Am I Wrong?

[mema]

I had a parent bring some treats for the kids to take home. My almost 3yr old (from the thread last week with the crying, spitting, etc) asked this morning if she could eat them for lunch. I said no, that they are to take home, but we have to be good today and maybe we can have a little of it with snack. That satisfied her for awhile.

Well, today has been a pretty off day for everyone. Not listening, throwing things, pushing, etc. I told everyone that their treats would be staying here and maybe tomorrow they could take them home if we had a better day. The others were fine with it, but the 3yr old goes into a HUGE tantrum. Screaming, crying, yelling, spitting, swatting. I put her in "her" spot and said when she was done she could rejoin us. Well, that went on until lunch and thru it. So, guess who went for an early nap?
As I was putting her down, she asked about the treats and I told her maybe tomorrow and left.

Am I wrong for telling them they can't take them home today? I know if I send them home, they are going to be eating them before they even get to the car. I don't want them to think that their behavior today warranted a special treat.

[JenNJ]

Not wring and i would be sure to tell all the parents at pick up why they did not receive them today.

[laundrymom]

Not wrong at all

[Zoe]

It was very nice of the parent to bring treats for everyone. And while it was her gift to everyone, I'm sure she would understand if you waited until tomorrow to give them to the kids. Explain to everyone why you're waiting until tomorrow.

[MamaBear]

Not wrong at all. Why reward for being naughty all day.

[lilrugrats]

Are they packaged up tight? If they were homemade goods I would send them home saying, "we didnt get a chance to try these today, seemed to have a problem with our listening ears, BUT didnt want to not send home. Please have a talk with your child about acting appropriately here so we can enjoy treats when they are here!"
If it is not food, i would keep it and let parents know that they have a treat from another family, but you are not handing out because of some behavior problems, but hope that you can hand out tomorrow.

[Mandy_Jane]

I would hand them out and be done with it. The daycare parent did not give these treats to the children so that you could hold them as leverage over their heads and keep them unless they were acting good. She gave them to the children out of the goodness of her heart and I'm sure she will not be happy when she finds out what you are doing with her gifts. Send them home with the kids today just like the parent intended for you to do.

[Heidi]

I think you did right by not giving them out today.

However, the person who made them sent them as gifts. I would hand them to the parents tonight, not the kids, and let them decide WHEN the right time is to eat them (once they're out your door, that is).

[daycare]

I would single this girl out. I would let her know as well as the parent that her behavior today did not warrant the treat. That she can try again tomorrow and if she makes better decisions tomorrow she can earn her treat....

however, everyone else that was on track that was making good choices and displayed good behavior would begetting to take their treat home...

[SilverSabre25]

That's a tough one.

Given that it came from another family, not you, I would say that the treats should go home tonight, as that was what the parent most likely intended. I completely understand your reasoning, however, I do not agree with it. I would never have brought their behavior into it at all.

If you didn't want to send home treats in case of bad behavior, then I would not have announced the possibility of treats in advance. That, IMO, is just ASKING for trouble.

In short...I guess that yes, I think you're wrong. But, not in the idea, just in the implementation.

[mema]

Originally Posted by daycare

I would single this girl out. I would let her know as well as the parent that her behavior today did not warrant the treat. That she can try again tomorrow and if she makes better decisions tomorrow she can earn her treat....

however, everyone else that was on track that was making good choices and displayed good behavior would begetting to take their treat home...

She wasn't the only one off track today. The others were too. They were pushing, throwing toys, etc. Hers was just a little more extreme with the tantrum.

Originally Posted by SilverSabre25

That's a tough one.

Given that it came from another family, not you, I would say that the treats should go home tonight, as that was what the parent most likely intended. I completely understand your reasoning, however, I do not agree with it. I would never have brought their behavior into it at all.

If you didn't want to send home treats in case of bad behavior, then I would not have announced the possibility of treats in advance. That, IMO, is just ASKING for trouble.

In short...I guess that yes, I think you're wrong. But, not in the idea, just in the implementation.

Normally I send all gifts from others home the day of our party, but decided not to this year as I am not sure when I'm doing it. I don't have 1 day in the next 2 weeks that everyone is here at the same time. I know I shouldn't have said if they were good we could have some of it at snack or that they would be going home. They all saw the treats come in in the morning and were already begging for them. It had just been one of those mornings where I was looking for something to get them back on track-bribery usually backfires and I should've known

I will probably talk with the mom and see when she made them. They are all wrapped tightly, so maybe they can still wait for our party with any others that happen to come in. I have another parent that usually brings something and hasn't yet.

[daycare]

make sure if you say you are going to do something you do it. In the future, don't tell the kids if you do this you will get this...

How old are the kids? do they really understand what you told them?

[Michelle]

use another form of discipline for their acting up and send the treats home.

[Hunni Bee]

I have done this and see no problem with it, if the children are old enough to understand "misbehave = no special"

Saying "We did not use our listening ears and helping hands today, so we'll save our treat for tomorrow when our ears and hands are working a little better" is not using food as a reward. All kinds of good things happen when everyone is listening, and I'd sit down with them and have them list some (we have more fun, no one gets hurt, etc.) and let them know that special things go right in there as well.

I think giving them the treat anyway just adds on the entitlement issues that everyone talks about ..."I get to act up and still get a treat".

As for the parent who gave the treats (and every other parent), I'd just explain that today's behavior didn't warrant treats and you'll be glad to share them tomorrow when everyone's back on track. If its perishable stuff, toss in the fridge.

[youretooloud]

I would have sent them home because it was from someone else. I think the other parent intended them to go home today.

PLUS, they were already hyper (it is a few days before Christmas) and this way, they eat it, stay hyper at home, then come back to you after a healthy sugar crash.

[mema]

Well, I talked with the parent that brought them and explained our day. She was completely fine with not giving them the treats today.

When the other parents arrived, 1 of the dck's yelled-where's my treat? really loud and demanding. DCM looked at them and said, whatever the treat was, I don't think you need it! I told dcp's about the day and that I would like to wait til tomorrow for the treats and they were all fine with it. The kids are old enough (3-5) to know. I don't care if it is the week of Christmas, that doesn't give them the right to act like they did today.

[frgsonmysox]

Originally Posted by Mandy_Jane

I would hand them out and be done with it. The daycare parent did not give these treats to the children so that you could hold them as leverage over their heads and keep them unless they were acting good. She gave them to the children out of the goodness of her heart and I'm sure she will not be happy when she finds out what you are doing with her gifts. Send them home with the kids today just like the parent intended for you to do.

This.

As a parent I would be pretty upset and put out if I sent a treat to be taken home and someone else used it as leverage. If it was YOUR treat, treat it however you want. But it wasn't, it was someone elses, and therefore it shouldn't be treated by you as a reward or punishment.

[sharlan]

IMHO, you were very wrong. These treats were NOT from you. Why should you get to decide who gets them and when?

[MarinaVanessa]

Becasuse they were from another parent I would have handed them out anyway. I see it as a gift from the parent to the kids, a special treat, and I'd feel obligated to give them to the kids as asked. If the treats were given to me by the parent as a gift or sort of "thank you" and I chose to share it with the DC kids (which I usually do) and they acted up then I could withhold the treat from the kids if I wanted to because the gift was for me.

The way I see it is that the treat could have been any other gift ... books, toys, coloring books etc. and I woudn't feel okay not handing a treat out given by a parent meant for the kids because the parent gave them to me for the kids without any conditions. It's simply a treat, not a treat to be given IF they behaved.