How Do Their Little Minds Work?

[2ndFamilyDC]

For as long as I have been doing daycare (22 Years) I still can not understand how a small childs mind works when it comes to this. A kid is playing with legos, he/she sticks 4 - 10 legos together. And another kid comes by and grabs 1 or 2 off of his stack and runs. Kid 1 freaks out and starts crying. To me it would be best to ignore the kid that stole your lego and grab another one, because there are about 150 exactly like the one they stole. If you ignore the stealing kid they will not do it again because they did not get the reaction they were wanting. But NO, there is no kid that can do that. This happens about 40 times a day here, which is why I am venting about it now.

[MissAnn]

Originally Posted by 2ndFamilyDC

For as long as I have been doing daycare (22 Years) I still can not understand how a small childs mind works when it comes to this. A kid is playing with legos, he/she sticks 4 - 10 legos together. And another kid comes by and grabs 1 or 2 off of his stack and runs. Kid 1 freaks out and starts crying. To me it would be best to ignore the kid that stole your lego and grab another one, because there are about 150 exactly like the one they stole. If you ignore the stealing kid they will not do it again because they did not get the reaction they were wanting. But NO, there is no kid that can do that. This happens about 40 times a day here, which is why I am venting about it now.

Not sure if this will help....but I'll tell you what I do....

Every once in a while we talk about "tools"....these tools are used either when someone does something to YOU or when YOU do something to someone else.

The first time we talked about tools, this is what I did......(and we can repeat it as many times as you want)

I have stampers that look like felt pens. I get out one of those stamps. I say....what can you do whenever a kid does something to you that you don't like? As he gives each suggestion, I stamp his hand. Usually the "tools" are.....

• I can walk away
• I can tell him I don't like it
• I can ask him to help me fix it
• I can tell him I want to play by myself right now

Then the kid gives me his other hand. I ask what he can do if he does something to another kid. Again, I stamp each time he/she tells me a "tool" he can use. Usually this....

• I can ask him if he's OK
• I can say sorry
• I can ask if he wants me to help him fix it

So.....now they have their tools, when "something" happens.....I say....what tool do you want to use? They look at their hands. Most days they don't even have stamps....but looking at their hand helps them to remember the tools.

Funny story.....one of my youngest kids took a toy and ran with it. The other child was mad. I asked the kid who took the toy and ran what tool he could use.....he looked at his hand and then said...."I can walk away".......nice try! So I said...."Look at your other hand".....and he said....I can give it back.

See.....this helps kids to handle situations themselves without my total involvement. This has really helped. I came up with it one day out of desperation.....I have 7 boys and 2 girls and these situations come up often.

[2ndFamilyDC]

MissAnn, that sounds like a nice thing to implement here.
I am going to work on that.
Teaches social skills and might help me keep my sanity.

Thanks!

[CheekyChick]

It's human nature...

If you had two slices of pizza on your plate and your husband walks by and grabs one - it would make you mad, right? He could reason that there are two large pizzas on the kitchen counter and you could get another slice from the box, but it would still upset you because he took YOUR pizza.

[melskids]

yeah..if a pick-pocketer stole my purse out on the street one day, am I supposed to be OK with that, considering I can just get a new purse and replace all its contents?! LOL

I hear what your saying though. It happens here too.

I wouldn't teach the child to just not say anything at all, and simply get more legos. I would make sure to teach that child to stand up for what is right, in a respectful way.

The lego snatcher would def. be getting a lesson in social skills as well.

[permanentvacation]

The original child picked out that specific toy, thought about what he/she wanted to do with it, decided where to place it, looked at his/her work with pride and accomplishment, then some kid came up and RIPPED IT RIGHT OFF THE TABLE!!!!!!! UGGGHHHHH!!!! HOW DARE THEY!!! The first child worked their butt off with that toy! That's about how the original child would feel and is probably thinking (in their own little vocabulary).

So, yeah, I fully understand that when a child is playing, they are actually working hard to make decisions and getting the toy to balance correctly or whatever. I could imagine their frustration when someone else just grabs their toy out from under them.

I do encourage playing/working together, sharing, helping each other to create something, etc. But I do also teach that when a child wants to play by themselves, they should have that option at times too and that others are to leave their toys alone.

[permanentvacation]

Me again. Also, if the first child is taught to simply allow the other child to take their toy and just get another one for themselves, it teaches the first child that their possessions, decisions, creative expressions, etc. don't matter. It makes them feel that their play, work, creativity, decisions, are worthless.

I have a set of sisters. One is 3 one just turned 2. When I first started watching them, it was OBVIOUS that their parents had taught the older one to allow the younger one to take her stuff while she simply got another item to replace what the younger child had taken.

As I watched this happen OVER and OVER throughout the first couple of days here, I saw the older child lose her self esteem, lose her care to play, as the younger one came close to her, she would just hand over whatever she had in her hand, basically, the older child had the attitude of 'why bother trying to play'. By the end of the 1st week of them being here, I explained what I had noticed to the parents and told them that I was not going to allow the younger one to take things from the older one. In a very short time, the older one gained self confidence, self worth, pride in her accomplishments, she could actually finish something she started, etc.

Also, I don't know how old the child is that is taking the other's toys, but if they are taught at a young age that they can go up to whoever they want and take whatever they want, how do you think they are going to get along in the real world - school, playgrounds, stores, friends houses, etc. This child needs to be taught that they can not just take other people's items. They need to be taught that as soon as they start interacting with others how to get along with others. This includes 'ownership' (Johnny is playing with that toy right now, or that is Johnny's toy for right now), taking turns, sharing, working together, etc. It takes work from the adults, but it is much easier to teach children correctly in the first place rather than to let them do as they please for a year or two then try to break a bad habit and reteach them when they are older and have been used to doing whatever they want for a while.

[SilverSabre25]

I'm sorry, but the child who's legos get snatched is entirely in the right in being angry. The snatcher would be giving those legos right back to the child who had them and getting a stern lecture and, eventually and depending on age, a time out.

We.

Do.

NOT.

Take.

Toys.

I can't believe that you would be letting the snatcher get away with it and venting about the reaction of the child who's toy is being snatched!

[Hunni Bee]

Originally Posted by SilverSabre25

I'm sorry, but the child who's legos get snatched is entirely in the right in being angry. The snatcher would be giving those legos right back to the child who had them and getting a stern lecture and, eventually and depending on age, a time out.

We.

Do.

NOT.

Take.

Toys.

I can't believe that you would be letting the snatcher get away with it and venting about the reaction of the child who's toy is being snatched!

I agree. My face after a toy-grabbing incident is enough to expediently get the toy back to the original player. It bothers me as much as it bothers the other kid.

The only time I allow any form of toy taking is in cases of hoarding (having a million of the same thing or just having too many toys to physically play and not letting anyone else play), in which case I do the taking or make them redistribute the toys. This doesn't even happen much because I don't allow hoarding either .