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04-22-2014 06:31 AM
NightOwl Agreed. Pediatricians usually perpetuate the whole "boys will be boys" myth. I bet they come back with "it's a phase, he'll grow our of it" or something where the pediatrician implies it's a problem with your program. Be prepared for them to withdraw soon. I'm hoping he recommends a behavior assessment or an early intervention assessment, but I'm not holding my breath. If he doesn't, you can make these recommendations yourself. Now, whether or not they take your recommendation is a different story. You can only do so much. They have to meet you half way.
04-22-2014 06:07 AM
cheerfuldom
Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
Just be prepared for them to pull him out. They have to say what they have to say to keep him there until they find another gig. This is a VERY common immediate response because they want day care. Remember it's words they are doing now. They only brought up his slot when you brought up terming. Remember when the slot wasn't on the line it was "boys will be boys". That's a wildly different response.
good advice. Plus pediatricians are not the right people to go to for most parenting issues, especially if this is not due to a special needs type situation. They are not trained in a lot of behavioral/parenting issues. He/she is a medical doctor and most of them will soothe parents by saying things like "its a phase, wait it out". I can bet almost certainly that he/she will not have any real life tips and instructions in this situation.
04-22-2014 04:22 AM
nannyde
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
I had the talk with mom and dad tonight. They seemed really concerned actually, and are taking this very seriously. They made an appointment with the pediatrician to talk to them about ways they can help DCB, they have that tomorrow.

DCM, I think, was a bit peeved at me, but DCD (who I rarely see) was very willing to do whatever it takes to solve the issue. He did admit that they have been doing some rough play at home, and promised to stop it all together, at least for now.

DCD kept stressing about how long they waited for a spot to open up here (7 months) and that the last thing they want to have to move DCB somewhere else.

It ended up being a really great talk, and I feel like we kind of got to know each other a bit more.

Thank you all for your guidance through this!
Just be prepared for them to pull him out. They have to say what they have to say to keep him there until they find another gig. This is a VERY common immediate response because they want day care. Remember it's words they are doing now. They only brought up his slot when you brought up terming. Remember when the slot wasn't on the line it was "boys will be boys". That's a wildly different response.
04-21-2014 07:03 PM
spinnymarie What a wonderful response! I'm so glad things are going that direction. I'd try to give them (parents) some positive reinforcement too as soon as you can (DCB did really well this morning, it looks like things are improving!).
04-21-2014 07:02 PM
Sugar Magnolia I'm glad to hear the talk went well!
Just remember to follow through on what you discussed and document ANY further incidents carefully.
Good luck!
04-21-2014 06:46 PM
MCC I had the talk with mom and dad tonight. They seemed really concerned actually, and are taking this very seriously. They made an appointment with the pediatrician to talk to them about ways they can help DCB, they have that tomorrow.

DCM, I think, was a bit peeved at me, but DCD (who I rarely see) was very willing to do whatever it takes to solve the issue. He did admit that they have been doing some rough play at home, and promised to stop it all together, at least for now.

DCD kept stressing about how long they waited for a spot to open up here (7 months) and that the last thing they want to have to move DCB somewhere else.

It ended up being a really great talk, and I feel like we kind of got to know each other a bit more.

Thank you all for your guidance through this!
04-19-2014 04:46 AM
nannyde
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I think parents just really need to know that we DO want to work with them and muddle through this together.

I think the parent wants to know that the kid gets to do what he wants and that not only is it okay but it's a sign of his special "boys will be boys" behavior.

I think this OP has had parents term as soon as anything was brought to light because they want their kid to behave the way they do. They like it. They think it's adorable. They may even think it's advanced.

My answer to her would be that I am not a "boys will be boys" day care and he may want that. He wants to get physical and take down kids. He loves the excitement of it. I just can't host that. I can't afford to pay the medical on "boys will be boys". I can't afford the loss of clients who have children on the receiving end of "boys will be boys.

I'm not judging "boys will be boys". I'm totally okay with it and know there are LEGIONS of parents of boys who dig that. I just can't host it.
04-18-2014 07:40 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I am sure they are just wanting some clarification about what is happening. No one wants to think it is THEIR child that is the cause of daily issues for everyone else...kwim?

I would really try and make the meeting positive and let them know that you don't want them to leave because you are more than willing to work through these issues with them. Nothing is forever and this child's behavior IS going to change and the parents will need to know that you aren't going to bail in them whenever there is an issue.

I think parents just really need to know that we DO want to work with them and muddle through this together.

I would make sure they understand that you are not blaming anyone for anything and that the issue at hand IS temporary IF everyone is open and honest and working towards the same goal.

Make a big deal about how much you value that kind if relationship so they really feel that you ARE trying to make this work. Let them know you are trying because you DO care about their child and his (as well as everyone else's well-being is a priority)

I am sure because it is their child causing the stress that you may be thinking they are the problem when in reality kids go through all sorts of phases and as caregivers and parents, we just need to make sure we are on the same page and supporting one another by doing what is best for the child and the group he belongs to.

Who knows, in a couple months their kid could be the one getting picked on by an older child... things change, kids go through phases and the whole point of needing to have them aware of what is happening is so that everyone is safe, respected and cared for in one harmonious environment.

Thank you very much. I am hopeful that me and the parents can sit down and have a open and honest conversation on Monday.
04-18-2014 07:05 AM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
The 20 month old.

I really feel like this can be resolved, and I don't want them to term.

I really am trying to take your advice and not think in terms of money, but I already have one opening right now, and having 2 openings puts me in a very uncomfortable spot, and having to tap into savings.

I also am feeling discouraged b/c this is now child 3 in the past 15 months that I've had to address behavior issues with, and the parents term immediately without trying to resolve the issues. It's hard to not think it's me causing the issue or wording something wrong with parents.
I am sure they are just wanting some clarification about what is happening. No one wants to think it is THEIR child that is the cause of daily issues for everyone else...kwim?

I would really try and make the meeting positive and let them know that you don't want them to leave because you are more than willing to work through these issues with them. Nothing is forever and this child's behavior IS going to change and the parents will need to know that you aren't going to bail in them whenever there is an issue.

I think parents just really need to know that we DO want to work with them and muddle through this together.

I would make sure they understand that you are not blaming anyone for anything and that the issue at hand IS temporary IF everyone is open and honest and working towards the same goal.

Make a big deal about how much you value that kind if relationship so they really feel that you ARE trying to make this work. Let them know you are trying because you DO care about their child and his (as well as everyone else's well-being is a priority)

I am sure because it is their child causing the stress that you may be thinking they are the problem when in reality kids go through all sorts of phases and as caregivers and parents, we just need to make sure we are on the same page and supporting one another by doing what is best for the child and the group he belongs to.

Who knows, in a couple months their kid could be the one getting picked on by an older child... things change, kids go through phases and the whole point of needing to have them aware of what is happening is so that everyone is safe, respected and cared for in one harmonious environment.

04-18-2014 06:56 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Is this the 20 month old's parents or the 13 month old's parents?
The 20 month old.

I really feel like this can be resolved, and I don't want them to term.

I really am trying to take your advice and not think in terms of money, but I already have one opening right now, and having 2 openings puts me in a very uncomfortable spot, and having to tap into savings.

I also am feeling discouraged b/c this is now child 3 in the past 15 months that I've had to address behavior issues with, and the parents term immediately without trying to resolve the issues. It's hard to not think it's me causing the issue or wording something wrong with parents.
04-18-2014 06:34 AM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
Well- DCM told me at drop off that they want to talk on Monday morning, both DCM and DCD. I'm just going to have to assume they are terming over this.
Is this the 20 month old's parents or the 13 month old's parents?
04-18-2014 06:26 AM
MCC Well- DCM told me at drop off that they want to talk on Monday morning, both DCM and DCD. I'm just going to have to assume they are terming over this.
04-17-2014 05:45 PM
EntropyControlSpecialist
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
Thank you all so very much for your comments!

I talked to DCM of 20 mo today at pick up. She was really taken a back, which is strange b/c this isn't the first time I've mentioned it to her.

I told her I wanted to work on it together as a team for the next two weeks, and then we would sit down and talk about whether my care was a good fit for DCB.

I am going to bring my super yard out and use it to trap him during drop offs and when he gets aggressive. My only hesitation with this is he is going to whine and complain, and he has one of the least pleasant whines, but oh well, we will deal.
That sounds like you did a great job and placing him in the play yard during drop-offs will show the 13mo's Mom that you are taking it seriously.
04-17-2014 05:34 PM
llpa
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
Thank you all so very much for your comments!

I talked to DCM of 20 mo today at pick up. She was really taken a back, which is strange b/c this isn't the first time I've mentioned it to her.

I told her I wanted to work on it together as a team for the next two weeks, and then we would sit down and talk about whether my care was a good fit for DCB.

I am going to bring my super yard out and use it to trap him during drop offs and when he gets aggressive. My only hesitation with this is he is going to whine and complain, and he has one of the least pleasant whines, but oh well, we will deal.
Good for you! Well done. And super yard is a good way to contain him when needed. Hopefully you will be able to move forward w him but you have set the boundaries. Now it's up to dcm to enforce it at home. You can comfortably say goodby if you need to because you have given mom every opportunity to help him!
04-17-2014 04:46 PM
MCC Thank you all so very much for your comments!

I talked to DCM of 20 mo today at pick up. She was really taken a back, which is strange b/c this isn't the first time I've mentioned it to her.

I told her I wanted to work on it together as a team for the next two weeks, and then we would sit down and talk about whether my care was a good fit for DCB.

I am going to bring my super yard out and use it to trap him during drop offs and when he gets aggressive. My only hesitation with this is he is going to whine and complain, and he has one of the least pleasant whines, but oh well, we will deal.
04-17-2014 02:17 PM
Cradle2crayons When mine were little... I admit we did a little rough housing. But they were only allowed to do it with US, not friends or siblings. And it was only allowed during a certain time or situation. And when we said wrestling was over, it was over.

We actually did a very minor family type wrestling. The kids giggled more than they rough housed. And it was never an issue.

But I really think either some kids don't understand here is a time and place for everything or they just aren't taught personal boundaries to go along with it maybe.

OP, IMHO. It's your job to protect the others and I see you are taking that seriously!!

I'd out the mom of the agressive child on notice and behavior probation for two weeks and work together to get a game plan.

Good luck!!
04-17-2014 02:04 PM
TwinKristi Well the 13 month old's moms does need to remember her child is in group care, not a bubble, with other children and although this is a bit extreme, kids will be physical with each other at some point like BC said. It's part of learning. But it's our job to teach them boundaries and what is and isn't okay. That 13 month old may also be a handful n 7 mos, you never know!! Until they start showing these behaviors we can't correct it.
I know how some parents are with their babies and they get very protective and concerned. Their child's care during the day is out of their hands so having a good relationship with the baby's mom and knowing you, your dh & assistant are all taking good care is important during a time like this.
Aggressive DCB's mom does need to try and cut down the rough housing at home though. It really does carry through to their peer interactions.
04-17-2014 01:57 PM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
Thank you for this response.

He doesn't seem to be doing this b/c he wants a toy or wants something at all. He will be clear across the room from 13 mo and just charge at him and bring him to the ground. I really feel like this is something that is being encouraged at home.

I have 7 kids under 3.5, so they are all little. I also have a full time assistant. At drop off yesterday there was a 3.5 year old (my DD), a 3 yo, 20mo DCB and 13 mo DCB had just arrived. When DCM dropped 13mo over the gate to the playroom, 20 mo old charged at him and took him to the ground.

My H is great with the kids, but he does scroll through the internet on occasion, or get side tracked playing something with the 3 year olds and forgets he needs to hawk eye the toddlers. However, yesterday he was talking to DCM while she was dropping off her kid, so I feel like he was pretty much right there when it happened.
I would look at your drop off procedures... maybe make it so that the other kids do not have direct access to those kids being dropped off. That way, the 20 month can't bee line for the younger one.

I am betting your DH is great! Most men don't like to be that hands on so please know I was NOT implying your DH wasn't being a good caregiver...just that sometimes yes, we do have to have a constant eye on toddlers...especially those that are more physical. I had a toddler bite another on the back WHILE on my lap so I do know how it only takes a second for something to happen. They are quick little buggars.

As for the running across the room....stop him mid-step and STERNLY say "NO!"

Use your "I am NOT kidding" voice each time you anticipate him being physical. Even if he is seeing this at home or even participating in wrestling matches with dad, he can still learn appropriate behavior at your house. Kids are quick to decipher what flies at one place and not another.

If necessary keep a PNP set up in the corner and each time he is intercepted from being physical with someone else, give him a firm "NO!" and plop him in the PNP. with NO other attention for his behavior. Then shower the anticipated victim with love and attention. SHOW dcb that good behavior earns attention.

When you leave the room or are busy doing something that doesn't allow you to directly keep your eyes on him, plop him in the PNP. Remove him immediately upon returning.

If possible, I'd try and get a super play yard verses a PNP as it seems to work better but a PNP will work just so long as it isn't the same one or in the same area that he naps in because you don't want him to equate the PNP to punishment and napping...kwim? ...otherwise you might just cause some napping issues.

Rinse and repeat. He WILL get it. He is just stuck in between being a baby where EVERY little need he had and every move he made was addressed quickly and as cute. Now you have to unteach him all of that.

That is what makes toddlers hard. We tend to every need they have as infants and then as toddlers we wonder why they are so self centered and needy.
04-17-2014 01:32 PM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't think it's a boy behavior either but it IS a 20 month old behavior.

I would be concerned about the 13 month old but not because I was afraid they are going to leave but because mom is concerned about her child.

I understand that she actually witnessed this but I also think she needs to understand that 99.9% of toddlers learn via physical interaction and that rough and gentle have NO meaning to a child under age 2.

They need to be taught this.

I would definitely have a discussion with the 20 month old's parents but I would not classify this as any more than normal.

A group of toddlers ARE going to be physical. A group of toddlers ARE going to push, pull, hit, and try to "fight" for what they want/need in whatever manner they know and right now at 13 and 20 months, all they know is physical. Communication skills are just emerging at that age and impulse control is virtually nil so having the right expectations about what will and won't happen is necessary for a parent when they enroll their child in GROUP care.

How many little ones do you have?

I mean no disrespect to your DH but was he actually watching the toddlers or was he doing multiple things at once so his eyes weren't actually on the 20 month old? Sometimes, that is the problem... honestly you really do have to have your eyes on a toddler at ALL times or provide them with an environment that doesn't allow for them to be physical with others.

Thank you for this response.

He doesn't seem to be doing this b/c he wants a toy or wants something at all. He will be clear across the room from 13 mo and just charge at him and bring him to the ground. I really feel like this is something that is being encouraged at home.

I have 7 kids under 3.5, so they are all little. I also have a full time assistant. At drop off yesterday there was a 3.5 year old (my DD), a 3 yo, 20mo DCB and 13 mo DCB had just arrived. When DCM dropped 13mo over the gate to the playroom, 20 mo old charged at him and took him to the ground.

My H is great with the kids, but he does scroll through the internet on occasion, or get side tracked playing something with the 3 year olds and forgets he needs to hawk eye the toddlers. However, yesterday he was talking to DCM while she was dropping off her kid, so I feel like he was pretty much right there when it happened.
04-17-2014 01:00 PM
hwichlaz
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't think it's a boy behavior either but it IS a 20 month old behavior.

I would be concerned about the 13 month old but not because I was afraid they are going to leave but because mom is concerned about her child.

I understand that she actually witnessed this but I also think she needs to understand that 99.9% of toddlers learn via physical interaction and that rough and gentle have NO meaning to a child under age 2.

They need to be taught this.

I would definitely have a discussion with the 20 month old's parents but I would not classify this as any more than normal.

A group of toddlers ARE going to be physical. A group of toddlers ARE going to push, pull, hit, and try to "fight" for what they want/need in whatever manner they know and right now at 13 and 20 months, all they know is physical. Communication skills are just emerging at that age and impulse control is virtually nil so having the right expectations about what will and won't happen is necessary for a parent when they enroll their child in GROUP care.

How many little ones do you have?

I mean no disrespect to your DH but was he actually watching the toddlers or was he doing multiple things at once so his eyes weren't actually on the 20 month old? Sometimes, that is the problem... honestly you really do have to have your eyes on a toddler at ALL times or provide them with an environment that doesn't allow for them to be physical with others.
While this is true, there are certainly children that take it to such an extreme that they have to have an extra caregiver or be the only/youngest/smallest in the group etc. For me, this is the same child that's been climbing out of the playpen since her 1st birthday, and she's out as fast as you can put her in. Some kids are just on the extreme side of physical. I do have a smaller baby in care, but she's almost a full year younger and happy to hang out in the baby corral, which my 18 month old has zero interest in. In the non baby corral group, this X-games kid is the smallest.
04-17-2014 12:54 PM
Heidi
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't think it's a boy behavior either but it IS a 20 month old behavior.

I would be concerned about the 13 month old but not because I was afraid they are going to leave but because mom is concerned about her child.

I understand that she actually witnessed this but I also think she needs to understand that 99.9% of toddlers learn via physical interaction and that rough and gentle have NO meaning to a child under age 2.

They need to be taught this.

I would definitely have a discussion with the 20 month old's parents but I would not classify this as any more than normal.

A group of toddlers ARE going to be physical. A group of toddlers ARE going to push, pull, hit, and try to "fight" for what they want/need in whatever manner they know and right now at 13 and 20 months, all they know is physical. Communication skills are just emerging at that age and impulse control is virtually nil so having the right expectations about what will and won't happen is necessary for a parent when they enroll their child in GROUP care.

How many little ones do you have?

I mean no disrespect to your DH but was he actually watching the toddlers or was he doing multiple things at once so his eyes weren't actually on the 20 month old? Sometimes, that is the problem... honestly you really do have to have your eyes on a toddler at ALL times or provide them with an environment that doesn't allow for them to be physical with others.


I have the same issues here, at times. It's frustrating to me that I can't multi-task. Honestly, sometimes, it's very boring to sit there actually watching them play, just to intervene in case of trouble. But, I do know it's part of the job.
04-17-2014 12:49 PM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by hwichlaz View Post
It's not a "boy" behavior. I have a little girl that does it. She started at about 15 months, she's 18 months now. Dad is a wrestling coach. I talked to them, and they enrolled her full time so that dad wouldn't have to take her with him to wrestling practice. She's gotten much better since then, but it's still an issue. Luckily, she's the smallest one in care so it's not as big of a danger.
I don't think it's a boy behavior either but it IS a 20 month old behavior.

I would be concerned about the 13 month old but not because I was afraid they are going to leave but because mom is concerned about her child.

I understand that she actually witnessed this but I also think she needs to understand that 99.9% of toddlers learn via physical interaction and that rough and gentle have NO meaning to a child under age 2.

They need to be taught this.

I would definitely have a discussion with the 20 month old's parents but I would not classify this as any more than normal.

A group of toddlers ARE going to be physical. A group of toddlers ARE going to push, pull, hit, and try to "fight" for what they want/need in whatever manner they know and right now at 13 and 20 months, all they know is physical. Communication skills are just emerging at that age and impulse control is virtually nil so having the right expectations about what will and won't happen is necessary for a parent when they enroll their child in GROUP care.

How many little ones do you have?

I mean no disrespect to your DH but was he actually watching the toddlers or was he doing multiple things at once so his eyes weren't actually on the 20 month old? Sometimes, that is the problem... honestly you really do have to have your eyes on a toddler at ALL times or provide them with an environment that doesn't allow for them to be physical with others.
04-17-2014 12:20 PM
hwichlaz It's not a "boy" behavior. I have a little girl that does it. She started at about 15 months, she's 18 months now. Dad is a wrestling coach. I talked to them, and they enrolled her full time so that dad wouldn't have to take her with him to wrestling practice. She's gotten much better since then, but it's still an issue. Luckily, she's the smallest one in care so it's not as big of a danger.
04-17-2014 12:13 PM
TwinKristi
Quote:
Originally Posted by llpa View Post
I would let dcm of 13 mo dcb know that you are creating an action plan. She has a valid concern, even if it's only based on what she saw. Then I would create a plan where you are intervening ahead of his aggression if possible. If he does hit keep reminding him "hands are not for hitting etc" and if need be I would separate him to an area where he can see the others, but can't play with them. Every time he hits or hurts someone take him to his own playspace. I wouldn't make it seem like a bad thing as he is too young for time out but eventually he will make the connection that if you hit or hurt you do not get to join the fun. Help him practice gentle touching with you, stuffed animals and doll babies. It's typical of some children his age to be aggressive in their play. I don't know that you need to term yet without trying a plan first. Good luck!
I agree that I would start with this. Let mom of aggressive DCB know this is the PLAN. If this plan doesn't work, he will go bye-bye because you have parents who are concerned about their children, as are you. If with sitting back and watching them play he's becoming aggressive without a trigger, like he's just a rough player, then you need to have mom step in at home and push gentle hands or he's just not fit for your group. I have a little DCB who's delayed quite a bit, like a year behind where he should be, and he just doesn't understand his power and how it hurts people. He will roll on someone and pin them down not realizing they can't get up. He will mow someone down walking by them and not realize he does it. He doesn't go around hitting people or hurting them on purpose, but he doesn't understand social interaction well.
If all this DCB sees with interaction with others (or his cousins) is violence and "rough housing" then all he will every mimic is violence and rough housing.

Is he with you FT? What happened at drop-off that this took place? I suspect if nothing is triggering his violent behavior that it's a learned behavior he needs to unlearn. Teaching gentle hands was one of my FIRST things with my DS at 8mos when I had a 6mo old DCG. Then when he was 10 mos we got an 8mo old DCB and so on. We had to use gentle hands with our friends or be moved away. He was very mobile from an early age so it was tough but he's a very good boy now. His aggression peaked around 18-20 mos and he was biting one DCB in particular and it was rough but his WAS triggered and we had to interfere before that trigger went off.
04-17-2014 12:13 PM
preschoolteacher You could say something like,

DCM, I need to talk to you about what we can do to help Bobby stop roughhousing at daycare. I am responsible for the safety of all the children, and because he is so physical with the other children (hitting, pushing them over, describe exactly here what he's doing), we need to make a plan to stop this behavior or I will have to end daycare services.

Over the next two weeks at daycare, I am doing to do ___, ___, and ____. I will need you to follow up and reinforce this at home. I strongly suggest that Bobby no longer roughhouses with older cousins as I've seen this teach young children that it's okay to be rough with others. I'll check in with you, but please be aware that if Bobby continues to hit/push/shove during this two-week period, I will have to end daycare services.
04-17-2014 12:06 PM
MCC How to I phrase this to DCM without breaking her heart?
04-17-2014 12:05 PM
preschoolteacher
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
I told DCM of 13mo we are working on a solution.

He uses his body to push the babies around, he will just go sit next to them and start leaning on them until we grab him. He bangs his head against other kids, he hits, and when we take things away that he is hitting with, he has extreme meltdowns. It's exhausting. Is this normal "boy" behavior? I honestly have never dealt with a child this aggressive at this age.
I have a 2.5 year old right now who wasn't so bad when he was 2, but now he's doing things like you described above.

He wrestles at home all the time.

His parents think throwing toys "hard" (in their words) are typical behaviors and to be expected.

There really has to be reinforcing done at home or else nothing is going to change. My 2.5 year old only has a few more weeks here, so I'm not going to make a big deal out of it, but if he was staying longer, I'd have a heart to heart with the mom.
04-17-2014 12:02 PM
preschoolteacher I am not a fan of parents rough-housing with their little kids at home. The roughest kids I have are all kids who parents admit roughhouse with Dad, big brothers, or their dogs! At such a young age, these kids don't understand that they can't do this with eveyrone. They don't understand that they are hurting kids.

I'd sit the mom of 20 month DCB down and tell her you are putting him on probation. That the roughhousing he does outside of daycare is making his behavior unsafe in daycare.

If nothing changes, I would terminate. Before long, a rough 20 month old is a rough 2.5 year old and the older and stronger he gets, the more likely someone will get seriously hurt.

20 months is not too young to start learning "hands are not for hitting."
04-17-2014 11:58 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by llpa View Post
I would let dcm of 13 mo dcb know that you are creating an action plan. She has a valid concern, even if it's only based on what she saw. Then I would create a plan where you are intervening ahead of his aggression if possible. If he does hit keep reminding him "hands are not for hitting etc" and if need be I would separate him to an area where he can see the others, but can't play with them. Every time he hits or hurts someone take him to his own playspace. I wouldn't make it seem like a bad thing as he is too young for time out but eventually he will make the connection that if you hit or hurt you do not get to join the fun. Help him practice gentle touching with you, stuffed animals and doll babies. It's typical of some children his age to be aggressive in their play. I don't know that you need to term yet without trying a plan first. Good luck!
I told DCM of 13mo we are working on a solution.

I really don't have anywhere to separate him to, other than another room with my assistant.

He uses his body to push the babies around, he will just go sit next to them and start leaning on them until we grab him. He bangs his head against other kids, he hits, and when we take things away that he is hitting with, he has extreme meltdowns. It's exhausting. Is this normal "boy" behavior? I honestly have never dealt with a child this aggressive at this age.
04-17-2014 11:58 AM
spinnymarie I think a lot of it is his age, personally, so I would try to give him a 'probation' as someone else suggested, and I agree with all the things suggested - an area to play by himself when he is getting aggressive as well as alerting 13m mom that there is a plan in place.
04-17-2014 11:57 AM
NightOwl
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca View Post
If you can replace him quickly I would. Otherwise you may find yourself with the 20mo and not the sweet 13mo. DCM of 13mo will probably leave if this doesn't stop.
Agreed. I'd be more concerned with keeping 13mo. A probation period of 2 weeks to see drastic improvement or term. Tell her other parents are concerned for their children and you cannot risk losing multiple children for the sake of one.
04-17-2014 11:54 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca View Post
If you can replace him quickly I would. Otherwise you may find yourself with the 20mo and not the sweet 13mo. DCM of 13mo will probably leave if this doesn't stop.
Yes, this is my concern.
04-17-2014 11:49 AM
llpa
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
I have a 20 mo DCB, he's been here for 3 months. We struggled in the first couple of weeks, but he has overall fit in to the program well.

The past few weeks he has been hitting and pushing the other kids, we are redirecting him as much as we can, but he is 20 months old, and short of my carrying him around all day, I'm not sure what else to do.

Yesterday at pick up, my favorite DCM of a 13 mo DCB pulled me aside to talk about the aggression she is noticing in the 20 mo. She said at drop off that morning 20mo DCB tackled 13mo dcb and was hitting him on the floor. My husband was with the kids at that point, and he confirmed that this did happen, and both him and DCM had to pull 20mo off of 13mo. DCM of 13mo was sweet about it, but she is concerned about her child being rough housed.

Is it fair to term a 20 month old for aggression? It seems young, but he is a bit of a terror. His mom doesn't seem concerned about the aggression, and said that they do let him rough house with cousins. I think it's a "boys will be boys" attitude. Is there anything else I can do to help him learn to touch nicely? Should I just term and be done with it?

TIA!
I would let dcm of 13 mo dcb know that you are creating an action plan. She has a valid concern, even if it's only based on what she saw. Then I would create a plan where you are intervening ahead of his aggression if possible. If he does hit keep reminding him "hands are not for hitting etc" and if need be I would separate him to an area where he can see the others, but can't play with them. Every time he hits or hurts someone take him to his own playspace. I wouldn't make it seem like a bad thing as he is too young for time out but eventually he will make the connection that if you hit or hurt you do not get to join the fun. Help him practice gentle touching with you, stuffed animals and doll babies. It's typical of some children his age to be aggressive in their play. I don't know that you need to term yet without trying a plan first. Good luck!
04-17-2014 11:43 AM
NeedaVaca If you can replace him quickly I would. Otherwise you may find yourself with the 20mo and not the sweet 13mo. DCM of 13mo will probably leave if this doesn't stop.
04-17-2014 11:38 AM
taylorw1210
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
I have a 20 mo DCB, he's been here for 3 months. We struggled in the first couple of weeks, but he has overall fit in to the program well.

The past few weeks he has been hitting and pushing the other kids, we are redirecting him as much as we can, but he is 20 months old, and short of my carrying him around all day, I'm not sure what else to do.

Yesterday at pick up, my favorite DCM of a 13 mo DCB pulled me aside to talk about the aggression she is noticing in the 20 mo. She said at drop off that morning 20mo DCB tackled 13mo dcb and was hitting him on the floor. My husband was with the kids at that point, and he confirmed that this did happen, and both him and DCM had to pull 20mo off of 13mo. DCM of 13mo was sweet about it, but she is concerned about her child being rough housed.

Is it fair to term a 20 month old for aggression? It seems young, but he is a bit of a terror. His mom doesn't seem concerned about the aggression, and said that they do let him rough house with cousins. I think it's a "boys will be boys" attitude. Is there anything else I can do to help him learn to touch nicely? Should I just term and be done with it?

TIA!
Do you think DCM would take it seriously if you put her on "notice" and did a probation period for a certain amount of time? In this time you could discuss a plan of action with her on how you will both work together on solving this problem. If she is unwilling to problem solve with you, then you will know he'll likely need to be term'd - but if she's willing to problem solve and start working on assisting with correcting this behavior than maybe it can be fixed?
04-17-2014 11:35 AM
MCC I have a 20 mo DCB, he's been here for 3 months. We struggled in the first couple of weeks, but he has overall fit in to the program well.

The past few weeks he has been hitting and pushing the other kids, we are redirecting him as much as we can, but he is 20 months old, and short of my carrying him around all day, I'm not sure what else to do.

Yesterday at pick up, my favorite DCM of a 13 mo DCB pulled me aside to talk about the aggression she is noticing in the 20 mo. She said at drop off that morning 20mo DCB tackled 13mo dcb and was hitting him on the floor. My husband was with the kids at that point, and he confirmed that this did happen, and both him and DCM had to pull 20mo off of 13mo. DCM of 13mo was sweet about it, but she is concerned about her child being rough housed.

Is it fair to term a 20 month old for aggression? It seems young, but he is a bit of a terror. His mom doesn't seem concerned about the aggression, and said that they do let him rough house with cousins. I think it's a "boys will be boys" attitude. Is there anything else I can do to help him learn to touch nicely? Should I just term and be done with it?

TIA!

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