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  #1  
Old 10-17-2012, 09:37 AM
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Default The baby that wants to be held ALL DAY LONG. Should I term?

4 month old baby does not want to be put down AT ALL. Actually prefers if I am standing while holding him, which I physically can't do, as I have back problems, am pregnant, and also don't want to

I probably would just hold him all day because I prefer that to constant crying, but DCM has been complaining, saying things like, "baby wants to be held too much at home, baby starts crying if we aren't right there, etc" and I think she wants me to not hold him so much. Which would be great if he wasn't screaming constantly. She has suggested that I just go pat him and reassure him every 5 min, but really I can't run an effective dc with a screaming baby as background noise.

But - dc mom and I are sort of friends, and would see each other often even if I termed, so it would be very awkward. And do you think that the baby will just get easier as they get older? On the other hand, they pay a discounted rate and keep their baby here as much as possible, so my hourly rate from them is pathetic, plus their high-needs baby is keeping me from getting more kids. I could easily take on 2 kids for the effort of their one kid.

So, what would you do in this situation?
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  #2  
Old 10-17-2012, 09:44 AM
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That's definitely a tough call and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I too am dealing with a very demanding and frustrating child who is here on a discounted rate. I think all the time, 'gee, I could be making more money with less effort.' But then there's the whole, well... he's discounted bc of a relationship I hold with the parents. Its kind of the responsibility I took on and there HAS to be a way to make it easier. How long has he been in your care? Have you ever tried the boppy lounger? At 4 mo he might be getting to big for it, but my daughter was one who didn't want to be put down, and the lounger kind of gave her that comfy cradled feeling while I was free to actually FOLD LAUNDRY! lol My heart goes out to you. Hope you find something that works!
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:16 AM
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I've had the child in my care for a couple of months now. I was able to deal a little better when I was "allowed" to carry him around, but other than that it hasn't changed much. And now I just feel like a terrible daycare provider by letting him cry so much.

I do have some things I can put him (swing, etc) but he is only happy for maybe 5 minutes in there on a good day.
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:33 AM
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Won't he just get used to not being held all the time? I say give it some time. Let him cry as long as you are comfortable with & maybe stretch out the times between, like sleep training?? mine used to cry at dc too but, is fine now!
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:50 AM
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Same situation here, and I am truly at my wit's end with it. I have a 9 month old here, she has been bere for 2 months. Her mom is a friend and a teacher at my son's school. I also have cared for her two older brothers.

She is the sweetest baby - when I am holding her. The instant I even make a move to bend and put her down, she screams like she is on fire. She doesn't nap. She still eats every two hours. It is exasperating!

I just let her cry it out - but it does get challenging. It is shocking, b/c her two brothers were sooooo easy and laid back. I know her parents well, and respect their parenting. I think they just hold her all the time (she is VERY small, still in 0-3 month clothing). I know she is a baby carrier a lot at home.

I guess I don't have much advice, but I can definitely relate!

I
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:02 AM
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Have you tried swaddling, swinging or a vibrating bouncer?

For a younger one like this, I would make sure they were on a good sleep schedule and also that there were no feeding issues.

After that, your choices are to let him CIO (which it sounds like the parents are doing anyway) or let him go and tell mom that the situation is just not the right fit. Some babies are just not very happy and very demanding. If it is a personality thing, you cant change that.
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:54 AM
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Gravity, time and consistency are the only things that will work.

Only you will know how much screaming you can take.

Also, IMHO, having this family on a discounted tuition is going to make the screaming that much more frustrating. Maybe not today, but eventually, you will resent that discount.

I wish parents understood this before pressuring us for them.
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Old 10-17-2012, 12:03 PM
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Ugh.
Bye bye.
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Old 10-17-2012, 12:34 PM
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So...he IS happy when you hold him?

Does he sleep...go to sleep on his own?

If he's happy when you're holding but screaming when down, then he needs to learn to self soothe. If he's screaming all the time, no matter what, I would guess his formula doesn't agree with him, or he has reflux. etc. My own kids couldn't take high-iron formula, for instance. When I'd reintroduce it, they'd all 4 act like someone flipped a switch!

So, once you've ruled out a physical issue, I'd do this:

I hold and talk to them for a bit each day, and when I'm feeding or changing them. Other than that, they are on the floor to play, or occasionally in a bouncer/carseat.

If baby has been fed, changed and given attention, then crying = you must be tired. The end. "You are really crying. You must be tired. Lets go night...night". Sweet voice, smile...snuggle...bed...pacifier...close door.

Sleep, no sleep, it doesn't matter. He could be overstimulated, he could be tired, but either way, a nice cozy bed is the answer.

If he cries, then go in and very quietly reassure him every once in a while. If he's comming up on another "meal", then get him up, and try the above routine yet again.
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Old 10-17-2012, 01:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustMe View Post
4 month old baby does not want to be put down AT ALL. Actually prefers if I am standing while holding him, which I physically can't do, as I have back problems, am pregnant, and also don't want to

I probably would just hold him all day because I prefer that to constant crying, but DCM has been complaining, saying things like, "baby wants to be held too much at home, baby starts crying if we aren't right there, etc" and I think she wants me to not hold him so much. Which would be great if he wasn't screaming constantly. She has suggested that I just go pat him and reassure him every 5 min, but really I can't run an effective dc with a screaming baby as background noise.

But - dc mom and I are sort of friends, and would see each other often even if I termed, so it would be very awkward. And do you think that the baby will just get easier as they get older? On the other hand, they pay a discounted rate and keep their baby here as much as possible, so my hourly rate from them is pathetic, plus their high-needs baby is keeping me from getting more kids. I could easily take on 2 kids for the effort of their one kid.

So, what would you do in this situation?
Not a clue, because I have a 1 year old and a 7 month old who scream all day long because that is all they want too. I am so worn out, I could just cry.
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  #11  
Old 10-17-2012, 04:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sahm2three View Post
Not a clue, because I have a 1 year old and a 7 month old who scream all day long because that is all they want too. I am so worn out, I could just cry.
Sahm...divide and conquer! Put their cribs in far corners of the house, turn on the oven vent, the dishwasher, the bathroom fan, and anything else you've got, and LAY THEM DOWN. See above suggestions...

STOP STOP STOP feeling guilty that you all aren't holding these children every moment of every day! They do not need it, they want it, they may be conditioned to think they need it, but they DONT!

When you do play with them, sit down on the floor. Do NOT pick them up. Sit NEXT to them. I think this is a NannyDe thing, and it helps alot!
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  #12  
Old 10-17-2012, 05:41 PM
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I give it 30 days. In your case, I'd give it 30 days from the time you stopped carrying him around all day.

If there's no progress after trying all the great suggestions here, I'd term. I would give up a "friend" in a heartbeat to not be completely miserable every single work day! And I say "friend" because a real friend wouldn't be angry with you for not being able to handle a screaming/crying baby all day long while trying to operate a daycare!
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