Daycare.com ForumDaycare Insurance Daycare Insurance LIST YOUR DAYCARE!

FIND A DAYCARE!

Facebook


Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-09-2013, 11:00 AM
My3cents's Avatar
My3cents My3cents is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,765
Default Two Year Old Temper Tantrum

What works?

What works for the above and beyond Tantrum?

Can be over anything, toy taken away for ruff play to wrong shoes

Terming not an option, this child is good for most of the time.

When this child goes into this TT fit it goes beyond, would love some helps advice etc.....

How do you handle the horrible two's and TT?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-09-2013, 11:07 AM
Evansmom's Avatar
Evansmom Evansmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 722
Default

As long as there are no other issues (like ADHD, SPD, Autism, etc.) and as long as no one is in danger from the tantrum I ignore them. Tantrums get nothing from me. If they are disrupting other children I will pick them up and move them to a place away from the group but that's it.

Sometimes I will quietly and calmly with no emotion say "when you settle down we can (fill in the blank with what you are willing to offer here)" or something like that but most of the time I just walk away or turn my back.

After the tantrum I will always have a quiet discussion about what happened, reiterate that tantrums and screaming get nothing and what I'd like to see happen instead like making a polite request.

Kids learn real quick that tantrums don't work with me and I don't and haven't had a problem with them.

Now kids with ED, SPD etc. another story and MUCH harder to deal with. I have two of my own with SPD and it's been a real challenge.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-09-2013, 11:20 AM
e.j.'s Avatar
e.j. e.j. is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,630
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evansmom View Post
As long as there are no other issues (like ADHD, SPD, Autism, etc.) and as long as no one is in danger from the tantrum I ignore them. Tantrums get nothing from me. If they are disrupting other children I will pick them up and move them to a place away from the group but that's it.

Sometimes I will quietly and calmly with no emotion say "when you settle down we can (fill in the blank with what you are willing to offer here)" or something like that but most of the time I just walk away or turn my back.

After the tantrum I will always have a quiet discussion about what happened, reiterate that tantrums and screaming get nothing and what I'd like to see happen instead like making a polite request.

Kids learn real quick that tantrums don't work with me and I don't and haven't had a problem with them.

Now kids with ED, SPD etc. another story and MUCH harder to deal with. I have two of my own with SPD and it's been a real challenge.
When my son (who has Asperger's) used to have meltdowns, this is exactly how I handled them. Reacting to them just fed into the tantrums and made them last longer. Remaining calm and ignoring them as much as possible allowed him to calm down much faster. As long as he wasn't in any danger of harming himself, I would calmly tell him, "When you're done, let me know." Once he was calmed down, we would talk it over and discuss better ways to handle his frustrations.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-09-2013, 12:00 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
Daycare.com Member/Mod
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 13,705
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by e.j. View Post
When my son (who has Asperger's) used to have meltdowns, this is exactly how I handled them. Reacting to them just fed into the tantrums and made them last longer. Remaining calm and ignoring them as much as possible allowed him to calm down much faster. As long as he wasn't in any danger of harming himself, I would calmly tell him, "When you're done, let me know." Once he was calmed down, we would talk it over and discuss better ways to handle his frustrations.
Another thumbs up for this ^^

My pediatrician told me when my son had tantrums (also an Aspie) to ignore them....they preform when they have an audience.

Take away the audience and there is no joy in performing.

Talk it through later when they are calm and able to focus on what you are saying.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-09-2013, 12:07 PM
NeedaVaca's Avatar
NeedaVaca NeedaVaca is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: The Middle
Posts: 1,616
Default

The audience part is so true, I have seen them (many times and different kiddo's) put their hands over their eyes while crying but then peeking through their fingers to make sure I am still watching them. Nope, I make sure I stay busy doing something so they don't think I'm paying any attention to the fit!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-09-2013, 12:37 PM
WImom's Avatar
WImom WImom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,609
Default

I do the same as others. Ignore them, move them to a place noone will get hurt. Ie: they start it when near other kids I will move them so they don't kick anyone.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-09-2013, 12:49 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,041
Default

hit the ignore button.....lol

I didnt read them all, but I would just place the child in a safe place where they cannot hurt themselves or others and leave them be to complete the tantrum. When they are done you can talk to them and welcome them back to the group.

Many moons ago my very first dck was the best at throwing TT. THey would go on for over an hour sometimes 2....When I started getting more kids I quickly realized that I could not let this go on. SO after 40 minutes if the child has not been able to calm themselves or with assistance, they have to go home......
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-09-2013, 12:50 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,041
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca View Post
The audience part is so true, I have seen them (many times and different kiddo's) put their hands over their eyes while crying but then peeking through their fingers to make sure I am still watching them. Nope, I make sure I stay busy doing something so they don't think I'm paying any attention to the fit!
OMG I have this child.....lol I make sure to have them sit in the direction that they won't see any of us.......its kind of funny to watch......little boogars
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-09-2013, 01:42 PM
coolconfidentme's Avatar
coolconfidentme coolconfidentme is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,532
Default

I tell them to go in the nap room & when they are done, they can come out. If they throw one because of TO, I have them do the same & when they come out their TO begins. They know this up front. Works for me....
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-09-2013, 02:51 PM
Sunchimes's Avatar
Sunchimes Sunchimes is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,435
Default

I agree with the ignoring advice. Works for me. If it isn't a full blown tantrum, I just tell them to sit in the crying chair until they are finished, then go about my business.

Funny true story: Mom said that I started throwing some pretty massive tantrums about 2. One day, she picked me up and tanned my britches (it was nearly 60 years ago, she was allowed). According to her, the next time I threw myself in the floor to have a tantrum, I sat there a minute then sighed and said, "It's just not worth it," got up and went about my day. She said it didn't stop tantrums, but they were never as frequent or long after that.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 07-09-2013, 03:05 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
Daycare.com Member/Mod
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 13,705
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunchimes View Post

Funny true story: Mom said that I started throwing some pretty massive tantrums about 2. One day, she picked me up and tanned my britches (it was nearly 60 years ago, she was allowed). According to her, the next time I threw myself in the floor to have a tantrum, I sat there a minute then sighed and said, "It's just not worth it," got up and went about my day. She said it didn't stop tantrums, but they were never as frequent or long after that.
Proof that a firm enough consequence DOES make an impact and changes a child's behavior.

This is what I believe is wrong with parenting styles today...not enough FIRM consequences for negative behaviors.

NOT saying all kids should be spanked....just saying that follow through and a FIRM consequence makes ALL the difference in whether a behavior will be repeated or not.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-09-2013, 03:11 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,041
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Proof that a firm enough consequence DOES make an impact and changes a child's behavior.

This is what I believe is wrong with parenting styles today...not enough FIRM consequences for negative behaviors.

NOT saying all kids should be spanked....just saying that follow through and a FIRM consequence makes ALL the difference in whether a behavior will be repeated or not.
BC can you tell my ex husband this.....lol

I copied this from a thing that I am currently reading.......this is what all of us deal with daily....

part of the stuff I am reading:

He’ll act like he’s going to throw a temper tantrum in the store. And then you have a choice: deal with that temper tantrum or buy him a candy bar. Most parents buy the candy bar, which increases the probability this behavior will occur again. I understand why parents give in. They reason, “Well, it's only a candy bar.” And I agree: I’ve got nothing against buying things for kids. But the bottom line is, how does your child go about getting that candy bar or comic book? Does he earn it with good behavior or buy it with his own allowance money? Or does he intimidate and bully you into giving in to him? If he’s doing the latter, you will probably see him act out in restaurants and other public places as well when he doesn't get his way. At home, he will threaten to have a tantrum or lose his temper to get more power over you.

Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/Ang...#ixzz2YaZd6Ua6
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-09-2013, 03:17 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
Daycare.com Member/Mod
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 13,705
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
part of the stuff I am reading:

He’ll act like he’s going to throw a temper tantrum in the store. And then you have a choice: deal with that temper tantrum or buy him a candy bar. Most parents buy the candy bar, which increases the probability this behavior will occur again. I understand why parents give in. They reason, “Well, it's only a candy bar.” And I agree: I’ve got nothing against buying things for kids. But the bottom line is, how does your child go about getting that candy bar or comic book? Does he earn it with good behavior or buy it with his own allowance money? Or does he intimidate and bully you into giving in to him? If he’s doing the latter, you will probably see him act out in restaurants and other public places as well when he doesn't get his way. At home, he will threaten to have a tantrum or lose his temper to get more power over you.

Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/Ang...#ixzz2YaZd6Ua6
CLASSSIC example of a bad move on the parents part....the parent got immediate results (kid stopped crying in the store)

But the kid learned that he DOES have a viable method of controlling others and obtaining what he wants vs what he needs.

He needs to learn good/acceptable social behaviors but instead he learned that he can get what he wants by having a tantrum in public and mom/dad will do whatever it takes to keep him quiet.

He won't remember anything else other than, that tactic works and why change your behavior if it's working for you...
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-09-2013, 03:30 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,041
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
CLASSSIC example of a bad move on the parents part....the parent got immediate results (kid stopped crying in the store)

But the kid learned that he DOES have a viable method of controlling others and obtaining what he wants vs what he needs.

He needs to learn good/acceptable social behaviors but instead he learned that he can get what he wants by having a tantrum in public and mom/dad will do whatever it takes to keep him quiet.

He won't remember anything else other than, that tactic works and why change your behavior if it's working for you...
its crazy that I personally see this happen almost every day. Last week I heard some lady tell her daughter in the store....daughter is screaming I want this at top of lungs mom says if you stop screaming I will buy you both. I just wanted to smack that mom and tell the child sorry you can't have either one, you didn't earn it...........but I just gave a funny glare and walked on.........
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 07-09-2013, 03:31 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,041
Default

BC looks like we have this as a double post...want to merge it?? I'll let you do it...

I wanted to add that parents really dont understand now how much damage they are doing when they do that. TRUST me. I have a 15 year old daughter who has daddy wrapped around every finger.........
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 07-09-2013, 06:28 PM
Cradle2crayons's Avatar
Cradle2crayons Cradle2crayons is offline
Going to eat worms
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 3,437
Default

I'm a mean mother. Even my five year old has to EARN that money for the sucker or candy bar etc lol
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 07-10-2013, 11:17 AM
My3cents's Avatar
My3cents My3cents is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,765
Default

What do you do when child refuses to go to time out or calm down station or won't stay once you have placed them there?
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 07-10-2013, 11:24 AM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 5,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by My3cents View Post
What do you do when child refuses to go to time out or calm down station or won't stay once you have placed them there?
That's one of the reasons I just don't use them. In WI, I can't use them for children under 3 anyway.

I do use the playpen on rare occasion for the one little man (like I said yesterday). But, there is a toy in there for comfort, and I present it as a break, not a time-out. Not sure how licensing would look at it, so I'd be unlikely to do it in front of a licenser. 99% of the time, redirection works way better anyway.

Now, if it's for screaming/crying and carrying on, I would really just keep leading him back to the crying spot or calming corner. Instead of "time-out", which means 1 minute per year of age or you say when he can come out, it's "here is the calming corner, come out when you are calm". Or "your screaming hurts my ears, so back and play when you are done". It's a comfy spot, not a hard chair with a dunce cap...(jk )
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 07-10-2013, 11:52 AM
My3cents's Avatar
My3cents My3cents is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,765
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
That's one of the reasons I just don't use them. In WI, I can't use them for children under 3 anyway.

I do use the playpen on rare occasion for the one little man (like I said yesterday). But, there is a toy in there for comfort, and I present it as a break, not a time-out. Not sure how licensing would look at it, so I'd be unlikely to do it in front of a licenser. 99% of the time, redirection works way better anyway.

Now, if it's for screaming/crying and carrying on, I would really just keep leading him back to the crying spot or calming corner. Instead of "time-out", which means 1 minute per year of age or you say when he can come out, it's "here is the calming corner, come out when you are calm". Or "your screaming hurts my ears, so back and play when you are done". It's a comfy spot, not a hard chair with a dunce cap...(jk )
So after two minutes the child has not calmed down and is still in full blown mode, won't stay where you have placed them, kicking, screaming, you let them back into the group like that?

I love your comfy spot idea and if it works for you great. My kids would want to be placed there that would have no effect on them. They have those places in the general play area. A comfy spot would not keep this one from getting up and being obstinate anyway. If put him in a chair he gets up, if I walk away from him he steps off the zone mat that the chair is on, if I walk away he follows slowly carrying on and such like a little mad man. Then he can't calm down, that horrible sob sob that breaks your heart comes out and it just continues.

Today I did more talking out with the little and it did seem to be a bit better day. I think my little was over over tired and just entered land of no return. I just don't want this to become the norm- Another thing is one of the parents travels a lot for work and I know this has an effect. Super smart kiddo, keeps right up with my three's.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 07-10-2013, 12:07 PM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 5,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by My3cents View Post
So after two minutes the child has not calmed down and is still in full blown mode, won't stay where you have placed them, kicking, screaming, you let them back into the group like that?
I love your comfy spot idea and if it works for you great. My kids would want to be placed there that would have no effect on them. They have those places in the general play area. A comfy spot would not keep this one from getting up and being obstinate anyway. If put him in a chair he gets up, if I walk away from him he steps off the zone mat that the chair is on, if I walk away he follows slowly carrying on and such like a little mad man. Then he can't calm down, that horrible sob sob that breaks your heart comes out and it just continues.

Today I did more talking out with the little and it did seem to be a bit better day. I think my little was over over tired and just entered land of no return. I just don't want this to become the norm- Another thing is one of the parents travels a lot for work and I know this has an effect. Super smart kiddo, keeps right up with my three's.

No...I just don't tell them two minutes. I'd keep leading him back for as long as it takes. Give him something to hug (if he'll take it), but keep redirecting that he can't come back to the group until he's calmer. I'd let a sniffle or two go, but not the screaming. Of course, avoiding the tantrum with redirection or empathy (whatever the situation calls for) in the first place usually works better.

Honestly, I can't even remember ever having a child where a time-out really worked. The ones that would stay put "for two minutes" were usually pretty compliant anyway. The rest wouldn't stay on their spot, and it became a battle of wills over the time-out. Whatever the original crime was would be long forgotten.

The exception was the 5 year old I talked about before. But 5 is a whole lot different than 2. That kid was totally in control though. He obviously used the tantrums to manipulate everyone. Long story, but long gone...lol.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
tantrums, temper tantrum

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Contract Dates? Calendar Year or School Year? Crazy8 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 15 08-21-2013 11:52 AM
Curriculum For 2013-2014 School Year lollipop101 New Members - Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! 4 07-01-2013 08:41 AM
Temper Tantrum Baby sharlan Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 6 10-16-2012 03:44 PM
Is it Legal to Charge for Full Year When Leaving a Program with Notice? Unregistered Parents and Guardians Forum 7 01-21-2010 09:11 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:41 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming