Arguing Toddlers
 

I have a 2yo dcb who is extremely strong willed & likes to be in control of everyone & everything. We're working on it. :ouch: My dd 20 mo is becoming much more verbal & this last week I've noticed the 2 of them arguing almost constantly. Today I asked my ds if he'd like to help make fish for dinner this weekend. My DD overhears & says, "I do!" Then dcb shouts "No, I do!" Then back & forth they go with the "I do's." I have to redirect them both & they move on. Ten minutes later it's something else. Someone's hungry. No I'm hungry...you get the idea. I keep talking to them about kind voices, getting along, being friends, shared opinions, etc...any other advice on handling this?

I do address it quickly each time or they end up hitting each other & screaming. They are both instigators at times, though I find his need for control is often at the root of it.

Sounds like typical toddler behavior.
You know, "toddler property laws"...

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it’s broken, it’s yours.

Honestly what I would do in your situation is ignore.

I would reply ONLY to the child you spoke to or were speaking to and simply ignore the comments and protests from the other. I know it's hard but sometimes ignoring is best. In a toddler's world ANY attention is attention.

Encourage the other child to pay attention to you, continue speaking or whatever they were/are doing verses replying to the other child.

Rinse and repeat probably 2-3 dozen times per day and cross your fingers that either or both of them pick up real quickly that it is not an appropriate way to get attention. :)

This is my house and my kids are 8 and 5 :rolleyes:

They are both strong willed. “Sounds like you both want to help me make fish, awesome!” Then give them both VERY special jobs to do. “Oh it sounds like you are both very hungry, how can we fix that”.

I think they mostly just want to be heard and to be validated. They have no clue what “being nice” and all that means. They are very much egocentric at this stage.

Originally Posted by Ariana:
This is my house and my kids are 8 and 5 :rolleyes:

They are both strong willed. “Sounds like you both want to help me make fish, awesome!” Then give them both VERY special jobs to do. “Oh it sounds like you are both very hungry, how can we fix that”.

I think they mostly just want to be heard and to be validated. They have no clue what “being nice” and all that means. They are very much egocentric at this stage.

This! I work with toddlers and this is how I handle it.
My mommy, my mommy, I say yes we all have mommy's.

I do it, I do it. Miss racemom will do it.

It's mine it's mine. I say no it's the daycares so we have to share.

With the toddlers, I ignore it as long as it's only verbal.

Here's the latest hot button topic in my day care:

Kid 1: "Oh I play Play-Doh now. I got it. It gween? Miss Pestle, it gween? Oh yeah it gween." *long silence* "My daddy."

Kid 2: "No my daddy."

Kid 1: "My daddy!"

Kid 2: "NO MY DADDY."

Kid 1: "MY MY MY NO MY DADDY."

Kid 2: *Wordless shriek of rage*

Kid 3, sobbing: "D-A-A-A-DDY."