Revisiting Obedience In A New Way
 

This post sounds so unorganized and disjointed. I'm hot, tired and feeling totally defeated. HELP!!!

Here's an overview of my program and my problem and I'm hoping for very specific suggestions as to how to approach the problem. You guys always have such awesome suggestions. I need a laid out plan here, not just forms of punishment.

I have a huge problem with one family especially and the children's disobedience. To the point that I feel it is very much a safety issue. I have a 3 1/2 yo that I feel I can't go ANYWHERE with, even a playground without holding his hand because he absolutely won't mind. His sibling is just as bad.

I have a program where about once every two weeks we try to go to a park or on a field trip, maybe out to lunch or ice cream. It's one way I have of giving them something to look forward to.

Today we went to a state park and out to McD's for lunch. By the time I got home I was absolutely so worn to a frazzle that I swore I'd NEVER to a FT again! :(:(:(

There were the normal things, coupled with equipment failure and extreme heat. But the worst part was the disobedience. I just am at a loss as to what to do. I've mentioned it on here before, but it keeps getting worse, not only with me, but from what I've observed with the parents as well. I've requested they meet with me for a conference about it, but I don't think they think it's really an issue. Or they think it's just me or I'm overreacting.....whatever. But honestly, I'm feeling defeated here.

What is my best plan of action? Do I stay home totally and not go anywhere, do anything, and work only on obedience until I see some major improvement? And if I do this, what happens if it doesn't work because the parents aren't reinforcing what I'm doing? I know this is a common problem - how do most of you solve it? This is one reason I never wanted to have an in-home daycare. I always wanted to have a group daycare, but could never afford it. :P Problems like these are much more moot point. You have a set of rules and that is that. Everyone sticks to them. Unless I want to do a group daycare atmosphere in my home, which I don't, how do I handle this?

I used to do daycare, but honestly never came up against this particular problem in such a magnified way. I need a very specific plan of action - like two weeks working on nothing but obedience, then a trial walk down the road, for example. What has worked for someone else who had this problem??

I think if the parents knew this was a potential termination issue they would take it seriously.

I really feel for you. I would never stay home for disobedient children. We walk to the park almost daily (there are two within walking distance) and occasionally go to the neighborhood kiddie pool. If I couldnt trust a kid to follow the rules, they just couldnt be a part of my daycare, period. I wish I had more specific ideas for you. I doubt a conference would work though because you already know that all the kids in the family have the same issues so I seriously doubt that the parents will be any help. I think sometimes we need to admit that we cant reach every kid and that not every kid is right for our group and just move on to another family.

this is an easy one for me, I make it their problem..

I have had to do this before....FTs are a privilege. If a child cannot follow the rules, I call mom/dad to pick up.

I had a child that would not mind me while out on a FT. He was new, so I let it go. Next FT same thing. So I added to my policies that if the child displays behavior that affects the field trip or the safety of any child, the parents will need to come and pick up their child at their own expense. This family had to come from work about an hour drive to pick up their child. Guess what it never happened again and they take me serious with all that I do. If a child cannot participate normally, they go home. I make the problem theirs.

I am sooooo afraid to do that(talk about terming). This family is easy to work with in so many ways. They never complain if I want a day off. They even volunteered to help feed my animals on my vacation! They are sweet, sweet people. Just clueless about this issue. It is honestly the ONLY issue we have, but it is such a biggy!!! I'd almost quit before I termed, although the support I get on here helps me to understand that it IS a serious issue and DOES need to be dealt with and it IS cause for dismissal, so that helps a LOT!!!:):o If I term, I can't pay my bills, period. I live in a small, rural area and it may take me months to fill up again. My other parent loves me and will help spread the word, I'm sure, but I don't know how I'll survive if I don't have three kiddos. The money is a huge issue. Maybe I could wait until I get licensed and then cross that bridge(terming), IF I live that long.....

The child cannot attend field trips until he has shown, at daycare, that he can follow directions - the FIRST time.

Sooooo, I would send out a calendar of events a month in advance if possible. For the parents of this child, they would also be given a letter stating that, due to child's lack of listening skills and following directions, he will no be allowed to attend the upcoming field trips. On those days, the parents would be responsible for either keeping him home, or dropping off and picking up around your scheduled trip.

After the child has shown he can consistently follow directions at daycare for a month, then he can begin attending, on a trial basis. If the misbehavior continues, back to not attending field trips.

It would not be fair to take it away from the children who do listen to direction, and it is not fair to them either that you get so frazzled by this one child that it takes the pleasure out of it for everyone.

That is what we do also. We have it in our policy/handbook that if a child's behavior affects their safety or the other children's safety during field trips, they are not allowed to attend. Parents have to find alternate care at their own expense and no refunds are given for the child's missed day with us. Never had to do this, by the way. But wouldn't be afraid to if we did. owner might allow a parent to pay late, pick up late, put up with a child misbehaving all day at daycare, etc. BUT when it comes to field trips and saftey... there are no exceptions to that policy. We've talked about certain children, and how we would have to tell the parent a child couldn't come on field trip, but parents end up either pulling the child out before we had to mention it (due to numerous conversations regarding behavior), or just choose to keep them home that day without us having to even mention it to them first.
Can you talk to the parents of the disobedient children and let them know you will not be able to bring them with you on field trips, but that with you and parents working on this together for awhile, they will be given another chance to try again after a certain length of time (say, maybe one month, meaning two missed field trips?). And be sure to talk to the children, also, and let them know why they will be missing field trips. Maybe the trial run, after working with them on obedience for awhile, could start out with a simple walk, somewhere safe, and then move onto a field trip if they are able to do a walk successfully?

can you start advertising for another kid right now in preparation to term this kid when you can?

Country-you know if I get ANY calls, I'll send them your way!!!!

Originally Posted by Preschool/daycare teacher:
That is what we do also. We have it in our policy/handbook that if a child's behavior affects their safety or the other children's safety during field trips, they are not allowed to attend. Parents have to find alternate care at their own expense and no refunds are given for the child's missed day with us. Never had to do this, by the way. But wouldn't be afraid to if we did. owner might allow a parent to pay late, pick up late, put up with a child misbehaving all day at daycare, etc. BUT when it comes to field trips and saftey... there are no exceptions to that policy. We've talked about certain children, and how we would have to tell the parent a child couldn't come on field trip, but parents end up either pulling the child out before we had to mention it (due to numerous conversations regarding behavior), or just choose to keep them home that day without us having to even mention it to them first.
Can you talk to the parents of the disobedient children and let them know you will not be able to bring them with you on field trips, but that with you and parents working on this together for awhile, they will be given another chance to try again after a certain length of time (say, maybe one month, meaning two missed field trips?). And be sure to talk to the children, also, and let them know why they will be missing field trips. Maybe the trial run, after working with them on obedience for awhile, could start out with a simple walk, somewhere safe, and then move onto a field trip if they are able to do a walk successfully?

We do the same things in my center. However, I always encourage all of my parents to go with us on field trips. I especially encourage this with the very first field trip with a new class. Reason being, I get to see parent/child interaction in public so I'll have an idea of their parenting skills and how it will affect my class. Anyway, I think that if a parent of the disobedient kids could see what they are doing and how it is putting everyone else at risk, then maybe she will start to work on this behavior. If not, then no field trips for them. Don't penalize the other children for their bad behavior. How much notice do you give before announcing your trips? I usually give 2-4 week notice. 2 week notice should be enough time for DCM to find a replacement sitter for the day.