Need Your Input pls...is This Too Personal

[frugalmama4]

I have a parent conference today, I have a lot of things to discuss with this family...Please tell me if this is way to personal.

Back ground-I had a previous relationship with this family prior to the provider-parent relationship (I wouldn't say it was totally personal nor-all business before). So this meeting is tho get back to BUSINESS and leave out the personal relationship. Also, this is my one dcf that has tried to get away with everything...and I mean everything.

Behavior: Your children are great! I love having them and they loving being with my family, however they love you more. When children or away from their parents for most of their awake time it shows in their behavior. *** will sometime act out by not listen, picking on others especially his sister, and just whining. ***-will have her moments where she will hit/bit and fight with others just for my attention. These are all signs that they just miss you, I know you love your children more than anything and would do anything for them. As your friend and child care provider I ask that when you’re off you keep them home all day or at least half the day it makes a big difference in their behavior. Children grow so fast please take every opportunity to spend time bonding with them.


I will give them this in note form along with everything else I will discuss. Thx

[cheerfuldom]

Too personal. Sounds like a big critic on their parenting to me (whether I agree with you or not). Redo the note to list what behaviors you are seeing, what measures you will take at daycare and at what point you will consider these behaviors "term worthy". You can change your policies to include that you only care for children of parents AT WORK but otherwise, you cant regulate how much time the parents spend with the child and if you try, then yes, you are getting too personal.

[familyschoolcare]

when it comes to talking about the amount of time a child spends with a parnet and the child's behavior add in my professional opinion. so the statement would be more like this



"In my professional opinion, When children or away from their parents for most of their awake time it shows in their behavior. Thefore, I ask that when

you’re off you keep them home all day or at least half the day. In my professinal opinion it could make a posative difference in their behavior. Such

as, *** will sometime act out by not listen, picking on others especially his sister, and just whining. ***-will have her moments where she will hit/bit and

fight with others just for my attention. In my professianal opinion thise are often signs that they just miss you. I know you love your children more than

anything and would do anything for them. That is why I whanted to share my professioanl opinion and experience with you."



By saying it that way you are sharing what you have learned about children to the parents as apossed to telling them a personal opinion on how they should or should not raise the children.

[Ariana]

Originally Posted by cheerfuldom

Too personal. Sounds like a big critic on their parenting to me (whether I agree with you or not). Redo the note to list what behaviors you are seeing, what measures you will take at daycare and at what point you will consider these behaviors "term worthy". You can change your policies to include that you only care for children of parents AT WORK but otherwise, you cant regulate how much time the parents spend with the child and if you try, then yes, you are getting too personal.

I hate parents who don't spend time with their kids as much as the next person but you have no control over what they're doing. If you find the behavior too much and the kids too unruly then you need to term or cut down on your hours. This will not go over well and quite frankly (not trying to be rude so I apologize in advance!!) none of your business!

The fact of the matter is that you really have no idea why they're actng out. Even though you may think it's due to the parents uninvolvment it may not be....

[daycare]

I did not read all of but just the first two sentences I stopped reading..... You are really attacking these parents and felt that you are blaming them for keeping their kids in DC for a long time.

I am not trying to blast you, we all know that the longer they are in care, normally the worse the behavior is in the children.

I personally would never say any of this to a parent. I would instead let them know what behavioal issues you are having with their child/ren and talk about how BOTH of you will address it.

I would be floored if someone sent me a letter like this or said something like this to me. You do have to think that MAYBE (or maybe not) these parents need to work this many hours to be able to provide for their family.

If you need help with a better letter, talk to CAT, she is the Guru of letters.

[CheekyChick]

No... Telling them to spend more time on the weekend with their children would be extremely offensive. I also don't think you should guilt them by saying how much they miss their parents. I'm sure they know that already...

You CANNOT change how someone parents their children. So... I would keep it strictly business. Go over the behavioral challenges you're experiencing, ask for their input, and come up with a plan to rectify the issue.

[frugalmama4]

Thank you all for the input,

I'm not trying to tell them how to parent...this is a touching subject with this family because of the previous relationship.

I worked side by side with the dcm for 4 years, and as a friend I would won't someone to tell ME to get my act together when it comes to my children. But now that I'm their childcare provider I'm trying to find the balance. And trust me with this kids..its because they don't spend time with their parents.

I will do away with the behavior part...and just speak from the heart. What ever flows...flows

Thank you all,

[cheerfuldom]

Originally Posted by frugalmama4

Thank you all for the input,

I'm not trying to tell them how to parent...this is a touching subject with this family because of the previous relationship.

I worked side by side with the dcm for 4 years, and as a friend I would won't someone to tell ME to get my act together when it comes to my children. But now that I'm their childcare provider I'm trying to find the balance. And trust me with this kids..its because they don't spend time with their parents.

I will do away with the behavior part...and just speak from the heart. What ever flows...flows

Thank you all,

I think you should consider how you would handle another daycare family and take out ALL the personal, friendship background from it. It should be strictly business at this point IMO

[Christian Mother]

It's really hard to be a daycare provider to a friend. Specially one established before watching the children. I wouldn't address your personal feelings of any sort. I would discuss though what you have noticed lately and how to work together on correcting the behavior. You really have to leave out anything that involves the parents not being active parents for the cause. Just focus really on how to work together to get these children back on track.

I would make everything positive even though it's been rough for you. Talk about a reward system like stickers or a incentive for good behavior..maybe even encourage the parents to do something fun that way the kids have something to look forward to for having such good behavior. Something they can strive to all do together.

[AmyLeigh]

Instead of focusing on the bad behavior when they don't get time with the parents, can you turn it around??? I did that not too long ago. One dcb was behaving extra good and I made sure I told mom. I then said, you must have been spending extra time with him. She smiled really big and nodded. I then commended her for working so hard with her kids. Single mom, crazy work hours, having a tough time balancing it all. I wanted her to know that I noticed. If you want to comment on someone's parenting, make it positive.

[bgmeyers]

Originally Posted by AmyLeigh

Instead of focusing on the bad behavior when they don't get time with the parents, can you turn it around??? I did that not too long ago. One dcb was behaving extra good and I made sure I told mom. I then said, you must have been spending extra time with him. She smiled really big and nodded. I then commended her for working so hard with her kids. Single mom, crazy work hours, having a tough time balancing it all. I wanted her to know that I noticed. If you want to comment on someone's parenting, make it positive.

Love this!!!

[littlemissmuffet]

I'm not going to lie, I would love to my lame parents that they are being lame... but if they can't see that already, pointing out their laziness likely will not make a diffrence. They'll just get offended, leave and find a new daycare. I make a habit of sending out articals to all my parents every so often regarding issues I'm noticing in my daycare.... face with parents vs daycare providers; how unhealthy eating habits contiue into adulthood; CIO; teaching children independance; etc to communicate facts, theories and experiences so parents get the information but in a more general sort of way...

[saved4always]

I think it is too personal and the parents could take it as an attack on thier parenting. When I worked full time and had my kids in daycare, I would have been highly offended if I received a note like that from my provider. I would have definitely been looking for a new provider immediately.

I would definitely keep it to the facts about the childrens' behaviours and what you will do in care to encourage good behaviour. And ask that they support you in what you will be doing by them addressing the behaviours at home, too. Keep any statements that could be construed as judging them out of the conversation unless you are prepared to lose this family.