Parents Hanging Around...

Okay...I'll admit that I stink at communication skills, and that's a huge part of the problem. I have two sets of parents, who arrive to get their children a couple hours after they get off work, (grrr) and then they simply won't leave. They want to hang around and chat, push their kids on my swings, laugh while the kids run around my house like monkeys, etc. Their kids are the most challenging ones that I care for, and they are always the last to arrive. Any ideas (scripts) on how I can tactfully let them know that I have been at work for eleven hours, and I have dinner, homework, and my own children to attend to?

Get your kids to start pestering about dinner, homework, etc... loudly, in front of the parents. I'm pretty awful about communication also, but your kids may help to drive the point home. The parents may just honestly not realize that you have your life to get on with. I guess it's a bit of a complement that you have a comfortable environment, but they still need to respect that your home is not a public park.

Could you try putting out a form letter to everyone that you care for? I stink at communication skills as well, so if I ever have an issue with even one person I put out a form letter to everyone......such as "please remember that pickup and dropoff times should be quick in order to ease your child's transition from daycare to home."

good luck!

I have struggled with this issue myself and also have parents that get off of work at 3 but don't pick up till 5....then they park in the driveway (although 2 cars fit side by side, and 3 cars lengths from top to bottom) if someone pulls in behind them, now everyone is waiting, including my husband who comes home at that time, and now he cannot get up the driveway. Then they stand in my kitchen and "chat" while their children now start to act up because mom/dad is now there. I now have the kids bags packed and ready to go, shoes on, and if it's close (w/in 5 minutes of close time), coats on and ready to go. I usually make a statement such as "I won't keep you, I don't want you to get trapped in the driveway, see ya tomorrow", and when they are the last ones to pick up I say, "I don't mean to rush you off, but we need to get to the ballfield for my son's game, but I'll see you in the morning". I have found that the two phrases "I won't keep you" and "I don't mean to rush you off" really work wonders in getting people to move quickly. It almost makes them feel that they would be imposing if they stayed longer. My other tactic is calling out to my kids asking if they are ready to go, that we only have five minutes to get to "whatever". I have watched the children for 10 hours by that time, and although the parents are nice and friendly, I want to spend time with my own family at the end of the day.

[Ms.Sue]

Even if you are not 'great' with communication skills, you can still be polite and direct. YOU are running your business --not anyone else-- You set your schedule, rules, policies, etc..... You need to take control.

When you are ready for her to leave - just say "I have to close up and get dinner ready, etc....., I'll see you tomorrow, have a nice evening."

Get the upper hand - and never let it go !

Once you do it a few times -or even once!!! You will be so proud of yourself!!!!!!!!!

[Former Teacher]

that you insist on parents coming in right after work to pick up their child. In my almost 20 years in daycare I can count on 1 hand the number of parents that came right after work to pick up their children.

I just left my center in Feb. 2009 and there was a child who just turned a year in Oct. This baby would be at the center from 630 a.m. to 630 p.m. and his parents (BOTH!) would come in jogging outfits knowing full well that this child was with us ALL day. Then the mother would get upset because he never wanted to leave and he would cry. Sad thing was was that the father only worked until 3 during the week AND had Fridays off. I think he loved to rub it in my face on Friday nights by making little off comments. Once for example he pretended to be running in and said..oh excuse me can i please have a paper towel? I just had some chicken wings with the boys and I spilled some on me ( there was nothing on him). Another time (a Friday, dad's day off) was when it was 6:25 p.m. and I was watching him taking his time getting out of the car, messing with his phone, stretching and then he saw me in the window and he started to jog pretending to be out of breath saying he thought mom was going to be picking him up. Had he known he had to he wouldve picked up the baby earlier and not be in a dead sleep!!!

All I am saying is that I find it funny that providers demand that a parent be there after work and that providers are not watching a child while the parents are doing errands etc. Providers have NO control over that. A parent could easily get dressed as to go to work only to go home after dropping off the kids (I have seen that many times!) or that a parent does their errands still dressed in work clothes. There are many scenarios and there is really nothing you can say or do. They are paying for the slot regardless.

I know another provider who provides slots for when the parents are at work. On the contract they put the hours and days they work and she allows 20-30 minutes before and after scheduled work time, and that is their slot. Late fees and all, even if there are still other children in her care. She doesn't mess around and lets them know she is providing the service while they are at work. It's the way she runs things. She's always full or close to full and has pretty dedicated clients. Not necessarily they way I would do it, but it works for her. When you own your own business you can run it the way you want to with your own rules. Home care is a lot different than center care, I just turned someone away today because they wouldn't have been a good fit. At centers you just have to deal with whoever walks through the door. Same with parents, at centers you just have to suck it up and hope the director deals with problems. When it's your home it's all on you so you make decisions and run things the way it's best for your family.

I have a gate up between my living room (where the front door is) and the dining room. Daycare room is to the back thru the dining room. As it is time for each child to leave, I bring them out to the front room to wait on parent. I can see all 3 rooms from here, and have found that keeping the gate up deters parents from coming back into the rest of the house. There is no reason for them to walk thru my home. I have also put shoes and coats on child and had them ready to go out the door.

I also have in my handbook that I am here to "Watch your child while you are at work". Why would you NOT want your child if you are not working.....unless you are a selfish parent and you come first and not your child.

[LeadershipConnection]

Hello,

What a challenge this can be. One teacher shared with me how a parent would come and hang out and follow her to the bathroom and then wait for her to come out.

I truly believe that the direct approach is the best one. I would not waste my time beating around the bush or writing general memos that just fall on the floor or get smushed up in the parent's car.

When the parent comes in and they just want to hang out. Let them know that you value your professional relationship and would be happy to set up a meeting where you can chat further or address her concerns.

And I agree that sometimes simply saying: It's great to see you. I look forward to seeing/spending quality time with my family now that the workday is over and walk her out to the door.

Best Wishes,

Julie Bartkus
www.LCforCC.com

I would be friendly when she comes in to pick her kids up but be as short as possible. If you have to say that you have to get dinner started and tell her to have a nice evening. When i'm really not in the mood to have any parents hang around at the end of the day I simply put on my coat and when they come through the door I grab my purse and make believe that I have an appointment that I need to be at in about 10 minutes. That usually does the trick and they leave immediately. Then I take off my coat and enjoy the rest of my night

Just the fact that the provider says she is not good at communication is the major problem. If you don't have good communication with the parents and are scared to relay your policies to them when there is a problem, how are you supposed to be capable of communicating well with children? The parents are your partners, no actually, THEY are in charge of their children. They are just paying you to watch their kids because they have to work. you are not the boss. If you can't effectively communicate with them about your policies you shouldn't even be in business.

[Chickenhauler]

As for the parents leaving their children in daycare while doing something other than working, who cares as long as they are paying?

If the kids are staying past the scheduled leave time and it's interfering with your personal life, then simply put into action a "late fee". Don't pick up your kid on time? Large fee for breach of contract.

As for parents "hanging out" with their kids on your property, I'd say the clocks still ticking....if they want to tie up your time with general BS'ing and playing on your facilities, then keep the meter running!

It only makes sense that you charge them, as they are using your equipment, grounds, time and most importantly, fall under your liability insurance coverage.

That last one alone should scare the living crap out of all of us.

Most of us charge by the day or week so "the clock is still ticking" really doesn't do much good because they already paid. But that aside, I usually find myself slightly irritated when I know parents are off work and they still wait till the last moment to pick up their kids. I happen to have a few enrolled now that have odd schedules so there are several days a week when one or both parents are off and still bring the kids. But when it comes down to it...they are paying for the spot and they can do what they want...go to the pool(as one of mine does frequently), run errands etc...I don't understand that personally. If you arent at work/appointment etc..., why dont you want your kids with you? Some parents have even talked themselves out of the guilt by saying their child is bored at home or needs to be around other kids. LOL. I hardly think it has much to do with it.
When a parent hangs around longer than necessary, I try to "be busy" with the kids and not chit chat with them much. They usually get the hint that I am working and they need to get their kid and get going. I have also had the kids and purse ready to walk out the door when a parent is coming right at closing time.

Actually I don't have a problem when a parent if off and still wants to bring their child since they are paying for that spot anyway. My problem is they bring them from opening till closing (6am-5pm) when it is stated in writing that "Although I am opened a total of eleven hours, I do not wish to have each child here that length of time. I have these hours for the working parents. If you have things to do before or after work make arrangements with someone to pick them up or take them with you."
Still, these parents do it anyway. I am thinking of the next time I re-write my policy I will put if you are off of work, your drop-off and pick-up time should be 7 am - 3:30 pm. I think that is more than enough hours for them to get done what the need and their child would have plenty of interaction time with other children. Sometimes I think these parents are trying to get their moneys worth but for the little I charge I think I am the one that is getting short-changed. ( 70.00 a week weather they come or not.) We live in a small community where other home care providers and I keep our prices and policies pretty much the same.

Well, the positive is that they like it there! Maybe they enjoy hanging out and chatting so they don't have to go home and deal with their own child.

But..........that isn't fair to you. How many children do you have at the center?

A good idea is to write a note to all of the parents. Communication is always important.
Don't isolate this problem, but discuss special things going on at your "center". Then, put reminders- change of clothing, seasonally appropriate, special events or projects that the. children are doing, etc. Then add that the center, (your home), closes at ---.Please keep in mind that at this time, all parents and children need to leave so that you can begin to plan for the next day, clean the facility, etc, etc. Say that you appreciate their understanding and cooperation in this matter. Send this to all parents. Maybe add a line about arrival as well, what you expect at arrival time. This way, you are not isolating these parents and their habit of hanging out. I believe they will get the message without being personally offended.

[ConcernedMotherof2]

Originally Posted by Former Teacher

that you insist on parents coming in right after work to pick up their child. In my almost 20 years in daycare I can count on 1 hand the number of parents that came right after work to pick up their children.

I just left my center in Feb. 2009 and there was a child who just turned a year in Oct. This baby would be at the center from 630 a.m. to 630 p.m. and his parents (BOTH!) would come in jogging outfits knowing full well that this child was with us ALL day. Then the mother would get upset because he never wanted to leave and he would cry. Sad thing was was that the father only worked until 3 during the week AND had Fridays off. I think he loved to rub it in my face on Friday nights by making little off comments. Once for example he pretended to be running in and said..oh excuse me can i please have a paper towel? I just had some chicken wings with the boys and I spilled some on me ( there was nothing on him). Another time (a Friday, dad's day off) was when it was 6:25 p.m. and I was watching him taking his time getting out of the car, messing with his phone, stretching and then he saw me in the window and he started to jog pretending to be out of breath saying he thought mom was going to be picking him up. Had he known he had to he wouldve picked up the baby earlier and not be in a dead sleep!!!

All I am saying is that I find it funny that providers demand that a parent be there after work and that providers are not watching a child while the parents are doing errands etc. Providers have NO control over that. A parent could easily get dressed as to go to work only to go home after dropping off the kids (I have seen that many times!) or that a parent does their errands still dressed in work clothes. There are many scenarios and there is really nothing you can say or do. They are paying for the slot regardless.

I agree with a lot that you have said here. However, I don't understand parents who don't want their children with them as soon as they get off of work. (the 'Friday Father' sounds like my ex-husband and I REALLY don't understand parents like that)

There are times that I get off work a little early and run an errand (quick trip to the grocery store, fill a prescription, etc) before picking up my children, but on the average day, I pick them up as early as possible. There just aren't enough hours between getting them home and bedtime (a strict 8pm so they will get up the next day) to accomplish making and cleaning up dinner, homework, showers and *quality time* to not pick them up directly after work.

On the other hand, as a single parent who shells out half her paycheck to daycare, I feel that if I need an hour after I've completed my workday to get something done prior to picking up my little angels, I've paid for daycare and since I don't have a spouse to pick up some of my slack, I rely on the basic principal of childcare. Fortunately, I have a very understanding and comunicative provider and they let me know if there's something amiss.

Bottom line, however you choose to do it, COMMUNICATE with the parents. There is no way they can possibly know what you're thinking if you don't tell them and it is ridiculous to assume they 'dont care.' They may not, but you can't simply assume that they don't care and build up annimosity toward them if you don't communicate with them. When it becomes obvious that they are completely disrespecting you, then it is your choice whether or not to continue caring for their children. But if you do, there have been some great suggestions made in this thread.

Best of luck to you.

[Chickenhauler]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Actually I don't have a problem when a parent if off and still wants to bring their child since they are paying for that spot anyway. My problem is they bring them from opening till closing (6am-5pm) when it is stated in writing that "Although I am opened a total of eleven hours, I do not wish to have each child here that length of time. I have these hours for the working parents. If you have things to do before or after work make arrangements with someone to pick them up or take them with you."
Still, these parents do it anyway. I am thinking of the next time I re-write my policy I will put if you are off of work, your drop-off and pick-up time should be 7 am - 3:30 pm. I think that is more than enough hours for them to get done what the need and their child would have plenty of interaction time with other children. Sometimes I think these parents are trying to get their moneys worth but for the little I charge I think I am the one that is getting short-changed. ( 70.00 a week weather they come or not.) We live in a small community where other home care providers and I keep our prices and policies pretty much the same.

You created your own problem-the "flat rate" billing method without a set parameter of hours. The "I'm open these hours, this is my weekly rate" method will get you in that pickle every time.

I suggest when you interview a new family, discuss what hours they will require child care, then do some quick math on what an hourly charge for the week would be, and CONTRACT your services for the hours they require for a set fee (if you prefer the set fee arrangement). Put it all down in writing, and have an additional fee for additional hours.

This will allow you to custom tailor your care to the customers needs, you will still have your set steady weekly income you can count upon, but will reduce the risk of being used and abused for 10 hours per day, 5 days per week.

Honestly, if I was paying for a full day slot and had young children that I couldn't turn my back on and get things done on my day off (I'm a guy, so that means mechanic'ing, farm work, cutting wood, lawn mowing, property maintenance etc), I'd be dropping them off at daycare.

Now, if I knew I was going to pay a bit extra, I'd think twice about it.

[kiddieshack]

with regards to parents leaving their kids at daycare while they are not at work: I battled with this for many years as a provider. I decided that parents are going to do what they want. They are paying for a slot in my daycare, i can't spend my day worrying about if the parent is at work or home. As long as i can reach them in an emergency, that's what i focus on. I personally would never send my own child to daycare if i had the day off, but a lot of parents have it in their mind that they are going to get their monies worth. I decided to start a daycare 20+ years ago because i didnt want someone else raising my child and influencing them on what kind of adult they will turn into. I wanted to spend as much time with them as possible, and be able to teach them how to treat others and how to respect themselves. I can't tell you how many parents comment on how well I've taught their child table manners, sharing, making friends, treating adults with respect, or their colors and ABC"s. AS though I need to teach them all these things and not the parent. I feel that PARENTS should be their child's FIRST teacher, NOT the daycare provider! jmo

[Bkind]

I haven't read all post but in short I tell parents if they are going to hang around consistently for and length of time out side of normal range a parent normally would and I say b/c the state see that you now are a large influence on the other children now I have to ask you to get fingerprinted and go through the proper channels to be hanging around this often or for long periods of time and I would be more than happy to get them this information and training,,,,,,,,,,no offence but if I let you I can't discriminate and I have to let everyone who would like to stay and hang out and we just don't know every parents back ground, so for the safety of the children this is why they require this...............................

[SilverSabre25]

OLD, old thread!!!