What To Do, What To Do?

[littlemommy]

DH just found out on Friday that his job is ending in January. His company is eliminating his spot in our town, but is offering him a job 11 hours away in Northern Texas. If we move, he will be working the same job and keep all of his benefits.

We are so torn on what to do. His job is what he went to school for, and there are no other jobs around here in his field. If he does take anything else, we won't have health insurance (and we're expecting our 2nd baby in January.) Neither of us has ever thought about moving-especially out of state. We have both lived here our entire lives, our families are here.

I tried finding the daycare regulations for Texas, but the page I found just had the Table of Contents, not the actual listing.

[Springdaze]

I am kind of biased, because I wouldnt mind moving at this point, but it seems like it wouldnt be a bad idea for you to move. if he has a guaranteed job, thats great! I found something i hope helps you.

http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Ca...sing/start.asp

good luck!

[awestbrook713]

Wow that is so tough. I don't have any advice since this is purely a decision your husband and you will have to sit down and talk over but just keep your head up things will work themselves out and you will decide what is best for you and your family. Good luck

[MyAngels]

Oh boy. I feel for you. DH and I moved half way around the world for his job once, but that was long ago before we had children, and we had no choice as he was in the military . We always said that we were fine as long as we had each other, and as it turns out we were right. Good luck in whatever you decide.

[littlemommy]

Thanks ladies.

I think the hardest part would be moving away from our families, especially right after we have our parents' 2nd grandchild.

As far as daycare goes, it would take me some time to get set up. That would be hard, since we rely on my income. We would definitely be scraping pennies until I got going!

[safechner]

I am so sorry to hear that but it is good thing for them to offer your husband a job in Texas.

I would move to Texas with husband for job with all same benefits. I know it is hard for your families but sometime it will work out.

I moved away from my family (13 hours away) to Texas to live with my husband (bf at that time) about almost 13 years ago. We visited to my parents once or twice a year. Everything works out for me.

[wdmmom]

I don't think I would consider moving right off the bat but I wouldn't abandon the idea either.

Your DH will get severance/unemployment/etc to alleviate some of the financial burden. And, sometimes families have to take jobs they didn't go to school for.

Consider the cost of living, the distance from family, if your DH's employer is paying for all travel/moving expenses, etc.

Is he on a timeline to make a decision?

[boysx5]

we have had to move for dh job but it was before I started doing daycare now we wouldn't move I make too much to give up my business. Plus I have my two oldest boys who are both in high school and they wouldn't want to move. As far as moving away from family that was very hard for me but over the years I have gotten use to it

[MsMe]

I would love to have the oppertunity to move so far awy from my family right now!

Ofcourse I am teasing and understand this is a tough choice for you.

Make some lists, talk with your families, sleep on it and repeat untill you feel like you "know" the right choice.

I tend to "feel" when I have come to 'right' answer.

Don't forget COMMUNICATION!!!!


Good luck

[Meeko]

My parents are in the UK and I am in the USA. I see them approximately every other year when they come here for three weeks vacation. But it has sometimes been over 5 years between visits. The visits will soon end as they are in their 80's. We are sending just our daughters to them next year because we can't afford for us all to go.

I would kill to only be 11 hours away!... I haven't seen my only brother for 25 years which was the last time I could afford to go home..I have nieces and nephews and grand nieces and nephews I have never met.

My advise is to go where they want to send your husband. The rest will fall into place.

[SilverSabre25]

When does your DH have to decide?

11 hours away is a long way and it's certainly something I would consider very carefully if I were you.

Call the local licensing people for the area and find out if you can get a copy of their regs so you know what you'll be up against if you move.

Do you know anyone who lives or has lived near there that you could talk to about the area? Will your DH's company pay for you and he to go out there to house-hunt before the move, even if he doesn't take/keep the position?

That's a tough one...even without tossing the new baby into the mix! I certainly don't envy you the situation.

[mac60]

Being that our family is struggling financially so much right now, as in not buying groceries because we have no money.....If your husband has been offered a transfer and is able to continue health benefits, there would be no doubt that I would say yes. 11 hours is a days drive, there are lots of opportunties to take long weekends to see family throughout the year.

Until you have been in the situation where you don't know how you are going to pay your bills and have no medical insurance.....today if you have a job, you need to keep it. They are far and few between in our area. I am sure the company will help with the moving expense. Your husbands is one of the very lucky ones out there.
Good luck.

[littlemommy]

They haven't given him a definite date. They have only said that his job here is expiring after the first of the year. They will fly us out there to check the place out, and would help with moving costs. That's huge.

He's worried that if he takes a job here, it'll be a job that anyone can get. There is nothing in his field of work here. We would be completely starting over no matter what we decide.

I'm not too worried about starting up a daycare in a new state, but it would definitely take time to get it up and running. At least we would have insurance with his job. Too bad I can't get unemployment while I'd be getting my business going!

I think as of right now we need to visit the place. We'll probably fall in love with it and be ready to move right away! haha

[SilverSabre25]

Originally Posted by littlemommy

They haven't given him a definite date. They have only said that his job here is expiring after the first of the year. They will fly us out there to check the place out, and would help with moving costs. That's huge.

He's worried that if he takes a job here, it'll be a job that anyone can get. There is nothing in his field of work here. We would be completely starting over no matter what we decide.

I'm not too worried about starting up a daycare in a new state, but it would definitely take time to get it up and running. At least we would have insurance with his job. Too bad I can't get unemployment while I'd be getting my business going!

I think as of right now we need to visit the place. We'll probably fall in love with it and be ready to move right away! haha

There you go! Think positively!

It's great that they'll fly you out there to look, that really is a help.

Today is my DH's first day of a new job. He had his old job for five years--ever since he graduated college in fact. He was one of the most senior people in his department, and we found out in April that they are eliminating his department and that DH would be laid off in December. We're lucky in two ways--one, that he found a job before getting laid off, and two, that his old job was willing to slide his schedule and allow him to work BOTH until the lay off in 7 weeks. We're starting from scratch here too, and it's a bit of a bummer, but ultimately we're in a better place.

Really I guess that taking the "sure thing" is a good way to go, although it might not hurt for your DH to put out feelers and look for something a little closer to home.

No matter what, get ready to embark on a brand new adventure for your family!

[dave4him]

Wish we could move back to my family. We live here with my wifes family. She hates her job though and if we could move from her family and friends it would be very difficult. Its hard. I too am not working the job i got my degree in. A lot of people are in the same boat

Without a doubt move there, he is very fortuniate to be able to transfer because I know many people that have lost jobs, houses, retirement ect. Though in all honesty most refused to make the changes to keep those things, and then it became a domino effect.

A very close relative of mine made almost 100k a year and lost her job, so did her husband in a small town. Refused to move to Tx, he got a job offer by the oil fields. This was five years ago and they are living in a rental, no insurance and its a mess...yet they refuse to move or cannot deal with change...mind boggling.

I understand you're worried about your daycare but I would put up flyers, advertise as soon as you get there to get clients...even before you get a license if you have to. I personally believe anyone should be able to watch a small number of children without being licensed but that is me.

I moved from a different state and was able to get filled right away through diligent advertising, so you'll be fine if you're determined!

[littlemommy]

Our biggest reason not to take the offer is we would both be leaving our families. It would be so hard to take their only grand babies away from them. My mom took it pretty hard when we told her there's a possibility we may be moving. She cried, and it made me bawl. I honestly can't imagine raising my kids without her.

I would miss all of the little things. No more picking asparagus on country roads where my dad grew up, gardening with my parents, teaching my mom how to cook, making brownies when my little brother doesn't have school. My husband has even said that he would miss my brothers the most. They are best friends! Our 22 month old son is obsessed with my oldest younger brother. He walks around and says his name every day. Even when we were on vacation a few weeks ago he was asking about him. Dangit, now I'm bawling again!

[youretooloud]

If it weren't for our elderly parents...and the fact that we'd never sell our house, we'd move in a heartbeat.

It sounds like your husband's job is very important.

My brother moved all over with his job, it was a wonderful experience, and while we missed them (his kids are my kid's age) we all did just fine.

[Rachel]

I think you should go for a year. If you hate it, you can always move back and be no worse off. Try it, you may like it. This from the lady who moved 7000 miles away from her family and has no regrets (misses family, yes, but living in the best place for me and my family).

[littlemommy]

Originally Posted by Rachel

I think you should go for a year. If you hate it, you can always move back and be no worse off. Try it, you may like it. This from the lady who moved 7000 miles away from her family and has no regrets (misses family, yes, but living in the best place for me and my family).

This is kinda what we're leaning towards right now.

However, this is an opening with his company in our town, but it's not in his field. That would keep us here, but he could end up hating the job since it would be an indoor/outdoor job, working with crabby customers, and not in his field.

I have been an emotional wreck since Friday. So has my poor mother.

[morgan24]

What a heart wrenching choice to have to make. Hopefully something will work out before his job gets eliminated and you won't have to decide what to do. I feel bad for your mother, I have older children and grandchildren that I adore that live near me and I would be upset if they had to move, but I would understand and maybe follow them. Good luck in what ever you decide to do.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by littlemommy

This is kinda what we're leaning towards right now.

However, this is an opening with his company in our town, but it's not in his field. That would keep us here, but he could end up hating the job since it would be an indoor/outdoor job, working with crabby customers, and not in his field.

I have been an emotional wreck since Friday. So has my poor mother.

What are the pros and cons of keeping his current job (in a new state) versus the job not in his field but with same company and not moving? Is there a chance he could advance or move to a new department in the future or would he be stuck in the same department? If he takes new job in new state, what are the chances the company will eliminate that position in the future?

I owuld make a list of pros and cons for both jobs and list every little thing that it will affect from him, you, the kids, your families etc and then take an honest hard look at your lists....

What a hard place to be in.... hope you guys can figure it out and do what is best for you all.

[momofsix]

Sorry to hear that.

As others have said, at least you have options to consider, that's a huge blessing.

Really though, 11 hours away is not that bad. My oldest dd is in the military and when she's stationed anywhere under 15 hours we LOVE it!!! No, it's not the same as "just around the corner", but it's better than across the country or even across the world! If you want to, you (or they) can easily drive 11 hours in one day-or 2 if you need to. We've done many looooong road trips with our girls-they're really not bad

That being said, this is something you and your husband need to decide together. Don't jump to anything, take your time if you can and don't let others sway you from what YOU two decide is right for you!

[littlemommy]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

What are the pros and cons of keeping his current job (in a new state) versus the job not in his field but with same company and not moving? Is there a chance he could advance or move to a new department in the future or would he be stuck in the same department? If he takes new job in new state, what are the chances the company will eliminate that position in the future?

I owuld make a list of pros and cons for both jobs and list every little thing that it will affect from him, you, the kids, your families etc and then take an honest hard look at your lists....

What a hard place to be in.... hope you guys can figure it out and do what is best for you all.

Pros of keeping current job and moving:
He knows and loves the job that he went to school for and has been doing for 7.5 years
Pay raise! Would be able to keep company benefits
Cheaper cost of living where we'd be moving and no income tax
Warmer weather-no more harsh winters
Longer gardening season for me and longer bike riding season for him (he loves that part!)
Meeting new people, discovering a new part of the country (both of us have only been to Texas a few times) It'd be an adventure!

Cons of moving:
Being away from family and friends (a month after our baby is born!)
I'd have to re-start my business (but I'm not too concerned)
Missing the small things
selling our house that we JUST finished doing renovations on. We wouldn't have my dad to help us with home projects

Pros of taking job here that's not in his field:
He knows who he'd be working with
We'd stay home!
Benefits would be the same

Cons of taking job here that's not in his field:
He may end up hating it in a short amount of time and regretting not taking the chance of moving.
The chances of moving up are close to none


If we move, we figure we can always move back if we really don't like it or miss our families too much. We're going to visit the area in 2 weeks and will make our decision after that.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by littlemommy

Pros of keeping current job and moving:
He knows and loves the job that he went to school for and has been doing for 7.5 years
Pay raise! Would be able to keep company benefits
Cheaper cost of living where we'd be moving and no income tax
Warmer weather-no more harsh winters
Longer gardening season for me and longer bike riding season for him (he loves that part!)
Meeting new people, discovering a new part of the country (both of us have only been to Texas a few times) It'd be an adventure!

Cons of moving:
Being away from family and friends (a month after our baby is born!)
I'd have to re-start my business (but I'm not too concerned)
Missing the small things
selling our house that we JUST finished doing renovations on. We wouldn't have my dad to help us with home projects

Pros of taking job here that's not in his field:
He knows who he'd be working with
We'd stay home!
Benefits would be the same

Cons of taking job here that's not in his field:
He may end up hating it in a short amount of time and regretting not taking the chance of moving.
The chances of moving up are close to none


If we move, we figure we can always move back if we really don't like it or miss our families too much. We're going to visit the area in 2 weeks and will make our decision after that.

Sounds to me like you guys have a pretty good game plan! Make sure you keep us posted on how the visit went.

Never regret the chances you took in life.....only regret the ones you didn't take.

[Christian Mother]

It's such a hard choice and I feel your struggle.
My husband was layed off 3 wks ago and he's been looking for another one in the same field but there isn't anything close to what he made not to mention health ins. We've been getting by with with him being a Handyman. It's whats saving us not to mention the pay out from his vacation time. It's soooo scary.

If his company said that he had the option to move to TX with same pay and benefits as well as help on moving and free airfare on visiting the plant out there...I'd take it in a heart beat. All my family is out here as well. But they understand with out a doubt that we would have to do what we have to do to make ends meet. I'd look at it as a adventure for the family. Holidays become that much more important and memorable. That doesn't mean also that your family can't come up to see you either. My parents live here to and we are close..my husbands live in OR. I absolutely love flying the family out to see them bc it's a break from our day to day lives.

For us...it's very scary to not have a back up plan...to not have the options you have. I would at least go out there and check out the plant...see how you feel. Change is scary...but it is a good change. This could be a very good thing for you.

[Country Kids]

Originally Posted by Christian Mother

It's such a hard choice and I feel your struggle.
My husband was layed off 3 wks ago and he's been looking for another one in the same field but there isn't anything close to what he made not to mention health ins. We've been getting by with with him being a Handyman. It's whats saving us not to mention the pay out from his vacation time. It's soooo scary.

If his company said that he had the option to move to TX with same pay and benefits as well as help on moving and free airfare on visiting the plant out there...I'd take it in a heart beat. All my family is out here as well. But they understand with out a doubt that we would have to do what we have to do to make ends meet. I'd look at it as a adventure for the family. Holidays become that much more important and memorable. That doesn't mean also that your family can't come up to see you either. My parents live here to and we are close..my husbands live in OR. I absolutely love flying the family out to see them bc it's a break from our day to day lives.

For us...it's very scary to not have a back up plan...to not have the options you have. I would at least go out there and check out the plant...see how you feel. Change is scary...but it is a good change. This could be a very good thing for you.

This, this, this! You worded it so perfectly! I so wanted to comment but the words weren't coming. Thank you for saying this.

My husband took a different job in a different field. He didn't want to move for several reasons but now I think he sometimes regrets it. I wanted to move sooooooo bad but we didn't and now I think he sees it may have been better but he has a good job, already received a promotion so its fine for now.

[littlemommy]

Originally Posted by Christian Mother

It's such a hard choice and I feel your struggle.
My husband was layed off 3 wks ago and he's been looking for another one in the same field but there isn't anything close to what he made not to mention health ins. We've been getting by with with him being a Handyman. It's whats saving us not to mention the pay out from his vacation time. It's soooo scary.

If his company said that he had the option to move to TX with same pay and benefits as well as help on moving and free airfare on visiting the plant out there...I'd take it in a heart beat. All my family is out here as well. But they understand with out a doubt that we would have to do what we have to do to make ends meet. I'd look at it as a adventure for the family. Holidays become that much more important and memorable. That doesn't mean also that your family can't come up to see you either. My parents live here to and we are close..my husbands live in OR. I absolutely love flying the family out to see them bc it's a break from our day to day lives.

For us...it's very scary to not have a back up plan...to not have the options you have. I would at least go out there and check out the plant...see how you feel. Change is scary...but it is a good change. This could be a very good thing for you.

The more I think about it the more excited I get. We have been looking at houses in Texas, and I think we'll be able to make our dream of having an acreage come true for cheaper than what we bought our house in town here. That makes us both excited, but then again we see how many foreclosures there are in the county, and wonder why there are soo many. What if we want to move back here and can't sell our house there? As of right now we have to sell our house here.

My mother is a complete wreck. She missed work yesterday because her stomach was upset, she said probably from nerves. My 3 brothers and parents have all said that they are so sad they won't see our son every day like they do now. DS LOVES his uncles, and talks about them every day. They'll barely even get a chance to meet our 2nd before we move. I think that is the saddest part-our kids not seeing their grandparents every day like they do now.

I'm rambling. I just need to get it out.

[Rachel]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Sounds to me like you guys have a pretty good game plan! Make sure you keep us posted on how the visit went.

Never regret the chances you took in life.....only regret the ones you didn't take.

I agree!

I also think even thought the relationship is different, it's not better / worse. No, my mom is not just around the corner, but she gets to come and spend really intense time with me and the kids. All the more so you are only going to be 11 hours away. Long weekends together, a short flight down when the airfare has an amazing special, maybe meeting up for some weekends somewhere between the 2 places so you are each only driving 5.5 - 6 hours and doing a family weekend that way.

I think if you don't try it, you will regret it. It doesn't sound like your husband would be excited about the job he can transfer to. If he's only been working 7.5 years, that's a LONG time before retirement. I say give it a shot and see how it goes, you may just be surprised.

[safechner]

Originally Posted by littlemommy

The more I think about it the more excited I get. We have been looking at houses in Texas, and I think we'll be able to make our dream of having an acreage come true for cheaper than what we bought our house in town here. That makes us both excited, but then again we see how many foreclosures there are in the county, and wonder why there are soo many. What if we want to move back here and can't sell our house there? As of right now we have to sell our house here.

My mother is a complete wreck. She missed work yesterday because her stomach was upset, she said probably from nerves. My 3 brothers and parents have all said that they are so sad they won't see our son every day like they do now. DS LOVES his uncles, and talks about them every day. They'll barely even get a chance to meet our 2nd before we move. I think that is the saddest part-our kids not seeing their grandparents every day like they do now.

I'm rambling. I just need to get it out.

I can answer your questions to find why there are so many. When we bought a brand new house for our first home. In Texas, the bank approved no matter how much. For example, they approved $200,000 to get a mortgage loan that we knew we cannot afford that. There are so many banks approved and many people cannot afford that. The banks are at fault to give so many loans to people who cannot afford it. I know it is sad. I was shocked to hear my friend who got approved around $220,000 on their brand new house because we knew they cannot afford to pay mortgage loan and also I know they have bad credit. We knew they will be going foreclose their house if they can't keep up with their payments. About a year later, they cannot afford it and give up their home. That is the reason why there are so many foreclosures.

Hope it helps!

[beachgrl]

I know this decision has to be so hard for you, I have family all over and have lived both very near and very far (opposite coasts) from them but have always managed to make time to see them or for them to see us. I know it makes things a bit easier to manage to make a list of pros and cons when facing a major decision such as yours. I did that last spring when trying to decide what to do about my current job situation and whether to start my own childcare business or not and low and behold if the pros for it didn't wayyyy out way the cons! It really helped to see it in black and white.

You can always visit family like once a month or so and have them come to visit you, if you took turns once a month with you doing it and them doing it you would get to see them two times in a month if you could do a weekend trip or at the very least get to see them holidays. 11 hours is a long drive but very doable in a day, I have family a 14-16 hour drive away and have made that trip several times with my son to see them. Your family, especially your mom will make time to spend with the kids, most of my family is in California and I am on the east coast so I see them even more rarely.

[Sunchimes]

I've spent almost my entire life in North Texas, and I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have about Dallas, Fort Worth, Waco, and points in between.

Look at it this way. Families have always moved from their home towns for a chance at something better. My grandmother's dad left his home in Tennessee and brought his wife and kids to Arkansas by covered wagon for better land. They wrote letters, lots of letters, and managed to stay in touch. Now, you have wonderful ways to stay in touch and be sure that your kids recognize and feel close to grandparents. With webcams, they can hear their grandparents read them bedtime stories every night. There are texts or twitter for when the kids say something amazing. I hear more from my teenage grandson now than I did when I lived in the same town.

It's an adjustment, but sometimes, you need to stand on your own and do what's best for your own family. You can bet that your fathers did that.

Good luck!! I hope that you find a decision that makes you happy!

[littlemommy]

Originally Posted by Sunchimes

I've spent almost my entire life in North Texas, and I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have about Dallas, Fort Worth, Waco, and points in between.

Look at it this way. Families have always moved from their home towns for a chance at something better. My grandmother's dad left his home in Tennessee and brought his wife and kids to Arkansas by covered wagon for better land. They wrote letters, lots of letters, and managed to stay in touch. Now, you have wonderful ways to stay in touch and be sure that your kids recognize and feel close to grandparents. With webcams, they can hear their grandparents read them bedtime stories every night. There are texts or twitter for when the kids say something amazing. I hear more from my teenage grandson now than I did when I lived in the same town.

It's an adjustment, but sometimes, you need to stand on your own and do what's best for your own family. You can bet that your fathers did that.

Good luck!! I hope that you find a decision that makes you happy!

Thanks for the kind words of advice! Right now, we are leaning towards moving, as it would just be better for his job. We go visit in 2 weeks to check the town, office, and housing out. He would be working in Sherman. I have heard from a few people that Denison and some of the other small towns are great to live in, but haven't heard much about Sherman itself.

We always said if we move anywhere we want to have an acreage! I've found quite a few online, and the prices are good! The houses all seem to need some updates (old carpets, wood paneling...) but that's nothing foreign to us! We're debating how we would go about selling our current house...because paying 2 mortgages a month would not be possible. I'm sure I won't have any income for a few months while I'm getting my license and our house ready. Right now we totally rely on my income, so that will be a MAJOR change!