Parents Upset About Time-Outs?

[lilbiddapopcorn]

I had a little girl today who's normally sooo sweet. But today she was just impossible. Every time I turned around she was hitting another child, kicking the baby, after five, FIVE warnings, I finally sat her in time out for 2 minutes. It was her first time out ever, she'd never had one at home. But she didn't even care. She just sat there looking at the ceiling for 2 minutes. Well when I told her grandma, she was livid with me. What was I supposed to do? All she said was "Well, her mom's gonna wanna talk to you about that tomorrow!" And left. What was I supposed to do? I tried redirecting her. I tried talking to her. I tried showing her the marks she left on the other kids and how hurt they were. I tried spending one on one time with her in case it was a jealousy thing. I just ran out of options! Has anyone had this problem before?! How can I handle a child if their parents won't let me discipline them when needed?

[pingaa3]

Do you have a discipline scenario in your contract.

Ours says:

1 time. Redirect
2 time. Timeout
3 time . Consultation with parent (possible removal from daycare)

A timeout for hitting/kicking etc. is expected and 2 minutes is nothing. Remember 1 minute per year of age. Our kids know the rules so well that we no longer warn about stuff like hitting, throwing, biting etc. We just put them straight into time out.

I think you should ask the parent if something happened that may have sparked the attitude change though. Or perhaps an age thing.

[lilbiddapopcorn]

My contract says:

"I will place a child in time out if I feel that they are a threat to the safety and well being of themselves or others. When this becomes necessary I make sure everyone is all right, then I stay with the child.

If something of a more serious nature or a persistent behavior should occur that is of concern to me or a threat to the safety of others, I will need to discuss it with you so that we can jointly decide on a course of action that is followed at home and in my care. If the problem cannot be resolved arrangements must be made for the child to receive care elsewhere. "

So I guess I should be more specific? I do know this little girl is having problems because her parents are in the middle of a rough divorce and custody battle, so I try to be more understanding of her outbursts. It's just I can't have her beat everyone up and act like that's OK if nothing else is working. Like I said, I tried redirecting, positive reinforcement, talking to her, sitting with her and playing with just her, and a time-out just seemed like it was necessary!

[daycaremom1998]

I completely agree with pingaa3. You need to have a discipline policy in your contract. You can't let children hit others and get away with it. It isn't a socially exceptable behaviour as you know. Hold your ground. It sounds like you did everything possible to help this little girl have a better day.

[DCMom]

I have found in recent years that parents respond to a more positive spin on discipline. I call a time out the 'thinking chair' and use rewards (like stickers or stamps) for good behavior rather than punishments for bad behavior. There seems to be a trend toward that in trainings I have taken lately also.

That being said, I think you handled it just fine and grandma is the one who over reacted. IMHO, I personally think that children need to learn that there are negative consequences to their behavior. The world doesn't always reward good behavior, but it sure notices bad. The sooner kids are taught self control (by whatever means) the better off they are going to be.

[preschooldad]

My guess is that Mom can give you some insight as to why she was acting out of character. Normally something at home has changed, sleep patterns disturbed etc. We would be tempted to make a courtesy call to Mom rather than rely on grandmom to communicate the news.

At what age do you think it is appropriate to give a child time out? How old do you think they would have to be to understand what this means?

Originally Posted by lilbiddapopcorn

All she said was "Well, her mom's gonna wanna talk to you about that tomorrow!" And left. What was I supposed to do? I tried redirecting her. I tried talking to her. I tried showing her the marks she left on the other kids and how hurt they were. I tried spending one on one time with her in case it was a jealousy thing. I just ran out of options! Has anyone had this problem before?! How can I handle a child if their parents won't let me discipline them when needed?

Oh for God's sake! Gimmee a break. A time out? She's gonna be upset you gave a child a time out? Good grief. How are you supposed to discipline her??

Sorry, but if a parent came down on me for a time out they would be out of a daycare spot.

It's no wonder kids these days run roughshot around their parents. They get away with murder because the parents are too scared to be anything but be their best friend.

[seashell]

This is what I tell my kids and the parents

First time I ask you,
Second time I tell you,
Third time, TIME OUT!

You didn't do anything wrong. Tough cookies to grandma.

[Chickenhauler]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

At what age do you think it is appropriate to give a child time out? How old do you think they would have to be to understand what this means?

While every child is different in comprehension and grasping what punishment is and the reason for it, I think 2 years old is a good threshold point.

Ask the parents if they will not allow you to discipline the child with time outs, what is their preferred solution?

It's all semantics. Just tell the parents you set the child near you so you could keep an eye on her, gave her a break from the commotion, let her calm down a bit from all the commotion.
I mean, wasn't that the original intent of time-out? Little kids needing to have a break from the situation after they have finally blow their top and done something they shouldn't have done.
Goodness knows I need several of my own time-outs throughout the day, even if it means hiding in the bathroom, before I do something I know I shouldn't do (like a time out for little Bobby, outside, hanging by his ankles from the tree).
Don't call the time-outs, just tell the parents you're giving them a little mental break.

[jen]

I am really, really hoping that Mom feels completely differently and Grandma is just over reacting. Otherwise, this little girl won't stay sweet for long!

In any case, it is your daycare and your rules. You didn't do anything wrong and if she doesn't like your form of discipline then move on to someone who is more compatible with your style of parenting.

I just noticed the OP is from over a year ago. I'm assuming the member is long gone and the problem is over with and done now.

Thank you Chickenhauler for your reply regarding age for time out. They gave my grandson time out for playing rough. He is only 17 months old and I think this is a little young to understand what time out would mean.

[Chickenhauler]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Thank you Chickenhauler for your reply regarding age for time out. They gave my grandson time out for playing rough. He is only 17 months old and I think this is a little young to understand what time out would mean.

Well, it depends on the maturity level of the child, and what time out really consists of.....if it's removing the child from the group and giving them a "cooling off" for a minute, then it's probably best.....kids get worked up easy, and calm down easy when they're young.

You'd be surprised by how quickly even younger kids grasp the concept of "I did that (hit bobby or threw a toy at susy) and then I got scolded and removed from the toys for a little bit"........hmmmm, don't want to get removed again, so maybe I won't do that again.......