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03-01-2018 11:03 AM
Ariana
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jupadia View Post
Thank you call for your insight.

I was hoping there was something more we could do to aid him. I have always been slightly introverted as well but with him it seems high.
I think the point we are all trying to make is that this is his personality and you have to accept it. Be patient with him because pushing him will make it worse (not saying you are doing this!) Another option would be to see a psychiatrist and possibly get him on anti anxiety drugs. something you might want to explore if you think it is bothering him and really affecting his life. They can really help anxious kids!
03-01-2018 10:57 AM
Jupadia Thank you call for your insight.

I was hoping there was something more we could do to aid him. I have always been slightly introverted as well but with him it seems high.
02-23-2018 02:53 PM
Mike
Quote:
Originally Posted by Homebody View Post
This was so me as a child. I was both shy and introverted - a double whammy. Also, extremely sensitive as others have said. It seems to go hand in hand. Honestly, I think it bothered others more than it bothered me. In this extroverted world we live in, quiet people tend to make the more extroverted types uncomfortable. Anyone who is introverted and shy can tell you that while they may quiet on the outside, there is a whole lot going on in that brain of theirs. I never felt like anything was wrong with me until I got older, especially in the teen years, and others would constantly tell me to be more outgoing and I need to talk more. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me and really affected my self esteem. It has taken time and effort to overcome my shyness, and I still will get shy from time to time, but the introverted part of me will always be there. Its part of my personality. Its who I am.

There's a book on amazon you can download called "The Thriving Introvert". I highly recommend it.

Does your child have any strengths or anything he's good at? I was really good at art and drawing. My parents really encouraged me in this area. It helped me to get my feelings out and I got a lot of attention from others and school mates because I was good at it, and this made me feel good. Find something he is good at and show interest in it. This could help build his self-esteem.

As far as the rest, I think you are doing a good job with your gentle encouragement. Whether he outgrows this or its a part of his personality only time will tell.
02-23-2018 01:14 PM
Homebody This was so me as a child. I was both shy and introverted - a double whammy. Also, extremely sensitive as others have said. It seems to go hand in hand. Honestly, I think it bothered others more than it bothered me. In this extroverted world we live in, quiet people tend to make the more extroverted types uncomfortable. Anyone who is introverted and shy can tell you that while they may quiet on the outside, there is a whole lot going on in that brain of theirs. I never felt like anything was wrong with me until I got older, especially in the teen years, and others would constantly tell me to be more outgoing and I need to talk more. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me and really affected my self esteem. It has taken time and effort to overcome my shyness, and I still will get shy from time to time, but the introverted part of me will always be there. Its part of my personality. Its who I am.

There's a book on amazon you can download called "The Thriving Introvert". I highly recommend it.

Does your child have any strengths or anything he's good at? I was really good at art and drawing. My parents really encouraged me in this area. It helped me to get my feelings out and I got a lot of attention from others and school mates because I was good at it, and this made me feel good. Find something he is good at and show interest in it. This could help build his self-esteem.

As far as the rest, I think you are doing a good job with your gentle encouragement. Whether he outgrows this or its a part of his personality only time will tell.
02-23-2018 11:28 AM
Country Kids My third child was like this. At 7 months old we were at a wedding and were told by the official, that baby is going to grow up to be a judge due to be very reserved and quiet.

Family members commented on personality and the way it was worded made me upset and angry.

Kindergarten came and everything went fine for about a month and then went south quickly. Ended up having to take out of school and homeschool.

During our homeschool years, no "real" friends, not very outgoing, very "shy". I so hurt for them because I wanted child to have memories of a childhood that were fun.

In 6th grade toward the middle we had some changes and were going to finish out the year but have to enroll into school the next year. We prepared child, did our best to make the rest of the year fun.

First week of school, if not the first month was very, very hard. In the end though everything worked out so well, I couldn't believe this was the same child. Art student of the month right of the bat, joined the yearbook, joined an after school program to go to the dog shelter, and a straight A student.

8th grade was even better-office aid for the year, yearbook committee, and so much else!

9th-12th grade is this the same child!? JV/Varsity cheerleader, taking field trips with classes, signing up for classes I would have never dreamed of and friends gallor!!! Teachers had nothing but praise, excited to have her to aide for them, and the list could go on.

Freshman in college, first job and has had a boyfriend for the last year.

Looking back, I would never picture all that she has done since 7th grade. Did it take her awhile, yes. Would I have changed anything, no. Everyone is a very different person and with caring parents, they will get to where they need to be and it might take a bit longer but there's no rush.

Just go by his cues what he is comfortable with and let him go at his speed. Embrace him for who he is and no need to say "he's shy, introvert, etc". He's your son and that's all that matters. If you ever need to talk please feel free to message me and I would be happy to talk!
02-22-2018 07:35 PM
Mike I was extremely shy as a kid. I was highly sensitive and an introvert. I'm still an introvert, but not as sensitive as I used to be. It makes me who I am.
02-22-2018 09:14 AM
Ariana This is not shyness it is introversion. Introverts are very sensitive and take a while to “warm up”. I think if you see this as a gift it will be easier to accept your child for who he is. I have an extrovert and an introvert child. With my introvert we have to take more time, allow the clingyness and support her as much as possible. The less we push her to be extroverted the faster she warms up to new situations.

When she was 2.5 it was horrible. We had friends over for a playdate and she wouldn’t leave my side. Clung to me the whole time they were here. I know for a fact that if I had pushed her it would have made things worse. Now at 5 she is so much better and is really opening up more. She is cautious and a deep thinker which I love about her. My extroverted daughter would jump off a cliff to talk to a stranger! Lol

My opinion is to just accept it and support him as much as possible. Instead of saying or thinking “shy” which is a problem to fix, think of him as introverted, which is a personality type. Next time he is having issues going into a play area tell him “mommy is here for you, take as much time as you need”. The more he gets the message that his feelings are ok, the more he will accept himself and the more he will feel like engaging with others and the world. Pushing will backfire big time
02-22-2018 08:54 AM
Unregistered Here is a link to The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them. It is by the same author as The Highly Sensitive Person. I have no doubt that you will find it helpful for your son.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_s...=2FTBL4Z9AQ3RH
02-22-2018 08:15 AM
Unregistered I'd like to add that since we are daycare providers, it's likely that many of us probably have the trait of bring highly sensitive. It's a gift but we have to take care of ourselves properly.
02-22-2018 08:08 AM
Unregistered
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jupadia View Post
Ok this is my kid I'm writing about.
He has always displayed a high level of shyness even around people who he has seen regularly.

When we go to birthday party's or at friend houses he won't want to even go in. Once in we have to shed him off of us. We have been to party's where there have been bounce castles and tables full of treats and it's been 40 min for him to settle in and go play with kids he knows.
Now he dose ok with the dk that come but won't even look let alone speak to the daycare parents. One set has been dropping kids off for over 3.5 years.
He has improved a bit. Useally now we can get him into where were going walking (sometimes with a push bump to keep him moving) and minimal tears and crying. For school (Jr. Kindergarden) he dose not cry at drop off or through the day. But even now after almost 6 months of school will put his head down and claim shyness rather then answer his teacher questions or tell about what he made. Has only spoken in circle time a few times.

So far we have never really coddled the shyness. We allow him to cling to us when we get somewhere but make him to go in still. We get him to move off of us as soon as we can. Even letting him choose to go stand in a coner by the door at a Christmas party this year. (He wanted to rather then interact with the kids and adults there for like 30 min before he went to play). We also never introduced the term shy to him (other's did).

Dose any one have any tips or tricks to help. I'm worried that it could start to get in his way for school.
This is the kind of kid that I was as a child. As a grownup and through counseling, I've been diagnosed as having a highly sensitive personality. Yep, it's a real thing. In my research, I've seen that there are books about highly sensitive children. I have not read any of those so I cannot give an opinion on those but the book, The Highly Sensitive Person has changed my life. Looking back, our son displayed some of these tendencies. I would follow is lead and nudge but not force outgoing behavior. I also think playing sports helped him also. He's in college now and had no trouble separating (though I cannot say the same for me. )
02-22-2018 06:15 AM
Jupadia Ok this is my kid I'm writing about.
He has always displayed a high level of shyness even around people who he has seen regularly.

When we go to birthday party's or at friend houses he won't want to even go in. Once in we have to shed him off of us. We have been to party's where there have been bounce castles and tables full of treats and it's been 40 min for him to settle in and go play with kids he knows.
Now he dose ok with the dk that come but won't even look let alone speak to the daycare parents. One set has been dropping kids off for over 3.5 years.
He has improved a bit. Useally now we can get him into where were going walking (sometimes with a push bump to keep him moving) and minimal tears and crying. For school (Jr. Kindergarden) he dose not cry at drop off or through the day. But even now after almost 6 months of school will put his head down and claim shyness rather then answer his teacher questions or tell about what he made. Has only spoken in circle time a few times.

So far we have never really coddled the shyness. We allow him to cling to us when we get somewhere but make him to go in still. We get him to move off of us as soon as we can. Even letting him choose to go stand in a coner by the door at a Christmas party this year. (He wanted to rather then interact with the kids and adults there for like 30 min before he went to play). We also never introduced the term shy to him (other's did).

Dose any one have any tips or tricks to help. I'm worried that it could start to get in his way for school.

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