Daycare.com Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Parents and Guardians Forum > Biting @ Daycare

Parents and Guardians Forum Parents and Guardians should post and answer questions here.

Thread: Biting @ Daycare Reply to Thread
Your Username: Click here to log in
Random Question
Title:
  
Message:
Post Icons
You may choose an icon for your message from the following list:
 

Additional Options
Miscellaneous Options

Topic Review (Newest First)
08-17-2017 09:34 AM
Snowmom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I cannot believe you would say this about a child. There is a reason I am reading this thread as a parent of a biter, it's because I desperately want to find a solution. My son is 17m old and just started at a new daycare. He is the sweetest, silliest little boy but has bitten three times in his first two days. Alll have been in response to a child taking a toy from him. I am in no way justifying his actions though. If he continues to have a problem and moving him to a new school is best for all involved, I am all for it. I do know, however, that biting is very common in this stage and when children's little brains are being exposed to so many new things st once it can be stressful. This is not a behavior that is curbed overnight and I applaud all parents and teachers who work to fix these issues daily. My son has also been Britten several times. Although I was not happy about it, I am a KIND person and understand. There is nothing I have done or any otger parent of a biter has done that has caused their child to act this way. Children, just as adults, process stress in different ways. You obviously are not one who practices patience and compassion in your everyday life so who are you to judge a small child facing these feelings head on for the first time? If the shoe was on the other foot I know I would be concerned for my child but I would certainly handle it with more grace than you
It's always good to keep in mind that biting can be an emotional experience for all involved- both children, both sets of parents and the caregiver.
I understand you feel defensive about the post you quoted. That's natural and you do have valid points.
I also understand the poster whose child was bitten. To me, that post was full of frustration and emotion, just as yours was (although stated in a much different tone).

From a caregiver's standpoint, we do understand both sides and it's never easy for either party. We understand it can be an age-appropriate response to the child's surroundings and developing mind (to a degree).
We (as caregivers) are often on the receiving end of this kind of frustration from the family of the bitten child, and we know how frustrating it can be when parents don't understand that it can be quite common among young children.
As parents ourselves, we also understand that biting can be excruciatingly painful and nobody should be subjected to it on an ongoing basis.
I wish you luck on finding a solution that works for your child, I really do.
08-16-2017 09:27 PM
LysesKids
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I cannot believe you would say this about a child. There is a reason I am reading this thread as a parent of a biter, it's because I desperately want to find a solution. My son is 17m old and just started at a new daycare. He is the sweetest, silliest little boy but has bitten three times in his first two days. Alll have been in response to a child taking a toy from him. I am in no way justifying his actions though. If he continues to have a problem and moving him to a new school is best for all involved, I am all for it. I do know, however, that biting is very common in this stage and when children's little brains are being exposed to so many new things st once it can be stressful. This is not a behavior that is curbed overnight and I applaud all parents and teachers who work to fix these issues daily. My son has also been Britten several times. Although I was not happy about it, I am a KIND person and understand. There is nothing I have done or any otger parent of a biter has done that has caused their child to act this way. Children, just as adults, process stress in different ways. You obviously are not one who practices patience and compassion in your everyday life so who are you to judge a small child facing these feelings head on for the first time? If the shoe was on the other foot I know I would be concerned for my child but I would certainly handle it with more grace than you
Darlin' not only is this an old thread that you posted to, I still stand by IT'S not normal to kids to bite more than once or twice and I do 1-21 months care only... I am also not the only provider to state this.
08-16-2017 06:09 PM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Our son has been bitten 3 times in the last 3 weeks by the same little monster at his day care. We are working with the Director to remedy the situation, but I am pushing hard for this child to be expelled. This has been an ongoing problem with this child per one of the teachers and I think it's time to stop protecting the attacker and start trying to protect the victims. You parents of habitual biters who whine about how it's not fair that your little angel be kicked out for biting are selfish, egotistical walking nightmares in your own right. It's no wonder your little brat likes to attack others. There should be consequences for bad behavior at any age, including being removed from a situation where you are the problem.
I cannot believe you would say this about a child. There is a reason I am reading this thread as a parent of a biter, it's because I desperately want to find a solution. My son is 17m old and just started at a new daycare. He is the sweetest, silliest little boy but has bitten three times in his first two days. Alll have been in response to a child taking a toy from him. I am in no way justifying his actions though. If he continues to have a problem and moving him to a new school is best for all involved, I am all for it. I do know, however, that biting is very common in this stage and when children's little brains are being exposed to so many new things st once it can be stressful. This is not a behavior that is curbed overnight and I applaud all parents and teachers who work to fix these issues daily. My son has also been Britten several times. Although I was not happy about it, I am a KIND person and understand. There is nothing I have done or any otger parent of a biter has done that has caused their child to act this way. Children, just as adults, process stress in different ways. You obviously are not one who practices patience and compassion in your everyday life so who are you to judge a small child facing these feelings head on for the first time? If the shoe was on the other foot I know I would be concerned for my child but I would certainly handle it with more grace than you
08-09-2016 10:44 AM
daycarediva
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
our daughter is 15 months and has been bitten 4 times in three weeks at her current daycare center. After the third time, the director told us that they would shadow the kid to make sure that they were not biting...three days later she was bitten again by the same child. My husband, went to pick her up and they had an incident report stating that she "fell" but it was clear by the mark on her face, yes her face, that she had been bitten, you could see the teeth marks on the top and bottom and she is still bruised 5 days later. Now, I am a completely reasonable person, I understand at this age biting does happen and I do not feel any ill will toward the child who is doing the biting, but seriously 4 times in 3 weeks? When my husband confronted the director about what was being done to prevent this and that he didn't feel it was enough, she threw her hands in the air and said what is it that you want me to do, there are 6 kids in there with one adult, you should not be so mad about this, this is completely age appropriate. Well sure it might be age appropriate, but that doesn't mean we don't try to stop it, right? The next day I went to drop my children off and she politely asked for me to start looking for a different place to take my children, then she started to accuse my husband of being a threat to her and staff because he overreacted to his child being bitten. So we were thrown out of daycare because our child was bitten multiple times and we questioned their method of dealing with it. So while I can sympathize with the parent of biters, please understand I don't feel that a child who does not bite should be punished either just because we as parents want to protect them from it.
I would have been upset about the biting- but I would have been LIVID about a lie regarding injury. Instead of being proactive and preventing injury, or terminating the child who was biting, they already lost one child who was not a threat and will eventually lose more.

Biting is tough- but when a director said the game plan is the child is shadowed, and they failed to follow through with that plan and it happened again- there is a definite supervision issue at play.

I would specifically ask your new daycares what their policy on biting and aggression is before you enroll. I have had children in my home daycare pulled from centers because of other children biting. I don't tolerate it and will terminate a biter to protect the other children enrolled. Many providers have similar policies.
08-05-2016 12:24 PM
Unregistered our daughter is 15 months and has been bitten 4 times in three weeks at her current daycare center. After the third time, the director told us that they would shadow the kid to make sure that they were not biting...three days later she was bitten again by the same child. My husband, went to pick her up and they had an incident report stating that she "fell" but it was clear by the mark on her face, yes her face, that she had been bitten, you could see the teeth marks on the top and bottom and she is still bruised 5 days later. Now, I am a completely reasonable person, I understand at this age biting does happen and I do not feel any ill will toward the child who is doing the biting, but seriously 4 times in 3 weeks? When my husband confronted the director about what was being done to prevent this and that he didn't feel it was enough, she threw her hands in the air and said what is it that you want me to do, there are 6 kids in there with one adult, you should not be so mad about this, this is completely age appropriate. Well sure it might be age appropriate, but that doesn't mean we don't try to stop it, right? The next day I went to drop my children off and she politely asked for me to start looking for a different place to take my children, then she started to accuse my husband of being a threat to her and staff because he overreacted to his child being bitten. So we were thrown out of daycare because our child was bitten multiple times and we questioned their method of dealing with it. So while I can sympathize with the parent of biters, please understand I don't feel that a child who does not bite should be punished either just because we as parents want to protect them from it.
07-29-2016 12:50 PM
LysesKids
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Biting is NOT normal.

I have 12 kids....ALONE. (birth to age 5)

I have had maybe 1 or 2 biting incidents in 2+ decades

If biting is a reoccuring issue in your environment, then you (and/or the teachers) should be looking for the answers within the group dynamics and the environment.

Biting is NOT normal.
I agree... I have had only one incident in 12 years and all my kids were in the 0-3 year age group. I've always had 4-6 kids at a time too depending on the state I was living in.
07-29-2016 06:10 AM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I work in a center and I do the absolute best that I can. No matter how much you watch the kids they still get bitten. They are so quick! Shadowing is almost impossible. Having 10 kids to 2 teachers is extremely hard. Not an easy job. It's frustrating for the teachers as well. Especially when you have exhausted all other options. Biting is normal but when a child bites everyday, continuously throughout the day I don't find it to be ok. I can understand if it's now and then. I feel that there should be a policy for these things after exhausting all other options. I know as a parent I would not like it if my child came home with bite marks everyday with more than 1 bite a day. I also do not like the ratio. I feel 2:10 is too overwhelming for teachers and the kids as well. It should be 2:8. Trying to watch that many kids plus all the paperwork and activities that we are supposed to do is very difficult. It is NOT by far an easy job. Parents are stressed with just their 1 toddler. Imagine trying to deal with 10!!!
Biting is NOT normal.

I have 12 kids....ALONE. (birth to age 5)

I have had maybe 1 or 2 biting incidents in 2+ decades

If biting is a reoccuring issue in your environment, then you (and/or the teachers) should be looking for the answers within the group dynamics and the environment.

Biting is NOT normal.
07-29-2016 05:11 AM
Josiegirl
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJD View Post
Frustration is one reason for biting- but another (often overlooked) reason has to do with oral stimulation. Remember oral exploration is the first stage of development - just because kids move into later stages does not mean that they will not cycle back. Even adult bite nails, smoke, and engage in other oral stim behaviors (don't go there!).
In addition, kids this age have teeth coming in!

If a kid is compelled to bite it is more productive to direct that compulsion. It is NOT ok to bite friends- but it is OK to bite (...XXX fill in the blank). Some special needs catalogs have a biting bracelet for kids (they work really well). You can also buy a commercial vibrating teether.
Give these kids LOTS of oral stimulation during the day- crunchy apples- cereal etc. Have them whistle, lick things out of small cups, and blow bubbles. Parents can use a vibrating toothbrush at home.
Good Luck!
Great ideas! I believe some kids/people are more prone to oral needs than others. And redirection to properly filling those needs is what's needed.
I can understand how a parent may feel whether their child is the bitee or biter. And it happens to most, if not all of us. Those who get terribly upset about their child getting bitten would understand much better if on the other side of the coin.
As far as whose job it is to bring their child up? Well, that's a tough one; of course it's the responsibility of the parent first and foremost. BUT since those kids are with us most of their awake time, how on earth are they to teach them when not present in certain dynamics, when they might see them hours after the fact, and when their child is too young to really retain the knowledge/memory all the way from breakfast till supper time? Sure, some biters are old enough to remember and learn but if you have a 12 month old just starting to bite, or if kids target certain kids at dc but are in a completely different mind frame when they get home and never bite anywhere other than dc, how do parents adjust their teaching for that?
I'm not giving excuses to parents; I believe everyone needs to be on the same page but I also believe it's so much harder to make the point with a biter when they're home and not in their usual biting environment.
Am I making sense?
07-28-2016 05:40 PM
Unregistered I work in a center and I do the absolute best that I can. No matter how much you watch the kids they still get bitten. They are so quick! Shadowing is almost impossible. Having 10 kids to 2 teachers is extremely hard. Not an easy job. It's frustrating for the teachers as well. Especially when you have exhausted all other options. Biting is normal but when a child bites everyday, continuously throughout the day I don't find it to be ok. I can understand if it's now and then. I feel that there should be a policy for these things after exhausting all other options. I know as a parent I would not like it if my child came home with bite marks everyday with more than 1 bite a day. I also do not like the ratio. I feel 2:10 is too overwhelming for teachers and the kids as well. It should be 2:8. Trying to watch that many kids plus all the paperwork and activities that we are supposed to do is very difficult. It is NOT by far an easy job. Parents are stressed with just their 1 toddler. Imagine trying to deal with 10!!!
07-21-2016 10:00 AM
daycarediva
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.


I can manage to work 60 hours a week (as a provider) and parent my children (who are not with me during the day/at school)

I prep everything and am completely ready before I get my kids up in the morning. They get a healthy breakfast and face time.

My dinners are prepped in the morning, crockpot, or made together as a family. I can grill while my kids play outside and interact with them then. I can cook while my kids are playing in the dining room or doing homework and talk to them. There are MANY MANY opportunities for QUALITY time. Working full time is NO EXCUSE not to be able to spend time with your children. Not to be able to parent them.

I do household things after my kids are fed, played outside, given showers, have done homework, and we read together. That means I'm up until 11-12 when I have to be up at 4:30am to get ready for MY children AND to go to work (daycare provider) myself.

Suck it up buttercup. Being a working mom means you have two full time jobs.
07-19-2016 02:57 PM
Thriftylady
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.
Well said!
07-19-2016 02:54 PM
Nurse Jackie
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.
what she said. This is an old thread but a really good read
07-19-2016 02:03 PM
Thriftylady
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I fully understand your opinion that you aren't responsible to raise the children you "care for". However, children spend an average of 50 hours a week under the influence of daycare providers. So, let's do the math.
A parent is with their child for 1-2 hours during the hustle and bustle of the morning getting themselves and the child ready for the day. There isn't much parenting room there. You have them for an average of 10 solid hours thereafter. The parent picks up the child 30 minutes to an hour depending on drive time after work, let's say 6pm, and the child goes to bed between 8-8:30am. This leaves 2 and a half hours in the evening to cook dinner, bathe the child and do minor house chores. So the parent hours vs provider hours do not equate. Yes, I do understand parenting comes first. But in today's society if a child is not fed, bathed or dressed appropriately there could be legal repercussions that are inflicted. Therefore, your statement that you are not responsible to raise someone's child is completely absurd. You are ABSOLUTELY responsible. This is why YOU were hired. Parents are choosing YOU to care for, nurture and TEACH their child because their jobs do not allow them to provide and parent equally. You should not be in your chosen career. Your comments make it clear you are only handling children for a paycheck. Any and ALL parents associated with you or your establishment should reconsider paying anything to you as your services lack in an extreme way!! This is not productive to the child or parent and you could be the reason these "biters" are not adequately learning how to adapt socially. Harsh but true!!
We are not parents. Even if we wanted to "parent" regulation strictly prohibits it. That doesn't mean I am doing this only for a paycheck. I had a behavior incident today that as a parent, I would have handled MUCH differently. But we as providers are not really allowed to discipline. Even time out is frowned upon or flat out not allowed in some areas for daycare providers. If parents are to overwhelmed to work AND parent, then they should have chosen either to stay at home with their child OR not have children. Now that is "harsh but true".
07-19-2016 02:03 PM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I fully understand your opinion that you aren't responsible to raise the children you "care for". However, children spend an average of 50 hours a week under the influence of daycare providers. So, let's do the math.
A parent is with their child for 1-2 hours during the hustle and bustle of the morning getting themselves and the child ready for the day. There isn't much parenting room there. You have them for an average of 10 solid hours thereafter. The parent picks up the child 30 minutes to an hour depending on drive time after work, let's say 6pm, and the child goes to bed between 8-8:30am. This leaves 2 and a half hours in the evening to cook dinner, bathe the child and do minor house chores. So the parent hours vs provider hours do not equate. Yes, I do understand parenting comes first. But in today's society if a child is not fed, bathed or dressed appropriately there could be legal repercussions that are inflicted. Therefore, your statement that you are not responsible to raise someone's child is completely absurd. You are ABSOLUTELY responsible. This is why YOU were hired. Parents are choosing YOU to care for, nurture and TEACH their child because their jobs do not allow them to provide and parent equally. You should not be in your chosen career. Your comments make it clear you are only handling children for a paycheck. Any and ALL parents associated with you or your establishment should reconsider paying anything to you as your services lack in an extreme way!! This is not productive to the child or parent and you could be the reason these "biters" are not adequately learning how to adapt socially. Harsh but true!!
I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.
07-19-2016 01:46 PM
Unregistered I fully understand your opinion that you aren't responsible to raise the children you "care for". However, children spend an average of 50 hours a week under the influence of daycare providers. So, let's do the math.
A parent is with their child for 1-2 hours during the hustle and bustle of the morning getting themselves and the child ready for the day. There isn't much parenting room there. You have them for an average of 10 solid hours thereafter. The parent picks up the child 30 minutes to an hour depending on drive time after work, let's say 6pm, and the child goes to bed between 8-8:30am. This leaves 2 and a half hours in the evening to cook dinner, bathe the child and do minor house chores. So the parent hours vs provider hours do not equate. Yes, I do understand parenting comes first. But in today's society if a child is not fed, bathed or dressed appropriately there could be legal repercussions that are inflicted. Therefore, your statement that you are not responsible to raise someone's child is completely absurd. You are ABSOLUTELY responsible. This is why YOU were hired. Parents are choosing YOU to care for, nurture and TEACH their child because their jobs do not allow them to provide and parent equally. You should not be in your chosen career. Your comments make it clear you are only handling children for a paycheck. Any and ALL parents associated with you or your establishment should reconsider paying anything to you as your services lack in an extreme way!! This is not productive to the child or parent and you could be the reason these "biters" are not adequately learning how to adapt socially. Harsh but true!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I take it your not a daycare provider? Do you realize that daycare providers/ and daycare centers can be sued by the parents of the child/children that were bit? You make it sound as though providers just discipline the action! Listen, I am very well schooled in the job that i do but i do have to protect not only my children but the children that have been placed in my care. I provide a well-organized, well-supervised, and stimulating atmosphere for the children in my care. IE the 3 strikes your out policy, i work with my parents to come to a solution together. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and the child may need more care than i can give! I don't think it is the jobs of us daycare providers to have to put up with aggressive, disruptive, or destructive behavior. I have more than one child in my care, so do you think it is fair to the other children to have all my time taken up by this one child with the bad behavior? How long are us daycare providers expected to put up with this type of behavior? I am here to provide for your children, not raise them!!!!!!
06-06-2016 12:12 PM
PJD
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mariahsaint View Post
Old thread, but good advice!

Thank you!
I know- Old thread but new member!!
06-03-2016 03:34 PM
Mariahsaint
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJD View Post
Frustration is one reason for biting- but another (often overlooked) reason has to do with oral stimulation. Remember oral exploration is the first stage of development - just because kids move into later stages does not mean that they will not cycle back. Even adult bite nails, smoke, and engage in other oral stim behaviors (don't go there!).
In addition, kids this age have teeth coming in!

If a kid is compelled to bite it is more productive to direct that compulsion. It is NOT ok to bite friends- but it is OK to bite (...XXX fill in the blank). Some special needs catalogs have a biting bracelet for kids (they work really well). You can also buy a commercial vibrating teether.
Give these kids LOTS of oral stimulation during the day- crunchy apples- cereal etc. Have them whistle, lick things out of small cups, and blow bubbles. Parents can use a vibrating toothbrush at home.
Good Luck!

Old thread, but good advice!

Thank you!
06-03-2016 10:38 AM
PJD Frustration is one reason for biting- but another (often overlooked) reason has to do with oral stimulation. Remember oral exploration is the first stage of development - just because kids move into later stages does not mean that they will not cycle back. Even adult bite nails, smoke, and engage in other oral stim behaviors (don't go there!).
In addition, kids this age have teeth coming in!

If a kid is compelled to bite it is more productive to direct that compulsion. It is NOT ok to bite friends- but it is OK to bite (...XXX fill in the blank). Some special needs catalogs have a biting bracelet for kids (they work really well). You can also buy a commercial vibrating teether.
Give these kids LOTS of oral stimulation during the day- crunchy apples- cereal etc. Have them whistle, lick things out of small cups, and blow bubbles. Parents can use a vibrating toothbrush at home.
Good Luck!
11-09-2015 01:03 PM
Unregistered My wife and I are the parents of a two year old boy and almost 4 year old girl in the same daycare. My daughter has made it to Preschool without being bitten. My son has been bitten by the same boy, a friend of his no less, 8 times now between the young todds room, toddler room, and first early preschool room. He's never had any major damage done, but it is frustrating nonetheless. We try to be pragmatic about it and we KNOW it is a communication thing...our boy speaks in sentences and the other boy barely utters any words at all. But 8 times over about the last 14 months? I'm just trying to measure an appropriate level of discontent over the situation. I get it's part of developing, but can't the kid chew on another child for once? To make it more complicated, the offender also lives directly across the street from us. The parents apologized about the first 4 or 5 times... They are nice, intelligent people and I know they are frustrated too, and we don't want to create a worse situation for them. Where would your cutoff be between being pragmatic and straight sick and tired of it?
11-04-2015 09:35 AM
nannyde
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betanya View Post
Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.
^^^^

This is why I have a zero tolerance policy for biting.

Parents FLIP when their kid gets bit. They threaten to sue and turn you in. They want the biter gone. They want the biter to have it's own adult... whatever it takes to have their kid not get bit.

They don't give a flip about developmentally appropriate. They don't want to hear it.

The only parents who care about the biter learning not to bite is the biters parents. Nobody else cares.

I had one bite when I first started doing daycare. The biters mom was so upset because she was so concerned about whether or not the kid her kid bit had any communicable diseases! I got schooled.

When I was a school nurse, I would have rather called and told a parent their kid broke their leg than call to say their kid got bit. The bite calls were way more work because the parents were so upset.

It doesn't matter if the parents of the bitee is right or wrong. It doesn't matter that biting is or isn't normal. It doesn't matter what measures you put in place short of exclusion and.one to one care.

What matters is that I don't want dhs called. I don't want inspected over it. I don't want the complaint on my record for life. I don't want to pay to give the biter his own adult for group rates.

I can't afford the learning curve the biter needs. Bottom line.

You bite... you are out.
11-03-2015 05:32 PM
mommyneedsadayoff
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betanya View Post
Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.
I am not independently wealthy either, but many stay at home moms work by doing daycare to bring in the income, so it could be the solution to your problems. Stay home, watch a group of children, and use your methods in dealing with children who bite. When you have mastered that, write a book and consult with daycares on how to handle it more effectively. Problem solved.
11-03-2015 04:20 PM
daycarediva
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betanya View Post
Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.
As a home daycare provider these are reasons I cannot/will not keep an aggressive child- regardless of reasons for said aggression. I don't have the staff to hire a 1:1 and I will not put the safety and security of the other children in jeopardy because of one child.
11-03-2015 01:19 PM
Betanya Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.
04-09-2015 06:50 AM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Well then the child grabbed my son's arm and nawed on it like an ear of corn breaking the skin. The staff didn't even bother to notify me about the incident until I picked him up at 6pm and it had happened at 3pm. I asked for a copy of the incident report, and the manager informed me that they don't file reports for incidents.
This is an issue. Incident reports need to be filed. You have grounds to have the state remove the center's operating license at this point ... if the center is even licensed.

I know. I've done it. And seriously, I couldn't have cared less when the operator whined and boo-hoo'd in the local paper about how oppressive the state was to her and how she had to lay off staff.
11-21-2014 12:10 PM
daycarediva
Quote:
Originally Posted by SugareeDCM View Post
Here's where you're wrong. I do have a child who is being bitten by another. But I can't get too mad about it because in the past it was my child doing the biting. I came here to update our situation and saw this and just had to say that your view is clouded by the fact that your child hasn't been the biter...yet. It happens. It's not developmentally abnormal unless you're talking about a 5+ year old.

Anyway, I'm the poster who's son goes through streaks of biting. Nothing and then 2 or three in a few days then nothing again for months. I was unable to find another center that worked with my work schedule, but the center he was at moved him into a "pre-toddler" room and it has been like night and day. Instead of having 6 kids ranging from 6 weeks to 17 months they have 5 kids ranging from 12-20 months. One of the first things the new teacher told me was that she wasn't going to call me for stupid stuff (i.e. diaper rash, phantom fevers, etc). Sure enough, the only call I've gotten has been when he was actually sick (BTW: has anyone ever had a kid come down with HFM without ever running a fever? It happened to us.) He's doing great except that now he's the one being bitten. Twice in a month. I'm secretly hoping that this will teach him that biting other people hurts and not to do it. Yeah, I probably suck as a mom in that regard. So right now, we're doing good. Hopefully, this trend will continue.
Glad he is doing better! Yes I have had a kid get HFM without a fever, a friend's child.

No, it doesn't make you a bad mom. LOL! Although he is probably not making the connection.
11-21-2014 09:41 AM
SugareeDCM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
You are an idiot. And obviously you don not have a baby of your own or don't have another child biting yours. If your child would come home with bite marks on his/her face and hands and back you would make "a fuss" (or maybe You wouldn't give a s*t). It can be hard to find a different daycare close to the place you live/work. So biters should be "shadowed" and their "victims" should be moved to a different group. If in school your child is getting beat up every day, you gonna just say its "perfectly normal"? Or take actions, like get principal involved, get parents involved. Every problem adults have come from those tender years and then you spend a lifetime trying to understand why you are f"cked up, meanwhile you were abused at a tender age by some biter that none cared to stop. And yes, I know the troll who wrote the quoted statement is just as mentioned an idiot. Still biting is an issue and has to be addressed, not ignored/dismissed like most of the time ****ty caregivers who just want to get a paycheck do with ease.
Yes, I am upset.
Here's where you're wrong. I do have a child who is being bitten by another. But I can't get too mad about it because in the past it was my child doing the biting. I came here to update our situation and saw this and just had to say that your view is clouded by the fact that your child hasn't been the biter...yet. It happens. It's not developmentally abnormal unless you're talking about a 5+ year old.

Anyway, I'm the poster who's son goes through streaks of biting. Nothing and then 2 or three in a few days then nothing again for months. I was unable to find another center that worked with my work schedule, but the center he was at moved him into a "pre-toddler" room and it has been like night and day. Instead of having 6 kids ranging from 6 weeks to 17 months they have 5 kids ranging from 12-20 months. One of the first things the new teacher told me was that she wasn't going to call me for stupid stuff (i.e. diaper rash, phantom fevers, etc). Sure enough, the only call I've gotten has been when he was actually sick (BTW: has anyone ever had a kid come down with HFM without ever running a fever? It happened to us.) He's doing great except that now he's the one being bitten. Twice in a month. I'm secretly hoping that this will teach him that biting other people hurts and not to do it. Yeah, I probably suck as a mom in that regard. So right now, we're doing good. Hopefully, this trend will continue.
11-12-2014 04:54 PM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Biting is perfectly normal at daycare and it comes and goes. Just because there had been streaks of biting doesn't mean that it's a bad daycare or the teachers weren't watching. And parents who think their kids can do no wrong need a reality check. We had 4 kids in our toddler room biting one child, who provoked each bite by pushing and taking toys away. His parents complained and threatened, and finally left... miraculously all biting stopped! Yes there are now some biting incidents here and there, but nothing like with that child. Sometimes a change of environment stops the biting. We have some kids who got kicked out from other centers for biting but have not had one biting incident with us. So if you're parents of a child who keeps getting bitten, either be patient and wait it out or just find a different daycare. No need to make a fuss and play the blame game with teachers or biters.
You are an idiot. And obviously you don not have a baby of your own or don't have another child biting yours. If your child would come home with bite marks on his/her face and hands and back you would make "a fuss" (or maybe You wouldn't give a s*t). It can be hard to find a different daycare close to the place you live/work. So biters should be "shadowed" and their "victims" should be moved to a different group. If in school your child is getting beat up every day, you gonna just say its "perfectly normal"? Or take actions, like get principal involved, get parents involved. Every problem adults have come from those tender years and then you spend a lifetime trying to understand why you are f"cked up, meanwhile you were abused at a tender age by some biter that none cared to stop. And yes, I know the troll who wrote the quoted statement is just as mentioned an idiot. Still biting is an issue and has to be addressed, not ignored/dismissed like most of the time ****ty caregivers who just want to get a paycheck do with ease.
Yes, I am upset.
10-10-2014 12:34 PM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
Wow. Sounds like Chaos. Have you looked at your States Childcare Resource and Referral Service (CCR&R)? It is free and they can be a huge help. They would know every possible legal care option in your area and recommend a good fit for you. They are also who inspects us.
No, but off to Google that right now. Thanks!
10-10-2014 12:29 PM
Cat Herder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
We have been looking for other care. Mainly due to other issues. Like last week he got into an ant bed on the playground. Had 20+ bites on one hand. The reason I haven't pulled him yet is lack of quality centers. There are very few options around here. And even fewer that open early enough for me to get to work at 0600. This center is actually part of the installation I work for so they open early in order to accomodate those of us who have early tours.

He's still in an infant room. He's supposed to move up in December. I say supposed to because right now the center combined the two toddler rooms into one and turned the second room into a nursing lounge. Well, now the toddler room is full and there are at least 6 kids who will be ready to move up between now and Christmas. The last plan I heard was to redistribute the two infant rooms into one room of true infants and another that's pre-toddler.
Wow. Sounds like Chaos. Have you looked at your States Childcare Resource and Referral Service (CCR&R)? It is free and they can be a huge help. They would know every possible legal care option in your area and recommend a good fit for you. They are also who inspects us.
10-10-2014 12:21 PM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
What I see are adult issues. The documentation is to the adults benefit, be wary of that. It sounds like they have made the decision. Have you started looking for other care?

He is 15 months, not 20-24 months... there is a big difference there. I know it does not seem like it should be, but it is. Big. Is he still in an infant room or a wobbler room?

Truth: He should not be in a place where he cannot be directly supervised with "friends". Not yet. One in the tunnel at a time. He should not have that easy access to his "friends" while working on a biting issue either. Not quite yet. His place should have been right next to the adult well out of reach.

The simple truth is toddlers can't have "friends". Not yet. They enjoy watching and learning from one another, but don't have the ability to understand that what hurts them hurts others. They just don't. Not yet. It is the adults responsibility to protect them from one another by preventing the opportunities for it.

I am not going to be popular today...

We have been looking for other care. Mainly due to other issues. Like last week he got into an ant bed on the playground. Had 20+ bites on one hand. The reason I haven't pulled him yet is lack of quality centers. There are very few options around here. And even fewer that open early enough for me to get to work at 0600. This center is actually part of the installation I work for so they open early in order to accomodate those of us who have early tours.

He's still in an infant room. He's supposed to move up in December. I say supposed to because right now the center combined the two toddler rooms into one and turned the second room into a nursing lounge. Well, now the toddler room is full and there are at least 6 kids who will be ready to move up between now and Christmas. The last plan I heard was to redistribute the two infant rooms into one room of true infants and another that's pre-toddler.
10-10-2014 12:08 PM
Cat Herder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Some may not agree but when right is right, popularity has no place

Your bolded sentence.....goes back to the basics in ECE (before the politics even).... environment IS everything.
So true. I am actually enjoying that part of the new ECCE curriculum. They are teaching things I was already doing, but did not have the words to describe.

Nature, Nurture, Environment, Development, Nutrition and Safety. If we stick to this stuff, everything else flows as it should.

The politics will change anyway. I am getting it.

##hijack##
10-10-2014 11:59 AM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
What I see are adult issues. The documentation is to the adults benefit, be wary of that. It sounds like they have made the decision. Have you started looking for other care?

He is 15 months, not 20-24 months... there is a big difference there. I know it does not seem like it should be, but it is. Big. Is he still in an infant room or a wobbler room?

Truth: He should not be in a place where he cannot be directly supervised with "friends". Not yet. One in the tunnel at a time. He should not have that easy access to his "friends" while working on a biting issue either. Not quite yet. His place should have been right next to the adult well out of reach.

The simple truth is toddlers can't have "friends". Not yet. They enjoy watching and learning from one another, but don't have the ability to understand that what hurts them hurts others. They just don't. Not yet. It is the adults responsibility to protect them from one another by preventing the opportunities for it.

I am not going to be popular today...
Some may not agree but when right is right, popularity has no place

Your bolded sentence.....goes back to the basics in ECE (before the politics even).... environment IS everything.
10-10-2014 11:47 AM
Cat Herder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Thanks. That makes me feel somewhat better.

The sharing thing was the issue several months ago. It was often caused by fighting over a toy. We addressed that at home by working with him on "sharing" his toys with me and my husband. It really only took a weekend to break him of it.

This round, the incident reports all say "unprovoked" biting. Now whether that is true or just that the teacher didn't see what happened, I don't know. One incident happened inside a play tunnel and another was while they were sitting close together during circle time, so it's very likely a personal space issue in addition to other things. That I don't know how to handle. I could try to mimic those conditions at home, but since he's a pretty affectionate kid close quarters don't always upset. It's like he's cool with it for awhile and then when he's done he's done. And at least one of the kids he bit is his best buddy. He was playing with her like nothing was wrong when I picked him up. I swear I'll never understand toddlers.
What I see are adult issues. The documentation is to the adults benefit, be wary of that. It sounds like they have made the decision. Have you started looking for other care?

He is 15 months, not 20-24 months... there is a big difference there. I know it does not seem like it should be, but it is. Big. Is he still in an infant room or a wobbler room?

Truth: He should not be in a place where he cannot be directly supervised with "friends". Not yet. One in the tunnel at a time. He should not have that easy access to his "friends" while working on a biting issue either. Not quite yet. His place should have been right next to the adult well out of reach.

The simple truth is toddlers can't have "friends". Not yet. They enjoy watching and learning from one another, but don't have the ability to understand that what hurts them hurts others. They just don't. Not yet. It is the adults responsibility to protect them from one another by preventing the opportunities for it.

I am not going to be popular today...
10-10-2014 11:26 AM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
At his age parallel play is his preferred method. Sharing toys with friends, in close unsupervised proximity, is not an expected skill, not quite yet. He won't want kids touching, grabbing or pulling him. Biting is a normal response to that being allowed to happen to him.

I don't think anyone really see's that as your toddler being a "biter". He is protecting his space the only way he knows how right now. Really the only known solution, at this age, is actively protecting him from other kids and them from him. Your provider should know that, though.

IMHO, Unless he is opportunistically going over to other kids and actively biting them without provocation, you probably don't have an issue other than divided adult supervision.

A "biter", generally, is a kid who should know better and is doing it purposely and repetitively.
Thanks. That makes me feel somewhat better.

The sharing thing was the issue several months ago. It was often caused by fighting over a toy. We addressed that at home by working with him on "sharing" his toys with me and my husband. It really only took a weekend to break him of it.

This round, the incident reports all say "unprovoked" biting. Now whether that is true or just that the teacher didn't see what happened, I don't know. One incident happened inside a play tunnel and another was while they were sitting close together during circle time, so it's very likely a personal space issue in addition to other things. That I don't know how to handle. I could try to mimic those conditions at home, but since he's a pretty affectionate kid close quarters don't always upset. It's like he's cool with it for awhile and then when he's done he's done. And at least one of the kids he bit is his best buddy. He was playing with her like nothing was wrong when I picked him up. I swear I'll never understand toddlers.
10-10-2014 11:12 AM
Cat Herder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
15 1/2 months.
At his age parallel play is his preferred method. Sharing toys with friends, in close unsupervised proximity, is not an expected skill, not quite yet. He won't want kids touching, grabbing or pulling him. Biting is a normal response to that being allowed to happen to him.

I don't think anyone really see's that as your toddler being a "biter". He is protecting his space the only way he knows how right now. Really the only known solution, at this age, is actively protecting him from other kids and them from him. Your provider should know that, though.

IMHO, Unless he is opportunistically going over to other kids and actively biting them without provocation, you probably don't have an issue other than divided adult supervision.

A "biter", generally, is a kid who should know better and is doing it purposely and repetitively.
10-10-2014 10:57 AM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
How old is he?
15 1/2 months.
10-10-2014 10:52 AM
Cat Herder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
It's been a little more crowded that usual lately. There are never more than 9 kids to a room with two teachers.

I suspect that the trigger is teething.
How old is he?
10-10-2014 10:46 AM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
Being termed can be in your kids best interest. It is not always punitive. Sometimes moving him to a new place will solve the problem. No worries. Look for one with more space, fewer kids and a calming environment.

Are the kids crowded in so close that they will be more prone to getting frustrated?

Are they kids allowed to wander away from the group for a bit of individual play if they feel overwhelmed?

Are kids forced to participate in activities?

Look for the triggers in your own child, then find a placement that suits his individual needs. It makes such a huge difference. Look at a term as a gift. It really can be.
It's been a little more crowded that usual lately. There are never more than 9 kids to a room with two teachers.

Like I said earlier, I suspect that the trigger is teething. His doctor confirmed last week that he's got at least two teeth coming in right now. He's a slow teether, so who knows how long it will take to fully come in though. He's been more mouthy with his toys lately and has even been chewing on teething rings (which he typically hates). I gave him a dose of Tylenol before dropping him off this morning to help maybe alleviate pain to see if that would help.
10-10-2014 10:37 AM
Cat Herder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I get that. And at this time what is best for our family is to have him in care of some kind. If it's not this facility it will be another. This response is really for the people who are saying that my only acceptable options are to stay home or hire a nanny. If I could afford to do that then I wouldn't have him in a center in the first place.
Being termed can be in your kids best interest. It is not always punitive. Sometimes moving him to a new place will solve the problem. No worries. Look for one with more space, fewer kids and a calming environment.

Are the kids crowded in so close that they will be more prone to getting frustrated?

Are they kids allowed to wander away from the group for a bit of individual play if they feel overwhelmed?

Are kids forced to participate in activities?

Look for the triggers in your own child, then find a placement that suits his individual needs. It makes such a huge difference. Look at a term as a gift. It really can be.
10-10-2014 10:34 AM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I get that. And at this time what is best for our family is to have him in care of some kind. If it's not this facility it will be another. This response is really for the people who are saying that my only acceptable options are to stay home or hire a nanny. If I could afford to do that then I wouldn't have him in a center in the first place.
Hoping the phase passes quickly for you.

Biting is hard to deal with from any angle.

Not all kids bite but thankfully those that do ALL outgrow it.

Hang in there...
10-10-2014 10:25 AM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
...and providers can't afford to lose income from families that pull their children because other children keep getting bitten by the same kid.

So, ultimately I DO sympathize with you and you do have to do what's best for you...just like the providers do.

So until there is a solution for providers (in regards to not losing income) the problem will remain the responsibility of the parents who have a child that bites.
I get that. And at this time what is best for our family is to have him in care of some kind. If it's not this facility it will be another. This response is really for the people who are saying that my only acceptable options are to stay home or hire a nanny. If I could afford to do that then I wouldn't have him in a center in the first place.
10-10-2014 10:18 AM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
It must be nice to live in a world that's so black-and-white that the answer is to just pull the kid out of daycare until they outgrow the (not abnormal) developmental biting stage. But since I live in the real world I'll tell you how it really works.

My kid bites. It started about 4 months ago when he bit twice in two days. We addressed the issue at home and it stopped. Until yesterday when he bit three times. I suspect teething is the issue since both biting spells correlated with teeth coming in. The teachers tell me that he's not being aggressive or frusterated, and that some of it seems to be misplaced affection or "just gnawing".

I get that biting is not acceptable and we're working on it. However, if my child is termed then I have no choice except to put him in another facility. Someone staying home with him is not an option. Both my husband and I have to work. We kinda need to have a place to live and, ya know, eat. I have researched a private nanny, but that's still something that's way out of our price range. It's literally 3X the $ to pay a private nanny than it is to put him in a facility and that's not even counting the taxes you have to pay a nanny. I can't spend money I don't have. That's simple economics. So, please, tell me just what the hell I'm supposed to do?
...and providers can't afford to lose income from families that pull their children because other children keep getting bitten by the same kid.

So, ultimately I DO sympathize with you and you do have to do what's best for you...just like the providers do.

So until there is a solution for providers (in regards to not losing income) the problem will remain the responsibility of the parents who have a child that bites.
10-10-2014 09:48 AM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I understand that children bite, and I am sympathetic to the parents of children who bite. But if the child repeatedly bites other children, breaking the skin and causing bruising, the child needs to be removed from daycare until such time as s/he works through that behavior. I'm not saying s/he is a bad kid, or that the parents are doing anything wrong. But at the same time other children are being hurt, and that cannot just be glossed over.

It must be nice to live in a world that's so black-and-white that the answer is to just pull the kid out of daycare until they outgrow the (not abnormal) developmental biting stage. But since I live in the real world I'll tell you how it really works.

My kid bites. It started about 4 months ago when he bit twice in two days. We addressed the issue at home and it stopped. Until yesterday when he bit three times. I suspect teething is the issue since both biting spells correlated with teeth coming in. The teachers tell me that he's not being aggressive or frusterated, and that some of it seems to be misplaced affection or "just gnawing".

I get that biting is not acceptable and we're working on it. However, if my child is termed then I have no choice except to put him in another facility. Someone staying home with him is not an option. Both my husband and I have to work. We kinda need to have a place to live and, ya know, eat. I have researched a private nanny, but that's still something that's way out of our price range. It's literally 3X the $ to pay a private nanny than it is to put him in a facility and that's not even counting the taxes you have to pay a nanny. I can't spend money I don't have. That's simple economics. So, please, tell me just what the hell I'm supposed to do?
08-24-2014 09:37 PM
Unregistered So, maybe I have no say here. But this thread seems rather disturbing to me! I think one or the other of my children bit a brother or sister (it's been a while - my youngest just turned 26) but I responded with punishment and then love. I don't think any of my children did it more than once. Is a second income worth this?
05-28-2014 03:54 PM
Help me! My son is in preschool (3.5 years old) at a large, top-tier, NAEYC accredited school. He has been bitten twice in just 3 months by the same child. The most recent bite was deep enough to draw blood. This child has bitten other students. The daycare has done things such as suspend him for day, had someone shadow him, etc. It hasn't helped as this is obviously an ongoing issue. Additionally, the child is special needs with what I believe is a moderate case of autism. He's not verbal at 3.5 years old which is part of the problem, he disrupts the class with temper outbursts and a whole bunch of other issues. I think he needs to be put into a school that specializes in students with autism so that he can get the attention and care he deserves, but that's my own, non-professional opinion. The problem is that my son's daycare is hesitant to expel the student even though there is a three-strikes-you're-out policy. They're more lenient with this student because of his special needs. As the parent of child who's been bitten by this child not once but twice, I find this to be alarming. I worry that this child could seriously injure another child during one of his violent temper tantrums. Short of pulling my son from this school, what can I do?
08-10-2013 02:43 PM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I can tell you why aggressive behavior is allowed.
Providers may not like what I am about to share, but it is the truth...
States are pushing towards child led everything. They have taken the rights away for any punishment except time outs. Sure, they can oust the child out of their program, but if competition is stiff, they aren't going to want to give up their income. Then you have Quality ratings. They set the standard for this 1,2,3,4, or 5 star quality that everybody wants to receive so badly because it means they can carry that title. But, do you realize that within this quality ratings, you are so limited on what you can and can't do with children, including what and how you teach. A child expressing aggressive behavior must be left alone, and area cleared so as not to hurt him/herself. That's right, let them have their fit... it's okayyy. Don't make them do ANYTHING they don't want to do... it's all child led. Check out what high scope learning is all about, you'll see some of what I am describing. It'll blow your mind. They tell us that preschoolers shouldn't be taught fundamentals, like letters and numbers (they'll learn that soon and easy enough in K.) and they aren't ready for that kind of structure, it's too hard for them. BUT, let the child lead what you teach. Oh, yes... never teach anything that has clear cut answers, always teach open-ended subjects, where there is no wrong answer, and take away any games that are competition so they don't "experience losing" rather, don't teach them to be a good sport, so we will just make sure that there are enough chairs out when playing musical chairs and never take one out when the music stops. It makes my head spin. Then we wonder, why are there so many aggressive children, no manners, no values? It's because the parents aren't with their children enough and teachers aren't allowed to teach. That's why.
Oh, by the way... I am a preschool teacher with an education. I refuse to be conformed by their low standards and low expectations of children. The children in my preschool are well behaved, happy, and know how to be a friend, and have fun, even when they are the ones left standing when playing musical chairs.
I want a job at your daycare! You seem to have things in perspective (it amazes me how little people know, both daycare providers AND parents about what is appropriate for the children). It seems that daycare providers have their hands full and tied. My class is with one to two year olds and my daycare allows the parents to run the class. The parents have not excepted that it is now time to teach children right from wrong (they believe they are too young). Most of them are still on bottle feedings. Yet our ratio is 1 to 4.

I think there is such thing as age-appropriate guidance for these guys. The longer you wait to give this guidance the harder it is to break the behavior. Thus, they remain aggressive self-centered brats throughout our entire system. Unless the parents can afford private school later, they better wake up and smell the coffee. Public schools do not tolerate misbehavior.

And as far as biting is concerned, don't get me started. Some of these stories do include excessive biting and I understand their frustration. If your child needs "shadowing" one-on-one attention, it's time to hire a private nanny. Most daycares do not have a spare person to deal with this. My state, NY, has no clue how to create ratio standards as we almost always have a biter in our class but only 2 (if we're lucky 3 people to deal with the crowd). Since they are bottle-fed, in addition to trays, tables and sippy cups, we have to clean the bottles. The clean-up takes time while one person is watching six to eight kids by themselves. And all of the nap times, which can take up to 20 minutes apiece to lay these kids down, take one person away from the classroom, six to eight times a day.

I'm looking for another line of work. We are grossly underpaid, overworked and dealing with abusive angry parents who do not want their tuition to increase, just the standard of care.

And for all of the purported "concern" they have for their children, they almost always send them to us when they are sick. These are two-parent families and our daycare allows for them to have a fever of 101 before sending them home. They display signs of sickness at 100. They infect everyone, including the staff, and it's like working in a child infirmary with screaming and crying all day long.

Amen, for someone who is finally speaking out about this ridiculous coddling! It's time to leave for me. I dread the day I am in a nursing home and one of these selfish punks will be taking care of me. I wonder if their parents are going to have to go to work with them to be sure nothing stresses them.
08-06-2013 05:24 AM
kimmills As a parent of the child who's bitten or hurt by another child, it an be very disturbing. The caregiver needs to bring the parents of the aggressive child and discuss the problem with them. This kind of aggression could be due to one of more of several reasons. And yes, I'd be overly concerned if this continued.
05-30-2013 09:32 AM
Cradle2crayons
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyAngels View Post
No way in the world should children that age be left alone, let alone together, for any length of time - not one minute, let alone 5. I'm not a big one to advise reporting to licensing, but in this case I would be reporting this provider. I would advise the baby's parents to remove their child from this caregiver immediately.

I hope your grandbaby is going to be okay.
I second this. Pull immediately and report to licensing. And since this injury required medical intervention, I'd ask her to file it on her insurance as well.

Grandma I'm so sorry this happened. I hope your grand baby is okay and y'all find anger provider. I hope the little one doesn't have too much trauma from this.
05-30-2013 07:35 AM
MyAngels
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I am a distraught grandmother.
My 9 month old granddaughter spent the night in the hospital as the result of the many bites from a 20 month old child. This child held the baby down and bit her too many times to count, all over the face, head, arms and stomach. The bruising on her nose, ears and cheeks was horrifying.
The caregiver said she left the two on the floor, playing alone together, for no more than five minutes but I cannot imagine how so much damage was done in so short a time, nor how she could not have heard the baby screaming.
My heart is hurting so badly -- what in the WORLD?!?
Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? I know it is totally normal for children to bite but this is outrageous. The biter's parents were called and they immediately came to get the child, but such aggressive behavior is scary to me. There must be something wrong here that is out of the ordinary.
This is an in-home caregiver, who has been with the family for years and suddenly got an influx of younger siblings. I think it is more than she can handle. I don't think the baby or 3 year old brother will be going back there.
This is so distressing.
No way in the world should children that age be left alone, let alone together, for any length of time - not one minute, let alone 5. I'm not a big one to advise reporting to licensing, but in this case I would be reporting this provider. I would advise the baby's parents to remove their child from this caregiver immediately.

I hope your grandbaby is going to be okay.
05-30-2013 05:31 AM
Unregistered I am a distraught grandmother.
My 9 month old granddaughter spent the night in the hospital as the result of the many bites from a 20 month old child. This child held the baby down and bit her too many times to count, all over the face, head, arms and stomach. The bruising on her nose, ears and cheeks was horrifying.
The caregiver said she left the two on the floor, playing alone together, for no more than five minutes but I cannot imagine how so much damage was done in so short a time, nor how she could not have heard the baby screaming.
My heart is hurting so badly -- what in the WORLD?!?
Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? I know it is totally normal for children to bite but this is outrageous. The biter's parents were called and they immediately came to get the child, but such aggressive behavior is scary to me. There must be something wrong here that is out of the ordinary.
This is an in-home caregiver, who has been with the family for years and suddenly got an influx of younger siblings. I think it is more than she can handle. I don't think the baby or 3 year old brother will be going back there.
This is so distressing.
05-16-2013 04:00 PM
NeedaVaca
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I felt sorry for you until I read that last line.

I completely understand your frustrations and I too, would be livid if my child was bit more than once by the same child but I am pretty sure there are other more adult and more mature ways to deal with this situation.

You could try talking to the director of the center and see what the center's policy is for repeated biting situations and you could also file a report or complaint against the center for failure to protect your child from danger or injury.

Trashing the child care center to the local media makes YOU look just as bad.
05-10-2013 02:17 PM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1st time View Post
My son started going to daycare at 16 months. The folks at the center suggested he start in the 18 - 36 m room because he was tall for his age. This week he turned 19m. He is still the youngest in his room. This week a new "friend" joined the class and bit my son on the nose. We were provided an incident report with details of the situation. The next morning, he bit my son above the eye, just after I dropped him off. That's 2 bites to the face in maybe 3 hours of DC time. IF the DC staff can't find a way to separate that child from mine, I'm gonna find a way to trash that DC in the local media.
I felt sorry for you until I read that last line.

I completely understand your frustrations and I too, would be livid if my child was bit more than once by the same child but I am pretty sure there are other more adult and more mature ways to deal with this situation.

You could try talking to the director of the center and see what the center's policy is for repeated biting situations and you could also file a report or complaint against the center for failure to protect your child from danger or injury.

Trashing the child care center to the local media makes YOU look just as bad.
05-09-2013 11:15 PM
1st time My son started going to daycare at 16 months. The folks at the center suggested he start in the 18 - 36 m room because he was tall for his age. This week he turned 19m. He is still the youngest in his room. This week a new "friend" joined the class and bit my son on the nose. We were provided an incident report with details of the situation. The next morning, he bit my son above the eye, just after I dropped him off. That's 2 bites to the face in maybe 3 hours of DC time. IF the DC staff can't find a way to separate that child from mine, I'm gonna find a way to trash that DC in the local media.
04-30-2013 08:32 AM
Unregistered My son, 3 years old, is biting only in daycare, sometimes without any reason, sometimes out of frustration. The size of the class is large, and the staff turnover is also high. They were not able to come with strategies, so we were the ones doing the research and suggested to have him accommodated in one of the smaller size class, or provide him o toy that he can bite, prevention, and more.
However, they rejected all our suggestions and they only talk to him. The daycare do not really provide the context of the incidents. The biting is not frequent but is happening occasionally for 6 months now. We do a lot of talk and remove privileges the day he is biting, he is also reminded periodically what are the consequences in case of a biting.
I consider moving him to another daycare where he is not attached to any child, or staff, but I only fear that he is going to bite in the new setting too.
Any experiences of someone moving the child in another daycare?
02-12-2013 12:57 PM
Unregistered I found this thread while searching for a solution for a biting problem in my childcare center. I am the director and I know that biting is common. More times than not, we find a solution: an extra snack, an extra nap, shadowing. This time it has continued longer than most. Anyone within reach at any time of day is the target for this 17-month old. Some would then say that the solution is easy; keep everyone out of reach. However, anyone working in the child care field knows that this is not practical in a center setting. I know that the parents of the biter are frustrated and embarrassed. It's not easy to pick up your child and be told once again that he bit. The parents of those bitten are also upset that their child has been subjected to being bit again and again. The staff does not like having to give the news to either set of parents and even they feel somewhat responsible that this has happened during their watch. No matter how closely a child is watched, it takes a mere split-second for a bite to occur. To not allow the child to interact with other children defeats the entire purpose of a childcare center where the goal is teach children social skills. I'm not certain that I have the right answer, but we are asking the parents of the biter to take a 2-week break from our center and then we can all try again.
01-30-2013 07:47 AM
Unregistered What if your child was the biter would you still have the same opinion?
01-23-2013 07:02 AM
daycarediva
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Today I received an incident note from my sons day care that he bit another child n has attempted or bitten other kids this week ... It's only Tuesday which would mean he did it for two days so far. tomorrow I'm going in extra early to have a discussion with the teacher I have so many questions n things we can try to do to solve the situation. I'm sad to think that any parent would think that a biters parent is a bad parent or that my son is some homicidal freak at 17 months old. He had a problem with this behavior at home a month ago when ever he was excited or wanted to show affection he would bite so I would tell him firmly no bit, and then say gentle gentle while caressing his face and the behavior improved 110% now I find out he is starting at school I feel horrible for any child he bit I'm absolutely horrified and embarrassed by his behavior but I've been researching ways to help solve this issue. this is most definitely a parent / daycare issue both must work together and be consistent n understanding of what the instigators are. My son is a sweet loving n highly intelligent child n has always played well with others so I'm still in shock. I'm wondering if perhaps he is bored...his teacher has told me on many occasions that he is way ahead of the other children n is the most mature though he is not the oldest perhaps he needs more mental stimulation ...guess I will find out tomorrow at any rate please know that this mother of a biter isn't standing idly by but being proactive as I hope his daycare will be as well. Best of luck to everyone in whatever ur situation is and please remember these are still babies n they take all their cues from us so if they are misbehaving we the adults (parents&caregivers) need to take a look in the mirror n make changes!
He could be biting because he is excited, he could be biting because he is frustrated, there are so many reasons that it's sometimes hard to determine a cause.

As a provider, I don't think parents of biters are bad.

I would ask that they watch for a pattern. Is it a certain child that he is biting? What instigates it? Who was near when it happened/saw it? Can someone make him their shadow for the day-week until behavior is gone? Is the reaction/response from his teacher the same as at home?

I have a dcb who bit at 18-24 months. It was always one other child and ALWAYS after lunch/before nap. Dcb was obviously getting cranky and wasn't willing to deal with 'in your face' dcb anymore and was frustrated. We started a bite/attempted bite 'log'. Every incident was documented to discover this pattern and after that it was easy to solve, separate dcb's, keep biting dcb near me. Sometimes it is more severe/complex and not so simple.

Great for you for being proactive and helping your daycare to solve this problem.
01-22-2013 10:38 PM
Unregistered Today I received an incident note from my sons day care that he bit another child n has attempted or bitten other kids this week ... It's only Tuesday which would mean he did it for two days so far. tomorrow I'm going in extra early to have a discussion with the teacher I have so many questions n things we can try to do to solve the situation. I'm sad to think that any parent would think that a biters parent is a bad parent or that my son is some homicidal freak at 17 months old. He had a problem with this behavior at home a month ago when ever he was excited or wanted to show affection he would bite so I would tell him firmly no bit, and then say gentle gentle while caressing his face and the behavior improved 110% now I find out he is starting at school I feel horrible for any child he bit I'm absolutely horrified and embarrassed by his behavior but I've been researching ways to help solve this issue. this is most definitely a parent / daycare issue both must work together and be consistent n understanding of what the instigators are. My son is a sweet loving n highly intelligent child n has always played well with others so I'm still in shock. I'm wondering if perhaps he is bored...his teacher has told me on many occasions that he is way ahead of the other children n is the most mature though he is not the oldest perhaps he needs more mental stimulation ...guess I will find out tomorrow at any rate please know that this mother of a biter isn't standing idly by but being proactive as I hope his daycare will be as well. Best of luck to everyone in whatever ur situation is and please remember these are still babies n they take all their cues from us so if they are misbehaving we the adults (parents&caregivers) need to take a look in the mirror n make changes!
12-27-2012 10:38 AM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by judy View Post
I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?
You should have asked or read about information first before filing a report. uncool.
12-20-2012 06:14 PM
MamaG
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
It's illegal to tell parents who is the biter. Just so you know. But the children could be sent home after 3 bites in one day. They could have incident reports put in their file for each one and when they hit 10 in one month have a conference. If it happens 10 times a second month they're expelled. Most schools would rather loose one aggressive kid then 5 kids whose parents got fed up with nothing being done about that child.
I'd find new child care after the 2nd bite! And at my 'center' after the 3rd bite offender gets terminated. But after 1 bite the biter gets glued to my hip, so a 2nd bite has never happened. When they see dang a bite I become miss teachers new shadow. He doesn't get to play with what or where or who he wants too. Pretty much sucks.
12-20-2012 05:55 PM
MamaG
Quote:
Originally Posted by Concerned Mommy View Post
-----------------------------------------------------------

So an update to my 23 month old daughter who had bites... so we are now looking at 4 bites in 8 weeks... and just on Friday, this bite was on the FACE. No bite is ever easy to take when you see marks on your child... but on the face.... it was just shocking and horribly upsetting.

It is not their policy to say who the biter is... but my daughter did say a name... and basically it was confirmed from the conversation I had this morning. This boy is always all over my daughter. When I picked her up one day, I saw him tackler her... I believe he has bit her at least once before... I saw a incident report taped to his cubby the same day she had hers from being bit. I am thinking I need a parent-teacher conference. For daycare professionals out there... is there something that can be done if you have the same culprit biting a certain child? Is it time to move on to a new school?

For the previous incidents that went "unnoticed"... basically they said they never saw her cry... didn't notice anything out of the ordinary... seems unbelievable when you have a bite hard enough to break the skin... they apologized but said they didn't see it. This one on the face though.... everyone could see that... clear individual teeth marks on her cheekbone right below her eye.
If a child bites or otherwise inflicts harm in an act of anger they get three strikes you're out, as in terminated. As a mother I would not care about 'oh he is just frustraighted and we are working on it' blah blah crap! As a provider I've had this issue pop up more then once. I tell parents the 3 strikes rule and the offender is reprimanded and punished! Severely. It is outlines in detail in my policies and in the note that get sent home.
12-20-2012 05:15 PM
Unregistered 5 times is too many times to bite someone else's child. He should be put out and you should your discipline!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I apologize to all of the victims of bites, but please do not think that the parents of the biter are not good parents. I am saddened that my child hurts others when threatened or when he wants his way and we did not teach him this behavior. He is disciplined at school with time outs and we also discipline at home when he bites at school. My son does not just go around biting children; he bites in times of conflict with another child. We are working with him to use his words and talk to the daycare workers when conflicts occur, but we must also remember that it is harder for some children to master self-control and using words in times of frustration. I know that parents of the biter feel terrible about it and we are parents just like you wanting our children to learn appropriate ways of playing with other children. I work and so does my husband, my child should not be kicked out of daycare. We should instead work together with constant reminders and praise of positive behaviors, time-outs when biting occurs and increased supervision during times of close free play with other children. Especially if it particularly one child who is being bitten. My child has not bitten as much as some of the stories you have mentioned, just having some difficulty with one child in particular during playtime and it has happened 5 times in the past month. Praying for all children and their parents the bitees and the biters.
12-05-2012 02:44 PM
Holiday Park To the pp who said her child has hearing loss, there a couple things to do . Teach him bon verbal communication skills like sign language , and pick a childcare facility who will support that.

I teach all my babies signs so they can "talk" about their needs/wants and have it be known. When my son gets upset because he is having a toy taken away he will look at me or the other child and point. If he wants to nurse, he signs milk. He is 14 months old and has been asking to be taken to the potty by way of signing and he is a hearing child . He also says some words too. But y point is , it Is known why kids bite and thats ehy its important to be proactive in prevention and tackling it at hand when it happens. Like others have said, if it can't be resolved then they can't stay in that particular environment and it is what it is, so the parent should try not to get all butthurt over it. Thats my opinion of course ;-)
12-05-2012 12:40 PM
Unregistered I understand that children bite, and I am sympathetic to the parents of children who bite. But if the child repeatedly bites other children, breaking the skin and causing bruising, the child needs to be removed from daycare until such time as s/he works through that behavior. I'm not saying s/he is a bad kid, or that the parents are doing anything wrong. But at the same time other children are being hurt, and that cannot just be glossed over.
11-15-2012 06:56 PM
Unregistered I have a biter...and while I know this isn't acceptable and it's not okay to harm other children, there is a reason for it. I get frustrated when other parents don't understand the cause and think my child is just a bully or his home life is unsable...he is not a bully and his home life is actually quite normal, and he is actually very sweet. Unfortunately he has a hearing loss and is unable to speak the way a normal 2 almost 3 year old should. He can understand fully what's going on around him and he cannot express what he needs to, when he needs to. When he gets frustrated, anxious, or provoked and feels he needs to defend himself, he expresses that through biting. I don't have rose colored glasses on and think my child is an angel, in fact I know all children are capable of behaviors. If your child is the one getting biten more frequently by a biter, you might want to ask yourself, what is my child doing to provoke this child or better yet ask yourself how you can be part of the solution and not the problem by assuming a biter is a "bad" child.
11-12-2012 02:44 PM
MarinaVanessa I must agree with Cathearder. Especially if there is a child who chronically bites as you stated (has been biting since the infant room) then to me this would mean that the issue is not being taken care of.

The issue of biting is difficult because it's a natural and frankly quite usual thing for young children to do ... this does not mean however that it is ok to do especially in childcare. If your child has been bitten repeatedly and no improvements have been made to correct the issue either from parents or daycare then perhaps it's time to look for childcare elsewhere.
11-12-2012 01:59 PM
Cat Herder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
We have a meeting today with my 2yr old son's daycare. He has been bitten several times and so have other children. There are two biters in the room of 6. While I am completely aware that anytime there is a group of toddlers together like that there will be some biting and some pushing etc. It is always difficult to determine if my being so upset is because I am a mother and my son was bitten or if in fact there is a problem that I the school should address or I will need to look elsewhere for childcare/preschool? Any thoughts. One of the biters has actually been biting since the infant room. Since moving to the two year old room teh end of Aug my son has been bitten 4 times prior to moving to that room in a year he had been bitten another four times. How much is too much? Any thoughts?
Honestly, I'd have moved on.

IMHO, Something is keeping these kids really stressed out (too much/lack of space, too many/not enough toys, lack of Variety in toys, too much/too little stimulation, too much/too little free play, etc).

I have never seen biting like that in my program.
11-12-2012 11:14 AM
Unregistered We have a meeting today with my 2yr old son's daycare. He has been bitten several times and so have other children. There are two biters in the room of 6. While I am completely aware that anytime there is a group of toddlers together like that there will be some biting and some pushing etc. It is always difficult to determine if my being so upset is because I am a mother and my son was bitten or if in fact there is a problem that I the school should address or I will need to look elsewhere for childcare/preschool? Any thoughts. One of the biters has actually been biting since the infant room. Since moving to the two year old room teh end of Aug my son has been bitten 4 times prior to moving to that room in a year he had been bitten another four times. How much is too much? Any thoughts?
09-26-2012 11:20 PM
sandrapitt Children are just not allowed to bite and hurt other kids. A teacher should always be around this kid who behaves like this. It is also important that the parents of this child is informed and told to do something about it. Parents need to check if his biting is occasional and normal or just too aggressive. As child care centers, the center is responsible for the safety of the other kids. It is necessary that they stop this childs behavior and keep a check on him always.
09-13-2012 03:38 PM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by HRH View Post
same exact thing happened to us. they told us the same things. could not even tell us which child bit our child.

It's illegal to tell parents who is the biter. Just so you know. But the children could be sent home after 3 bites in one day. They could have incident reports put in their file for each one and when they hit 10 in one month have a conference. If it happens 10 times a second month they're expelled. Most schools would rather loose one aggressive kid then 5 kids whose parents got fed up with nothing being done about that child.
08-29-2012 01:54 PM
itlw8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
It's not fair to blame the daycare. #1 that is a psychological problem. Unless the staff have a degree in psychology is sometimes hard to change that behavior in a child and you have to understand that takes time too. instead of contacting the department of social service you should approach the daycare and try to see if they could talk to the kid parent to take him to a psychologist. They know how to help. Sometimes not even parents cant help the child. You are lucky cuz yours don't bite but that is very common in children at a early development stage. Instead of being complaining you need to understand that not all children are the same.
While it is a normal develpmental stage taking an 18 month to a psychologist would serve no purpose.

And yes unfortunately once a child has bitten 1 time they are a known hazard and if a parent reports it the center is at fault. Why because they knew the child might bite again.

I was reported 1x because a child was bit. first time ever he was bit and 1x the biter had bitten. I was less than 5 feet away and the room was not crowded. The state said I did nothing wrong except I should have called the parent immediately and not waited for the parent to come 30 minutes later to pick up..... funny the parent thought they would bring the child back. The state could not believe she thought I would take them back
08-29-2012 12:28 AM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by judy View Post
I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?
It's not fair to blame the daycare. #1 that is a psychological problem. Unless the staff have a degree in psychology is sometimes hard to change that behavior in a child and you have to understand that takes time too. instead of contacting the department of social service you should approach the daycare and try to see if they could talk to the kid parent to take him to a psychologist. They know how to help. Sometimes not even parents cant help the child. You are lucky cuz yours don't bite but that is very common in children at a early development stage. Instead of being complaining you need to understand that not all children are the same.
08-07-2012 07:14 PM
Hunni Bee
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
My son is the biter. I am sorry for all the kids that have gotten bitten. I received a text over the weekend with no warning stating not only him but my other two children were not allowed back due to the biting. First off I should tell you that he is hearing impaired and has to wear a hearing aid. He also has speech twice a week with a sign teacher. So needless to say he doesn't have the words to say let alone the signs foe biting. It has gotten worse this past month because his hearing aids are in the shop. So he literally can't hear you. What am I to do? It is normal for a normal kid to bite but mine is deaf. So you are punishing him and his two siblings for something he doesn't even understand. Oh and he is only 18 months and his speech is the equalivalent of a 9 month old.
While this information definitely shouldn't have been sent by text, the daycare isn't "punishing" your children by terming them. They are protecting the other children who your son is biting and allowing you find another setting that may be better suited to your son's needs.

What most likely happened (and why you didn't get any warning) is other parents told her that either your son goes or their child goes. As you said, your son's biting has escalated recently because his hearing aids are being repaired. Your provider had to make a rushed decision, and to be honest, it doesn't make sense to keep the family that may drive future business away as well.

It all comes down to the fact that biting isn't something that's acceptable in daycare, no matter the circumstances. And just as you feel strongly to protect your children, other parents feel the same. I wish you luck in finding a better program for your son and other children.
07-29-2012 05:21 AM
Unregistered My son is the biter. I am sorry for all the kids that have gotten bitten. I received a text over the weekend with no warning stating not only him but my other two children were not allowed back due to the biting. First off I should tell you that he is hearing impaired and has to wear a hearing aid. He also has speech twice a week with a sign teacher. So needless to say he doesn't have the words to say let alone the signs foe biting. It has gotten worse this past month because his hearing aids are in the shop. So he literally can't hear you. What am I to do? It is normal for a normal kid to bite but mine is deaf. So you are punishing him and his two siblings for something he doesn't even understand. Oh and he is only 18 months and his speech is the equalivalent of a 9 month old.
07-23-2012 02:08 AM
littlestarday
Quote:
Originally Posted by judy View Post
I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?
It's very difficult to stop biting behavior. We understand that parents are going to be upset that their children are being bitten, but biting is normal toddler behavior and daycare centers do their best to prevent it, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Becoming angry with the daycare teachers will not help the situation, they don't want to see your child being hurt either, and it can become very frustrating when there are multiple biters in a room. I'm not saying that parents don't have a right to be upset but they should also try to understand how the teachers and the parents of the biters feel about the situation. Parents are sometimes embarrassed that their children do bite. Children don't bite because they have bad parents, they bite because they're trying to express emotions that they cannot yet put into words. What we try to do is: 1. Prevent bites before they happen by watching the biter and removing them when you see them try to bite. 2. Tell the child "no thank you, we don't bite" or a similar phrase. 3. Remove the child from the situation by redirecting them to another play area or engage them in an activity 4. Prevent bites before they happen by keeping the child interested in play (introduce different toys and begin new activites when you see the child becoming bored) These suggestions don't work for all children. We have some children who don't respond to anything and continue to bite, and the best thing that we can do is try to protect the other children and be consistent with our methods.
07-04-2012 12:12 PM
STC I am very surprised only one person has addressed the issue of health/saftey, and not in any depth. Whatever the stage, pyschological angle, or developmental issues are on either side, it's a "so what ?". Once a child has been bitten and it breaks the skin, it enters the bitten child's bloodstream--whatever bacteria is in the mouth has a DIRECT entry to a child's bloodstream and can cause many health problems, including death-- no to be dramatic-- just factual. You don't care how unlikely that is if it happens YOUR child. This cannot be taken lightly and discussed as if it is a problem to be solved by either parent or daycare providers--while either casting blame on each other or working over time to correct the issue. All intelligent and reasonable people will agree and work for a solution in the best interest of BOTH the biter and the bittees--with the first concern , the physical health of the child wno is bitten. All the blame stuff is juvenile--where are the adults?
There, of course, should be caring for the biter--these are just children--who have no idea what harm they are inflicting. There are many great suggestions for stopping this behavior--in the meantime the other children need to be 100% protected-- not 80-90%. There also is not just one way to do that--each situation needs to be evaluated and decided on the basis of their structure and avenues of choices as a team--parents and providers.
06-29-2012 01:35 PM
Unregistered My son is 2 and we had just recently placed him in this daycare and right off the bat we started having trouble with the daycare they were complaining about him peeing to much so i brought him to the dr he has no bladder infection the next thing was they wanted to use diapers when i had him in underwear and askd them to please work with me because he is doing so great at home and they would constantly send him home in diapers or other kids clothes and I would ask wheres his clothes they would say oh hes out! That next week I brought a bag of extra clothes with his name on the bag and clothes and that afternoon he was ina diaper! I asked again did he run out she said yes I asked where his clothes were I brought today she said she never recieved them?! They were horrible communicators did not care my problems seemed so small to them. They never communicated with me at all!! I got a call one day stating he was bit in the face and when I got there I asked by who it was the owners daughter who had done it and he has a scar on his face to this very day! I was informed face biting is immediate suspension by a friend?? 3 weeks later he was bit again on his belly by a little boy who also bruised him! I asked the teacher what my son was doing to cause them she said he didnt do anything so I wasnt going to do anything about it to him because it was clearly not my son. Last thing is I got a recipept saying im 3 weeks behind on payment hes suspended if not paid by friday ?!?! I have seriously been paying weekly with cash and I unfortanatley never kept my recipts SO it was there word against mine..... I called the owner and told her he wouldnt return because i didnt have 330 to give them right then! she told me i had 10 business days or she would turn it into collections I said okay il see you next week to pay, then I said I was upset she didnt let me know weeks ago that i was behind! she then replied with excuse me thats not my problem you need to take care of your own bills?!?!?! I was shocked she turned that rude on me i then replied with your the OWNER and your telling me that tuition is not your problem why would you even let a parent continue 3 weeks w/o pay?! I told her id be buy the next day to get his clothes and diapers,....she told me "Oh no il lock that in my office you cant get his stuff until i get my money!" I responded with thats my sons personal belongings im not even sure if that legal! she said back if you wanna be rude il add another 110 to your fee! so i told her if i pay for another week he will return and finish the week and she said hes not allowed on her probperty that if he comes she will call the cops on him?!!!! I was in total shock that this lady ive trusted my kid with for 5 months would talkto me like this I really was in shock! So I said okay il get a lawyer and come get his stuff we went back n forth with other stuff said I just need to know is any of that acceptable? I was not rude I told her (even though i know ive paid) id see her next week to pay and only told her i was upset she didnt let me know way earlier my payments were behind that throwing a 330.00 fee on me in one day was financially hard for me! She got immediatly ticked after I told her that.... I think tuition is her responsibility as well as mine! 3 weeks really?!
06-18-2012 09:34 PM
DevorahNA I have been on both sides of the above situation. I have taught several children who I would call habitual biters and my daughter was bitten many times at daycare.

As the teacher of the biting child, I sat down with parents and the school administrators and mapped out a plan to figure out why the bitting was occurring and ideas of what I could do and what the parent could do at home. I think that generally if the ratios of child:teacher are ok, than the biting can be stopped. but you really have to make a plan and follow through, and adjust if necessary.

As I mentioned my daughter was bitten many times at daycare. unfortunately, I was not aware of the problem until that last 2 weeks of school. I knew that a child in her class bit, and I knew she was bitten a few times. But it was only when I witness her being bitten for no reason that that I made a fuss about it to the director. Then the teachers actually documented how many bites were happening per day. Well it turns out it was multiple times per HOUR. Frankly, I was enraged that my child was being bitten so many times and no one cared to tell me!!! I cannot believe that no on cared to try to stop it. Nobody met the parents or made plans. Frankly, its not developmentally normal behavior to be biting like this! It is a child like this that needs to be expelled. Not because he cannot be worked with, but because the school doesn't take the time to figure out what the child needs to stop biting. YOu have to protect the other children! i am very angry that my baby was in a hostile environment so long. I was understanding when when I thought it was a few times in an entire year, not when I learned it was a few times a week!
05-08-2012 05:58 AM
saved4always
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyou View Post
I would find a new place for your child. Honestly, I would have moved my child long before now. That little girl is not being properly supervised. She shouldn't have access to your son to bite him that much. Your babysitter is not doing their job if your son is still being bitten at all. Her concern is her granddaughter and that isn't going to change IMO.
I agree with this, too. If you feel the parents and your provider are not addressing the biting and it is going on like this, it is time to look for a new provider. It doesn't sound to me like your provider is doing everything she could to stop the biting.
05-08-2012 05:54 AM
saved4always
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!
I am sorry your little one is going through this. I have had a couple biters in my home childcare and both times, the parents (2 different families) were very concerned about the biting and worked on it at home. Both families of the biters felt very badly about thier child biting and apologized (in person or through me if they had different drop off/pick up times...parents knew who the biter was because the bitten child could say the name, plus I only watched 4 kids). I feel that the parents taking it very seriously and expressing thier sorrow to the parents of the bitten child went a long way in helping everyone get through the situation. The biting stage was short-lived for both of these children, thank goodness. I feel a combination of time outs when biting occurred, shadowing to catch the biting situations before they happened and the parents of the biter reinforcing no biting at home all helped it to stop quickly.
05-08-2012 04:05 AM
Meyou
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!
I would find a new place for your child. Honestly, I would have moved my child long before now. That little girl is not being properly supervised. She shouldn't have access to your son to bite him that much. Your babysitter is not doing their job if your son is still being bitten at all. Her concern is her granddaughter and that isn't going to change IMO.
05-07-2012 11:05 PM
Unregistered First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!
04-24-2012 05:44 PM
DaisyMamma Great thoughts and ideas. What to do if you have a home daycare and your own child is the biter? I cannot expel her and I am watching the kids. It only takes 2 seconds!
03-15-2012 12:47 PM
Sugar Magnolia You are absolutely right Blackcat. All I meant was one bite should mean a parent should CONSIDER the supervision is not all it can be. I have had two bites, both were lightning fast and not the result of a problem that was allowed to escalate. Bites happen, but should be super rare, like yours are. But I only meant parents should have eyes wide open if it occurs, even once. These posts about multiple bites and it being "normal" are very disturbing. I was absolutely mortified by my biting incidents, I expected the parents to be upset, luckily they were not. I had a child once that came to us because a big box center was non-chalant about multiple bites. I would fully expect a parent to be concerned to the point of withdrawing their child if the were bit more than once, and even expect a grilling over the first one.
03-15-2012 12:18 PM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia View Post
I agree with this 100%. Biting happens because of a lack of proper supervision. Period. A provider who is diligent and aware of every childs actions at all times will notice a problem before it escalates to biting. I have a small center with low student to teacher ratios and a bite is extremely rare here, two in 6 years, and never any repeats by the same child. If your child is bit ONCE at a daycare setting, you need to consider they might not be properly supervised. More than once, you need to leave, ASAP.
Sugar, I agree with you about proper supervision and being a diligent provider so that biting does not happen. I also think a majority of biting DOES happen due to lack of supervision.

However, I don't think it is fair to say that one bite means the child was improperly supervised.

I have had 1 biting incident in my 20 years of child care and it was an 18 month old DCG who bit an 11 month old DCG while she (the little one) was sitting on my lap!

The biter had never bitten before and was going in for what I thought was a hug to the little one. She hugged her alot. All of a sudden, little one arches her back away from the older girl and I realize she was bitten....and badly too.

It has never happened again here but it did happen once and NOT because of lack of supervision.
03-15-2012 11:21 AM
Sugar Magnolia "I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. "

I agree with this 100%. Biting happens because of a lack of proper supervision. Period. A provider who is diligent and aware of every childs actions at all times will notice a problem before it escalates to biting. I have a small center with low student to teacher ratios and a bite is extremely rare here, two in 6 years, and never any repeats by the same child. If your child is bit ONCE at a daycare setting, you need to consider they might not be properly supervised. More than once, you need to leave, ASAP.
03-15-2012 11:15 AM
Greenplasticwateringcans
Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I find this post disturbing on so many levels. I can't believe you allowed your kid to attend a classroom where you KNEW there was another child there she targeted SEVEN times over a course of a year. Did you not think it was important for you to protect the safety and well being of that other child? What were you thinking? The center shouldn't have had to tell you to leave.. you should have done that on your own to protect that poor defenseless little one your daughter kept biting. At what point do you feel responsible because you continued to subject that poor child to your child's biting?

Every "expert" you have consulted are telling you it's "normal" because that's what you want to hear and that's what makes them the most amount of money the fastest or gets you off the phone or out of their office the fastest. If they tell you something is definitely wrong with your kid because she is lashing out with biting then you will STAY to discuss or continue to discuss.

I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. I've done it year after year after year.

Keep telling yourself it's normal and you will keep getting booted out of day cares. Next time, think about the poor child on the receiving end of your child's biting and please don't let it go on for a year. Think about the OTHER kids. Do what you have to do to protect them even if it means keeping your own child home and with you.

From reading your posts it sounds like you are in a very strong position to weed out potential problem families. While I'm sure you run an excellent program a lot of credit has to be given to your ability to choose the cream of the crop clients.
03-15-2012 07:13 AM
Unregistered How much is enough? In 18 mos my son has been bitten 5 times and received a black eye playing with a "friend" at daycare. I know that at least four of these incidents are from the same child. Unfortunately, I know it was the same child. I say that because I see both sides of the issue and feel for the other family. I have been offered to move my son to another room, but won't because he has not done anything wrong.

They want to work with the child and parent to help the child, but I feel the center is letting down both children in doing so. The incidents do not happen back to back so it always seems like we deal with incidents one at a time rather than looking at the big picture of what's happening. The child also shows very aggressive tendencies with other kids in the room. Their teacher ratios are fine and they have tried shadowing.

I am afraid if I move my son to another center I trade one bag of probems for the unknown. On the other hand I could not live with the regret if something worse happened....did I mention one bite was a week before Christmas on my son's face? Why these boys are not separated when the other room is available I don't know. I think the triggers are jealousy and control between the children and shadowing and behavior mod. at home will not help if they are just not meant to be friends!

I am angry that the daycare is making me feel like I am letting him down.
03-07-2012 06:05 PM
nannyde
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.
I find this post disturbing on so many levels. I can't believe you allowed your kid to attend a classroom where you KNEW there was another child there she targeted SEVEN times over a course of a year. Did you not think it was important for you to protect the safety and well being of that other child? What were you thinking? The center shouldn't have had to tell you to leave.. you should have done that on your own to protect that poor defenseless little one your daughter kept biting. At what point do you feel responsible because you continued to subject that poor child to your child's biting?

Every "expert" you have consulted are telling you it's "normal" because that's what you want to hear and that's what makes them the most amount of money the fastest or gets you off the phone or out of their office the fastest. If they tell you something is definitely wrong with your kid because she is lashing out with biting then you will STAY to discuss or continue to discuss.

I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. I've done it year after year after year.

Keep telling yourself it's normal and you will keep getting booted out of day cares. Next time, think about the poor child on the receiving end of your child's biting and please don't let it go on for a year. Think about the OTHER kids. Do what you have to do to protect them even if it means keeping your own child home and with you.
03-06-2012 07:09 PM
saved4always
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.
I was fortunate that my own 3 kids did not bite. I have watched a couple of little boys who went through it though. And you are so right. Unfortunately, biting leaves a mark and there is less tolerance for it. I think it is often the way the young child lets another one know to back off.

The latest one who was biting is the youngest of the 3 children I currently watch. I absolutely adore this little guy and have watched him since he was 3 months old. He is 20 months old now and the only other child he has bitten is the 2 1/2 yo little girl. I think he bit her 3 times, hard. I watched very closely after the first time to try to "catch" him doing it so I could intervene. I noticed that he would bite because she would be taking a toy from him and pushing him. The one time, she took a toy from his hand and then held her arm in front of him to keep him away from it and he bit the arm she was pushing him with. I was able to stop him a few times when I saw it coming, but it is not possible to always be able to stop it. When I showed the mother of the little girl the bite, I made sure she knew that she was not an innocent bystander in the biting incident. There was a reason that he was just biting her. And you are right, his parents felt terrible about it and they really worked with him at home on it. He does seem to be over the biting stage now. I am glad that I was never given an ultimatum by the other mother so I was able to work with him to get over it.

I am very sorry that you are going through this with your son. It totally stinks that the biting leaves a mark that the other child's behavior does not. In a perfect world, the other child's parents would understand that their child has a big part in the biting situation and would work with thier child on that to help rectify the situation. Since this is a really imperfect world, that is not always how it is handled. Parents can get a bit hyper about a bite mark. I hope that your son gets over the biting quick so you don't have to feel so stressed.
03-06-2012 04:36 PM
Unregistered Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.
02-06-2012 10:36 AM
MrsB As a daycare provider for many years, I have seen my fair share of biters. Although I see the need for the child to be picked up, for the daycare to place sole responsibility on the parents isnt necessarily fair. Since alot of times the parent isnt seeing it at home. With most of the children I have had biting using a technique where you simply say "no biting, that hurts" and exclude them from your attention, the childs attention, and what ever activity they are doing or toy they are playing with seems to help better than going into a big long explanation. When you are talking to a toddler the fewer words you use the more they will understand. Esentially you are giving them a time out but I try not to use the word time out. Kids are in timeout so much that they become desensatized to it. If you can make more fuss about the child who is hurt and more ignoring of the biting behavior then they wont use biting as tecnique to get attention. Also for the kids that are doing out of frustration. You have to "see" the frustration and direct it in the right way before the result is biting. Biting is an end result of frustration. We have a bean bag pillow that the kids use when they are really frustrated and they learn to hit the pillow and use their words to the pillow to calm down rather than hiting or biting the other kids. Once they learn this then they can direct their words towards the kids rather than the pillow.
In one instance, I had a child that was an aweful biter, I tried everything I knew of to try. I was in constant contact with the parent on different things to try. Together with the parent we came up with using a squirt bottle. If I saw him begin to get frustrated or go to bite, I would squirt him more on a stream than a mist. Sure it took alot of time on my part the first few hours, because I had to basically have an eye on him at all times. When I would make lunch, or go potty, I had to have him come with me. It only took one day and about 5 times of getting squirted and he pretty much stopped. Over the next 2 days I caught him going for the bite a few times but then we were all done! The squirt bottle was a last ditch effort and I felt absolutely horrible doing it but it did work. Keep in mind, I was in complete agreeance with the parents and we wrote down everything that I was doing and our "plan" and we all signed it.
02-05-2012 12:23 PM
MMk9987 Dear Unregistered


I work in a child care center also I work with 1 year olds and their is one dcb in my class who is known for hitting. on my first day I am a teachers aide I had to write on his daily report so that his mom could see it. I mean none of us workers like that we have to write the children up but they are a year old and they need to know hitting is not okay but also i feel like the parents need to be teaching them not to hit also. if they are not being disciplined at home when they come to school and we have to be the bad guys and tell them no do not hit.
01-30-2012 01:02 PM
sariejohnston I can relate i have a child in my class who is 2 years old they bite all the time, there are times they do so good not biting for weeks and its out of the blue they start biting again, just last week they bit Three children in one day, my director then told me if they bites again i was to call her mom and have them pick their child up. i always set them in time out and talk to them about biting how it hurts its not nice, but they keep doing it, i have talked to their mom more then once and other parents are getting mad because this keeps being an issue, my daycare doesnt have a policy on it we just put them in time out but i think we need to have a policy on this that says if they become are harming other kids they are no longer allowed due to being dangerous to be around and they can no longer come back until issue is taking care of. i don't know how much longer i can take it, i am always in my room watching after these kids, making sure to keep them busy with activities for them to do. i honestly think this child does it for the attention. today she bit two children i have to talk to her mom when she gets here i don't know what to tell her i am out of ideas.
01-26-2012 06:23 AM
Unregistered To mom who had enough: I would have terminated you for a threat like that
01-03-2012 12:38 PM
ycats I recently went through a biting stage with my daughter, she starting biting at 16-17 months and got to a point where I was signing an incident report 3 times a week. Around 22 months, she got kicked out of that facility. In that time frame I was beside myself, hated the fact that other kids where being bitten but also trying to go through every form of discipline and conditioning I could think of. I even did a few spankings, but it was clear to me that they weren't working - one incident she bit right after I had spanked her. The facility she got kicked out of tried to bump up monitoring her as the incidents increased but alas it still didn't help.

We found a new facility and I talked to the director before we admitted her because I wanted her feedback on what they could try, turns out the director's child went through the same frustrations with her child. She assured me that the new instructors would focus on communication techniques ( the words "not nice" entered her vocabulary). But she also assured me that most biters grow out of it, that it truly is a "developmental" problem that many grow out of. My little one did bite a few times at the new facility but I'm proud to say that at 2 years she hasn't had an incident for almost 2 months.

One thing that is clear to me, the new facility has teachers that seem better educated on tactics to deal with behavior issues. And they work! If you are the parent of a bitee, one thing you might want to consider: what exactly are teachers and faculty doing to curb the behavior of the biters? How hard are they working at it? I was blaming myself and my child for her behavior but in retrospect it didn't seem like the facility that she was in was capable of dealing with her issues.
12-07-2011 04:55 PM
jojosmommy I had a daycare child who repeatedly bit my own son at daycare over a number of months. I should not have put up with it as long as I did as it was not healthy for anyone involved.

I too suggest looking for another daycare. First because it is not healthy for your child (and the kids who are getting bit) but also because you will likely be getting a termination notice soon. I belive it is environment and will be the first to admit that some environments do not work for some kids. Plain and simple it may not be the right place for your child at this stage of her development. Not saying there is anything wrong with the daycare or your child at this point, it is just not the right place right now.

I don't think it is appropriate to ask for proof. Asking for evidence proves you don't trust what the provider is saying and for me that is an immediate termination. Often times kids only bite at daycare and not at home so suggesting that it is not happening simply becuase you have not seen it at home would only irritate me more as a provider.

I would start looking elsewhere, tell the provider you are planning on doing so (because of the biting) and ask them to work with you while you are looking for the right place for your child. Any provider with a heart will let you look for the right place if they can safely have your child in care in the mean time. Otherwise you may be better off using a temporary sitter so that you don't have to be off work everyday.
12-07-2011 04:35 PM
Cat Herder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I am wondering if anyone knows my rights as a parent regarding my child being a biter. First off, she NEVER bites at home and she has 3 siblings. I am continually getting calls from daycare stating that my child has bitten and broken the skin and per daycare policy, the child must be removed for 24 hours due to this issue. I understand that this is the policy and I have been fine with it intil now because it is jeopardizing my job. I always explain to her that biting is not ok and it hurts her friends and they dont like to be bit and neither does she. My frustration is that I am beginning to believe that there is not skin broken and they just dont want to deal with my child. I understand that if another child bites mine they cannot tell me who did it. understood and fine with that. BUT I am beginning to feel like I need proof that this is actually happening to they extent that they state. they tell me they are not allowed to tell me who she bit, but I also feel that if they are making me miss almost 2 days of work and are jeopardizing my employment that I should be allowed to see some proof. Does anuone know what my rights are, and also how to get her to quit biting???? its only in times of conflict or like today, I asked them to keep a close eye on her because she had a tough morning and is tired due to she woke up at 4 and never went back to sleep. lo and behold I get a call 2 hours later saying I need to come get her and she cant come back tomorrow and then got written up at work before I left for taking so many days off. What are my rights and what do I do?????????
IMHO, It is time to start looking for a new daycare environment.

There are MANY reasons I say this. First and foremost, the current classroom environment and your relationship with the providers is not benefitting anyone, especially your daughter.

Typically we only sent them home a couple times before we had enough documented evidence to show we fulfilled our responsibility to try to resolve the issue. Termination usually follows with limited notice.

I can tell you that I have had kids come to me after having been expelled and never have the first issue due to our program. Sometimes a change of environment is just what the child needed.
12-07-2011 12:12 PM
Unregistered I am wondering if anyone knows my rights as a parent regarding my child being a biter. First off, she NEVER bites at home and she has 3 siblings. I am continually getting calls from daycare stating that my child has bitten and broken the skin and per daycare policy, the child must be removed for 24 hours due to this issue. I understand that this is the policy and I have been fine with it intil now because it is jeopardizing my job. I always explain to her that biting is not ok and it hurts her friends and they dont like to be bit and neither does she. My frustration is that I am beginning to believe that there is not skin broken and they just dont want to deal with my child. I understand that if another child bites mine they cannot tell me who did it. understood and fine with that. BUT I am beginning to feel like I need proof that this is actually happening to they extent that they state. they tell me they are not allowed to tell me who she bit, but I also feel that if they are making me miss almost 2 days of work and are jeopardizing my employment that I should be allowed to see some proof. Does anuone know what my rights are, and also how to get her to quit biting???? its only in times of conflict or like today, I asked them to keep a close eye on her because she had a tough morning and is tired due to she woke up at 4 and never went back to sleep. lo and behold I get a call 2 hours later saying I need to come get her and she cant come back tomorrow and then got written up at work before I left for taking so many days off. What are my rights and what do I do?????????
11-02-2011 05:00 PM
Cat Herder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
My child was restrained in a highchair ALL DAY by his daycare provider(s) b/c he had bitten a child. This restraining had gone on for 3 days straight. Fortunately I found out about it and immediately pulled my child from the daycare. I have another child who was a "victim" of biting when she was in daycare, so I have been on both sides of this. Restraining a child is NEVER okay to teach them a lesson. My child was barely 17 months old when this occurred.
It most likely was not about teaching him anything. It was probably the ONLY way the provider had to keep the other kids safe.

Most toddler rooms are not set up to handle this. Not enough room for them to spread out and the frustration builds for them.

I would not go back to work in a "typical" center for ANYTHING. Failure techniques are the only options you are given as an employee.

I am willing to bet the teacher did not like doing it, either. I am glad she told you the truth (at least I pray she did). That does not happen enough, IMHO.

Sorry it happened.
This thread has more than 100 replies. Click here to review the whole thread.

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:22 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming