Remind Me How To Handle This Type Of Mom....

[cheerfuldom]

I have a mom of a part timer here that is really annoying me lately. She is super nice, pays on time, etc. but ALWAYS has a comment on something random each day I care for the little one. For a few days, there were tons of comments reminding me to NOT put her daughter down for a nap until she has a poo diaper. The thing is, sometimes this newly 1 year old will not poo till 1pm or later and I am not leaving her up all morning till then. She is so exhausted and its just weird how mom is super concerned about the poo diaper. I assume she is just trying to micromanage. BTW, I have this little one on our regular nap schedule and just change her as needed! Then there was comments about how the girl has to have a ponytail ALL the time. Today she pulled out her rubberband and lost it. I knew the mom was going to say something about the ponytail (because it happened before when the hair was loose) so I sprayed a little bit of water in her hair and brushed it back to refix the pony. Then DCM texts me (after pickup) that there is something in her daughter's hair. I text back that it is just water in order to fix the pony (the way mom wants it!). No thanks for fixing the hair, just a comment like I had used hairspray or something unsafe on a baby I guess. All these little comments are starting to rub me the wrong way. I mean if the worse thing your DCP does is spray water to fix a child's hair, then whats the problem? I have to admit that I am getting a little offended though I know I shouldn't take this personally. But I have three children and have been caring for youngsters full time for over 4 years and then part time for several years before that. I am good at my job at this point. The DCM has one youngster but I guess maybe this is some sort of powertrip. I'm just not sure if its that or if she is really worried about daycare and this is her way of feeling in control? Any advice?

[MommyMuffin]

Well yuck! Why is she so bossy? I would seriously call her out on it.
Why does she have to poop before going to sleep? Makes no sense. I would let her know that you feel that she is nit picking you and that you take very good care of her daughter and do not wish to take "orders" from her any longer.

But if you dont want to rock the boat you could just ignore it and hope it passes. I have a dcm like that. For about a month she kept having these comments and I was getting soooo pissed. I kept my mouth shut and for the past 2 months she hasnt had any snide comments.

[sharlan]

I would ask her if there was an issue that you needed to discuss.

I generally find that mothers like this are insecure in their parenting and have to make sure that they are the only one who can care for their child.

[MamaBear]

Call her on her crap talking and she'll cut it out. As soon as you call someone out, they will back off and realize "oh *@($ - she means business and isn't going to let me talk down to her". The more you allow it, the worse it will get. Or you can just kick her butt after hours :0) haha - just kidding (or am I?) lol

[Meyou]

I would ask her if she had any concerns about the quality of care I've been providing and give specific examples of comments that indicate she might have an issue. I would remind her that I take the needs of each child very seriously and that she needs to trust me to make the right decisions when her child is with me. That includes assuming I have the common sense to not put hairspray in a baby's hair and that I would never leave a child in a poopy diaper for one minute longer than necessary. I would tell her that if she can't trust me to make these small common sense decisions independantly then she really shouldn't trust me with the day to day care of her child. Then I would watch her backpedal when she realized that I was right.

Mama is micromanaging because she doesn't want to beleive that someone else can look after her precious baby adequately. So she's nit picking dumb things like hair elastics.

I hate when parents do this....I find myself dreading the end of the day to hear what the comment of the day is. So I just call them on it after they make a couple of comments...they usually backpedal and stop the shenanigans.

Good luck!

[laundrymom]

I would remove the hair tie as soon as mom walked out and put it up. I would never, ever, ever stress over her hair. If she says it's a mess say. I KNOW, we really played hard today. Every day until she stopped griping. Gee my job, our job, is to help them learn about their world. Explore and enjoy, learn how to live in the crazy world we are calling home. Not to insure hair is perfect or naps happen after poops.

[mac60]

I would start by ignoring all texts she sends you after hours, unless of coarse it is an actual emergency, in which case this wasn't.

[melskids]

i had a mom like this once. she micro-managed EVERYTHING. she thought i cut his hair, she didnt like the way his diaper was fastened...and on and on. she even called one night after hours FREAKING about a speck of dirt in her sons eye, and had me on the phone for almost an hour, not knowing how to get it out. she was going to take him to the ER over it. a piece of dirt?! i was finally like..."OMG! just dump a little water in it already! flush it out!!!" (of course it was my fault because i took him to the park that day)

i finally had to tell her straight out that i was uncomfortable were her not trusting me, and maybe she needed to go somewhere else. that was enough for her to realize how silly she was being. she ended up being one of my best DC parents ever...go figure...lol

[Cat Herder]

Passive Aggressive Mommies are no fun.

IMHO, They are the "Mean Girls" from High School "all grown up" and NEED a target to function.

It will not typically get better. (well, once it did but that was because I told her mom as we had been friends for years. I am NOT supposed to recommend that, though )

I'd start the interview process.

Give her the gift of a consequence for her behavior. Chances are she has not had many of those.

Speaking of which, if you could use a laugh with your morning coffee check out www.passiveaggressivenotes.com

[nannyde]

Girl you need to brush up on your "tag your're it"

With the poo diaper thing I would just tell her that you will call her a half an hour before nap and let her know if her child hasn't pooped yet. That way she can come and get her for nap time. She's welcome to return her after nap time is over whether she has pooped or not. You can't have her up during nap if she hasn't pooped so she will have to go home for that.

She needs a couple of weeks of picking her up because she hasn't pooped to realize that pooping doesn't have anything to do with DELAYING nap time.

For the hair ties... I would tell her I can't allow hair ties. They are too small and it's too risky to have them in on a child who will take them out. She either needs to cut her hair so she doesn't need them or have her go without. I don't allow ties in the house unless they are MY ties ( I have the old old style goodies that are thick and super tight) and I don't use them on the kids under two.

When she calls about her hair being wet you should have just texted back: H2O

Just put back onto her whatever you possibly can and when you MUST respond do it in as few characters as possible.

She's got a double case of "my child" and "I'm the boss of you". VERY annoying combination. She needs to get that she doesn't get to do "my child" in a group of kids and she's not the boss of you.

[wdmmom]

I would remind DCM that when she signed up for DC she signed up for your rules and your schedule.

If your scheduled nap time is 1pm to 3pm and DCG hasn't pooped yet...too bad. She's getting a nap just like everyone else.

I wouldn't do this child's hair. This is her mother's job. If she's worried about how she looks, she can fix it up in the parking lot of Walmart before they go in.

And, as for the texting and calling...I'd tell her that she needs to limit it to twice per day...once in the morning and once at night and I'd be completely honest telling her that she in interrupting activities and that you may not be able to get back to her right away.

I think if you do this, eventually it will stop.

[cheerfuldom]

thanks for the thoughts ladies. I'll let you know what she says today because yes there will be something. The good thing is that the DCD is totally mellow and I know for sure he has talked to mom about this issue (about not being so picking on small things, their kid is fine so relax!)

[Christian Mother]

Originally Posted by Meyou

I would ask her if she had any concerns about the quality of care I've been providing and give specific examples of comments that indicate she might have an issue. I would remind her that I take the needs of each child very seriously and that she needs to trust me to make the right decisions when her child is with me. That includes assuming I have the common sense to not put hairspray in a baby's hair and that I would never leave a child in a poopy diaper for one minute longer than necessary. I would tell her that if she can't trust me to make these small common sense decisions independantly then she really shouldn't trust me with the day to day care of her child. Then I would watch her backpedal when she realized that I was right.

Mama is micromanaging because she doesn't want to beleive that someone else can look after her precious baby adequately. So she's nit picking dumb things like hair elastics.

I hate when parents do this....I find myself dreading the end of the day to hear what the comment of the day is. So I just call them on it after they make a couple of comments...they usually backpedal and stop the shenanigans.

Good luck!

This completely!! It's best to address it right away. Otherwise your going to lose it..lol! I ashually had a talk w/a father at pick up of all the things he nit picked on and added quiet a few things of my own in there that was getting me upset. I killed 2 birds with one stone and felt wonderful after words bc I felt like i grew a backbone. I really felt that this parent wanted to run my business and tell me how to run it to his likings. So I was able to take the reins back I felt that this parent finally understood that I meant business. Either you trust me completely or you don't and then this relationship will not work. I know what I am doing and there should be no reason this child be in my care if you don't handle complete control over now. Problem here was with this family:Mom's last job was a daycare provider and loosed all her kids so she was forced to go back to work...and dad has OCD. They wanted things ran the way they ran their previous daycare. I ended up letting this family go during the summer bc dad was just plain rude. Well, it was more then just that but if you don't nip it in the bud now it will only get worse and your going to blow if you keep it all in. Start off small or do what I did and address it all at pick up. Good luck girlie!!

[cheerfuldom]

so today DCM does not pickup....its grandma. Grandma tells me (while laughing like it is a great joke) that mom loves when kid cries and gets dramatic at dropoff (i have posted about this before) because it makes mom feel better. mom is going out of town and was going to drop by mid day and say bye to DCG (and cause drama) and then leave her here with me!!! so glad she didn't do that because I would have definitely said something. its just crazy to be happy that your kid is upset and even worse, to purposefully cause that to make yourself feel better!

[sharlan]

Too bad people like this can have kids.