The Unsufferable Tattle-Tale

[Hunni Bee]

I have a 3.5 year old that tattles NON-STOP all day long. In a 30 minute period, she will have tattled to me 10-15 times. It really is annoying, but worse, it cheats her out her playtime with friends.

I made a "tail" out of some pipe cleaners and called it the "tattle tail". If they repeated come to me with pointless tattling, they have to wear it for a couple minutes. She sometimes cries when she wears it, but it doesn't deter her from tattling the next time.

Explaining hasn't worked, ignoring hasn't worked, even time-out.

But I think one of the reasons nothing works is because she gets a payoff sometimes. About 30% of her tattling is legitimate - someone's climbing on a table, hurt, actually being mean, etc. - I swear she sees everything. So sometimes she'll see me running to help someone or giving someone a consequence and she thinks her tattling is useful . However, I never use her as my "eyes" - I hate when providers do that.

So anybody have this kid? If so, what works? I know Nan directs tattle-tales to the youngest walker in the room, but all my kids are the same age, 4-ish, and they definitely don't want to hear it.

[Heidi]

Are you telling me this to help someone or to hurt someone?

Or "OMG IS SOMEONE IN DANGER?" noooo? well then go play! yes? well, thanks for telling me...now go play!

as for the "tattle tale", it sounds a little too dunce cappy for my taste...

[SilverSabre25]

First off, I really, REALLY don't think that you should be making her wear that "tail"...that's kind of equivalent to a dunce cap in my book...a very public explanation of what she's done wrong. TOTALLY not okay.

I have a hard time handling tattling too, but usually settle for a sternly worded admonishment that "That's tattling. We don't tattle," and a face. Then I deal with the issue being tattled about if it's legitimate. Or I ignore it if it's not.

[Hunni Bee]

I'll do away with the tail.

I've only used it about 3 or 4 times. It was more of an experiment than anything. Most of my kids think its funny, but when she cried about it, I took it off and didn't make her wear it anymore. It didn't work anyway.

Please don't think I'm forcing it on a crying child! Sorry if thats how I came off.

[sharlan]

I don't find the tail to be that detrimental, but..........what about making her a little bracelet that she can wear when she doesn't tattle? Make it all princessy and sparkly and let her know that when she tattles it has to come off.

I have a 9 yo that tattled to the point that the first words out of my mouth were "STOP" whenever he came to me. I think I've finally broke him of it.

[Meyou]

I resorted to timeouts with my tattler. I would ask her, "Is someone hurt? Are you telling me about you or your body?" If so, then go ahead. If not, straight to time out. It was a little rigid but OMG she was awful. Tattling non-stop all day long about everything even things that weren't tattle worthy, just because they might be. She was the naughtiest one of the group and often tattled on others to deflect blame from herself.

[My3cents]

Originally Posted by bbo

Are you telling me this to help someone or to hurt someone?

Or "OMG IS SOMEONE IN DANGER?" noooo? well then go play! yes? well, thanks for telling me...now go play!

as for the "tattle tale", it sounds a little too dunce cappy for my taste...

I agree with this

Then if it keeps up, ok thanks is my response every time. I have found kids that tattle are one of two things,

1) they want attention themselves and need more stimulating conversation- and sometimes its never enough. Busy bodies The parent's make like they hear the child, but are actually just tired of listening to the child- and respond with yeap, yes, yea, ok, while not looking at the child. They have disengaged with the child because the child wants to talk all the time and can, and very well. It's brief answers when the child wants more more more... the child is screaming inside, give me those adjectives that you thought were so cute when I first started to talk, because I picked up on them well and want more, and now you have run out

2) they enjoy the attention of getting someone else in trouble.

This is what I have experienced

Hi!
Just read this and had to share something that my friend who is a kindergarten teacher does. She has a jar with a lid and she tells them to tell it to the jar, put the lid on and she will listen to it later. Just thought I would share!

[SilverSabre25]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Hi!
Just read this and had to share something that my friend who is a kindergarten teacher does. She has a jar with a lid and she tells them to tell it to the jar, put the lid on and she will listen to it later. Just thought I would share!

ha! That's cute. I like that.

I have one who has been tattling--literally--since before she could even talk!!! It started just after she turned two last year. She would babble stuff with that sing-songy "tattling tone". Now that she talks, she still tattles...tattles that the other kids are playing, that they aren't playing with her, that they ARE playing with her, that someone went to the bathroom.... it's awful. I realize that at this point she probably doesn't even realize she's doing it, she's just observing things that she sees but it comes OUT as tattling.

[Heidi]

I remember reading a story about a grade school teacher about tattling. Of course, I can't find it now.

Basically, the teacher next door had a "no tattling" policy. If a child even started she'd put up her hand and say "DONT WANT TO HEAR IT".

One day, both classes were lining up in the hallway, and she heard a little girl say "Mrs......". Once again, teacher put her hand up....

The little girl whispered, looking defeated..."I just thought you'd like know that Jeremy is setting fire to the trashcan...."

I would have a talk with the whole group about what it means to tell (getting people or things out of trouble), and what it means to tattle (getting people IN trouble).

Then, I would do what I said before, or, if the child is capable of understanding, I would ask, "are you telling me this to get someone OUT of trouble or INTO trouble?"..then proceed.

If it's to get someone INTO trouble, there should be a consequence (maybe sit and think, or whatever you do at your house).

[PitterPatter]

I have 1 of these! I have always told my own child when he went through that stage "If it isn't broke or bleeding I don't want to know about it"

For dayacre kids I do the same GASP OH NO where are they hurt or what broke. When they look at me oddly like I AM THE ONE over reaceting then I say "go play"

I also try to explain to the kids that if you constantly tell on everyone for everything then kids won't want to be your friend. We need friend so play nice and be helpful not harmful.

[cheeseheadmama]

I have a tattler here as well and he puts on a LOT of miles to tell me what everyone else is doing wrong. I now start every tattling event by saying "have you talked to _______ about it?" Seems to be working for now because it makes him actually communicate with the other kid.

[Heidi]

Originally Posted by cheeseheadmama

I have a tattler here as well and he puts on a LOT of miles to tell me what everyone else is doing wrong. I now start every tattling event by saying "have you talked to _______ about it?" Seems to be working for now because it makes him actually communicate with the other kid.

I like that one!

[SilverSabre25]

Originally Posted by cheeseheadmama

I have a tattler here as well and he puts on a LOT of miles to tell me what everyone else is doing wrong. I now start every tattling event by saying "have you talked to _______ about it?" Seems to be working for now because it makes him actually communicate with the other kid.

Yes I like that one too!

[countrymom]

I have a tattle toad (you can buy them in the dollar stores now because of the summer season. and he's sensored so he ribbits too) I just tell them "go tell it to the frog" they love it, heck they carry him around too.

[jenn]

In my kindergarten class the rule was...if something is broken or someone is bleeding, tell me. Otherwise I had a tape recorder on a table that they could push the button, say what they had to say, and I told them I would listen to it later. In my daycare, we have the same broke/bleeding rule, and a teddy bear to talk to.