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-   -   Help. Obvious on The Spectrum 4 Year Old And Denier Parents (https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=91836)

Unregistered 05-15-2019 06:01 AM

Help. Obvious on The Spectrum 4 Year Old And Denier Parents
 
I've had this 4year old in my care since he was 9 months old. As of now he is nonverbal (mostly dinosaur growls and whines) can follow simple commands (like go get your shoes or cup) hes obsessive with toys (melts down if someone has one of his favorite daycare toys) cannot take bites (hell shove an entire nugget or whatever uncut food and eat it whole, often choking) he lines up toys, tears and flaps paper and has this thing where he kisses anyone anywhere (leg, exposed foot etc)

Hes always been a good bit behind developmentally, which I have brought up to the parents multiple times over the years. My son is also the same age and of normal development so they see that he isn't where he should be. The mother is a middle school teacher and is just super defensive and stand off like any time I bring anything up. Seriously anything other than it was a great day.

Like tearing books has been an issue. Hell tear a page and flap it a few times around the room and then go back to tear more. I've brought this up with her and she said I should just move the books out of the room. My home is my daycare and these are my sons books in HIS room. She said all they have for him is board books. Hes 4 years old!!
I know their pediatrician suggested the boy get evaluated and she posted on Facebook looking for new pediatrician recommendations.

My reason for writing this today is because yesterday he took off running from me in the yard. He didnt get all the way to the road but still I had to leave the other 4 children in my care behind to go and grab him all the while hes laughing because he thinks it's a game.
I'm just at my wits end. Hes so much harder to watch now than hes ever has been and its showing to be a real liability. With the parents there is absolutely no support. I've asked both parents to pick up today so we can have a talk about it. Help me!!

boy_mom 05-15-2019 06:13 AM

Honestly, if parents wont support you then it's time to term. Running is a huge liability, he could be hurt or one of the other child could be injured if you have to chase him and they are left unattended. It is in your best interest, as well as the other children, that he be in a center or daycare facility with a bigger staff ratio that can manage this kind of behavior.

My sister is going through this with her 3 year old, it's so hard to hear your child is not developing typically. It's such a heart break, but as a parent it is your job to find the right support for your child's needs. If these parents dont want to support you, then it's time to put this back in their laps.

Unregistered 05-15-2019 06:24 AM

Thank you for your response. I thought maybe of warning them if this ever happens again (totally will) then I'll be forced to terminate. I really just want him to get the help he needs.

boy_mom 05-15-2019 06:37 AM

Sometimes I think making these issue a "problem" for parents forces them to see the issues they are trying to ignore.

They have switched pediatricians, but I'm sure when they hear the same thing from a second doctor, they will start to listen.

They aren't listening to you, even though you've been his caregiver for years. If they switch providers or head to a preschool, they will hear the same concerns from other provider.

Sometimes they need to hear this from many people before they start to listen. It's super frustrating!!

Ariana 05-15-2019 08:16 AM

I had a similar experience with a parent in denial and after a year of it I termed. This should not be your problem and the parents need to know that.

Blackcat31 05-15-2019 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 702690)
Thank you for your response. I thought maybe of warning them if this ever happens again (totally will) then I'll be forced to terminate. I really just want him to get the help he needs.

I wouldn't wait for this to "happen" again and just terminate care. If they've been part of your daycare for several years now and are still in denial, there isn't much farther you can go other than waiting for further disaster or tragedy to happen.

I would absolutely terminate a child that was a flight risk like that. No way could I accept that liability.

I would terminate care based on the fact that you are not the right fit for them. They need someone who will turn a blind eye to their child. (not really but you know what I mean) If you've tried to discuss this with them and they aren't on board or even in agreeance then there really is no point.

Eventually this will come to a head and like mom's posts looking for a new pediatrician, she'll do the same to you...
I would straight up tell the parents you are unable to provide what their child needs and that is one on one assistance. If the parents continue to deny this won't be the last time they find themselves in this position.

MamaG2903 05-15-2019 09:24 AM

Oh I've so been here! A few years ago I was caring for a preschooler - he was born addicted to crack, mom gave him up and dad has been in jail basically all his life, so his paternal grandparents were raising him. I tried SO hard to get them to see something was wrong and they just continually made excuses. I finally terminated and strongly suggested they get him evaluated within the school. Well, two years later he has been diagnosed as on the spectrum, ADHD and SPD :rolleyes: parents and guardians who are in deep denial like that won't listen to anyone. I've found that for whatever reason, educators are especially bad at acknowledgement of developmental issues - like that couldn't POSSIBLY happen to their kid. Except it can and they of all people should know the value of early intervention!

I say terminate before something tragic happens!

Cat Herder 05-15-2019 09:31 AM

I would hand it back to mom. A hard No may be the only way she is forced to take a hard look at his behaviors. This child needs services he is not getting.

"This child needs evaluation. If you are not willing to do it or to allow me to call for services (available free in my state to providers) this needs to be his last week here. I cannot continue to enable you to ignore this."

Mom2Two 05-17-2019 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackcat31 (Post 702701)
I wouldn't wait for this to "happen" again and just terminate care. If they've been part of your daycare for several years now and are still in denial, there isn't much farther you can go other than waiting for further disaster or tragedy to happen.

I would absolutely terminate a child that was a flight risk like that. No way could I accept that liability.

I would terminate care based on the fact that you are not the right fit for them. They need someone who will turn a blind eye to their child. (not really but you know what I mean) If you've tried to discuss this with them and they aren't on board or even in agreeance then there really is no point.

Eventually this will come to a head and like mom's posts looking for a new pediatrician, she'll do the same to you...
I would straight up tell the parents you are unable to provide what their child needs and that is one on one assistance. If the parents continue to deny this won't be the last time they find themselves in this position.

likethis

Yeah, really the parent should be on top of the problem.

amberrose3dg 05-20-2019 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackcat31 (Post 702701)
I wouldn't wait for this to "happen" again and just terminate care. If they've been part of your daycare for several years now and are still in denial, there isn't much farther you can go other than waiting for further disaster or tragedy to happen.

I would absolutely terminate a child that was a flight risk like that. No way could I accept that liability.

I would terminate care based on the fact that you are not the right fit for them. They need someone who will turn a blind eye to their child. (not really but you know what I mean) If you've tried to discuss this with them and they aren't on board or even in agreeance then there really is no point.

Eventually this will come to a head and like mom's posts looking for a new pediatrician, she'll do the same to you...
I would straight up tell the parents you are unable to provide what their child needs and that is one on one assistance. If the parents continue to deny this won't be the last time they find themselves in this position.

I have had similar issues. Parents being in denial about their child can be a big deal and possible issues for you.
I would simply terminate care. I know it seems hard but it is truly what is best. A new provider will also tell them the same thing and maybe that will be the boost to get an evaulation done.

theassistant 05-23-2019 11:48 AM

I agree with the others. Either a warning or it will be time for you to part ways. We had an autistic child in our care and it was a challenge even with the parents' support. If the parents aren't doing anything, then it's time to go.

Unregistered 06-14-2019 03:36 PM

Late update, I ened up terminating a week after I originally posted. When I told the mother I had to term due to his level of care being more than I could offer she told me oh dont worry we've been shopping around for other inhomes and will happily find somewhere else. 🙄😒

I went ahead and decided to just close all together at the end of June. These parents dont appreciate all I do for their children. While I'm sad about not having one of the dcg I've had since infancy, just knowing it's coming to an end has done wonders for me. Such a huge weight has lifted. My little boy got into prek and I'm beyond thrilled to get back out there. And get my house back!

Thank yall so much for the advice. I wish I would've terminated earlier, I never realize how much stress the dcb was putting on everyone.

CountryRoads 06-14-2019 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 704299)
Late update, I ened up terminating a week after I originally posted. When I told the mother I had to term due to his level of care being more than I could offer she told me oh dont worry we've been shopping around for other inhomes and will happily find somewhere else. 🙄😒

I went ahead and decided to just close all together at the end of June. These parents dont appreciate all I do for their children. While I'm sad about not having one of the dcg I've had since infancy, just knowing it's coming to an end has done wonders for me. Such a huge weight has lifted. My little boy got into prek and I'm beyond thrilled to get back out there. And get my house back!

Thank yall so much for the advice. I wish I would've terminated earlier, I never realize how much stress the dcb was putting on everyone.


Good for you!

And how rude of that mom. She probably wasn't even looking for somewhere else. She just needed to have the last word.

I know the day that I quit doing daycare will be because of the parents, not the kids!

Good luck with whatever the future holds for you!

Ariana 06-14-2019 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 704299)
Late update, I ened up terminating a week after I originally posted. When I told the mother I had to term due to his level of care being more than I could offer she told me oh dont worry we've been shopping around for other inhomes and will happily find somewhere else. 🙄😒

I went ahead and decided to just close all together at the end of June. These parents dont appreciate all I do for their children. While I'm sad about not having one of the dcg I've had since infancy, just knowing it's coming to an end has done wonders for me. Such a huge weight has lifted. My little boy got into prek and I'm beyond thrilled to get back out there. And get my house back!

Thank yall so much for the advice. I wish I would've terminated earlier, I never realize how much stress the dcb was putting on everyone.

Good for you! Glad you are relieving some stress!

I had a mom whose child had ASD and the whole situation made me very depressed. I didnít quite get it until I was out of it for a few months. It left a lasting impression on me because looking back I believe the mother also had ASD. I currently am in the same situation. I have a newly turned 2 yr old with ASD and the mom has it as well. I am reacting completely differently this time around though.

ColorfulSunburst 06-16-2019 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaG2903 (Post 702710)
I've found that for whatever reason, educators are especially bad at acknowledgment of developmental issues - like that couldn't POSSIBLY happen to their kid.

Not only educators, doctors too.

I had a child with developmental delays that were mostly based on hearing and vision problems. His mom is a child psychologist. She denied everything. It ended up that the kid had huge adenoids which caused problems with hearing and as a result of speech development problems. He also failed his vision test before kindergarten and now wears glasses with very strong lenses.
It was possible to avoid all his delays if mom check his eyes and ears when I asked her to do it. But it took 2 years before she asked her own friend!!!-pediatrician to check on his adenoids. Even after that, she did not consider to believe me and check his eyesight. She waited next half of a year before the physical examination for kindergarten.

Ariana 06-16-2019 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst (Post 704334)
Not only educators, doctors too.

I had a child with developmental delays that were mostly based on hearing and vision problems. His mom is a child psychologist. She denied everything. It ended up that the kid had huge adenoids which caused problems with hearing and as a result of speech development problems. He also failed his vision test before kindergarten and now wears glasses with very strong lenses.
It was possible to avoid all his delays if mom check his eyes and ears when I asked her to do it. But it took 2 years before she asked her own friend!!!-pediatrician to check on his adenoids. Even after that, she did not consider to believe me and check his eyesight. She waited next half of a year before the physical examination for kindergarten.

This is 100% the hardest part of my job. Professionally I am obligated to let parents know about development issues but I have stopped. It is too stressful and I have rarely found parents who will take my advice. At this point I mention concerns once and only once. I am just too tired to fight for kids and I am seeing them more and more as merely a paycheck. Might seem detached but its how I keep my mental health in check ;)


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