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  #1  
Old 03-07-2011, 06:11 AM
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Default Excellent And So True! Children NEED Their Parents Time!

Happy Monday everyone. Wishing you all a great week!

This is an excellent article. Thought I would share.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12664259
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Old 03-07-2011, 06:18 AM
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I have been thinking on this subject a lot, recently, as well.

My kids are teens and my being home is much more needed now that it was in their early years...

It seems many folks seem to miss this....

I have a heard of other teens in my home every weekend whose parents seem to have just forgotten their needs while they are out having their me time...

You should hear these kids talk, it DOES hurt them and they WILL remember it all....

Last edited by Michael; 03-07-2011 at 02:05 PM.
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Old 03-07-2011, 06:30 AM
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Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-07-2011, 07:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
I have been thinking on this subject a lot, recently, as well.

My kids are teens and my being home is much more needed now that it was in their early years...

It seems many folks seem to miss this....

I have a herd of other teens in my home every weekend whose parents seem to have just forgotten their needs while they are out having their me time...

You should hear these kids talk, it DOES hurt them and they WILL remember it all....

funny how people only want to do daycare till their own children are in school full time, I guess the presumtion is that when they enter grade school parents are not needed. I don't know about you all, but my 4 kids keep me busy that there is no way I could work outside the house. I think the older they get the harder it is. Activities, homework, driving, dances, friends, more supervising on the computer the list goes on and on. Heck when the kids are little, they are the easiest to take care.
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Old 03-07-2011, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by countrymom View Post
funny how people only want to do daycare till their own children are in school full time, I guess the presumtion is that when they enter grade school parents are not needed. I don't know about you all, but my 4 kids keep me busy that there is no way I could work outside the house. I think the older they get the harder it is. Activities, homework, driving, dances, friends, more supervising on the computer the list goes on and on. Heck when the kids are little, they are the easiest to take care.
You are so right. Ever since my kids were young, so many times they would walk through the door after school, after the dance or game, etc. all full of excitement about something or other, wanting to talk about it. I was always the first to know what was going on in their lives. Making yourself available when they want to talk or have something on their minds is one of the best ways to make sure you have good, open communication with your kids when they need it most. Even now that my kids are all adults they will often stop by after class or work with something on their minds, and I'm always thrilled to be able to be the one they come to.
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Old 03-07-2011, 08:41 AM
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This is why I still am home! I do love doing day care and have been for 26 years. My youngest is 15 and has 3 more years of HS...than I will retire!!!
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Old 03-07-2011, 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by countrymom View Post
funny how people only want to do daycare till their own children are in school full time, I guess the presumtion is that when they enter grade school parents are not needed. I don't know about you all, but my 4 kids keep me busy that there is no way I could work outside the house. I think the older they get the harder it is. Activities, homework, driving, dances, friends, more supervising on the computer the list goes on and on. Heck when the kids are little, they are the easiest to take care.
I agree with you...the older they get, the more they need you. But, it seems to me, that daycare makes it worse instead of better. How do you drive your kids to activities? Do you bring all the daycare kids along too?

I have three kids and we are BUSY and their schedules almost always conflict with daycare. How do you manage it?

Do you only have a couple of kids? Helping my middle schooler with homework after school is next to impossible. He gets home at 3:45, my daycare parents start arriving at 4pm. I'm lucky in that my hubby is home by 3:15 at the latest or I would have to quit today. There is no way I could get my dd to gymnastics, help my ds with homework, pick my son up from his after school tutoring sessions 2xweek, much less help with homework.

I've been at a loss as to how doing daycare helps when you have older kids. They do need so much more! I can't imagine what summer is going to look like when they are all stuck here until Dad gets home from work. Fortunately, he works at the golf course in the summer so he's home by noon or so. Seriously, how are taking them to dances, helping with homework, driving to activities, and all the rest with a house full of littles who also need your attention?
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Old 03-07-2011, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted by jen View Post
I agree with you...the older they get, the more they need you. But, it seems to me, that daycare makes it worse instead of better. How do you drive your kids to activities? Do you bring all the daycare kids along too?

I have three kids and we are BUSY and their schedules almost always conflict with daycare. How do you manage it?

Do you only have a couple of kids? Helping my middle schooler with homework after school is next to impossible. He gets home at 3:45, my daycare parents start arriving at 4pm. I'm lucky in that my hubby is home by 3:15 at the latest or I would have to quit today. There is no way I could get my dd to gymnastics, help my ds with homework, pick my son up from his after school tutoring sessions 2xweek, much less help with homework.

I've been at a loss as to how doing daycare helps when you have older kids. They do need so much more! I can't imagine what summer is going to look like when they are all stuck here until Dad gets home from work. Fortunately, he works at the golf course in the summer so he's home by noon or so. Seriously, how are taking them to dances, helping with homework, driving to activities, and all the rest with a house full of littles who also need your attention?
Here the schools plan for most parents working 9-5, so that makes it pretty simple for us. Rarely do they have anything we need to do during a school day and the times they did we had 6 -8 months notice. I know I am very fortunate to have that....

After School activities end at 6pm and I am able to pick up by 6:10 and still be pretty close to the front of the parent line. All plays, band, chorus etc. performances are scheduled at 7pm.

Karate ends at 7pm, they can ride the school bus there. I arranged that before I told my kids they could join, just in case...

DH is home 3-4 days per week (works a 24/72 hour schedule) for Doctors appointments, etc. It takes two alot of the time to keep up with all 3 kids.

The bus gets the kids home at 4pm, I have dinner ready before they get here, last DCK out the door by 6pm, homework is immediately after dinner IF they need help (rarely now that they are in Junior High). Ours has a homework period built in with help available, that accounts for the slightly longer school day.

Some nights we are in the dining room until 8pm doing homework, but typically that is due to procrastinating or a difficult topic that required more help from an after school tutor. (also available at school til 6pm for $5, so worth it!!)

School is often canceled/delayed/early release on a whim, here, we lost almost two whole weeks in January due to less than 6 inches of snow...there is no way an employer would have put up with that... Because I am home, It did not effect us one bit...

Granted there are a few things I cannot do, but much, much less than most of the other parents around here who seem to work from dark to dark, year round.
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Old 03-07-2011, 10:01 AM
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I try schedual activities after 530pm (I close at 5pm) so that way I get them to activities. My dh can pick up and drive when needed, but since most of the kids leave at 4pm the ones that are left I can take with me if I have too. My kids get home after 4pm from school so they know when they get home, they sit at the table and start homework, I make them do all they can do in their homework, and then I go back and help them out. My dc area is on one floor with my living space, so I can sit at the dining table and help my kids out and still watch the kids. I think it comes down to time management, you have to find a way to make it work and that families always pick up on time.
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  #10  
Old 03-07-2011, 10:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
Here the schools plan for most parents working 9-5, so that makes it pretty simple for us. Rarely do they have anything we need to do during a school day and the times they did we had 6 -8 months notice. I know I am very fortunate to have that....

After School activities end at 6pm and I am able to pick up by 6:10 and still be pretty close to the front of the parent line. All plays, band, chorus etc. performances are scheduled at 7pm.

Karate ends at 7pm, they can ride the school bus there. I arranged that before I told my kids they could join, just in case...

DH is home 3-4 days per week (works a 24/72 hour schedule) for Doctors appointments, etc. It takes two alot of the time to keep up with all 3 kids.

The bus gets the kids home at 4pm, I have dinner ready before they get here, last DCK out the door by 6pm, homework is immediately after dinner IF they need help (rarely now that they are in Junior High). Ours has a homework period built in with help available, that accounts for the slightly longer school day.

Some nights we are in the dining room until 8pm doing homework, but typically that is due to procrastinaton or a difficult topic that required more help from an after school tutor. (also available at school til 6pm for $5, so worth it!!)

School is often canceled/delayed/early release on a whim, here, we lost almost two whole weeks in January due to less than 6 inches of snow...there is no way an employer would have put up with that... Because I am home, It did not effect us one bit...

Granted there are a few things I cannot do, but much, much less than most of the other parents around here who seem to work from dark to dark, year round.
You are SO lucky. My dd gymnastics starts at 4:30 on Mondays, later the rest of the week. Ds has homework help after school and needs to be picked up by 4:15, 2 times a week, and basketball starts right after school next year for ds and he needs to be picked up by 5pm. We don't have an activity bus and they cannot take the school bus anyplace other than home or daycare, but it has to be the same place every day. Summer is worse, baseball is during the day, so is tutoring and gymnastics. My 16 year old helps drive to the nearby things, but I used to pay someone to drive dd to gymnastics, $20 a shot!

I love that I never have to worry about them being released early from school due to weather and not getting home in time, but I miss having more flexibility. My dd asks me all the time if we can pick her up from school or come and have lunch with her. It bumms me out because the answer is almost always no.
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  #11  
Old 03-07-2011, 10:11 AM
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Thank you for posting this. I really wish parents would sit down and think about when was the last time they sat and watched a cartoon or a show that their kid wanted to watch? Or when was the last time they played the parent's most hated game with their kid and actually enjoyed it rather than wishing it was over? Or when was the last time they let their kid cook with them? Or fold laundry with them? Or just sit and talk with them in teh vehicle or during dinner. I discovered 2 weeks ago on a long trip that my child doesn't like listening to the radio or music in the vehicle - that he wants to just talk to me. Because he doesn't get to talk very much during school and we're so busy otherwise with dinner, etc - he has to listen more than he can share his views. So we talk and it was beautiful. Or when did they ask their kid how school was and who was nice and was naughty to them? Or when did they ask their kid's opinion on what clothes they want? My child is adament - he just wants to stay home and play with us - his parents. He doesn't like being gone every weekend to an event or birthday party or restaurant, etc. So we stay home and play and he likes it much better. And if we do go somewhere, he wants to be with just us, not a friend, so we go by ourselves. And he wants us to participate and actually have fun doing it. Have you ever fit yourself into those small child ride trains? Or went on a roller coaster and sat with your kid? It's a beautiful experience. Try it sometime - you'll rediscover your childhood just by playing with your children. I've found that social services will not show up on my door if I don't clean my house every week. I've found that no one cares what I feed him as long as he's fed and not going hungry - regardless of whether it's mac & cheese, a turkey sandwich, cereal or a salad, home made bread, pot roast and carrots. Laundry really can be a one day project and doesn't have to be done 5 times per week as long as you purchase extra undies and socks. The school won't call if I let him stay up late Friday and Saturday nights in order to watch the news and movies with us. It's amazing at how much I've learned about being a parent from my young child and there's no books saying this kind of stuff and I wish there was. And it's a beatiful thing.
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  #12  
Old 03-07-2011, 10:24 AM
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I try schedual activities after 530pm (I close at 5pm) so that way I get them to activities. My dh can pick up and drive when needed, but since most of the kids leave at 4pm the ones that are left I can take with me if I have too. My kids get home after 4pm from school so they know when they get home, they sit at the table and start homework, I make them do all they can do in their homework, and then I go back and help them out. My dc area is on one floor with my living space, so I can sit at the dining table and help my kids out and still watch the kids. I think it comes down to time management, you have to find a way to make it work and that families always pick up on time.
You are very fortunate to be able to plan the times of their activities. That isn't something we really have control of. We've tried 3 different gymnastics clubs, including community ed and they ALL start well before 5pm. No choices for tutoring either... I close at 5pm as well, although I do keep one kiddo until 5:30pm, but he's a school-ager and I don't mind bringing him along or dropping him off at home if we need to be somewhere.

My community might be a bit different too. The avage income in Minnesota is $55,616, but the avage income in our MN community is $80,735. There is a HUGE percentage of stay at home Mom's in our area. The schools, gymnastics, karate (my son was an advanced brown belt before he quit ) none of them need to cater to the after 5 crowd, they can easily fill up on just the SAHMS.

It also makes competition for daycare providers pretty tight. We can charge a bit more, $150/week easy, but you have to provide a lot more as well. I do 3 different activity teachers per month + organic foods. My parents would fall over if I was doing homework with my own kids when they showed up.
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Old 03-07-2011, 10:53 AM
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My community might be a bit different too. .
I think you hit the nail on the head, there... if the resources in your community do not revolve around working families, then it is the kids who miss out and parents are left scrambling.

It is possible that you may have to reevaluate your families needs and your ability to meet them while doing this.

For me, this is the best fit for now. I would love to be able to pick my kids up from school and just go to the park/theater on a random Wednesday, but in order to do that I have to be gone 4 days a week; overnight (24/48 hour schedule). Those are my options as it stands....
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Old 03-07-2011, 11:01 AM
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I think you hit the nail on the head, there... if the resources in your community do not revolve around working families, then it is the kids who miss out and parents are left scrambling.

It is possible that you may have to reevaluate your families needs and your ability to meet them while doing this.

For me, this is the best fit for now. I would love to be able to pick my kids up from school and just go to the park/theater on a random Wednesday, but in order to do that I have to be gone 4 days a week; overnight (24/48 hour schedule). Those are my options as it stands....
I am going back for my Masters in Special Ed and plan to begin working in the classroom in the next year or so...my hubby picks up all the slack, takes the kids all over the place so they don't miss out. I just want to be able to be the one to do it. He does do daycare for me so that I can participate too, but...I don't know...the older they get, the more I want to do with them!
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Old 03-07-2011, 11:06 AM
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I think you hit the nail on the head, there... if the resources in your community do not revolve around working families, then it is the kids who miss out and parents are left scrambling.

It is possible that you may have to reevaluate your families needs and your ability to meet them while doing this.

For me, this is the best fit for now. I would love to be able to pick my kids up from school and just go to the park/theater on a random Wednesday, but in order to do that I have to be gone 4 days a week; overnight (24/48 hour schedule). Those are my options as it stands....
I guess that is what I am wrestling with too..my options as they stand. Such is life. I do enjoy my day, and when it is snowing like mad or freezing cold, I am THRILLED that I don't have to leave the house! There are lots of upsides. Maybe I have the beginning of empty nest syndrome...my oldest is going to be a Sr. next year. If there is one thing I could get my 55+ hour a week daycare parents to understand its this: They REALLY do grow up way too fast. It seems like just yesterday I was looking at this little baby thinking, "OH MY GOD! Who in the world thought it was OK for me to have a baby! What if I screw it up! OMG!!!!!!!" LOL! I was 28 and still totally freaked out! They are just the best things ever.
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Old 03-07-2011, 11:39 AM
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I guess that is what I am wrestling with too..my options as they stand. Such is life. I do enjoy my day, and when it is snowing like mad or freezing cold, I am THRILLED that I don't have to leave the house! There are lots of upsides. Maybe I have the beginning of empty nest syndrome...my oldest is going to be a Sr. next year. If there is one thing I could get my 55+ hour a week daycare parents to understand its this: They REALLY do grow up way too fast. It seems like just yesterday I was looking at this little baby thinking, "OH MY GOD! Who in the world thought it was OK for me to have a baby! What if I screw it up! OMG!!!!!!!" LOL! I was 28 and still totally freaked out! They are just the best things ever.
I hear you!!! I am constantly feeling like I am racing a clock... I had so many things I wanted to do with them, so many things I wanted to teach them.. I "only" have 6 more years in my mind to show them everything... I am so far behind....stress, stress, guilt, guilt...

Rational, NO...but do I feel it....OH, YEAH!!! I think they call it "Motherhood" ?
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Old 03-07-2011, 02:04 PM
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This is one of the main reasons why I work my rear end off during the school year and scrimp and save so that I can take the summer off. I LOVE having 11 straight weeks to spend with my kids. We can do anything we want, and I feel like I get to know them all over again. I've never understood the stay at home Moms in my neighborhood who complain in June that summer is coming - I ADORE spending time with my children, and I won't have them to myself for much longer!
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Old 03-07-2011, 02:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
I have been thinking on this subject a lot, recently, as well.

My kids are teens and my being home is much more needed now that it was in their early years...

It seems many folks seem to miss this....

I have a heard of other teens in my home every weekend whose parents seem to have just forgotten their needs while they are out having their me time...

You should hear these kids talk, it DOES hurt them and they WILL remember it all....
Why was this edited? I have a HERD, as in cattle, not HEARD of teens in my home on the weekends... Sometimes 12-15 of them.....
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