. It is very sad to know there are still people like this in our world.

I am proud of the way you handled things. I would of got my Bible out and read them a few verses.

It doesn't surprise me at all that there are still people in the world like this. What DOES surprise me though, is the people who still make open displays of racism and openly admit to being racist. Even if you were truly a racist, it's not PC to admit to it in this day and age. The sad part about it is that these poor little children have to grow up in that home environment.

[Zoe]

If I had heard stuff like that, I think I would have handled it exactly as OP did if nothing else but for the reason that these people really did sound crazy and I'd be afraid for my safety if I had said something. Especially if my DH wasn't around! I'm in a predominantly white town as well, and I know there's racism, but thankfully for my own kids (who I've always taught about tolerance and acceptance of others) the racism isn't as "proudly" stated as those people did! Yuck!

I'm sorta glad they got it out at the interview instead of you taking them on and finding out about it later around your dck's!

[countrymom]

I watch a biracial girl. Her parents are not together, so when she goes to moms house on the weekend, you should hear what they say. Her mother is black so the always use the N word all the time, they talk about black people like crazy and they are black. Her dad and stepmom (I'm good friends with them) are white, so when she comes back from the weekend it awful.

[gbcc]

Originally Posted by countrymom

I watch a biracial girl. Her parents are not together, so when she goes to moms house on the weekend, you should hear what they say. Her mother is black so the always use the N word all the time, they talk about black people like crazy and they are black. Her dad and stepmom (I'm good friends with them) are white, so when she comes back from the weekend it awful.

When I first started reading I thought you had a typo and meant to say the mother isn't black lol! What in the world That poor child.

I had a very good friend who had Biracial children. The older boy started getting older and began to question where he belonged. He didn't see his father so he was raised entirely by a white family and was told he acted white , but looked black. This poor child was so confused on the fact he didn't act black but looked black and how he should act and where he belonged. If he lived with dad would he be accepted because he acted white? I really wish parents would see what they do to these children.

[momofsix]

Originally Posted by gbcc

When I first started reading I thought you had a typo and meant to say the mother isn't black lol! What in the world That poor child.

I had a very good friend who had Biracial children. The older boy started getting older and began to question where he belonged. He didn't see his father so he was raised entirely by a white family and was told he acted white , but looked black. This poor child was so confused on the fact he didn't act black but looked black and how he should act and where he belonged. If he lived with dad would he be accepted because he acted white? I really wish parents would see what they do to these children.

i'm trying really hard to not get seriously offended here and hoping I'm just not understanding your comment. Are you saying parents of mixed race children did something wrong??? Pleasee clarify for me!

[marniewon]

Originally Posted by momofsix

i'm trying really hard to not get seriously offended here and hoping I'm just not understanding your comment. Are you saying parents of mixed race children did something wrong??? Pleasee clarify for me!

That's kind of how I took it too.

[gbcc]

Originally Posted by momofsix

i'm trying really hard to not get seriously offended here and hoping I'm just not understanding your comment. Are you saying parents of mixed race children did something wrong??? Pleasee clarify for me!

I think maybe you weren't understanding the comment! I was not saying parents of mixed race children in general did something wrong. I am saying this particular family did something wrong by telling the poor child that he looked black but acted white. What is that? You do not act white or act black. That can't be measured and they should not teach the child that.

[KEG123]

After they dropped the N bomb, they would have been shown the door! Some people! Wow!

[missnikki]

Originally Posted by gbcc

I think maybe you weren't understanding the comment! I was not saying parents of mixed race children in general did something wrong. I am saying this particular family did something wrong by telling the poor child that he looked black but acted white. What is that? You do not act white or act black. That can't be measured and they should not teach the child that.

I know what you are trying to say, I think:
The poor kid is having enough trouble adjusting to begin with, since his skin is a different color than his dad's and he is prob. reminded of it often with nothing he can do about it...to top off he has a mom that makes fun of it and points it out, and teaches him that when your skin is this certain color, you act this way, otherwise you are odd...

right? poor guy.

[gbcc]

Originally Posted by missnikki

I know what you are trying to say, I think:
The poor kid is having enough trouble adjusting to begin with, since his skin is a different color than his dad's and he is prob. reminded of it often with nothing he can do about it...to top off he has a mom that makes fun of it and points it out, and teaches him that when your skin is this certain color, you act this way, otherwise you are odd...

right? poor guy.

Yes exactly

Except the dad was black and not in the pic so he was around his moms family who was all white. The moms family made comments about how "black people act" (in her opinion, not mine!) and how thankfully the boy "acted white like them" (again her opinion, not mine!)

[Blackcat31]

WOW!! Some people! I honestly cannot believe that in this day and age there are still people like that out there!

This whole thread though has got me questioning how to handle such inappropriate behaviors....last summer I had a family in care (4 kids...oldest two had one dad and younger two had a different dad). So one day dad is dropping off the younger two and he was trying to get his son age 4 to give him a kiss goodbye. Son was excited to come in and join his friends so he was trying to run off without the kiss....dad kept pushing it and finally son runs over and gives dad a quick hug and says "Boys don't kiss boys." and runs off. So dad stands up and in front of everyone says really loudly "Well, thank God, we know he isn't a f****t!" (bad slang word for gay male) I was floored!!

I said that we do not talk that way here and I would like for you watch your language or you will not be allowed to drop off or pick up. He got sort of huffy and as he was leaving he says "Well, if he ends up soft we will know where he got it!" I called mom ASAP and asked that she make alternate drop off and pick up arrangements for her two youngest kids from now on.

She did and I never had to deal with the jerk again! I did hear a few comments from the kids about how their dad didn't like me....obviously, I'm not heartbroken over it so, Oh, well!

[SandeeAR]

Disclaimer: I AM NOT defending the gpa! I am only trying to show where it probably came from. You really have to consider his age.

I have heard that term, many times before. From my own father and father in law. Is it possible this man was raised in the south? That was a VERY common term in thier growing up years.

It is very hard to change that genrations actions or thinking. I was raised under that mentality, as was my husband. But neither of us feel that way. We both grew up in mixed race schools and had friends of all races. They grew up in a time of segregation. They grew up in a totally different world.

Btw, we are 50 & 64.

[countrymom]

Originally Posted by gbcc

Yes exactly

Except the dad was black and not in the pic so he was around his moms family who was all white. The moms family made comments about how "black people act" (in her opinion, not mine!) and how thankfully the boy "acted white like them" (again her opinion, not mine!)

I understand what your saying. Its funny when c goes to her moms house because they talk about black people all the time but they are black, the child is biracial. I think they just confuse her so much. I know that stepmom and dad don't use color to tell her what she should and shouldn't do.

[squareone]

Originally Posted by gbcc

I had a very good friend who had Biracial children. The older boy started getting older and began to question where he belonged. He didn't see his father so he was raised entirely by a white family and was told he acted white , but looked black. This poor child was so confused on the fact he didn't act black but looked black and how he should act and where he belonged. If he lived with dad would he be accepted because he acted white? I really wish parents would see what they do to these children.

Originally Posted by gbcc

I think maybe you weren't understanding the comment! I was not saying parents of mixed race children in general did something wrong. I am saying this particular family did something wrong by telling the poor child that he looked black but acted white. What is that? You do not act white or act black. That can't be measured and they should not teach the child that.

I don't know how old this little boy is but it's entirely possble that his peers (not his parents) were rejecting him or making him feel like he didn't belong. It happens all the time and kids are mean. Whether it be race, religion, sexuality, unfortunately not all children are taught to appreciate differences in people.

Also, I can understand exactly what someone means when they say a person talks or acts black/white. Even though it's mostly based in sterotypes I still understand what they mean.

People from different cultures, religions, races, and socio-economic backgrounds have varying customs, beliefs, attitudes, and traditions that they follow and have been exposed to. It's only natural that if you are around a certain group of people a lot that you would notice their similarities and their differences. To me, this wouldn't make a person a racist. I think racism is when you believe that one race is superior to another and start living according to that beliefs.

[momofsix]

Originally Posted by gbcc

Yes exactly

Except the dad was black and not in the pic so he was around his moms family who was all white. The moms family made comments about how "black people act" (in her opinion, not mine!) and how thankfully the boy "acted white like them" (again her opinion, not mine!)

Thank you for clarifying...I had hoped I misunderstood! I was about to really go off on a rant and rave I am part of a mixed-race family, and our children are doing wonderfully-4 of the 6 made it through the rough teen years already!

But raising well adapted children takes parents that recognize what kind of world we live in to help them navigate through the cultures and figure out that they do fit in everywhere. It takes a commitment to love all "races" (that's in quotes because actually there really are no dixtinct "races"!) It may even involve moving to a different neighborhood, school district, church...whatever it takes for the kids. They need to be around more than just one race-and actually I strongly believe that is true for ALL of us! Shop in a store that makes you uncomfortable, where you're the only one that looks like you...see how it feels!

Your friend better get her act together real soon and stop disrespecting her son's race, before that young man decides he's going to "act black" and start doing the stereotypical things he hears about. It's not too hard to see that one coming.

for those that were asking, porch monkeys is a term used to describe black people that originated when the caricatures of black people were so distorted to make them look like monkeys/apes...(we saw some of those distortions again when Pres. Obama was elected in many of the editorial cartoons).
The "porch" part comes from the "hanging out on the front porch" stereotype.
Sadly, I have friends that were never allowed on their front porches just because their parents were so afraid of perpetuating that stereotype

Sorry for the rant and long post. Obviously this issue is one that is important to me!

[momofsix]

Originally Posted by SandeeAR

Disclaimer: I AM NOT defending the gpa! I am only trying to show where it probably came from. You really have to consider his age.

I have heard that term, many times before. From my own father and father in law. Is it possible this man was raised in the south? That was a VERY common term in thier growing up years.

It is very hard to change that genrations actions or thinking. I was raised under that mentality, as was my husband. But neither of us feel that way. We both grew up in mixed race schools and had friends of all races. They grew up in a time of segregation. They grew up in a totally different world.

Btw, we are 50 & 64.

Not an excuse at all. If you got over it, so could he. There is no excuse for hate, ever.

[gbcc]

Originally Posted by momofsix

Your friend better get her act together real soon and stop disrespecting her son's race, before that young man decides he's going to "act black" and start doing the stereotypical things he hears about. It's not too hard to see that one coming.

That is exactly what my concern was. His father was a drug user/seller and ran the streets with his "boys". He was the only black man he was ever exposed to. That is the image they portray to this boy. His father doesn't do these things because he's black. He does them because he's a looser!

[SandeeAR]

Originally Posted by SandeeAR

Disclaimer: I AM NOT defending the gpa! I am only trying to show where it probably came from. You really have to consider his age.

I have heard that term, many times before. From my own father and father in law. Is it possible this man was raised in the south? That was a VERY common term in thier growing up years.

It is very hard to change that genrations actions or thinking. I was raised under that mentality, as was my husband. But neither of us feel that way. We both grew up in mixed race schools and had friends of all races. They grew up in a time of segregation. They grew up in a totally different world.

Btw, we are 50 & 64.

Originally Posted by momofsix

Not an excuse at all. If you got over it, so could he. There is no excuse for hate, ever.

I WAS NOT making an excuse for it. I was simply trying to explain the GPA's mind set. It was a different time period. Things were different. My guess is you are young, as you get older, you will discover, most, not all people get more set in their ways and don't change.

[laundrymom]

And thank youfor mentioning the monkeys, I used to call my day friends goofy little monkeys. Until my sons friends were here and WOW, I was educated fairly fast. I don't call kids monkeys, they don't say " that's retarded"

Originally Posted by momofsix

Thank you for clarifying...I had hoped I misunderstood! I was about to really go off on a rant and rave I am part of a mixed-race family, and our children are doing wonderfully-4 of the 6 made it through the rough teen years already!

But raising well adapted children takes parents that recognize what kind of world we live in to help them navigate through the cultures and figure out that they do fit in everywhere. It takes a commitment to love all "races" (that's in quotes because actually there really are no dixtinct "races"!) It may even involve moving to a different neighborhood, school district, church...whatever it takes for the kids. They need to be around more than just one race-and actually I strongly believe that is true for ALL of us! Shop in a store that makes you uncomfortable, where you're the only one that looks like you...see how it feels!

Your friend better get her act together real soon and stop disrespecting her son's race, before that young man decides he's going to "act black" and start doing the stereotypical things he hears about. It's not too hard to see that one coming.

for those that were asking, porch monkeys is a term used to describe black people that originated when the caricatures of black people were so distorted to make them look like monkeys/apes...(we saw some of those distortions again when Pres. Obama was elected in many of the editorial cartoons).
The "porch" part comes from the "hanging out on the front porch" stereotype.
Sadly, I have friends that were never allowed on their front porches just because their parents were so afraid of perpetuating that stereotype

Sorry for the rant and long post. Obviously this issue is one that is important to me!

[momofsix]

Originally Posted by SandeeAR

I WAS NOT making an excuse for it. I was simply trying to explain the GPA's mind set. It was a different time period. Things were different. My guess is you are young, as you get older, you will discover, most, not all people get more set in their ways and don't change.

I know you weren't excusing it, but many people do use that as an excuse.
I'm not so young 43. When I married outside of my race it was a BIG DEAL to my family, friends, even strangers had to have their say. But even some of the VERY (upper 80's) old people in our very white, very conservative (you get the picture) denomination have taken classes with my DDH on understanding racism. I am so proud of them! And there are still 30 year olds that say things to him like "Not to be rude but...you know they only hired you b/c you're black". or multitudes of bs followed by the phrase "Not to be rude but..." As I get older, I find that the people I respect and try to pattern my life after the most are those that are willing to admit their wrongs, those that are willing to see other viewpoints, those that are willing to change even/especially when it is uncomfortable for them.
People that are so blatantly racist as this guy is aren't just harboring untrue stereotypes, they aren't ignorant, they aren't just basing things on the times they grew up...they are full of hate and trying to spread it to others.
These are the people that really scare me.