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10-17-2013 11:31 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
I asked the mom last Thursday right out about why is was not brought up, and that is exactly what she said. DCG was only 11 months when she started here, so it was completely normal that she wasn't talking at that point. I told her that I understood how it was forgotten, but now that she isn't talking or responding to basic commands like "sit down", "No", "lets go" I wanted to see what the Dr. says at her 18 month appointment. After that appointment I wanted to have a discussion about what the plans are for helping her communicate.

Just FTR how this was brought up in the first place was last month. DCM asked me if DCG was talking at all at my house. I told her no, and she said "Oh, did we mention she had a traumatic birth that caused hearing loss". So Mom brought the speech issue up, not me.

I had a DCB here started around 14 months and left at 19 months. During that time he did not start talking. They brought him in for evaluations and it was a simple speech delay. Mom came in and had a hour long talk with me about how I am supposed to help DCB learn basic words. She basically trained me on what she had been trained to do. THAT is how this should be dealt with.

I am perfectly comfortable caring for a child who needs help communicating, I just need to know how to move forward with it, now that it is known that she has some "hearing loss". I however am NOT going to continue to have DCM be rude and dismissive to me.
just curious but did you suspect hearing loss before she told you? and again way to go for really knowing all along what you need to do about this-
10-17-2013 11:26 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia View Post
Safechner


Gals, those of us who are deaf or hard of hearing.......we get kinda worked.up about this topic, because we live it every day.......
I get fluid in my ears a lot and I also have a little hearing loss in one ear, plus I don't hear well when other noise is around me, background noises. I get where your coming from even if I don't fully agree with all of it.
10-17-2013 11:22 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by safechner View Post
I know you are not posting about this child being deaf or not. I am telling you that she is because her parents dont want to tell you that she is deaf so they decided to tell you she has hearing loss instead. Truth is, I am deaf myself but I tell some people that I am hearing impairment instead. It is not a big deal, anyways!

If the parents refused let their daughter to wear hearing aids, there is nothing you can do about it. We dont know the whole story. Maybe this child dont like to wear hearing aids, who knows. The most important that she needs to learn sign language that you can help her instead her parents. As you mentioned you know sign language so you can teach her so what is your point? If the parents refused to learn sign language, shame on them. Their child will hate them later, trust me. If she starts school and they will teach her sign language. She will pick it up quickly than what you think. The parents will probably still refused to learn sign language so it wont be changed. To be honest, it is none of your business about hearing aids that she should to wear it. If my child is in your daycare and if you are trying to tell me that my daughter must wear hearing aids, I would be very mad. I wasted $1,800 on my daughter's hearing aids that we bought for her out of our pocket that our insurance was not covered at that time when she was 6 months old. My daughter HATE hearing aids and I tried to give her an opportunity to hear for two years but she was NOT interested so I leave her alone. She is very happy child and she is 12 years old. She loves her life because we are great parents to her. It doesnt matter to us anymore.

It doesnt matter what I feel offended by you or not. Like I said, I dont care what others think about me. If you feel that you cant help her or having problems with your daycare parents then let them go. I do feel about this little child. I think she would be lucky to have you that you will be able to communicate with her that you already know sign language. I guess that will never happens since you are giving them a two weeks notice tomorrow. I would take this girl for that spot and helped her parents not to be embarrassed about her hearing loss or something like that. However, I closed daycare for a while to being a stay home at mom with my handsome baby that I had him a few months ago.
This is your experience, but I think most people would want the hearing aids if it could help the child to communicate that is not- This little one it sounds like has not even had the chance to give it a go yet- I would be upset with a parent if they could help better the child but refused. They have the aids, bring them to daycare and lets give them a go and see if it helps improve this child's life- I respect your experience, but don't agree it should be that way for all.

I also think this provider is giving a two weeks notice for more then just the hearing issues. Parent seems to have no respect for this provider and literally a pain in the under pants, wanting special.
10-17-2013 11:13 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
Oh, and, just as an Update to the actual reason I posted:

I have a 2yo on a temp spot that is ending NOV first b/c cousin baby number 2 is starting. Terming this 18 month old will allow for the 2yo to stay, so I don't need to worry about filling the spot. I already talked to 2yo DCM and they want the spot.

I'm going to give 18 month DCM two week notice on OCT 21 if they don't give me notice first. This way she thinks she is still in control and there maybe will be less hurt feelings. I am hoping she gives her notice before I do. However, if she continues to be rude at pick up and drop off, she's getting her notice tomorrow.
you go girl!!!
10-17-2013 11:05 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
I am getting the impression that they don't want to have her wear the aids or teach sign b/c they are in a bit of denial about the situation. The child has no words, none. She doesn't say anything, though she will "hum" a tune, so I know she does hear music and pitch. If I say "fish" to her, she will say "sss" back- she needs therapy, her aids, sign language, something, probably a combination of all- I am not going to be the one to tell them that, but the child deserves to be able to communicate. I would, what do you have to lose at this point? I would recommend it most definitely. I will say that not all kids talk at the same time either, but in this case you know hearing is not at 100% so most likely this is having a significant effect on the verbalization.

Something I do with my kids that have a hard time with a word that helps is that I put their hand on my throat so they can feel the vibrations of what the word sounds like- It helps. Maybe this would help, she can't hear it but she can feel the vibrations of the word along with what she can hear. Little things like this are learned in therapy and I would stress how much this would help their daughter.


Yes- for me, the biggest issue is the nap, but the parent is mad/offended anyway, so the nap is a moot point.
I responded above to some of this... and being mad and offended at you is not something I would want to work with, esp seeing how your trying to help not hinder-
10-17-2013 10:59 AM
cheerfuldom update OP? if you haven't termed already, i wouldnt wait till the 21st. What are you going to do if the offended mom changes her mind and you already offered the spot to the temp family? i think you need to send home term today.
10-17-2013 10:57 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
Wowza. The child is not deaf. She has hearing loss that happened from a traumatic birth. According to my states licensing, I do need a form for a child with hearing loss. I also need to have the full diagnosis, as I need to decide if I am equipped to handle/help/encourage growth with this child. It should have been brought up in the interview, period.

I do know sign language, and I do understand deaf culture, I studied it extensively in college, and have several deaf friends. I understand that being deaf is not a disability. I never used the word disability with the parents. I did however say that I wasn't sure I was the right provider for DCG.

I do not know anything about deaf babies and napping, but I do know that this child is cranky/angry/crying most of the afternoon, b/c she isn't getting enough rest. I also do not know any day care providers that would allow a 18 month old to skip nap, but since she is SCREAMING during nap, that is really our only option.

Andplusalso- The kid has been prescribed hearing aids, the parents are not giving them to her- if she isn't going to being given the option to hear, she should learn sign here, and at home. Mom and Dad have no interests in teaching/learning sing, so this child is not being given the gift of communication.
I feel like after reading this you really know what is the best option for yourself to do. It is like the lights clicked in and that happens to all of us from time to time, because we invest so much of ourselves into these children and truly care- Your emotions got a hold of what your backbone was trying to tell you all along

10-17-2013 10:53 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by Familycare71 View Post
I believe hearing loss is a special need. As you said yourself there are things you need to do for hearing impaired children. In my state I would need a special needs form filled out regarding communication in general, safety accommodations (when that 18 month old is walking towards the rd I can't say: xxx stop! Like I do for my other ones), and any medical intervention that may be relevant (hearing aids, implants, etc) plus any therapy that may be used- speech for one...
She isn't saying the child cannot be a fully functioning well adjusted child but there are def additional steps to get her there-


I agree, this provider is not discriminating the child, she is wanting to help the child and the parent is fighting it tooth and nail.
10-17-2013 10:49 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
There is your answer.

Why bother helping someone who clearly doesn't want the help.

I'd definitely term. I'd give two weeks notice and be CLEAR about the fact that you are doing so because you refuse to be involved with a family that is refusing to see past their emotions and use their heads...

I truly feel for their daughter as I see this being an issue for a while no matter where she attends for care.


me too. I feel bad for the child, because her needs will prob continue to be unmet. Keep your chin up and get another client in there and you will be good to go. Your love showed through your postings that your heart is in a good place, let someone else that will appreciate that come into your life. You won't be in self turmoil everyday of what your doing wrong and how you can fix it-
10-17-2013 10:44 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
This is exactly my concern. There are constantly going to be things to get offended about when raising a child. Is she going to pull her out of kindergarten b/c the teacher had to discipline her and talk to them about it?

I am very open to talking to DCM about it more, except, this morning I went outside with her to talk privately (My husband was with the kids) and she said "I can't keep having these conversations everyday." This morning would be the 3rd time we have "talked" more than "DCGs day was fine." If she can't see that I am having these conversations with her to insure that we are moving forward correctly, then I'm not sure what else I can do.

You know what? I think I'm offended that she can't see how much time/energy/love I'm putting into this right now!
I would have been done with this here and now. I would have said right mom, I think it is best that you and I go our separate ways and so as of right now this is my two weeks notice. I don't work with parents that won't listen to me when I am addressing concerns about their child.

I think I would sit down write out my thoughts on paper and give her a term notice stating why you are terming, keep a copy and give her one. hugs to you-

Young Mom? Only child? Just curious
10-17-2013 10:38 AM
My3cents
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
The 18 month old that has hearing loss (I posted about last week) is terming. We have been having problems with naps, and behavior, and I have been very open to working with this family on the issues. Ex: moving nap time from 1pm to 2pm, as she seems to nap better at that time. I rearranged the whole day to try to work with them, and have been very understanding about the fact that they didn't tell me she had a hearing loss at the interview. IF you have other kids or plan to have other kids, you are correct in finding a schedule that works for you and in the best interest of all the children. I see nothing wrong with having this child take an afternoon nap if that is how you work your day. Most people do this. I would be blunt with parents and ask them why they felt I shouldn't know about the hearing loss? I have a space on my contract that states- Anything else I should know about your child? With several lines for notes from the parents. This is not a little something to leave out, it is kind of important to know if the child can fully hear or not-

On Friday, I had a one on one with DCM that I wanted to have a meeting with her and DCD about the actual diagnosis, and after her 18 month appointment, I would need the Dr.'s input on how to move forward. I also have a state reg. form for children with any type of "special need" and I needed it filled out by the Dr. your program and if this is what your asking for, you are in your right to have a parent give you this information. You need this information to be able to move forward and help the child.

She came today, and I could tell by the way she handed me her crumpled up check, that she was pissed. She told me that DCG only took morning naps now, and I told her that I needed her to take the PM nap, and I was going to try to get her to do that.A parent should not tell you how to run your program. They can suggest but if they out right demand this, they need to find other care that will cater to them being the boss and business owner. You do group care, group care is not nanny care or one on one care. She seemed like she needed more, so I asked "Where are you right now with keeping DCG here?" I personally would not ask this question, because it does make you seem like you hope she is going to go somewhere else. I would have rephrased this to be more on the lines of, This is where I am right now. I do group care and all my kids rest,nap or have quiet time. This is my only break of the day and it benefits everyone to have this time. I don't care for non-napping children. and she said "this is not my two weeks notice, but we are looking for other care". At that point, I would have said well I can see how you are dissatisfied with my care and not willing to try to work things out, so this is my two weeks notice to you- In the best interest of both parties I think it is best that we both move on and I wish you luck with finding care that better suits your needs. I would suggest a nanny and explain how a nanny charges much more because the services is one on on. She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child and that she thought I was too frustrated with DCG over the naps. I would have said I am offended that you did not tell me that your child has hearing loss from the get go and consider this my two week notice to you, care will no longer be available to you at this date.....

I reassured her that I wasn't frustrated at all, but having an 18 month old not nap, makes for a some what disorganized day, and I feel that I can't finish dishes from lunch, much less make my own lunch.Less said is more. When you say too much, you open up room for negotiation. Your not working for her. She is using your services. I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid. (She is obviously taking this very personally, as I think any mom would). I don't think any mom would take it personally. Your telling her something to help benefit her child. If she is taking it personally don't take that on. Most parents would be welcomed to hear if a child had an issue so that it can be corrected or looked at. She then said that she loves having DCG here, but she is pulling b/c she is offended. I wouldn't want to work with this parent. My response would have been the last thing I am trying to do is offend you, I am trying to help your child. This will not be the last time she hears this from a provider or teacher. Any chance she is just looking for another daycare that is less expensive and easier to manipulate- sure sounds it

I am slightly torn up about this, that she thinks I'm frustrated, which I am not, maybe annoyed, but I think frustrated is a strong word to use in reference to a child's behavior. And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them. All you can do is let the comment roll off your back. I would have responded with I am more frustrated at you for not hearing what I am telling you. I am telling you these things out of concern.

Am I putting too much on this? I should just let this go right? I would let this client go, seems like your never going to please her and she is always going to want special. I don't say to term easily. I always try to work things out first. You have, if you continue to put up with this, your going to end up looking unprofessional and it could effect your other clients that see this going on, have a trickle down effect so to speak.

Also- is it fair for me to give her two weeks now, so I can fill the spot? yes, you should have called her bluff and told her well I will help you along and here is your two weeks notice. I wrote more above on this.
I am going to respond and then read to see how I align with others thoughts on this.

I would have done the same thing that you have when I first started out, but so many others here helped me to have a fair back bone and experience along the way has helped. I highly recommend that you have a rule/policy/hand book and contract, if you don't already. Don't let parents tell you how it is going to be. This is your business, your the one that is with this child 40-50 plus hours a week. If they want the kind of care that they have more control in, then a Nanny is needed.

Good luck- now going to read and see how everyone else would handle this.
10-17-2013 10:06 AM
sleepinghart
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
I asked the mom last Thursday right out about why is was not brought up, and that is exactly what she said. DCG was only 11 months when she started here, so it was completely normal that she wasn't talking at that point. I told her that I understood how it was forgotten, but now that she isn't talking or responding to basic commands like "sit down", "No", "lets go" I wanted to see what the Dr. says at her 18 month appointment. After that appointment I wanted to have a discussion about what the plans are for helping her communicate.

Just FTR how this was brought up in the first place was last month. DCM asked me if DCG was talking at all at my house. I told her no, and she said "Oh, did we mention she had a traumatic birth that caused hearing loss". So Mom brought the speech issue up, not me.

I had a DCB here started around 14 months and left at 19 months. During that time he did not start talking. They brought him in for evaluations and it was a simple speech delay. Mom came in and had a hour long talk with me about how I am supposed to help DCB learn basic words. She basically trained me on what she had been trained to do. THAT is how this should be dealt with.

I am perfectly comfortable caring for a child who needs help communicating, I just need to know how to move forward with it, now that it is known that she has some "hearing loss". I however am NOT going to continue to have DCM be rude and dismissive to me.

~Hi MCC ! I'm just wondering if there have been any updates to this situation if you don't mind my asking & I also went ahead and added a few thoughts I had while catching up with this thread.

(MCC quote)"I asked the mom last Thursday right out about why is was not brought up, and that is exactly what she said"(end quote)

~So, she knew about the hearing loss at the time of enrollment but said it just slipped her mind...She forgot, is that right(did she say how long exactly she had known btw)? Idk the woman or family but in my very personal opinion-- Well, I just don't buy that(as the reason it was not disclosed to you that is).


~From your previous thread:

(MCC quotes)"I have a 18 month DCG that has been here since June"

~So, she's been in your care for what...roughly 5 or so months?

"..HOWEVER, about a month ago she stopped napping..."


"A couple of weeks ago, DCM asked me if she was talking at my house and I said no, and then she informed me that she had some hearing loss and is supposed to be wearing aids, that she is not wearing.(end quotes)[/font]

~Was this the first time Mom had ever asked you this or anything related to DCG talking? If so, and this is totally & completely my thinking based on what little I know and I am very aware I could be utterly & totally wrong-- I find it a tad odd that she brought it up to you on this day and at this particular time-- I mean, after all we are talking about the dismissive woman who once said something along the lines of...."Look, I can't keep having these conversations with you" to you, right? It all seems just a bit random & very out-of-the-blue.....but I'm thinking it wasn't and that more than likely there was a very specific reason she asked you this at that point in time and that's what I'd like to know.

~Also you mentioned in one thread, concerning the naps, that Mom stated DCG didn't take afternoon naps(at home or on her watch or whatever) anymore. Do you know why that is? ...Or possibly have any ideas what may have changed within the last month or so with regard to her naps/lack thereof?


(MCC quote) "I told her that I understood how it was forgotten, but now that she isn't talking or responding to basic commands like "sit down", "No", "lets go" I wanted to see what the Dr. says at her 18 month appointment. After that appointment I wanted to have a discussion about what the plans are for helping her communicate" (end quote)

~So how did she respond to ^^all this^^? ....Promising?


~Last but not least- About Mom pulling on the account of being "offended"-

(begin MCC quotes)"She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child.."

~You never said anything of the sort of what she accuses. IMHO, this is a classical case of psychological projection(where one projects their very own undesirable, unmanageable, etc. emotions, traits, feelings that they cannot accept onto other people); it is a defense mechanism and a very common one at that. We project our own unpleasant feelings onto someone else and blame them for having thoughts that we really have- She is blaming you for the thoughts she is having or that she has had-- So when she says "I'm offended because you think that and said that there is "something wrong" with my child", she is actually saying "I strongly believe there is something wrong with my child and I can't handle that". She can protect her fragile state by making you out to be the bad guy to blame(.."it's not her who has those "bad/negative" thoughts about her very own flesh & blood-- "It's you- you awful person!")-- This is the only means of protection she has right now to a sitaution/issue that is so overwhelming to her that she cannot properly and adequately deal with it at this time without some kind of major turmoil. She is scared, anxious, etc. about the dd having hearing loss and for whatever reason she associates that as being "something wrong with her" or "not normal" and she cannot handle that...Not at this time anyway.

"I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid"

~Again, you did not say that. You've stated perfectly to us here what you said to her and it was nothing of the sort, but rather it was very kind & professional .

"And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them.." (end quotes)

~Yes...Unfortunately, yes she does think you said that. And she will continue to see it that way until her 'moment of clarity' happens or "she sees the light" and hopefully that day is not too far off and she will actually surprise you by apologizing -- after getting help for her daughter of course. Like I said, it has nothing to do with you....She is scared, anxious, etc. about her dd having hearing loss and for whatever reason she associates that as being "something wrong with her" or "not normal" and she cannot handle it...Not at this time anyway. You can try and reassure her eleventy billion times that you never said that if you'd like, but it wouldn't do much good because as I said, it's all about her, and not you.


10-09-2013 06:43 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth View Post
It's been a few days since I read through this entire thread, but is it possible it simply slipped their minds at the interview? I am 100% deaf in one ear and I honestly forget that I am... So I certainly don't think to tell anyone about it. In fact my doctor doesn't even know about it... since I don't necessarily consider it a disability or anything like that I have never added it to my paperwork when I start at a new doctor. Doesn't even cross my mind.
I asked the mom last Thursday right out about why is was not brought up, and that is exactly what she said. DCG was only 11 months when she started here, so it was completely normal that she wasn't talking at that point. I told her that I understood how it was forgotten, but now that she isn't talking or responding to basic commands like "sit down", "No", "lets go" I wanted to see what the Dr. says at her 18 month appointment. After that appointment I wanted to have a discussion about what the plans are for helping her communicate.

Just FTR how this was brought up in the first place was last month. DCM asked me if DCG was talking at all at my house. I told her no, and she said "Oh, did we mention she had a traumatic birth that caused hearing loss". So Mom brought the speech issue up, not me.

I had a DCB here started around 14 months and left at 19 months. During that time he did not start talking. They brought him in for evaluations and it was a simple speech delay. Mom came in and had a hour long talk with me about how I am supposed to help DCB learn basic words. She basically trained me on what she had been trained to do. THAT is how this should be dealt with.

I am perfectly comfortable caring for a child who needs help communicating, I just need to know how to move forward with it, now that it is known that she has some "hearing loss". I however am NOT going to continue to have DCM be rude and dismissive to me.
10-09-2013 04:10 AM
craftymissbeth It's been a few days since I read through this entire thread, but is it possible it simply slipped their minds at the interview? I am 100% deaf in one ear and I honestly forget that I am... So I certainly don't think to tell anyone about it. In fact my doctor doesn't even know about it... since I don't necessarily consider it a disability or anything like that I have never added it to my paperwork when I start at a new doctor. Doesn't even cross my mind.
10-08-2013 10:07 PM
Cradle2crayons
Quote:
Originally Posted by safechner View Post
I know you are not posting about this child being deaf or not. I am telling you that she is because her parents dont want to tell you that she is deaf so they decided to tell you she has hearing loss instead. Truth is, I am deaf myself but I tell some people that I am hearing impairment instead. It is not a big deal, anyways!

If the parents refused let their daughter to wear hearing aids, there is nothing you can do about it. We dont know the whole story. Maybe this child dont like to wear hearing aids, who knows. The most important that she needs to learn sign language that you can help her instead her parents. As you mentioned you know sign language so you can teach her so what is your point? If the parents refused to learn sign language, shame on them. Their child will hate them later, trust me. If she starts school and they will teach her sign language. She will pick it up quickly than what you think. The parents will probably still refused to learn sign language so it wont be changed. To be honest, it is none of your business about hearing aids that she should to wear it. If my child is in your daycare and if you are trying to tell me that my daughter must wear hearing aids, I would be very mad. I wasted $1,800 on my daughter's hearing aids that we bought for her out of our pocket that our insurance was not covered at that time when she was 6 months old. My daughter HATE hearing aids and I tried to give her an opportunity to hear for two years but she was NOT interested so I leave her alone. She is very happy child and she is 12 years old. She loves her life because we are great parents to her. It doesnt matter to us anymore.

It doesnt matter what I feel offended by you or not. Like I said, I dont care what others think about me. If you feel that you cant help her or having problems with your daycare parents then let them go. I do feel about this little child. I think she would be lucky to have you that you will be able to communicate with her that you already know sign language. I guess that will never happens since you are giving them a two weeks notice tomorrow. I would take this girl for that spot and helped her parents not to be embarrassed about her hearing loss or something like that. However, I closed daycare for a while to being a stay home at mom with my handsome baby that I had him a few months ago.
Ok so if you enrolled a child into daycare and they had a heart condition that the parents didn't tell you about at interview and you found out a few weeks later about it ... It wouldn't bother you??

What if that child was SUPPOSED to be on heart medication but because they were "embarrassed" about it, they didn't give her that middle of the day dose because they didn't want to tell you about it. But the child's heart has to have that medication at lunch every single day. You don't think you have a right to ask for her diagnosis from the doctor and insist the parents send it to daycare to be given at lunch??

Would it not be okay to talk to the parents about your need for a special needs form because the child has a severe heart problem that affects things at daycare. Suppose she isn't allowed to go out in hot weather due to her heart condition. Didn't you have a right to know that? And if you bring it up to the parents and they act all ticked off and act childish etc that's okay?

It's really not that different of a situation. We spend 50 hours a week with these children. We have a right to know about their medical conditions so that we can take adequate care of them. Does the parent have the right to refuse the heart medication?? In some states yes. In some states it's considered medical neglect. But regardless about the morality, the parents have every right to be in denial. But, as a provider who spends so much time with these kids, is it okay to just turn a blind eye to the well being of a child and put up with the possibility that something bad could happen because the parents were "embarrassed and in denial"??

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

If I interview and there are ANY medical or any other Type of concern, I require documentation of any and everything. I explain why. Which is because I do e very best I can to take the absolute best care I can for that child. And that means physically, developmentally, socially, morally and any other way. I take pride in the care I give these children. I have a right to know if they have hearing loss, are deaf, have a cardiac problem, asthma, food allergies etc.

And if a parent lies to me about it, it's grounds for immediate termination because it puts that child in jeopardy. Maybe not physically in jeopardy but I take all aspects of the child's development seriously.
10-08-2013 09:54 PM
Cradle2crayons
Quote:
Originally Posted by safechner View Post
Really!!! That is not true! My daughter don't wear hearing aids because she HATES it! I am not going force her to wear it. She is very happy child and she loves her life! The form is NOT necessary! If someone give me like this and I would be very mad!

Just give parent some time and she will need to learn to accept her child being deaf and she probably will learn sign language to communicate with her child. As far as I know there are so many hearing parents with deaf children and they are too lazy or refused to learn sign language. Deaf children will hate their parents when they get older. Some parents dont want to tell someone about their children who has hearing loss because they dont want them to feel sorry for them. That is probably why parent dont want to tell her in the first place. Truth is, there are so many hearing people feel sorry for deaf people because they think they cant do anything which is not true. I dont care what others think about me. I dont give a **** about them. I have a wonderful life with my family. My hearing family love me when they get know me when I used to take care of their children for 12 years.
Defensive much? Lol

You have NO idea if the form is necessary or not. My state actually requires the SAME form and would require it for the EXACT same reasons as OP stated.

Just because your state or all states don't require the form doesn't mean some don't.

Just like some states require lots of enrollment forms and others don't.

Just like some food programs let parents opt out their kids but my feeding program does NOT allow even ME to opt out my OWN kids. Frustrating sure!! But reality nonetheless.

My daughter has mild hearing loss due to constant ear infections as a child. It didn't resolve with multiple sets of tubes but it isn't bad enough to affect her daily life.

My state requires a special need form for ANY CONDITION, MENTAL OR PHYSICAL, THAT AFFECTS A CHILD IN ANY ASPECT OF THEIR EVERY DAY LIFE.

that's quoted btw.

For instance.. One child may have hearing loss but it's not major enough to affect every day activities. But if that child requires hearing aids, special speech therapy, or has issues with communicating etc, its considered SPECIAL NEEDS. It doesn't mean they are deaf or anything else. It simply means they need a care plan to assist them. Such as hearing aids. Such as speech therapy. If ANYTHING has to be done different or special to accommodate that child. It's SPECIAL NEEDS.

Special needs doesn't mean they are near death or stupid or less than. It means they get the special care and help that they need in order to gets the help ey need to grow and thrive.

I have a special needs daughter and a special needs daycare girl. The daycare girl is actually disabled defined by lots of conditions. But she doesn't get treated disabled but lots of accommodations have to be made to be sure she gets e care she needs.

It's one thing and understandable fore parents to still be in denial. I was in that denial train once too. But in the end, the child is too young to understand and is having delays because of it. The child isn't capable yet of deciding if they want to wear hearing aids and etc etc. it's e parents job to do what's BEST for the child, regardless of their denial. And denial can't be used as an excuse forever. In the end, it's the child who is going to suffer.

And not EVERY child who is hearing impaired has speech and other delays. But this one does. Personally it's awesome that this provider is trying to do what's best for this child.

And regardless of parental denial, this child DOES deserve to be able to communicate, one way or the other. And since we don't know how much hearing or what this child's diagnosis or prognosis is, as a provider I would ABSOLUTELY insist to see the medical documentation so that I could do everything in my power to help this child.

While I agree at some point this child may not want to use hearing aids. But, at the age this child is, it's the parents job to at least assist this child on how to communicate. Refusing the child that right is a type of abuse IMHO.

It's a different story for a parent to use the aids, take the child to speech or other experts to help the child learn how to communicate and then at some point allow the child to decide they don't want to use the aids and rather do signing instead or use some other form of communication. But it isn't happening like that.

The provider wouldn't have to speculate about how to help the child if she had the dr reports from the parents.

In the end I think it's unfair to be rude to this provider when it seems THEY are the only one even trying to help this child. And KUDOS to you op for caring as you do. But realistically, this mom isn't ready to come out of denial and step outside of themselves long enough to help this child and may not any time soon be ready.

I agree, advertise and be ready to fill her spot. We can only hope this child gets e help they need before too much developmental damage is done.
10-08-2013 09:27 PM
safechner
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia View Post
Safechner


Gals, those of us who are deaf or hard of hearing.......we get kinda worked.up about this topic, because we live it every day.......
I agree!
10-08-2013 03:29 PM
Sugar Magnolia Safechner


Gals, those of us who are deaf or hard of hearing.......we get kinda worked.up about this topic, because we live it every day.......
10-08-2013 02:41 PM
safechner
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
Okay- I did not post this asking if the child was deaf or disabled or hearing impaired or any other labels. I posted wondering if my reaction was appropriate, and if ya'll thought it was okay for me to go ahead and term them. You have taken this post completely out of it's original context.

It is none of my business what the parents want to call the child in regards to the "hearing loss" they told me about. It is however my business how I am supposed to communicate with this child. And it is my business if they refuse to EITHER let her wear the hearing aids OR teach her sign language, as every child deserves the right to communicate!

I am sorry if you feel that I have personally offended you by saying that she has hearing loss vs saying that she is deaf, but I am not the one to call those shots. I simply repeated what the parents told me. I was told she has hearing loss, not that she was deaf.
I know you are not posting about this child being deaf or not. I am telling you that she is because her parents dont want to tell you that she is deaf so they decided to tell you she has hearing loss instead. Truth is, I am deaf myself but I tell some people that I am hearing impairment instead. It is not a big deal, anyways!

If the parents refused let their daughter to wear hearing aids, there is nothing you can do about it. We dont know the whole story. Maybe this child dont like to wear hearing aids, who knows. The most important that she needs to learn sign language that you can help her instead her parents. As you mentioned you know sign language so you can teach her so what is your point? If the parents refused to learn sign language, shame on them. Their child will hate them later, trust me. If she starts school and they will teach her sign language. She will pick it up quickly than what you think. The parents will probably still refused to learn sign language so it wont be changed. To be honest, it is none of your business about hearing aids that she should to wear it. If my child is in your daycare and if you are trying to tell me that my daughter must wear hearing aids, I would be very mad. I wasted $1,800 on my daughter's hearing aids that we bought for her out of our pocket that our insurance was not covered at that time when she was 6 months old. My daughter HATE hearing aids and I tried to give her an opportunity to hear for two years but she was NOT interested so I leave her alone. She is very happy child and she is 12 years old. She loves her life because we are great parents to her. It doesnt matter to us anymore.

It doesnt matter what I feel offended by you or not. Like I said, I dont care what others think about me. If you feel that you cant help her or having problems with your daycare parents then let them go. I do feel about this little child. I think she would be lucky to have you that you will be able to communicate with her that you already know sign language. I guess that will never happens since you are giving them a two weeks notice tomorrow. I would take this girl for that spot and helped her parents not to be embarrassed about her hearing loss or something like that. However, I closed daycare for a while to being a stay home at mom with my handsome baby that I had him a few months ago.
10-08-2013 02:08 PM
sleepinghart
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
It is super sad that they are not doing anything about it. As far as the "disability" getting thrown around, I do not think she has a disability, I do think she should wear the aids she was prescribed.
I called licensing the day after I found out, and they said I do need the "child with special needs" form filled out. This form just states whether or not the Dr. thinks my ratios need to change based on the diagnosis. I don't think they will, but I am required to have the form on file, and signed by a Dr.

The naps, the real issue- If I put her down at 1 with the rest of the kids, she SCREAMS. The older kids will ignore it and lay still, but they can't fall asleep. The baby can not sleep, and starts to cry as well. I have tried to let her CIO, but she will cry for the entire 2 hour nap if I let her. I moved the nap to 2pm and she will sleep (for less than an hour, but at least it's something!)

Mom was SUPER stand offish last night at pick up, came in and said "Let's go DCG" that was it...

I sent DCG home at 12 today for suspected pink eye, I'm sure it's just going to make DCM ever more upset, but oh well.


To me, this family is blessed and lucky to have come upon you as you already know sign language and are willing to teach it to their child(!!). The parents better settle down and behave if they know what's good for them, or they are not going to realize what they have until it's too late and it's gone and they're looking back at you compared to where they are with their possible future provider(s).
10-08-2013 01:43 PM
Heidi
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
Oh, and, just as an Update to the actual reason I posted:

I have a 2yo on a temp spot that is ending NOV first b/c cousin baby number 2 is starting. Terming this 18 month old will allow for the 2yo to stay, so I don't need to worry about filling the spot. I already talked to 2yo DCM and they want the spot.

I'm going to give 18 month DCM two week notice on OCT 21 if they don't give me notice first. This way she thinks she is still in control and there maybe will be less hurt feelings. I am hoping she gives her notice before I do. However, if she continues to be rude at pick up and drop off, she's getting her notice tomorrow.
Sounds like a reasonable way to handle it.
10-08-2013 01:23 PM
MCC Oh, and, just as an Update to the actual reason I posted:

I have a 2yo on a temp spot that is ending NOV first b/c cousin baby number 2 is starting. Terming this 18 month old will allow for the 2yo to stay, so I don't need to worry about filling the spot. I already talked to 2yo DCM and they want the spot.

I'm going to give 18 month DCM two week notice on OCT 21 if they don't give me notice first. This way she thinks she is still in control and there maybe will be less hurt feelings. I am hoping she gives her notice before I do. However, if she continues to be rude at pick up and drop off, she's getting her notice tomorrow.
10-08-2013 01:17 PM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by safechner View Post
Yes that child is deaf since you said she has no words unless she have some hearing loss (slightly or mild hearing loss or one profound deaf in one ear) that would be called hard of hearing! I dont think you understand the whole things about deaf culture. You are right that being deaf is not disability. Once again, deaf people are NOT special needs! I have been around deaf and hearing community. I grew up to be around deaf and hearing community and I know how they are. Also, I am deaf myself but I can speak very well. I went speech therapy to learn how to speak on my choice, not my parents when I was a child because I was very interested into it. My mother told me that I do have a few words before she found out I was deaf at 2 years old. I can hear a very little without wearing one of my hearing aid. Right now, I can't hear anymore because my hearing loss is keeping worse. I am now profoundly hearing loss in both the ears but I am still wearing one hearing aid on my left ear. I am still called to be deaf myself anyways. Once again, you wouldn't need a special needs form for that child unless she has physical limited.

As you mentioned that she can say "hum" but that is how deaf people use it. My hearing husband told me that he hears me to use "mmm" a tune. I tried not to make sounds when I eat or whatever I was doing. My daughter who is profoundly deaf always "hum" or "mmmm" tunes all the time when I hear her.

To Familycare71, really!! I am NOT special needs! Look at me, I been running a daycare for 12 years and I worked with hearing children. As of right now, I closed daycare for a while to being a stay home mom with my baby. Deaf people can do anything as hearing people do.

Okay- I did not post this asking if the child was deaf or disabled or hearing impaired or any other labels. I posted wondering if my reaction was appropriate, and if ya'll thought it was okay for me to go ahead and term them. You have taken this post completely out of it's original context.

It is none of my business what the parents want to call the child in regards to the "hearing loss" they told me about. It is however my business how I am supposed to communicate with this child. And it is my business if they refuse to EITHER let her wear the hearing aids OR teach her sign language, as every child deserves the right to communicate!

I am sorry if you feel that I have personally offended you by saying that she has hearing loss vs saying that she is deaf, but I am not the one to call those shots. I simply repeated what the parents told me. I was told she has hearing loss, not that she was deaf.
10-08-2013 01:16 PM
christine19720
Quote:
Originally Posted by momofboys View Post
I would give YOUR notice - sorry but I don't want to work with parents that don't want ME.
I agree!


10-08-2013 12:41 PM
NeedaVaca Legally, it is considered a disability under ADA/SSI, however it is up to the individual as to whether or not they let it become one. This is probably why the state requires a form.
10-08-2013 11:59 AM
safechner
Quote:
Originally Posted by countrymom View Post
first I would be angry as a provider that the parents didn't let you know about the hearing loss.

second, to me it seems like the parents are in denial or they are just too stubborn. Why wouldn't they put hearing aids on the girl. But I also wonder at what degreee is her deafness. I wonder if she was to put tubes in her ears if that would work.

also, by the sounds of it, the parents are not doing anything to help the girl, which is sad.

now is it a disability, yes and no. At a young age I would say yes just because they need speech therapy, how to use hearing aids..

as for naps, put her down for a nap at your time. No more discussion, who cares what time you put her down or they want her down for as long as its a nap.
It is getting old.. Here is more information for you! http://www.gallaudet.edu/clerc_cente...abilities.html

Hope you learn something new...
10-08-2013 11:55 AM
safechner
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
fwiw~ I don't think OP is saying SHE thinks DCG is "special needs"

....I think she is just saying that her state requires she has a form filled out that is titled "special needs"...OP didn't write the rules or the form.

I also don't think OP is asking for anything "special" from the family...other than to provide the hearing aides that the doctor prescribed for her.

If the parents informed the provider that the child is prescribed hearing aides, then I think the provider has every right to require that the child have them while in her home/care.
I know what she was talking about but I only dont agree about the form that she needs to filled out. Her state is very wrong to tell her that she needs to fill it out the form.
10-08-2013 11:46 AM
safechner
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cradle2crayons View Post
Considering the child is prescribed hearing aids that the parents refuse to use, then YES, a dr note is a great idea.

Why not communicate issues with a parent?? Apparently lack of communication on the parents part at interview is what got them into all this mess.
Really!!! That is not true! My daughter don't wear hearing aids because she HATES it! I am not going force her to wear it. She is very happy child and she loves her life! The form is NOT necessary! If someone give me like this and I would be very mad!

Just give parent some time and she will need to learn to accept her child being deaf and she probably will learn sign language to communicate with her child. As far as I know there are so many hearing parents with deaf children and they are too lazy or refused to learn sign language. Deaf children will hate their parents when they get older. Some parents dont want to tell someone about their children who has hearing loss because they dont want them to feel sorry for them. That is probably why parent dont want to tell her in the first place. Truth is, there are so many hearing people feel sorry for deaf people because they think they cant do anything which is not true. I dont care what others think about me. I dont give a **** about them. I have a wonderful life with my family. My hearing family love me when they get know me when I used to take care of their children for 12 years.
10-08-2013 11:38 AM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by safechner View Post
Yes that child is deaf since you said she has no words unless she have some hearing loss (slightly or mild hearing loss or one profound deaf in one ear) that would be called hard of hearing! I dont think you understand the whole things about deaf culture. You are right that being deaf is not disability. Once again, deaf people are NOT special needs! I have been around deaf and hearing community. I grew up to be around deaf and hearing community and I know how they are. Also, I am deaf myself but I can speak very well. I went speech therapy to learn how to speak on my choice, not my parents when I was a child because I was very interested into it. My mother told me that I do have a few words before she found out I was deaf at 2 years old. I can hear a very little without wearing one of my hearing aid. Right now, I can't hear anymore because my hearing loss is keeping worse. I am now profoundly hearing loss in both the ears but I am still wearing one hearing aid on my left ear. I am still called to be deaf myself anyways. Once again, you wouldn't need a special needs form for that child unless she has physical limited.

As you mentioned that she can say "hum" but that is how deaf people use it. My hearing husband told me that he hears me to use "mmm" a tune. I tried not to make sounds when I eat or whatever I was doing. My daughter who is profoundly deaf always "hum" or "mmmm" tunes all the time when I hear her.

To Familycare71, really!! I am NOT special needs! Look at me, I been running a daycare for 12 years and I worked with hearing children. As of right now, I closed daycare for a while to being a stay home mom with my baby. Deaf people can do anything as hearing people do.
fwiw~ I don't think OP is saying SHE thinks DCG is "special needs"

....I think she is just saying that her state requires she has a form filled out that is titled "special needs"...OP didn't write the rules or the form.

I also don't think OP is asking for anything "special" from the family...other than to provide the hearing aides that the doctor prescribed for her.

If the parents informed the provider that the child is prescribed hearing aides, then I think the provider has every right to require that the child have them while in her home/care.
10-08-2013 11:32 AM
safechner
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
Wowza. The child is not deaf. She has hearing loss that happened from a traumatic birth. According to my states licensing, I do need a form for a child with hearing loss. I also need to have the full diagnosis, as I need to decide if I am equipped to handle/help/encourage growth with this child. It should have been brought up in the interview, period.

I do know sign language, and I do understand deaf culture, I studied it extensively in college, and have several deaf friends. I understand that being deaf is not a disability. I never used the word disability with the parents. I did however say that I wasn't sure I was the right provider for DCG.

I do not know anything about deaf babies and napping, but I do know that this child is cranky/angry/crying most of the afternoon, b/c she isn't getting enough rest. I also do not know any day care providers that would allow a 18 month old to skip nap, but since she is SCREAMING during nap, that is really our only option.

Andplusalso- The kid has been prescribed hearing aids, the parents are not giving them to her- if she isn't going to being given the option to hear, she should learn sign here, and at home. Mom and Dad have no interests in teaching/learning sing, so this child is not being given the gift of communication.
Yes that child is deaf since you said she has no words unless she have some hearing loss (slightly or mild hearing loss or one profound deaf in one ear) that would be called hard of hearing! I dont think you understand the whole things about deaf culture. You are right that being deaf is not disability. Once again, deaf people are NOT special needs! I have been around deaf and hearing community. I grew up to be around deaf and hearing community and I know how they are. Also, I am deaf myself but I can speak very well. I went speech therapy to learn how to speak on my choice, not my parents when I was a child because I was very interested into it. My mother told me that I do have a few words before she found out I was deaf at 2 years old. I can hear a very little without wearing one of my hearing aid. Right now, I can't hear anymore because my hearing loss is keeping worse. I am now profoundly hearing loss in both the ears but I am still wearing one hearing aid on my left ear. I am still called to be deaf myself anyways. Once again, you wouldn't need a special needs form for that child unless she has physical limited.

As you mentioned that she can say "hum" but that is how deaf people use it. My hearing husband told me that he hears me to use "mmm" a tune. I tried not to make sounds when I eat or whatever I was doing. My daughter who is profoundly deaf always "hum" or "mmmm" tunes all the time when I hear her.

To Familycare71, really!! I am NOT special needs! Look at me, I been running a daycare for 12 years and I worked with hearing children. As of right now, I closed daycare for a while to being a stay home mom with my baby. Deaf people can do anything as hearing people do.
10-08-2013 11:28 AM
countrymom start looking to fill that spot.
10-08-2013 10:41 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by countrymom View Post
first I would be angry as a provider that the parents didn't let you know about the hearing loss.

second, to me it seems like the parents are in denial or they are just too stubborn. Why wouldn't they put hearing aids on the girl. But I also wonder at what degreee is her deafness. I wonder if she was to put tubes in her ears if that would work.

also, by the sounds of it, the parents are not doing anything to help the girl, which is sad.

now is it a disability, yes and no. At a young age I would say yes just because they need speech therapy, how to use hearing aids..

as for naps, put her down for a nap at your time. No more discussion, who cares what time you put her down or they want her down for as long as its a nap.
It is super sad that they are not doing anything about it. As far as the "disability" getting thrown around, I do not think she has a disability, I do think she should wear the aids she was prescribed.
I called licensing the day after I found out, and they said I do need the "child with special needs" form filled out. This form just states whether or not the Dr. thinks my ratios need to change based on the diagnosis. I don't think they will, but I am required to have the form on file, and signed by a Dr.

The naps, the real issue- If I put her down at 1 with the rest of the kids, she SCREAMS. The older kids will ignore it and lay still, but they can't fall asleep. The baby can not sleep, and starts to cry as well. I have tried to let her CIO, but she will cry for the entire 2 hour nap if I let her. I moved the nap to 2pm and she will sleep (for less than an hour, but at least it's something!)

Mom was SUPER stand offish last night at pick up, came in and said "Let's go DCG" that was it...

I sent DCG home at 12 today for suspected pink eye, I'm sure it's just going to make DCM ever more upset, but oh well.
10-08-2013 07:08 AM
countrymom first I would be angry as a provider that the parents didn't let you know about the hearing loss.

second, to me it seems like the parents are in denial or they are just too stubborn. Why wouldn't they put hearing aids on the girl. But I also wonder at what degreee is her deafness. I wonder if she was to put tubes in her ears if that would work.

also, by the sounds of it, the parents are not doing anything to help the girl, which is sad.

now is it a disability, yes and no. At a young age I would say yes just because they need speech therapy, how to use hearing aids..

as for naps, put her down for a nap at your time. No more discussion, who cares what time you put her down or they want her down for as long as its a nap.
10-08-2013 06:31 AM
Cradle2crayons
Quote:
Originally Posted by safechner View Post
All I can say wow!! I have a hearing loss since birth.. You do not need to get a doctor note about the child's hearing loss. Also you dont need to give her special need form because hearing loss is NOT special needs! I don't blame her mother who feels offended and didn't tell you about her hearing loss at the interview. What she means that she feels offended because you act like there is something wrong with her child that is what she thinks. About the naps, I can understand that it was hard for her. It was pretty normal behavior for that deaf child but I am not sure if you know sign language. In my experience, I do see there is a lot of different behaviors between hearing and deaf children because I have a deaf child, a hearing child and a possibly hearing or hard of hearing baby but he has fluid in both the ears and will go back to the doctor soon to see if it has resolved or not. I can see there is totally different behaviors. Do you know sign language so you can use communicate with your dcg? I wouldn't recommended to have a meeting about the actual diagnosis. That is not right thing to do but you can talk about wanting to work with her behavior or nap issues, that is it. That is why your dcg's parents feel offended for some reason and she wants to pull her child because you said the word "actual diagnosis." If you feel you can't do anything for her then give her a two weeks notice and move on. Just saying...
Considering the child is prescribed hearing aids that the parents refuse to use, then YES, a dr note is a great idea.

Why not communicate issues with a parent?? Apparently lack of communication on the parents part at interview is what got them into all this mess.
10-08-2013 06:01 AM
MotherNature
Quote:
Originally Posted by momofboys View Post
I would give YOUR notice - sorry but I don't want to work with parents that don't want ME.
10-07-2013 12:07 PM
EntropyControlSpecialist How crushing. Many hugs to you. Hopefully they get this child the help they need!

I have had a conference about a child's differences once (I knew the child was on the spectrum but did not outright say that as that would be inappropriate). It went very well. It doesn't always go poorly so don't give up hope in the future.
10-07-2013 11:32 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia View Post
Doesn't make one bit of sense to be that the parents refuse hearing aids AND refuse to sign. Very odd. Most choose either, or both. Can't imagine a parent denying a child the gift of communication, on purpose. Super odd.
I have some hard core deaf culture friends, and none of them would advocate NO sign language. Many are anti-hearing aids though, and implants are super controversial among deaf culture advocates.

I am getting the impression that they don't want to have her wear the aids or teach sign b/c they are in a bit of denial about the situation. The child has no words, none. She doesn't say anything, though she will "hum" a tune, so I know she does hear music and pitch. If I say "fish" to her, she will say "sss" back- she needs therapy, her aids, sign language, something, probably a combination of all- I am not going to be the one to tell them that, but the child deserves to be able to communicate.

Yes- for me, the biggest issue is the nap, but the parent is mad/offended anyway, so the nap is a moot point.
10-07-2013 11:26 AM
Sugar Magnolia Doesn't make one bit of sense to be that the parents refuse hearing aids AND refuse to sign. Very odd. Most choose either, or both. Can't imagine a parent denying a child the gift of communication, on purpose. Super odd.
I have some hard core deaf culture friends, and none of them would advocate NO sign language. Many are anti-hearing aids though, and implants are super controversial among deaf culture advocates.
10-07-2013 11:18 AM
Sugar Magnolia Hearing impaired is not a big deal. No special accommodations needed. As a hh person myself, the only special need I have is "tap me on the shoulder if I appear to have not heard you." Speak to the child when she is facing you, make eye contact, learn and use basic.signs. It's pretty simple. Yes, parents of hh children tend to get offended if you imply (or parents perceive you are implying) that something is "wrong" with their child.

Sounds like the heading impairment is not the main issue,.it's lack of nap,.am I right? Napping and hearing impairment should have nothing to do with each other. If the.child.can't function as part of your group, you should term. But I would leave hearing impairment out of the conversation.

Kids learn sign quickly. But YOU have to be willing to learn it yourself. Every child in my program knows yes, no, help, hungry, thirsty, potty and more. Very very basic. Very very easy, it's really not that "special". For what it's worth, not all hearing impaired people use or want hearing aids. I choose to not to.
10-07-2013 10:57 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by Familycare71 View Post
I believe hearing loss is a special need. As you said yourself there are things you need to do for hearing impaired children. In my state I would need a special needs form filled out regarding communication in general, safety accommodations (when that 18 month old is walking towards the rd I can't say: xxx stop! Like I do for my other ones), and any medical intervention that may be relevant (hearing aids, implants, etc) plus any therapy that may be used- speech for one...
She isn't saying the child cannot be a fully functioning well adjusted child but there are def additional steps to get her there-
Wowza. The child is not deaf. She has hearing loss that happened from a traumatic birth. According to my states licensing, I do need a form for a child with hearing loss. I also need to have the full diagnosis, as I need to decide if I am equipped to handle/help/encourage growth with this child. It should have been brought up in the interview, period.

I do know sign language, and I do understand deaf culture, I studied it extensively in college, and have several deaf friends. I understand that being deaf is not a disability. I never used the word disability with the parents. I did however say that I wasn't sure I was the right provider for DCG.

I do not know anything about deaf babies and napping, but I do know that this child is cranky/angry/crying most of the afternoon, b/c she isn't getting enough rest. I also do not know any day care providers that would allow a 18 month old to skip nap, but since she is SCREAMING during nap, that is really our only option.

Andplusalso- The kid has been prescribed hearing aids, the parents are not giving them to her- if she isn't going to being given the option to hear, she should learn sign here, and at home. Mom and Dad have no interests in teaching/learning sing, so this child is not being given the gift of communication.
10-07-2013 10:56 AM
cheerfuldom it is really hard for parents of special needs kids. the transition to accepting what is happening and dealing with it appropriately is not an easy one. i am not at all surprised this is happening to you OP. I would interview for a replacement and then term. you already know that they are leaving at some point but if you can put up with the drama, keep them till you have a start date for the next child.
10-07-2013 10:18 AM
Familycare71
Quote:
Originally Posted by safechner View Post
All I can say wow!! I have a hearing loss since birth.. You do not need to get a doctor note about the child's hearing loss. Also you dont need to give her special need form because hearing loss is NOT special needs! I don't blame her mother who feels offended and didn't tell you about her hearing loss at the interview. What she means that she feels offended because you act like there is something wrong with her child that is what she thinks. About the naps, I can understand that it was hard for her. It was pretty normal behavior for that deaf child but I am not sure if you know sign language. In my experience, I do see there is a lot of different behaviors between hearing and deaf children because I have a deaf child, a hearing child and a possibly hearing or hard of hearing baby but he has fluid in both the ears and will go back to the doctor soon to see if it has resolved or not. I can see there is totally different behaviors. Do you know sign language so you can use communicate with your dcg? I wouldn't recommended to have a meeting about the actual diagnosis. That is not right thing to do but you can talk about wanting to work with her behavior or nap issues, that is it. That is why your dcg's parents feel offended for some reason and she wants to pull her child because you said the word "actual diagnosis." If you feel you can't do anything for her then give her a two weeks notice and move on. Just saying...
I believe hearing loss is a special need. As you said yourself there are things you need to do for hearing impaired children. In my state I would need a special needs form filled out regarding communication in general, safety accommodations (when that 18 month old is walking towards the rd I can't say: xxx stop! Like I do for my other ones), and any medical intervention that may be relevant (hearing aids, implants, etc) plus any therapy that may be used- speech for one...
She isn't saying the child cannot be a fully functioning well adjusted child but there are def additional steps to get her there-
10-07-2013 10:12 AM
Familycare71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
There is your answer.

Why bother helping someone who clearly doesn't want the help.

I'd definitely term. I'd give two weeks notice and be CLEAR about the fact that you are doing so because you refuse to be involved with a family that is refusing to see past their emotions and use their heads...

I truly feel for their daughter as I see this being an issue for a while no matter where she attends for care.
10-07-2013 10:01 AM
safechner
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
The 18 month old that has hearing loss (I posted about last week) is terming. We have been having problems with naps, and behavior, and I have been very open to working with this family on the issues. Ex: moving nap time from 1pm to 2pm, as she seems to nap better at that time. I rearranged the whole day to try to work with them, and have been very understanding about the fact that they didn't tell me she had a hearing loss at the interview.

On Friday, I had a one on one with DCM that I wanted to have a meeting with her and DCD about the actual diagnosis, and after her 18 month appointment, I would need the Dr.'s input on how to move forward. I also have a state reg. form for children with any type of "special need" and I needed it filled out by the Dr.

She came today, and I could tell by the way she handed me her crumpled up check, that she was pissed. She told me that DCG only took morning naps now, and I told her that I needed her to take the PM nap, and I was going to try to get her to do that. She seemed like she needed more, so I asked "Where are you right now with keeping DCG here?" and she said "this is not my two weeks notice, but we are looking for other care". She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child and that she thought I was too frustrated with DCG over the naps.

I reassured her that I wasn't frustrated at all, but having an 18 month old not nap, makes for a some what disorganized day, and I feel that I can't finish dishes from lunch, much less make my own lunch. I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid. (She is obviously taking this very personally, as I think any mom would). She then said that she loves having DCG here, but she is pulling b/c she is offended.

I am slightly torn up about this, that she thinks I'm frustrated, which I am not, maybe annoyed, but I think frustrated is a strong word to use in reference to a child's behavior. And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them.

Am I putting too much on this? I should just let this go right?

Also- is it fair for me to give her two weeks now, so I can fill the spot?

All I can say wow!! I have a hearing loss since birth.. You do not need to get a doctor note about the child's hearing loss. Also you dont need to give her special need form because hearing loss is NOT special needs! I don't blame her mother who feels offended and didn't tell you about her hearing loss at the interview. What she means that she feels offended because you act like there is something wrong with her child that is what she thinks. About the naps, I can understand that it was hard for her. It was pretty normal behavior for that deaf child but I am not sure if you know sign language. In my experience, I do see there is a lot of different behaviors between hearing and deaf children because I have a deaf child, a hearing child and a possibly hearing or hard of hearing baby but he has fluid in both the ears and will go back to the doctor soon to see if it has resolved or not. I can see there is totally different behaviors. Do you know sign language so you can use communicate with your dcg? I wouldn't recommended to have a meeting about the actual diagnosis. That is not right thing to do but you can talk about wanting to work with her behavior or nap issues, that is it. That is why your dcg's parents feel offended for some reason and she wants to pull her child because you said the word "actual diagnosis." If you feel you can't do anything for her then give her a two weeks notice and move on. Just saying...
10-07-2013 09:46 AM
Maria2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
The 18 month old that has hearing loss (I posted about last week) is terming. We have been having problems with naps, and behavior, and I have been very open to working with this family on the issues. Ex: moving nap time from 1pm to 2pm, as she seems to nap better at that time. I rearranged the whole day to try to work with them, and have been very understanding about the fact that they didn't tell me she had a hearing loss at the interview.

On Friday, I had a one on one with DCM that I wanted to have a meeting with her and DCD about the actual diagnosis, and after her 18 month appointment, I would need the Dr.'s input on how to move forward. I also have a state reg. form for children with any type of "special need" and I needed it filled out by the Dr.

She came today, and I could tell by the way she handed me her crumpled up check, that she was pissed. She told me that DCG only took morning naps now, and I told her that I needed her to take the PM nap, and I was going to try to get her to do that. She seemed like she needed more, so I asked "Where are you right now with keeping DCG here?" and she said "this is not my two weeks notice, but we are looking for other care". She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child and that she thought I was too frustrated with DCG over the naps.

I reassured her that I wasn't frustrated at all, but having an 18 month old not nap, makes for a some what disorganized day, and I feel that I can't finish dishes from lunch, much less make my own lunch. I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid. (She is obviously taking this very personally, as I think any mom would). She then said that she loves having DCG here, but she is pulling b/c she is offended.

I am slightly torn up about this, that she thinks I'm frustrated, which I am not, maybe annoyed, but I think frustrated is a strong word to use in reference to a child's behavior. And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them.

Am I putting too much on this? I should just let this go right?

Also- is it fair for me to give her two weeks now, so I can fill the spot?
you are fine!... and way more flexible than I am, cause I would not move nap time or any other scheduled activity to accommodate a parent
10-07-2013 09:44 AM
Sunshine75 It sounds to me at least that dcm seems to hide her daughter's special needs from a provider for the sole purpose of gaining access to care and then "hoping" it goes well. That leaves a provider feeling very unprepared and blind sided. That very well could be what mom does again for the next person. It is unfortunate that she can't get past her own feelings to see that you are trying to work with her on this. Also, an 18 month old should definitely still be sleeping typically 3 hours a day. That may be in one nap or two depending on wake times, etc but at least an afternoon nap that is longer or two shorter naps throughout the day.
10-07-2013 07:39 AM
Shell Agree with terming. Dcm is going to have to deal with this now with you, or later with another provider. You've done your best, time for them to move on.
10-07-2013 07:31 AM
blandino
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post

I'd definitely term. I'd give two weeks notice and be CLEAR about the fact that you are doing so because you refuse to be involved with a family that is refusing to see past their emotions and use their heads...
I have termed for an almost exactly similar situation. DCB had some special needs that were in diagnosed and parents were completely unwilling to hear any of it. They said we were picking on their child & refused to disuss any behavioral issues at all. With 20/20 hindsight, I would have termed far earlier - so my advice to you would be to term.
10-07-2013 07:22 AM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
This is exactly my concern. There are constantly going to be things to get offended about when raising a child. Is she going to pull her out of kindergarten b/c the teacher had to discipline her and talk to them about it?

I am very open to talking to DCM about it more, except, this morning I went outside with her to talk privately (My husband was with the kids) and she said "I can't keep having these conversations everyday." This morning would be the 3rd time we have "talked" more than "DCGs day was fine." If she can't see that I am having these conversations with her to insure that we are moving forward correctly, then I'm not sure what else I can do.

You know what? I think I'm offended that she can't see how much time/energy/love I'm putting into this right now!
There is your answer.

Why bother helping someone who clearly doesn't want the help.

I'd definitely term. I'd give two weeks notice and be CLEAR about the fact that you are doing so because you refuse to be involved with a family that is refusing to see past their emotions and use their heads...

I truly feel for their daughter as I see this being an issue for a while no matter where she attends for care.
10-07-2013 07:22 AM
KDC After all that's been said and done, I would give notice. Since they're looking already, it would be better to have some control on your end. Some families/providers just don't have the right chemistry... not your fault. She probably lost a lot of your trust when she wasn't up front about ds's hearing. Be prepared though, it will probably be hard for her to find a new daycare due ds's issues (no naps, lack of hearing, etc.), so I would probably work with her on a end date so theres a little flexibility on your end. It may soften the blow since she seems emotionally charged. Otherwise it could end up biting you in the butt, if she thinks she's been wronged in any way.
10-07-2013 07:19 AM
butterfly
Quote:
Originally Posted by blandino View Post
Honestly, the fact that she loves having her daughter with you, but is moving because she feels offended is childish. If you love the daycare, put on your big girl panties and deal with being offended.

However, I will say I have never had a case where I brought up a concern about special needs go well. Parents always get offended, no matter how nice and p.c. my terminology is.
I agree!

I think I would just let this one play out. If you try another meeting, I think the parent's emotions are too raw right now to have them hear a thing you say anyways. They'll just feel more attacked.

I'd ride it out until they leave. It sounds as though she'll give you 2 weeks notice. Start looking to fill and if you find someone else then term. If the situation is livable for now, I'd ride it out until they term themselves or you have another client to fill their spot.

10-07-2013 07:17 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I agree that you can definitely give your notice now...why do anymore "favors" for some one who doesn't really want to be there....

On the flip side, have you thought about maybe another face-to-face conversation with this family? Maybe explain how you have their child's best interests at heart and you NEVER said anything was wrong...just that you are concerned about you KNOW to be true...ie needing hearing aides etc..

I understand that her (DCM's) feelings are hurt but in all honesty, she can't get "offended" and hurt every time someone tries to do what's best for her child.... she'll need to get over that or she will do her child no good in years to come.

If sitting down with her is not something you really want to do, perhaps writing an e-mail explaining your thoughts/feelings about the situation may help.

Sounds like the DCM is emotional right now about this and maybe once she calms down and starts hearing what you said verses how it makes her feel, she maybe more open to actually listening.

Good luck and keep us posted as to what happens.
This is exactly my concern. There are constantly going to be things to get offended about when raising a child. Is she going to pull her out of kindergarten b/c the teacher had to discipline her and talk to them about it?

I am very open to talking to DCM about it more, except, this morning I went outside with her to talk privately (My husband was with the kids) and she said "I can't keep having these conversations everyday." This morning would be the 3rd time we have "talked" more than "DCGs day was fine." If she can't see that I am having these conversations with her to insure that we are moving forward correctly, then I'm not sure what else I can do.

You know what? I think I'm offended that she can't see how much time/energy/love I'm putting into this right now!
10-07-2013 07:13 AM
blandino Honestly, the fact that she loves having her daughter with you, but is moving because she feels offended is childish. If you love the daycare, put on your big girl panties and deal with being offended.

However, I will say I have never had a case where I brought up a concern about special needs go well. Parents always get offended, no matter how nice and p.c. my terminology is.
10-07-2013 07:08 AM
Blackcat31
Quote:
Originally Posted by momofboys View Post
I would give YOUR notice - sorry but I don't want to work with parents that don't want ME.
I agree that you can definitely give your notice now...why do anymore "favors" for some one who doesn't really want to be there....

On the flip side, have you thought about maybe another face-to-face conversation with this family? Maybe explain how you have their child's best interests at heart and you NEVER said anything was wrong...just that you are concerned about you KNOW to be true...ie needing hearing aides etc..

I understand that her (DCM's) feelings are hurt but in all honesty, she can't get "offended" and hurt every time someone tries to do what's best for her child.... she'll need to get over that or she will do her child no good in years to come.

If sitting down with her is not something you really want to do, perhaps writing an e-mail explaining your thoughts/feelings about the situation may help.

Sounds like the DCM is emotional right now about this and maybe once she calms down and starts hearing what you said verses how it makes her feel, she maybe more open to actually listening.

Good luck and keep us posted as to what happens.
10-07-2013 07:01 AM
MCC
Quote:
Originally Posted by momofboys View Post
I would give YOUR notice - sorry but I don't want to work with parents that don't want ME.
Ooo....that makes it sound like a whole different story... I guess you're right on this one.
10-07-2013 06:56 AM
momofboys
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCC View Post
The 18 month old that has hearing loss (I posted about last week) is terming. We have been having problems with naps, and behavior, and I have been very open to working with this family on the issues. Ex: moving nap time from 1pm to 2pm, as she seems to nap better at that time. I rearranged the whole day to try to work with them, and have been very understanding about the fact that they didn't tell me she had a hearing loss at the interview.

On Friday, I had a one on one with DCM that I wanted to have a meeting with her and DCD about the actual diagnosis, and after her 18 month appointment, I would need the Dr.'s input on how to move forward. I also have a state reg. form for children with any type of "special need" and I needed it filled out by the Dr.

She came today, and I could tell by the way she handed me her crumpled up check, that she was pissed. She told me that DCG only took morning naps now, and I told her that I needed her to take the PM nap, and I was going to try to get her to do that. She seemed like she needed more, so I asked "Where are you right now with keeping DCG here?" and she said "this is not my two weeks notice, but we are looking for other care". She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child and that she thought I was too frustrated with DCG over the naps.

I reassured her that I wasn't frustrated at all, but having an 18 month old not nap, makes for a some what disorganized day, and I feel that I can't finish dishes from lunch, much less make my own lunch. I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid. (She is obviously taking this very personally, as I think any mom would). She then said that she loves having DCG here, but she is pulling b/c she is offended.

I am slightly torn up about this, that she thinks I'm frustrated, which I am not, maybe annoyed, but I think frustrated is a strong word to use in reference to a child's behavior. And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them.

Am I putting too much on this? I should just let this go right?

Also- is it fair for me to give her two weeks now, so I can fill the spot?
I would give YOUR notice - sorry but I don't want to work with parents that don't want ME.
10-07-2013 06:52 AM
MCC The 18 month old that has hearing loss (I posted about last week) is terming. We have been having problems with naps, and behavior, and I have been very open to working with this family on the issues. Ex: moving nap time from 1pm to 2pm, as she seems to nap better at that time. I rearranged the whole day to try to work with them, and have been very understanding about the fact that they didn't tell me she had a hearing loss at the interview.

On Friday, I had a one on one with DCM that I wanted to have a meeting with her and DCD about the actual diagnosis, and after her 18 month appointment, I would need the Dr.'s input on how to move forward. I also have a state reg. form for children with any type of "special need" and I needed it filled out by the Dr.

She came today, and I could tell by the way she handed me her crumpled up check, that she was pissed. She told me that DCG only took morning naps now, and I told her that I needed her to take the PM nap, and I was going to try to get her to do that. She seemed like she needed more, so I asked "Where are you right now with keeping DCG here?" and she said "this is not my two weeks notice, but we are looking for other care". She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child and that she thought I was too frustrated with DCG over the naps.

I reassured her that I wasn't frustrated at all, but having an 18 month old not nap, makes for a some what disorganized day, and I feel that I can't finish dishes from lunch, much less make my own lunch. I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid. (She is obviously taking this very personally, as I think any mom would). She then said that she loves having DCG here, but she is pulling b/c she is offended.

I am slightly torn up about this, that she thinks I'm frustrated, which I am not, maybe annoyed, but I think frustrated is a strong word to use in reference to a child's behavior. And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them.

Am I putting too much on this? I should just let this go right?

Also- is it fair for me to give her two weeks now, so I can fill the spot?

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