The Worst Thing A Parent Can Do Is....

[countrymom]

having to lay down inorder for a child to fall asleep. I understand when they are infants and what not, but a child who is over a year and a half. So it took 48 minutes of him screaming and throwing his bottle to fall asleep. I did go in a intervals and layed him down never talking to him, but seriously.

[laundrymom]

Here he would be on a cot and no bottles here for that age. No food or drink unless sitting in high chair or at table. Ever.

[cheerfuldom]

yup, no bottles at nappy time for a kid this old. Is he new? This is a very hard habit to break especially if they are co-sleeping for nights and weekend naps at home. I personally have never gotten a kid to get over this and I have had a few co-sleepers here. The only one that actually broke the habit was when the parents broke it at home the same time as I did here.

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

OMG I have one too!

He is 2 yrs old and he refuses to go to sleep. He will scream until the neighbours come over to see what the heck is going on.

His mom says just get his brother to lay down with him.
How about NO!!

How about you take your sleepless child home and get a life.

Originally Posted by countrymom

having to lay down inorder for a child to fall asleep. I understand when they are infants and what not, but a child who is over a year and a half. So it took 48 minutes of him screaming and throwing his bottle to fall asleep. I did go in a intervals and layed him down never talking to him, but seriously.

Ok, so I am guilty of this. I just nursed my son down for a nap and was thinking about how I could break the habit. I actually feel bad that at 16 months old, he's not able to put himself to sleep, and it's not his fault, it's mine.

Any advice? It's too late for CIO with him; and he climbs out of anything he's trapped in. Anything. He's got a toddler bed in my room, and there's a futon that's really close to the floor in the nursery. I've also got some nice, thick playmats that could double as nap mats, I suppose.

Seriously, any advice will be used immediately!!!!!!

[SandeeAR]

Originally Posted by PeanutsGalore

Ok, so I am guilty of this. I just nursed my son down for a nap and was thinking about how I could break the habit. I actually feel bad that at 16 months old, he's not able to put himself to sleep, and it's not his fault, it's mine.

Any advice? It's too late for CIO with him; and he climbs out of anything he's trapped in. Anything. He's got a toddler bed in my room, and there's a futon that's really close to the floor in the nursery. I've also got some nice, thick playmats that could double as nap mats, I suppose.

Seriously, any advice will be used immediately!!!!!!

My DD is now 29 y/o. I nursed her, with no input back then from the hospital. I was bottle fed, so no help there. I was one of the first in my circle of friends to have a baby, so no friend input.

I nursed her every 2 hours (I was the passy), b/c I didn't know better. So she feel asleep "on" me. Plus she held my thumb when nursing. You can lose a toy, a blanket or such, but not Mom's thumb. Moving to a big girl bed was HARD! The only way she would go to sleep was with me beside her, while holding my thumb.

I was a SAHM. I started with nap time. I let her nap on the couch, but NO holding my thumb. I sat there in the beginning, reading, cutting coupons etc. Anything, so my hands were too busy for her to hold. Then I started getting up and doing things. She slowly broke from the thumb.

Then we started, going to bed in her own bed. I sat beside her in a chair, again with busy hands. Then I slowly moved the chair to outside the room. Then we no longer needed it.

At bed time, she started out in her own bed, but would always come to ours. I put a sleeping bag beside the bed. She could get in it, but not my bed. I slowly moved the sleeping bag down the hallway, until it was at her doorway.

Mind you, this took WEEKS, but it did work. Best of luck to you!!!

Needless to say, I was NOT the passy to my 2nd child

Originally Posted by SandeeAR

My DD is now 29 y/o. I nursed her, with no input back then from the hospital. I was bottle fed, so no help there. I was one of the first in my circle of friends to have a baby, so no friend input.

I nursed her every 2 hours (I was the passy), b/c I didn't know better. So she feel asleep "on" me. Plus she held my thumb when nursing. You can lose a toy, a blanket or such, but not Mom's thumb. Moving to a big girl bed was HARD! The only way she would go to sleep was with me beside her, while holding my thumb.

I was a SAHM. I started with nap time. I let her nap on the couch, but NO holding my thumb. I sat there in the beginning, reading, cutting coupons etc. Anything, so my hands were too busy for her to hold. Then I started getting up and doing things. She slowly broke from the thumb.

Then we started, going to bed in her own bed. I sat beside her in a chair, again with busy hands. Then I slowly moved the chair to outside the room. Then we no longer needed it.

At bed time, she started out in her own bed, but would always come to ours. I put a sleeping bag beside the bed. She could get in it, but not my bed. I slowly moved the sleeping bag down the hallway, until it was at her doorway.

Mind you, this took WEEKS, but it did work. Best of luck to you!!!

Needless to say, I was NOT the passy to my 2nd child

Yeah, I've learned my lesson. I'm going to do most things the same, but I'm not going to let the next one go to sleep on the breast, and I'm probably not going to cosleep after the first couple of months of constant feedings are over.

I'll try the sofa thing, that might work. And I'm going to try to get him to sleep in his own bed tonight.

[Christian Mother]

I am dealing with something similar as all my little guys have started with me when they where a few months old so trans. over to nap time routine has been a piece of cake but I have one parent who does the same thing and allows her son to get up out of his toddler bed and climb into bed with her or it is just a battle for her when its nap time bc he will cry non stop for her when she lays him down. The thing is...the child will fight it out as long as they know that mom will give in. It take just as long if not longer to break a habit. The first time we tried napping here it didn't happen bc he kept climbing out of his pnp and cry so I called mom already explaining to her if he can not nap he can't be here. She would prefer that he stay up but I don't take non nappers. So with her understanding this she would have to come and pick him up if he couldn't nap after an hr of trying to get him to nap. The 2nd time was ashually a few months later where I switched him up stairs to be close to me with his pnp and the door propped open with a stuff animal. I play Christian music that helps relax and cut out any outside/inside noise which helps a lot. He cry's for a couple min and is always out. Today though he tried fighting me on nap and even got up to go potty 2 which the 2nd me saying no no you just went and guess what..he peed? I couldn't understand how a child couldn't have that much pee in him...lol!! So I changed him and his bed and laid him back down. He cried again for a couple min. and then he was out like a light. I believe it is consistency and not giving in. I think we can tell what type of cry a child has so be on the look out for the diff. types of crys and just stand out side the door or check on them if they are asking for something. You can make the decision as to if it is urgent to get them out of bed. This little guy has learned now that having to go pee gets him out of bed...smart cookie....hahah!!

[countrymom]

Originally Posted by PeanutsGalore

Ok, so I am guilty of this. I just nursed my son down for a nap and was thinking about how I could break the habit. I actually feel bad that at 16 months old, he's not able to put himself to sleep, and it's not his fault, it's mine.

Any advice? It's too late for CIO with him; and he climbs out of anything he's trapped in. Anything. He's got a toddler bed in my room, and there's a futon that's really close to the floor in the nursery. I've also got some nice, thick playmats that could double as nap mats, I suppose.

Seriously, any advice will be used immediately!!!!!!

its different if you are going to stay home and raise your kid (my ydd was nursed till she was 3yrs old) so I totally get it, but i knew that I wasn't sending my kids to daycare I was doing it instead, but if I was sending them to daycare then it would be a different story. Not to alarm you or anything, but my dd is now almost 7 and she still crawls into bed with us, only one who does it (sometimes ds) dh blames it on nursing, but she's a healthy girl.

Originally Posted by countrymom

its different if you are going to stay home and raise your kid (my ydd was nursed till she was 3yrs old) so I totally get it, but i knew that I wasn't sending my kids to daycare I was doing it instead, but if I was sending them to daycare then it would be a different story. Not to alarm you or anything, but my dd is now almost 7 and she still crawls into bed with us, only one who does it (sometimes ds) dh blames it on nursing, but she's a healthy girl.

I don't mind the cosleeping, really. I think it's a nice way to bond, as long as it can be consistent for the kid and they are actually able to go to sleep on their own in their own room by a reasonable age. My son isn't able to do that yet. He's still young, and I'm not planning on going anywhere, but I do feel bad that he gets so tired sometimes and just doesn't understand that he can lay down alone and close his little eyes to go to sleep.

I've been looking for a date night sitter, and I don't want them to have to "put" him to sleep. I've been sounding like a nightmare parent in my interviews, ranting on about how he's a good kid, really, but needs to be put to sleep before he gets too spazzy...meanwhile, I have him strapped into the ergo trying to kick his way out and bolt around, because running is fun! it's no wonder I haven't been able to find anyone good!

I'd like my next child to be able to go to sleep on their own, and I think the younger they learn how to do that, the better. Once they hit 8 or 9 months, it's too hard, IMO. And I don't like to feel cut off from my other daycare kids. I don't usually let him nap until they are sound asleep and I can nurse him down in quiet, but I'd prefer he be able to do it on his own at this point, and not have to wait for another kid to fall asleep before he gets his own nap.

[daysofelijah]

I still have to lay down with my 3.5 year old to get her to sleep, but hey at least she is in her own bed now, most nights anyway! (Another of the many reasons why I stay home with my kids )

[JaydensMommy]

My son is 4 years old and he still sleeps with us... I guess since he will be starting school this year I should start putting him in his bed.. But it is hard. But honestly I wouldn't have done it differently, I have always been home with him and I have so enjoyed the bonding. It made it much easier when I was nursing him to have him in our bed. Now I just have to figure out how to get him out.. although I really don't want to...

And no child who is not sleeping should be kept on a mat/cot/bed for longer than half an hour or so.

Yes, they may need a nap. But make it a battle and it will never happen. Nothing keeps you awake better than being mad.

Work on self quieting - breath, relaxing, stretches....

A child this age can do a slow down yoga routine. If the child can't sleep he/she can still have time to relax their body and mind if they are taught how to do it.

There is no point trying to simulate the home sleep environment or making home conform to daycare models. The two things are totally different.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

And no child who is not sleeping should be kept on a mat/cot/bed for longer than half an hour or so.

Yes, they may need a nap. But make it a battle and it will never happen. Nothing keeps you awake better than being mad.

Work on self quieting - breath, relaxing, stretches....

A child this age can do a slow down yoga routine. If the child can't sleep he/she can still have time to relax their body and mind if they are taught how to do it.

There is no point trying to simulate the home sleep environment or making home conform to daycare models. The two things are totally different.

The two aren't different when a child is living in a home daycare. And even when they aren't, one environment impacts the other.

Yoga isn't really practical to help get infants to sleep in a group setting. Maybe at home or in a preschool setting as a group class.

[Meeko]

OT but wanted to share.......My 14 year old daughter still likes to have "mom time". If her dad and siblings are staying up late on the weekends, she'll crawl into bed with me and snuggle up and say "Let's talk, Mom" I think she really feels she can open up and tell me anything during these times. I will be so sad when she doesn't do it any more. My other kids are very independent, but she is the youngest and very shy outside the house. I love listening to her pour out her heart in the dark.

Originally Posted by PeanutsGalore

The two aren't different when a child is living in a home daycare. And even when they aren't, one environment impacts the other.

Yoga isn't really practical to help get infants to sleep in a group setting. Maybe at home or in a preschool setting as a group class.

This kid is over a year and a half and is being left in another room (in a crib?) with a bottle for more than 40 minutes. This is not about an infant, its about a walking, nearly talking toddler who is being treated like an infant and is probably very angry about it.

This is not a co-sleeping issue. If you need this kid to nap, you are going to have to teach him a cool down all brand new from scratch. Have you tried reading a sleepy time book?

[jojosmommy]

Originally Posted by countrymom

having to lay down inorder for a child to fall asleep. I understand when they are infants and what not, but a child who is over a year and a half. So it took 48 minutes of him screaming and throwing his bottle to fall asleep. I did go in a intervals and layed him down never talking to him, but seriously.

First off ditch the bottle. Not good for teeth development both being over 1 yr and still having a bottle and having it at night is terrible for them, and it's basically teaching the kid he needs it to go to bed.

Second, I coslept with my son exclusively for 5 months. No issues. Then I coslept for night feedings and to get him to fall asleep at nap until he was 9 months old. Around then we transitioned him to crib sleeping both nap and night time however he rarely fell asleep on his own. He moved to a big boy bed around 18 months and still occassionally likes when I lay with him or pat his back to go to bed. I found it a great bonding experience. I would guess this mom misses her little one while she is at work and wants to find a way to bond with him at night.

1 1/2 is pretty young to expect them to master sleeping alone at someones house everyday without any issues.

[daycare]

Originally Posted by JaydensMommy

My son is 4 years old and he still sleeps with us... I guess since he will be starting school this year I should start putting him in his bed.. But it is hard. But honestly I wouldn't have done it differently, I have always been home with him and I have so enjoyed the bonding. It made it much easier when I was nursing him to have him in our bed. Now I just have to figure out how to get him out.. although I really don't want to...

Ditto this for me. I cosleep with my almost 4 yr old every night. I will cosleep with him until he starts kinder in 2 years. I have two teenagers who don't want to hug me be seen with me; I'm not cool. They get embarassed when I say I love you. I can't hold them squeeze them and love on them so I will do this to my little guy until he tells me not to anymore.
I have two kids in my care that co sleep at home but have zero issues here. The kids know it's not an option so it's never been an issue.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by jojosmommy

1 1/2 is pretty young to expect them to master sleeping alone at someones house everyday without any issues.

Nah it's not. It's way old enough.

I have kids from newborn on who adjust to sleeping alone every day. I don't do anything at all to lull kids to sleep. I put them to bed WIDE awake every day and within a couple of minutes the house is quiet and they all sleep 2.5 hour nap.

There's no age where they are "too young" to sleep at my house alone.

You said in your title line: not an infant, pretty close to the age my son gave up naps...

So the kid is too young to be able to sleep alone at someones house but old enough to give up naps?

Hmmmmmmmmmm

He's no where near the age of giving up naps. He would have four more years of it if he were under my roof.

[sahm2three]

Ditto on the bottle thing. I have my 15 mo screamer who doesn't technically have a bottle, but a sippy that looks like a bottle that HAS to be put down for nap with milk. I know how bad this is, but how am I supposed to break him of this here when this is what they do at home? AND, he is the colicky screamer, and it is HONESTLY the ONLY way to get him to go to sleep. UGH!

[SandeeAR]

Originally Posted by sahm2three

I know how bad this is, but how am I supposed to break him of this here when this is what they do at home? AND, he is the colicky screamer, and it is HONESTLY the ONLY way to get him to go to sleep. UGH!

I have my screamer (15 mo) in another room, by herself for naps. She gets a passy anytime she wants it a home. She hasn't had a passy daytime here for months. She hasn't had a passy even at nap in a week.

I have a 19 mo, that never took a bottle to bed, but suddenly Mom and Dad give him a sippy with milk at bed time . He is still in a baby bed at home. He has been in a toddler bed here for 2 months. NO sippy cup here. The first week in the toddler bed and recent Mondays were a battle. However, he is MUCH better this week.

They learn (here) early on, one thing at home and and usually another set of rules at daycare.

[jojosmommy]

Originally Posted by nannyde

You said in your title line: not an infant, pretty close to the age my son gave up naps...

So the kid is too young to be able to sleep alone at someones house but old enough to give up naps?

Hmmmmmmmmmm

He's no where near the age of giving up naps. He would have four more years of it if he were under my roof.

Actually I did not, that was an unregistered poster. All my dck's nap 2-3 hours per day even the 7 yr old school ager who only attends occassionally.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by jojosmommy

Actually I did not, that was an unregistered poster. All my dck's nap 2-3 hours per day even the 7 yr old school ager who only attends occassionally.

Sorry... I thought that was unregistered but when I looked at it again I thought it was you.

Sorry

[cheerfuldom]

I never nursed my kids to sleep or laid down with them past 5 months for each girl but the thing is, I can do whatever I want with my own kid. The problem happens when DC parents do what they want and do not prepare their child for group care. I do not rock to sleep, bottle feed to sleep, read books to sleep, pat backs or anything. Everyone from 4 months on goes to bed on their own. My 9 week old daughter even does this. I don't know how parents and kids function at all without a routine, self soothing skills and regular sleep. I dont understand people who say kids under 3 should give up naps.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

This kid is over a year and a half and is being left in another room (in a crib?) with a bottle for more than 40 minutes. This is not about an infant, its about a walking, nearly talking toddler who is being treated like an infant and is probably very angry about it.

This is not a co-sleeping issue. If you need this kid to nap, you are going to have to teach him a cool down all brand new from scratch. Have you tried reading a sleepy time book?

Your responses are mixing up my post with the OP. Your suggestions for helping a kid to sleep are really good, valid suggestions, and worth trying for any parent who is teaching their kid to fall asleep on their own, a skillset that can be learned at a much earlier age than is commonly believed, IMO. And to clarify, learning to sleep on their own does not mean that they can't cosleep. It may have been implied somewhere along the lines, but I never said that and don't buy into it.

The primary issue that the op pointed out, is a child who NEEDS to be put to sleep for naps during daycare hours, whether that means they have to be rocked, walked, take yoga, need a bottle, or any other external means to help them nap. It doesn't work well in a group setting, and if the parents are doing that at home and the child doesn't know how to lay down and go to sleep on their own during daycare hours, then it's the parents' responsibility to help find a solution, or hire a nanny who can provide one-on-one attention.

I will absolutely try your suggestions for yoga and relaxation with my own child at night. How would you suggest that this method be implemented during the day, in a group setting where it's possible that one provider is in charge of 4 infants?

And for the registered users who cosleep like I do, how do you work it into the daycare setting? My kid can take anywhere from 5 - 45 minutes to fall asleep. I've been able to make it work, but it means he has to wait until everyone else is sound asleep in a safe place before he can go to sleep, and if they wake up before he goes down, or make a funny noise, I have to stop nursing him to go check on them. Does anyone have a better method?

[countrymom]

Originally Posted by PeanutsGalore

And for the registered users who cosleep like I do, how do you work it into the daycare setting? My kid can take anywhere from 5 - 45 minutes to fall asleep. I've been able to make it work, but it means he has to wait until everyone else is sound asleep in a safe place before he can go to sleep, and if they wake up before he goes down, or make a funny noise, I have to stop nursing him to go check on them. Does anyone have a better method?

thats what I use to do, it is a pain but I couldn't figure out a another way.

[countrymom]

I should add, that I just don't dump the kids in bed. I give a 15 min. warning. We change diapers and we start to clean up. Same routine everyday (I believe in routine and letting the kids know what we are doing) but its hard to lay down with a kid in a group setting.

And it might also be true that your house isn't working for this kid, just not a good fit.

Naps without an adult in sight....don't work for alot of kids, don't me a lot of regs.

Obviously the warning, change, cleanup is winding him up.

There are ways to get him calm, but if he knows you are going to do this, he is going to fight back, which he is. Is he still cooperating during clean up? Five minutes of quiet time before the actual nap- story....song....something to change the mood from a battle of wills.

Move his sleep spot. Give him a blanket where you are and move him to the crib if/when he dozes.

Look for other issues - is he hungry, thirsty, obviously he is changed... does he just crave the one on one time? Can you put him down last and give him some nap music?

Are you sure he naps at home and mom always lays down with him?

I didn't lay down with my son until he was ditching naps, and honestly, it didn't work, but some days I really wished it would and I could nap too.

Gonna be hard daycare days for this one if he ditches naps for good now.