How Do You Teach A Child To Self Soothe?

[jojosmommy]

How do you teach a stubborn 9 mo to self soothe? Nightmare at nap- always has been, doesn't play unless you entertain her the whole time, can not self regulate at all.

[countrymom]

I have those kids too. I don't know what is wrong with people today. I have never had a group of babies who didn't know how to nap, how to play, how to kids unless they are held.

[Heidi]

At 9 months, she has enough receptive language that she can understand the jist of what you are saying.

At nap time, lay her in her bed, give her lots of lovin', and tell her it's nappie time. Then walk out. If she stands up and cries, wait 7 or 8 minutes, go in again, and say "it's night night time". Next time, wait longer, and again. Repeat as necessary, and say as little as possible. Booorrringgg...My "bad" sleepers always get their own room, dark curtains, and I put white noise as a barrier. My dishwaser still runs at the beginning of nap EVERY day. I was finally able to retire the fan in the hallway recently.

When the twins were that age, I started talking about "so, we are eating lunch now, and after that, what do we do?....we go nighty nighty nighty night...nighty nighty nighty." Pick your own tune. My licenser came one day when we were finishing lunch, and because she was here, I forgot the song. Well, THEY didn't. She was cracking up because they were sitting there singing it, rocking back and forth.

They are 18 months old now, and still gripe a moment or two about naps, but then they sleep for 3 hours.

As for waking time, she just needs to deal. When she screams and puts her hands up, tell her "I am busy with ...right now, go play with toys". I would really try NEVER to pick her up when she is crying for attention. I have said to some of mine "I will pick you up when you are done whining". If she is NOT crying for attention, go sit next to her, and join her once in a while. Or, sit on the floor with her on your lap, and put some toys just out of reach. BE REALLY BORING. You are a chair for a while....

[jojosmommy]

If I go tough love on her and ignore her crying to try and get her to play on her own for a few min she screams louder and louder. I don't want to give in to it but if I don't the screaming would continue for an infinite amout of time. How do you not validate the screaming without ignoring them? This kid can't even roll over, barely pivots, doesn't move at all.

[Heidi]

Originally Posted by jojosmommy

If I go tough love on her and ignore her crying to try and get her to play on her own for a few min she screams louder and louder. I don't want to give in to it but if I don't the screaming would continue for an infinite amout of time. How do you not validate the screaming without ignoring them? This kid can't even roll over, barely pivots, doesn't move at all.

probably because somewhere else, she is being carried around for every waking moment, if not rocked to sleep, as well....

[cheerfuldom]

LOTS of floor time and cry it out. As long as you know that she is okay and safe, ignore the crying and she will figure things out on her own. Do not carry her around at all unless you absolutely must. At this point, you might have to go really strict on her to break this habit. there is no reason why she is not capable of playing on her own for short periods. You are not ignoring HER since you are meeting her needs but you are ignoring the bad habit of crying when she is not getting her way.

All this is assuming that you have an age appropriate routine in place and that she is not special needs. If you can't handle what it takes to break the habit, you can continue lots of one on one attention or you can term and find a child that fits in better at your home.

Is she full time? It will be very very hard to break this habit in a part timer.....

[daycare]

depends on if she is full time or part time? If she is part time, you are beating a dead horse....

[kidkair]

Lots and lots of talking and small touches without holding. Talk to her and let her know you are nearby and can hear she's unhappy. Let her know what you are doing. Put her on her back on the floor with toys and let her know she's allowed to play with them. Get down next to her and play with the toys encouraging her to look and listen to you. Do short tummy time but she probably needs more back time to learn to be comfortable in that position. I'd roll her over for tummy time and roll her back when done so she can get used to the motion before she tries it herself. Remember crying is her way of talking so talk with her a lot.

[lilcupcakes09]

I used to have one of those, she started with me at 4 months and was only with me 2 days a week. She was an only child and played with constantly at home, rocked to sleep at every nap, etc. She had the loudest, most blood curtling cry......she cried herself to sleep for the longest time, I would go lay her down every few minutes, for her to only sleep for very short naps. If I walked away from her, she would scream also....luckily, i can tolerate the screaming and ignore it well.....now she is 2 1/2 and is one of my hardest sleepers at naptime, it just takes time. Unfortunately most parents won't let their children cry it out, so the odds are against us daycare providers who have to do it daily to care for the other kids. Now I am starting over with a 7 month old, this week is the start of the crying it out for him- today went well!