When You Don't Tell The DCP But The Child Does

[daycare]

SO I try to keep what happens here at DC to myself, unless it was something that harmed a child in anyway. LIke a child fell, or a child hurt another child. Or if it is something that I feels warrants the parents to know how their child is behaving while here.

If I had to report every little thing that went wrong with each and every child I would be sitting behind the computer typing up reports a mile long.

So DCM asked me why I didnt tell her that her child had to sit at a different table than the rest of the kids yesterday, her child told her.

I told her that I could not inform her of every happening here and that I only tried to inform the parents of issues that I feel need their attention.

She was not happy about the answer and asked her what would you like me to do....Of course no response..

How do you handle these types of situations when you chose not to tell the parents, but the kids are old enough to tell their parents???

BTW the reason the child had to sit at a different table was becuase he was kicking the other kids legs under the table during eating time and would not stop when asked.

[mac60]

I too don't tell every little detail, same as you. I have also told parents well, there are two sides to every story, and before you believe what little Johnny says, please ask.

So what did she say when you told her what he was doing.

[Zoe]

I don't feel the parents need to know every detail of the day. Even the most angelic of kids mess up sometimes. If we told the parents every little thing that happened (like today my sweet angel ran once, tattled 5 times, accidentally hit someone with a toy.....) the parent would think their child was this monster who was doing terribly at daycare, when that really isn't the case.

I guess my advice would be to just mention it if they ask, then explain that it was a minor thing and just part of the day at daycare. It doesn't reflect how they are at all times and doesn't warrant a daily note. Then reassure them that when something does happen that is important, of course, the parent would be notified.

[daycare]

I too don't tell every little detail, same as you. I have also told parents well, there are two sides to every story, and before you believe what little Johnny says, please ask.

So what did she say when you told her what he was doing.
I told her that he was having table issues and that he needed to be seperated not only becasue he was kicking the children, but he was also not listening to me when I asked him to stop doing it.

She looked at me and said well I should have been told...

So I asked her what would you like me to do when something happens here at daycare? She did not respond and I did not either....I just walked away and tended to the other kids here...

[Cat Herder]

First, I do have to say that If I had to separate a child from the group during meal time because he was kicking other children it would have been a big deal and the parent would have been notified. ;)

Violence of ANY kind is not tolerated here. Play violence or intended, it equals the same discipline to me.

If he had been separated because he had a runny nose and kept wiping it across the table grossing everyone else out... I probably would have kept that one to myself. ;)

It comes down to what is the biggest issue to both the parent and provider. YKWIM?

It is a bit of a Grey topic....:confused:

[daycare]

First, I do have to say that If I had to separate a child from the group during meal time because he was kicking other children it would have been a big deal and the parent would have been notified. ;)

Violence of ANY kind is not tolerated here. Play violence or intended, it equals the same discipline to me.

If he had been separated because he had a runny nose and kept wiping it across the table grossing everyone else out... I probably would have kept that one to myself. ;)

It comes down to what is the biggest issue to both the parent and provider. YKWIM?

It is a bit of a Grey topic....:confused:
He was not kicking them hurting them, he was just doing the swing your legs to kick the chairs they were sitting in and at times would make contact with the child's legs. No one was hurt. It was more disruptive than anything...

and yes it is a very grey area...

[Lianne]

If I've dealt with a situation during daycare hours, I rarely tells the parents because it's already been dealt with and is over and done. I'll only include the parents if there is an ongoing issue.

[Meyou]

This has happened a couple of times with me. I just tell the truth. A million things happen in a day and I only tell them about the dangerous ones most of the time because the rest is just part of my job. :) Then I explain the specific situation they're asking about so they have the grownup version not the 4 year old version. lol

The only thing I've mentioned to a parent so far this week that was negative was yesterday when DCB 1 taught DCB2 to pee in the lake. I get to them in my count and there are two little bums facing me, two streams of pee going into the lake and the one of the lifeguards storming across the beach!! Hahahaha. We had a talk about proper places to pee. ;)

[daycare]

lmao that is super funny!! But yes warrants a talk about the right place to use the bathroom..

[Meeko]

I tell the parents that there must be a happy medium.

I will tell them if it is something that concerns me enough. I let the children know that their parents and I are in cahoots with each other and that Mom and Dad WILL be told if necessary.

On the other hand...a child needs to feel they can trust me and I am not going to snitch on every tiny move they made during the day. Many things are dealt with straight away and there is no need to bring it up again at the end of day.

[daycare]

I tell the parents that there must be a happy medium.

I will tell them if it is something that concerns me enough. I let the children know that their parents and I are in cahoots with each other and that Mom and Dad WILL be told if necessary.

On the other hand...a child needs to feel they can trust me and I am not going to snitch on every tiny move they made during the day. Many things are dealt with straight away and there is no need to bring it up again at the end of day.
I think that I need to tell the mom this... I need a happy medium... I will let them know when things happen that I feel are necessary and that the parents need to be informed, otherwise please understand that I am not able to report everything that happens here.

I will never hold back any information that I feel a parent should know

[jojosmommy]

I tell my parents only believe 50% of what your child says at daycare and I only believe 50% of what they tell me happens at home.

I also remind them that it is my job to deal with issues that come up and unless they warrant parent input then I deal with them appropriately on my own.

[JenNJ]

First, I do have to say that If I had to separate a child from the group during meal time because he was kicking other children it would have been a big deal and the parent would have been notified. ;)

Yeah. Any violence is reported to the parents that afternoon. I want the parents to know so that they can work on the behaviors at home. I want and need that back up from the parents.

If I was the dc mom, I would be annoyed as well. I want to know if my kid has behavior issues so I can deal with it.

[nannyde]

First, I do have to say that If I had to separate a child from the group during meal time because he was kicking other children it would have been a big deal and the parent would have been notified. ;)

Violence of ANY kind is not tolerated here. Play violence or intended, it equals the same discipline to me.

If he had been separated because he had a runny nose and kept wiping it across the table grossing everyone else out... I probably would have kept that one to myself. ;)

It comes down to what is the biggest issue to both the parent and provider. YKWIM?

It is a bit of a Grey topic....:confused:

Trust me

She would have known about this before she came to pick him up. I believe in full ratting out.... live... as it happens.

If he didn't mind me or was mean to the kids I would tell on him.

Now if it was the FIRST time he was swinging his legs under the table then I would tell him to quit it. If he stopped it then no ratting out. If he was doing it a second time or a second day in a row then I would tell them.

If he didn't mind me ANY time he would be told on.

[Crazy8]

I tell my parents only believe 50% of what your child says at daycare and I only believe 50% of what they tell me happens at home.

I also remind them that it is my job to deal with issues that come up and unless they warrant parent input then I deal with them appropriately on my own.

I agree with this. Maybe it was the way you answered that she wasn't happy with?? I would have explained it wasn't really that big of an issue at the time and because it was handled hours earlier and wasn't a constant issue with the child you didn't feel the need to bring it up again. Reassure her that if there are serious issues with a child you will bring them to her attention but that kids will be kids and everyone will need a little discipline sometimes and that you'd be sitting there for hours with each parent if you had to describe each of them at the end of the day!

I do give parents a heads up any time a child is given a time out or separated like that though - because I don't have to do it that often.

[Unregistered]

I tell the parents when I believe that it's needed. If it involves violent behavior I will not only tell the parents, I will give them a play by play of the incident and I don't wait for pick up time to do it. That's the type of behavior that has to be addressed right away. I also talk to parents if the child is continually crossing the line. I used to tell parents all the time because I hoped that the parents would work with me and help to correct the poor behavior, but in most cases the parents were not concerned. In all honesty, I have to admit that the way that the kids behave is not my concern because it didn't happen at my house. Maybe that's what some parents think, too.

[daycare]

REALLY??? I am really shocked at some of the responses.... I have kids that don't listen constantly throughout the day.

[jojosmommy]

I just have to say I would be "telling on" one dck in particular every night for longer than he even attended daycare. I have one who is constantly testing the limits and does as he pleases at home. The few times I have had a constant issue with him and have brought it up to parents their ideas of how to deal with it were ridiculous. I would rather be firm, consistent and expect kids to mind then go tattling every night. In this case I doubt the mother would support me anyway so I would rather not tell them my tactics for them to scrutinize anyhow.

[Mom_of_two]

I would not have told about that, either.
With most parents I let them know that I Expect toddlers to need behavioral guidance multiple times a day with regards to such things (they are mostly well behaved, listen to me) because it is normal at 2-3 etc. But with 'bigger' stuff I let them know- if there is biting, aggressive hitting, etc etc, if a child does not seem him or herself I tell the parent.

I would actually love to tell them more, if a parent would be interested in hearing all of the little details. If a parent were to request more info on a regular basis I would gladly oblige. I have three DCK's, so would be easier for me than some of you with more.

[familyschoolcare]

the response we where taught by the principal when I worked in Elementary school was "I did not tell you that because I/we dealt with it in house and therefore by the end of the day when we saw you it was not a big deal it was dealt with and we had moved on."

Which was always the truth as I never had a parent ask me about something I thought I still needed to deal with.

[cheerfuldom]

I don't tell about each tantrum or misbehaving only because I have taken care of it and there is nothing the parent can do about something small that happened several hours earlier. If I tell the parents too much, they get overwhelmed and feel that I am complaining about their child. I think less is more. However, if there are ongoing issues with not listening and misbehaving, then yes, that does need to be addressed with the parents. My general thought is to only tell the parents things about which they can actually have some control over or make some changes to it OR things that I just simply cannot handle. If this situation happened to me then I would just have told the mom what the consequence was and let her know that it was a minor issue that had already been resolved.

[Christian Mother]

He was not kicking them hurting them, he was just doing the swing your legs to kick the chairs they were sitting in and at times would make contact with the child's legs. No one was hurt. It was more disruptive than anything...

and yes it is a very grey area...

I think when being approached with this kind of questions directed at as...it is best to make the answers very short and to the point. Be very direct and light...Light being the key. :) You know, I removed him bc he was swinging his legs and trying to kick the other kids. I quickly made the decision to remove him from the situation and then we discussed how we sit at the table correctly. Simple and easy as that. Let her know it would be the same in any kind of situation when a time out is enforced. You don't tell the parent of all the time outs or the talking too's involved with all the children other than ones that really need a mom and dad's help on. Let them know if this was a occurrence that has been going on for a awhile then yes I would be having to address it with you right away. But in this instance I was able to deal with it right away. And it really was fine.

[nannyde]

REALLY??? I am really shocked at some of the responses.... I have kids that don't listen constantly throughout the day.

My Ratting Out The Kids Policy:

If your child has any behavior issues here you will be the first to know. We keep the parents informed of any behaviors that are requiring repeated corrections. (In other words... we rat them out ) Please keep us posted of any behavior issues you are having at home ESPECIALLY any kind of physical or violent acting out. We will be happy to help with advise or work on the issues here.

So I tell the parents when their kid is a newborn that I will tell them if they misbehave.

I expect the kids to mind me. I have a pretty tight correction method that stops behavior at the "root" of the behavior. I get it stopped before it gets into something serious.

I use time out about once every 18 months to two years. I have kids in my house that are four/five and have never been on time out. I don't have any kids who have had to be on time out twice.

Nan don't play. I'm strict and I tell the parents if I'm having any problems with them. If I call them about behavior they KNOW I'm not playin. They know me well enough to know that if the kid skids past my root correction and is doing something that is BREAKING THE LAW... that they will be told the truth.

If anything happens that requires a kid over two to be separated from the other kids I would tell the parents. In order for my system to work they have to be with the other kids. A separation is serious.

Of course I'm not telling them every time they do something like touch the baby equipment... try to get up from the table before they are allowed to... cutting in line... or something like that. If they do a minor infraction we just correct and move on. If they continue to do it after we know they know what we want then YES I tell the parents.

The kids have to learn what you want first. I don't rat them out for the "pre-behavior" stuff. I just rat them out if their behavior gets to a full behavior that is against my rules.

A kid not minding me would not fly here. It's dangerous and it's bad for the other kids and my staff assistant. They have to mind the adult. That's a given in my world.

[nannyde]

I have kids that don't listen constantly throughout the day.

That would be a living hell to me. I couldn't even do day care if I had that.

[Cat Herder]

REALLY??? I am really shocked at some of the responses.... I have kids that don't listen constantly throughout the day.

Really...:Sunny:

I just don't have that, here.

Granted, my kids are all 6 months-2 years and have all been here since birth.

The worst thing that happened here today was "The great shoe swap of 2011"...:lol::lol:

Two pairs of identical new shoes, who's are who's??? IDK!! :eek: :p

[nannyde]

Really...:Sunny:

I just don't have that, here.

Granted, my kids are all 6 months-2 years and have all been here since birth.

The worst thing that happened here today was "The great shoe swap of 2011"...:lol::lol:

Two pairs of identical new shoes, who's are who's??? IDK!! :eek: :p

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

All of mine are in identical shoes every day. They get to argue about size :D

I have the twelves....

No you have the tens...

They are twelve...

No see that's a ten... (shows the number ten on the tag)

That's not a twelve that's a ten.

I don't want that to be a ten. Twelves my favorite.

And on and on and on and on and on

Oh the drama :):):):)

[Hunni Bee]

I have a high energy, high noise, very verbal bunch, and there's quite a few of them. Therefore, I never have a time when I have 100% compliance and listening. That's not a huge problem to me, but I do expect basic rules and instructions to be followed (walk in the building, stay with the group, hands to yourself, etc.) So Im correcting all day...so much that if I correct a child, and you ask me what I just said, I couldn't tell you. So there's no way I could relay everything that happened to every kid...even every time they were corrected or got a consequence. If its really unusual or ridiculous behavior, I call the parent on the spot or text them and ask them to call me when they can.

I do "removals" often...it isn't so much a punishment time-out as it is a few seconds to a few minutes to go and collect yourself....meaning you must be collected before you can return ;)...it ranges from "go sit at the table" to "go use the restroom" to "go look out the window", depending on how much collection I think you need. Then you start over with a clean slate. Kids go "collect" themselves all day, so it isn't a situation I feel I needs to be reported to a parent, unless it was excessive or out of the ordinary.

And Nan, now that I have mixed age group for the summer...I realized that it makes SO much more sense than a class where the kids are all within a few months of each other and at the same developmental level. I don't know who came up with that for daycare...that works better in school. I have to do so much less correcting because my older ones help my younger/less mature ones behave, play apprioprately, etc. When we go out, I always team a little up with one of my 5-year-olds. We have a lot better time.

[PitterPatter]

SO I try to keep what happens here at DC to myself, unless it was something that harmed a child in anyway. LIke a child fell, or a child hurt another child. Or if it is something that I feels warrants the parents to know how their child is behaving while here.

If I had to report every little thing that went wrong with each and every child I would be sitting behind the computer typing up reports a mile long.

So DCM asked me why I didnt tell her that her child had to sit at a different table than the rest of the kids yesterday, her child told her.

I told her that I could not inform her of every happening here and that I only tried to inform the parents of issues that I feel need their attention.

She was not happy about the answer and asked her what would you like me to do....Of course no response..

How do you handle these types of situations when you chose not to tell the parents, but the kids are old enough to tell their parents???

BTW the reason the child had to sit at a different table was becuase he was kicking the other kids legs under the table during eating time and would not stop when asked.

I also believe it is best to inform the parents if their child is acting in a violent way or causing harm of course. BUT I had a recent client I finally let go after more than a year, who got mad everytime I had a report, which was almost everyday! I finally stopped reporting to avoid HER attitude and she would just reward the child with trips to the playground after anyway. Even when he kid has left marks on another child from kicking or throwing a tow or hitting with a toy etc she would sigh and say what did he do now and roll her eyes then sigh again and tell her kid not to do that and off to the playground they went. THOSE kind I often walk on eggshells and keep it to myself beause she doesnt care and nothing will be corrected anyway.

BTW she has been calling me all week trying to get me to take DCB back because no one will watch him. Hmm imagine that! :rolleyes:

[nannyde]

I also believe it is best to inform the parents if their child is acting in a violent way or causing harm of course. BUT I had a recent client I finally let go after more than a year, who got mad everytime I had a report, which was almost everyday! I finally stopped reporting to avoid HER attitude and she would just reward the child with trips to the playground after anyway. Even when he kid has left marks on another child from kicking or throwing a tow or hitting with a toy etc she would sigh and say what did he do now and roll her eyes then sigh again and tell her kid not to do that and off to the playground they went. THOSE kind I often walk on eggshells and keep it to myself beause she doesnt care and nothing will be corrected anyway.

BTW she has been calling me all week trying to get me to take DCB back because no one will watch him. Hmm imagine that! :rolleyes:

You gave the Mom an invaluable life lesson... probably the best gift she has every gotten....... and she doesn't even know it.

Everywhere she goes society needs to say "not at my house". If you have a kid that is unlivable and violent that kid HAS to stay with YOU.

He wouldn't have made it a day in my house. Hurt one of my babies and you have to go. I protect my young. :)

[sharlan]

I also believe it is best to inform the parents if their child is acting in a violent way or causing harm of course. BUT I had a recent client I finally let go after more than a year, who got mad everytime I had a report, which was almost everyday! I finally stopped reporting to avoid HER attitude and she would just reward the child with trips to the playground after anyway. Even when he kid has left marks on another child from kicking or throwing a tow or hitting with a toy etc she would sigh and say what did he do now and roll her eyes then sigh again and tell her kid not to do that and off to the playground they went. THOSE kind I often walk on eggshells and keep it to myself beause she doesnt care and nothing will be corrected anyway.

BTW she has been calling me all week trying to get me to take DCB back because no one will watch him. Hmm imagine that! :rolleyes:

Stand firm. She will get the message.

[sharlan]

I don't tell the parents every little thing that happens. I generally won't tell unless it's hitting, kicking, or biting. If the behavior becomes repetitive and won't stop, then of course, I discuss it with the parents so we can solve it together.

[Unregistered]

Mom should have known at the end of the day so she could reinforce good table manners.

The line is - a separation or time out - moving a kid out the normal routine or zone - tell mom (make a daily report sheet). Child A had a hard time today sitting at the table and listening, and was moved today during lunch to his own spot. We'll try again tomorrow at the regular table.

I get this note with my child at pick up - I know whats going on, I can answer questions from him and reinforce good manners AND I know the staff is addressing the situation appropriately!

Some moms don't care what goes on, if you don't want to report (or have a policy that clear it up for you) look for the moms who don't care. Its easy to spot in an interview.

I'd rather have moms and kids who care.

[JaydensMommy]

I think if you had to separate the child from the other children then it's a problem that should have been discussed with the parents.

[Unregistered]

I find that parents get annoyed if you "snitch" on their kid too much and I think that often times, daycare providers look like they can't handle things when they tell every little mishap.

As a parent that has had children in daycare, I want you, as a provider to handle normal child behaviors (even the not so nice ones). Please tell me if it was something really out of character, if it is something that you feel I need to help with on my end, if you feel as though my child is disrupting the group repeatedly or she is being dangerous or unsafe. But normal day to day, normal, childhood misbehaviors.. I expect my provider to handle without needing to tell me every detail.

Now, as a daycare provider I will simply mention at pick=up "we had a rough day today" or "we had a little trouble keeping our hands to ourself today" Moms generally want to know the overall gist of the day. Yesterday I gave a "he had a great day today, one or two incidents but with redirection he was fine" etc...
I've only contacted a parent ONCE during the daycare day regarding behavior. I actually had her come and pick-up and termed her child.

I can't imagine, especially with my 18 month olds giving parents the full blown run down at the end of the day.
*he said "no" to me 4 times
*he stuck his tongue out at lizzy 5 times
*he knocked over matt's block tower
*he sat on Ella chair when Ella asked him not to
*He bent a page in one of my books
*he used the toy hammer and banged on my window
*he said "stupid"
*he knocked Carly over and wouldn't say sorry
*he threw his food on the floor so I took him down from the lunch table.
*he drank from his sippy cup and then spit it all over his shirt so I took his cup away

..
Am I the only one who has days that look like this? LOL

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

Thats a hard one. When I brought up a problem to a DCM about her son, (my first post) she called me and my daughter a liar and I had to let her go.

I guess out of fear of losing kids(insert backbone here) I would wait until the DCP brought up something Jonny mentioned about the other day.

[nannyde]

I find that parents get annoyed if you "snitch" on their kid too much and I think that often times, daycare providers look like they can't handle things when they tell every little mishap.

As a parent that has had children in daycare, I want you, as a provider to handle normal child behaviors (even the not so nice ones). Please tell me if it was something really out of character, if it is something that you feel I need to help with on my end, if you feel as though my child is disrupting the group repeatedly or she is being dangerous or unsafe. But normal day to day, normal, childhood misbehaviors.. I expect my provider to handle without needing to tell me every detail.

Now, as a daycare provider I will simply mention at pick=up "we had a rough day today" or "we had a little trouble keeping our hands to ourself today" Moms generally want to know the overall gist of the day. Yesterday I gave a "he had a great day today, one or two incidents but with redirection he was fine" etc...
I've only contacted a parent ONCE during the daycare day regarding behavior. I actually had her come and pick-up and termed her child.

I can't imagine, especially with my 18 month olds giving parents the full blown run down at the end of the day.
*he said "no" to me 4 times
*he stuck his tongue out at lizzy 5 times
*he knocked over matt's block tower
*he sat on Ella chair when Ella asked him not to
*He bent a page in one of my books
*he used the toy hammer and banged on my window
*he said "stupid"
*he knocked Carly over and wouldn't say sorry
*he threw his food on the floor so I took him down from the lunch table.
*he drank from his sippy cup and then spit it all over his shirt so I took his cup away

..
Am I the only one who has days that look like this? LOL

I actually WOULD tell a parent about these incidences but most of them wouldn't be from an eighteen month old. Sticking a tounge out five times at a kid.... saying stupid... able to say sorry to carly but wouldn't... That's not eighteen month behavior.

So if I had an eighteen month that COULD do those things I would let the parent know he's gifted.

If the child was three/four and did these things then YES I would tell the parent. At any age I would tell them if the kid told me no five times. That would be the first five times I've heard no from a child this calander year so yes I would bring that up.

My kids do NOT tell me NO. They try it when they first start being able to say NO and I put the kabosh on it right then and there. They learn that this is a high crime here.... really young.

I don't have kids hitting each other.

I don't require "saying sorry". They are too young to understand saying sorry. It's a get out of jail free card and overused.

I don't allow them to knock over each others stuff. I don't allow them knock over their own stuff. Take it down... don't knock it down.

I have cloth books out so we don't have book bending.

I do not allow them anywhere near a window. They couldn't hammer my window.

So most of your examples wouldn't exist in my world. Makes for an easier day now doesn't it?

Tell parents the TRUTH. My parents know I love the kids and when I tell them something is wrong they BELIEVE that I know what I'm talking about. They know it comes from a place of love for the kid and respect for them. They don't want me to be unhappy and they don't want their kid misbehaving in public. It's an embarrassment to them. They don't allow their kid to act up in public and they don't want them acting up here.

When EVERYWHERE the kid goes the kid has to mind the adults... you have very little acting out. Sure they TRY stuff out but they don't keep it up.

[PitterPatter]

I actually WOULD tell a parent about these incidences but most of them wouldn't be from an eighteen month old. Sticking a tounge out five times at a kid.... saying stupid... able to say sorry to carly but wouldn't... That's not eighteen month behavior.

So if I had an eighteen month that COULD do those things I would let the parent know he's gifted.

If the child was three/four and did these things then YES I would tell the parent. At any age I would tell them if the kid told me no five times. That would be the first five times I've heard no from a child this calander year so yes I would bring that up.

My kids do NOT tell me NO. They try it when they first start being able to say NO and I put the kabosh on it right then and there. They learn that this is a high crime here.... really young.

I don't have kids hitting each other.

I don't require "saying sorry". They are too young to understand saying sorry. It's a get out of jail free card and overused.

I don't allow them to knock over each others stuff. I don't allow them knock over their own stuff. Take it down... don't knock it down.

I have cloth books out so we don't have book bending.

I do not allow them anywhere near a window. They couldn't hammer my window.

So most of your examples wouldn't exist in my world. Makes for an easier day now doesn't it?

Tell parents the TRUTH. My parents know I love the kids and when I tell them something is wrong they BELIEVE that I know what I'm talking about. They know it comes from a place of love for the kid and respect for them. They don't want me to be unhappy and they don't want their kid misbehaving in public. It's an embarrassment to them. They don't allow their kid to act up in public and they don't want them acting up here.

When EVERYWHERE the kid goes the kid has to mind the adults... you have very little acting out. Sure they TRY stuff out but they don't keep it up.

What do u do to correct/stop this? I have had a huge problem in the past with actual screams of no and a pointed fnger in my face when saying it. That child is gone now but I still have others who use it just not nearly as bad or often. I would like to totally correct it tho. Tried removing from play, time outs, skipping craft time, even standing 1 in a corner as 1 parent told me I am to do... lots of stuff and it doesn't seem to sink in. It's not every day but I would like it to stop all together. I have the "no" from a 2 yr old, a 4 yr old and a new 8 yr old. It's not tolerated, it's never overlooked so what am I doing wrong?

[nannyde]

What do u do to correct/stop this? I have had a huge problem in the past with actual screams of no and a pointed fnger in my face when saying it. That child is gone now but I still have others who use it just not nearly as bad or often. I would like to totally correct it tho. Tried removing from play, time outs, skipping craft time, even standing 1 in a corner as 1 parent told me I am to do... lots of stuff and it doesn't seem to sink in. It's not every day but I would like it to stop all together. I have the "no" from a 2 yr old, a 4 yr old and a new 8 yr old. It's not tolerated, it's never overlooked so what am I doing wrong?

I get the kids from newborn or young infant on. So when they say "no" ... usually around fifteen to twenty months... I give them the :eek: then the :mad:
then a deep quicklly said STERN "do NOT tell me no". Then I turn them AWAY from me... have them walk (escorted by me) to the furthest point of the room away from me that has toys. Have them SIT down at that toy or toy bin. And then quickly turn my back and walk away. When they automatically turn their head they see my BACK as I'm walking away.

I shun that behavior. They rarely ever hear my stern voice so when they DO and it's for THEM they don't like it. They want the happy... smilley, teasing, fun Nan. Not the :eek::mad: Nan.

Works like a charm.

[NiNi.R.]

My Ratting Out The Kids Policy:

If your child has any behavior issues here you will be the first to know. We keep the parents informed of any behaviors that are requiring repeated corrections. (In other words... we rat them out ) Please keep us posted of any behavior issues you are having at home ESPECIALLY any kind of physical or violent acting out. We will be happy to help with advise or work on the issues here.

So I tell the parents when their kid is a newborn that I will tell them if they misbehave.

I expect the kids to mind me. I have a pretty tight correction method that stops behavior at the "root" of the behavior. I get it stopped before it gets into something serious.

I use time out about once every 18 months to two years. I have kids in my house that are four/five and have never been on time out. I don't have any kids who have had to be on time out twice.

Nan don't play. I'm strict and I tell the parents if I'm having any problems with them. If I call them about behavior they KNOW I'm not playin. They know me well enough to know that if the kid skids past my root correction and is doing something that is BREAKING THE LAW... that they will be told the truth.

If anything happens that requires a kid over two to be separated from the other kids I would tell the parents. In order for my system to work they have to be with the other kids. A separation is serious.

Of course I'm not telling them every time they do something like touch the baby equipment... try to get up from the table before they are allowed to... cutting in line... or something like that. If they do a minor infraction we just correct and move on. If they continue to do it after we know they know what we want then YES I tell the parents.

The kids have to learn what you want first. I don't rat them out for the "pre-behavior" stuff. I just rat them out if their behavior gets to a full behavior that is against my rules.

A kid not minding me would not fly here. It's dangerous and it's bad for the other kids and my staff assistant. They have to mind the adult. That's a given in my world.

I completely agree! This is something I've always practiced in my own daycare and when I worked for another daycare. I as a mother would want to know daily overall how my child was behaving in another's care. I thoroughly believe that to be successful parents and providers must work together to stop unruly behaviors much like parents must work together to co parent.

[MarinaVanessa]

Thats a hard one. When I brought up a problem to a DCM about her son, (my first post) she called me and my daughter a liar and I had to let her go.

I go on a case by case basis. I have had families that do the eye rolling, the "what is it NOW", "not MY little angel", and the ones that blame their child's behavior on daycare. I have one in my daycare now actually. With these clients I don't discuss the little things. I only discuss pushing, spitting, hitting, biting, hair pulling, other distructive behaviors etc. Anything that is out of the child's normal behavior, unsafe or disrespectful. With these clients I begin by telling them everything and once they start with the "I don't want to hear it" behavior I already know that there is no point in doing it any longer. What's the point? If I can correct the behavior in my home myself without involving the parent any longer then I correct the bahavior and keep my mouth shut to the parent. What the child does in their home is none of my concern and not under my control ... but I can control what happens at my house.

If they rip pages in my books I will teach them the propper way to turn the pages, if they write on my wall/table/chair etc. with the crayons I will teach them to keep it on the paper, if they talk or scream too loud in my house I will teach them to use their inside voices. I guess for me I find it easier to fight one battle (the child) VS two battles (child and parent) at the same time.

For the rest of the families that do not become deffensive and appreciate that I tell them when their child does not behave I tell them everything. These parents understand that they need to know what their child does in DC so that they can address the issues at home if they need to. A child will correct negative behavior sooner if everyone is on the same front. These parents understand that communication is important. Unfortunately in my personal experiences it is not the children of these families that struggle behaviorally.

I have been successfull with correcting children in either case (with or without parent involvement and communication) but like I said, I notice that without the parent on board it just takes a little longer. I have also noticed that when I've visited my families homes the children of the parent's that "don't want to hear it" behave like little Grimlins :lol:. IDK, just my observation.

[PitterPatter]

I get the kids from newborn or young infant on. So when they say "no" ... usually around fifteen to twenty months... I give them the :eek: then the :mad:
then a deep quicklly said STERN "do NOT tell me no". Then I turn them AWAY from me... have them walk (escorted by me) to the furthest point of the room away from me that has toys. Have them SIT down at that toy or toy bin. And then quickly turn my back and walk away. When they automatically turn their head they see my BACK as I'm walking away.

I shun that behavior. They rarely ever hear my stern voice so when they DO and it's for THEM they don't like it. They want the happy... smilley, teasing, fun Nan. Not the :eek::mad: Nan.

Works like a charm.

Ah so a young age is also an aide!! The youngest I have ever gotten a child was 15 months I think. Usually 20 months or 2 yrs when they come to me. Already 'trained' so I guess I have to untrain them and retrain them huh? lol

[Cat Herder]

Ah so a young age is also an aide!! The youngest I have ever gotten a child was 15 months I think. Usually 20 months or 2 yrs when they come to me. Already 'trained' so I guess I have to untrain them and retrain them huh? lol

"Raising them up yourself" makes ALL the difference in the world. :Sunny:

I choose not to take kids from other childcare situations anymore (barring medical/special need, those are ALWAYS welcomed). ;)

I already paid my dues by doing years of "re-training" of kids/parents that flopped in their old situations. :cool:

Now I get to enjoy having them from birth, on. :ouch: It takes a while to build up a reputation to be able to do this, I admit. :p

I have had to stay put in the same neighborhood for a very long time (every move costs you more time and reputation). I have also not been able to have "a bad day" during pick-up times. :p Afternoon caffeine is your friend. :D

It is well worth the effort, though. :Sunny:

[Blackcat31]

"Raising them up yourself" makes ALL the difference in the world.

Oh my how I wish that was a lesson I had learned sooner than later. LOL!! It really does make ALL the difference. You can't say it any clearer. ;)

[daycare]

After reading all the post and seeing the everyone has such a wide range of responses, I am going to stick to my guns on not getting the parents so involved over minor issues.

There are some parents that I can share everything and anything with about thier child and they don't take it to heart. They understand how I do things here and know that I have it down. They know that when i tell them something it's serious otherwise I don't have much to say.

Then there are some parents that flip out if I tell them one negative thing about their child. Even the most minor things.

A lot of how I inform the parents about their child I think really comes down to the parent themself and how I know they will react.

As someone else stated, parents feel like we are complaining or don't know how to do our jobs if we have to tell them every time their child does soemthing wrong. I feel I have a good delievery majority of the time when I do have to tell a parent about a negative situation.

Here, kids will be kids and they all have their good and bad days just like you and I.

[nannyde]

After reading all the post and seeing the everyone has such a wide range of responses, I am going to stick to my guns on not getting the parents so involved over minor issues.

There are some parents that I can share everything and anything with about thier child and they don't take it to heart. They understand how I do things here and know that I have it down. They know that when i tell them something it's serious otherwise I don't have much to say.

Then there are some parents that flip out if I tell them one negative thing about their child. Even the most minor things.

A lot of how I inform the parents about their child I think really comes down to the parent themself and how I know they will react.

As someone else stated, parents feel like we are complaining or don't know how to do our jobs if we have to tell them every time their child does soemthing wrong. I feel I have a good delievery majority of the time when I do have to tell a parent about a negative situation.

Here, kids will be kids and they all have their good and bad days just like you and I.

The responses are going to be varied because you went from this:

BTW the reason the child had to sit at a different table was becuase he was kicking the other kids legs under the table during eating time and would not stop when asked. and this: I told her that he was having table issues and that he needed to be seperated not only becasue he was kicking the children, but he was also not listening to me when I asked him to stop doing it.


To this:

He was not kicking them hurting them, he was just doing the swing your legs to kick the chairs they were sitting in and at times would make contact with the child's legs.

So there were two issues: one kicking instead of just swinging his legs... and two... him not stopping it regardless of his intent after being told what you wanted.

And this: Then there are some parents that flip out if I tell them one negative thing about their child. Even the most minor things.

This means you have a very badly behaving parent. You have a parent that needs to be straghtened out and be RESPECTFUL of your needed communication. Parents don't have the RIGHT to flip out over a true account of their child's behavior. They don't get to behave like little children or spoiled brats because they can pay for child care or access free funding for child care.

They HAVE to behave as adults with respectful interpersonal communication. If you allow otherwise you will be very unhappy and have CONSTANT day to day issues with parents and kids.

[TBird]

It's a "Catch 22" for us really. If we say too much we're bad mouthing and if we say too little we're not sharing. School teachers have the same dilemma.

I feel like you just have to balance it out according to what set of parents you're dealing with. For this parent in particular, I would have probably said something like he's a good boy overall so I didn't want to overshadow his day with a small negative that I was able to handle myself. I would offer to call her at work every time he gets a time-out, pushes, hits, falls, screams, or passes gas.....THEN see what she has to say.

Me personally, I don't want to hear my child's every screw up....especially from my 7 year old's teacher....are you kidding me??? I'd be in THERAPY!!! :lol: