Picky Kid Won't EAT!! About to Term
I have never had a kid this picky in my entire daycare career. He literally won't eat ANYTHING. I made rainbow pancakes this morning hoping the color would excite him/ encourage him to eat. Every single meal I make, he says "I don't like that" "I've tried it 10 times at home and I don't like it" Having mom pack a lunch from home is not an option because she will bring ho-hos, chocolate cupcakes and ritz crackers. It's obvious he isn't encouraged to eat properly at home. I should mention he is 8! Freaking 8! I've tried the 2 bites and you can be done. I've tried, that's-what-we-are-having-eat-it. You-can't-get-up-until-its-gone. Etc etc. etc. I'm SO tired of wasting food on this kid that I'm about to term. Advice?
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Oh my goodness I seriously almost posted the same thing because I was debating on having parents pack from now on or supply food because this is every single one of my kids except 1!!! I can’t deal with it. It’s dollars going into the trash for every meal.
No advice by just hugs! |
My advice...stop caring if he eats. He won’t starve. Put healthy food in front of him, and choose not to notice if he eats it or not. It’s a power play and you’re letting him win.
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It is frustrating!
I sometimes feel just making the lunch and turning around and throw it away in the garbage. Also, if parents make lunches they have to meet the USDA guidelines or you have to supplement the area they don't have. Hugs to you :hug: |
Stop stressing about it.
It's his choice to eat or not. The only thing I'd do is tell his parents that I serve healthy, balanced meals every day and it's his choice to eat or not. He usually chooses "not". If the food waste really bothers you, serve family style. tell him to take what he'll eat. The rest is available to him-so all good on the food program requirements. |
Originally Posted by Snowmom: I don't serve heavy carbs, sugary foods and/or foods that aren't healthy and I do not require a "thank you" bite or for a child to try something. I serve, they eat. Or don't. In the tummy or in the trash, either way it's gone. |
Yep, give him his lunch, no words or expressions from you, and let him decide. The only thing I'd do, if food waste is bothering you is give him minute amounts. If he eats, give him more. I've tried the family style, telling kids to only take what they'll eat. But it doesn't work well for me because usually they over-take anyways.
I loathe the fact kids' taste buds are becoming more and more ingrained towards unhealthy eating. They 'hold out' for their treat at the store on the way home, their bag of goldfish crackers they know are in the car, or whatever. :rolleyes: It can be disheartening feeding kids; they all have different likes and dislikes and some won't eat anything at all. Control issues cannot be played into. |
I know it's frustrating because I still have that mindset about full tummies, happy kids, yadda, yadda, and I hate waste, but now I just offer a small portion and let them figure it out. No pressure, no talking about eating, just food in front of them and the free will to eat or be hungry. Especially at eight years old. I won't entertain conversation about being hungry, because food was provided and they chose not to eat it. As far as waste, they get small portions to start and any uneaten food goes to compost for my garden, so no waste!:Sunny:
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I may get flamed here, but I feel the 11.5 month old I had would use the "control thing" too as he would spit or throw that bottle/cup waiting to nurse. He was more than hungry but was NOT going to drink. He didn't eat but half a jar of baby food per day which didn't concern me as much. But all kids need their milk. I even think dcm wanted him to NOT drink anywhere else. She liked him nursing on her all throughout the night. Parents are creating these problems and want daycares/schools to fix them:eek: Out of my 26 years, the last five years never cease to amaze me.:confused:
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My advice:
Put food in front of him. Walk away. "I don't like this." "Ok, go play toys." Add meals offered to meal counts, claim for deduction/reimbursement. Carry on with your life. :Sunny: |
Originally Posted by Annalee: |
Originally Posted by amberrose3dg: |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: |
Originally Posted by Annalee: If this kid nursed all night he probably didn't need to drink much during the day as most calories were covered at night. I nursed my kid at night until I got sick of it around 9 mo. And kicked him out of my bed :lol: he didn't nurse much during the day at all ...then we switched to formula anyway. But he did eat food really well and water. I wouldn't be a fan of a parent doing what I did either. I needed to do it because honestly it is so hard to run a daycare alone and nurse during the day! I am responsible for my kids 24-7 (with their dad on evenings and weekends thank God!) so I didn't burden someone else with our "habits" :p |
Originally Posted by JBWWCC: |
My own ds stresses me out at times over food. He legitimately has spd which is a huge factor in his "pickiness" and certain textures actually make him vomit so it's not just an I don't like it thing. But he also plays it at times & wants special. He informed me that he wanted fast food a couple days ago b& I told him no. We've explained to him that we're cutting way back on fast food both to save money & make healthier choices. He said he'd starve for 200 days before eating something I made at our house.
I said "Suit yourself, but stay out of the snack drawer." And that was that. No fighting, no nagging. Guess who was starving & ate the biggest meal of their life that evening. And he ate the lunch I offered him w/o issue the following day. I think when they know we're upset about it it gives them power. I'd serve your food & not say a thing about it. You don't like it, suit yourself...and go on with your day. He'll either eat it, or he won't & his parents will fight that battle at home. It's so not worth the stress of worrying over it. |
Originally Posted by mamamanda: |
Originally Posted by Jo123ABC: |
I once had a 6 month old, bottle-fed infant girl. On her first day I cradled her to feed her. She took one look at me and wailed. That day she wailed for each subsequent bottle feeding until hunger won out. She drank about 3 ounces and was done. It was a start.
I once had a 3 year old boy whose mother warned me that her son wouldn't eat anything while he was in daycare. She was right. He only drank milk. I offered him small amounts of food, but he never took a bite. I would smile and take his plate away when lunch time was over. I once had an 8 year old boy that only ate organic foods and never drank milk at home. He would point out that humans were probably the own species that regularly drank the milk of another species and all those hormones etc were bad for him. No argument there. Over the next 3 years he tried milk, and non-organic casseroles. Sometimes kids are afraid. It's all what they're used to at home. |
My son does not eat much/well either. He is extremely small for his age, too (skinny AND short).
I might be an awful mom but I choose not to make it an issue. This is one thing my husband and I don't see 100% eye to eye on....I work hard making our meals and I want to enjoy the time with our family and not focus on forcing him to eat. If he's hungry later, I remind him that he didn't eat whatever it was he was served. |
Originally Posted by happymom: |
Everybody gets the same food. This isn't Burger King. There's a ton of variety on the plate. Don't like it? You still need to stay at the table, like a civilized human being, so the other kids don't pop up and start running around with you.
I have an occasional drop-in who doesn't eat here OR at home. He's sturdy so Mom and I aren't worried. The food was offered. |
Same boat here. Dcg8 will not eat anything. I have a rule, if you don't want it don't touch it. (This is for the kids that take the food they don't like off their plates)
When she started, DCM told me somethings the dcg liked nuggets, pasta, pizza..... So I served shaped pasta and cheese, she doesn't like the shape, pasta and spaghetti sauce, she only eats it with meat balls, nuggets she only eats with maynoise (which we don't currently have) shell pasta and cheese, she only eats it with chicken.... So I make pizza every kid likes pizza..... Nope before she sits down she is already saying she doesn't like..... I told her I don't care, she knows the rules, she must sit until everybody is done. She says she is waiting for it to cool, I respond others are eating so it must be cooled. She pushes the plate away saying she is not hungry. I take the plate and tell her that I do not wait to hear her ask when the next meal is or that she is hungry over and over like she had been doing before the meal. She then cries saying she is hungry. I told her that if she wants to eat she can, she can get her plate off the counter but to stop lieing (which I did not call her out for until she kept changing the reason for not eating). She says she is confused and doesn't know what to tell me. Now I am confused, I don't make her eat, I don't question why she doesn't like something, I don't engage, I just have her sit and wait and encourage her to drink her milk. What makes her feel the need to change her reason why she didn't want to eat? Did I not give her the reaction she wanted? Did she forget which lie she was using? She cried until I went around the corner to check the thermostat. When I came back she was eating. When I excued another child she got up too when I was tending to another child and dumped her food. Last week she kept asking for string cheese, I was going to serve it for snack but we were out. This week I served it, I left it wrapped, I excused another child and she dumped her plate (again) without waiting her turn, an unopen string cheese that she has been asking for. Are you kidding me, you requested string cheese!!!! Now I am pissed, sorry but I am. Why did she repeatedly ask for it if she wasn't going to eat it? |
Originally Posted by 284878: Stop being a participant. (see post #10) |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: That's as far as I'm willing to talk about it anymore. After lunch, if I hear when is snack time, I always respond with something like "You're hungry already? We just had lunch! Maybe you should have eaten more at lunch so you wouldn't feel so hungry so soon!" |
Originally Posted by Leigh: What I'm having trouble with is the logic behind it? What's the point in saying you like something but then refusing to eat it or asking for something and then not eating it? Like the other day I made peanut butter sandwiches for snack. I asked her if she wanted jelly she said no and requested honey. I put honey on the sandwich, everybody sat down and ate except for her. Her sandwich was tossed untouched. I said nothing to her during the meal about eating the sandwich or after about throwing it away. I just don't get why she does this? |
Originally Posted by 284878: |
Originally Posted by 284878: I don’t give them all those choices when I’m preparing food....I don’t want to be a short-order cook. I just make the food and serve it. Also, here they are not allowed to say it’s gross or they don’t like it....they don’t have to eat it, but they aren’t allowed to be rude about it. And it influences others, who would otherwise happily eat it. |
Originally Posted by 284878: I think 9 out of 10 times it creates the power struggle. What's after lunch? If kids don't want to come to the table to eat, then they can go directly to the next activity. Here that is rest. Not hungry? Don't like what we are eating? Don't want to sit? Then go lay down. Originally Posted by 284878: Stop playing. Just serve what you serve. Don't ask her if she has any special requests or if she likes anything or not. That ^^ is where you are handing the power to her. Unless you are a short order cook, YOU decide what's on the menu and then serve that. No edit, no alteration or additions/subtractions. Those choices are a privilege she has yet to earn at your house. |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: I have the kids sit at the table until everyone is done for two reasons: 1. Good manners 2. If one child leaves to play, the other kids tend to follow even if they aren't done eating. If they all sit together to finish the meal, even the kids who initially wouldn't eat anything might pick at their meal or even eat a good part of it. I WANT them to eat it because I want to instill good eating habits and want them to learn to like vegetables and other things that they might not eat at home (I have one parent who doesn't buy ANY vegetables for their home because none of the 5 members of their family will eat them-he DOES eat them here, especially broccoli, cauliflower, and green beans). |
Originally Posted by Leigh: I am genuinely curious about this "practice" as I allow kids to leave the table for what I feel are the same reasons. :lol: 1. Manners ~ Leave if you are not actively participating in the current activity. (I think requiring a child to sit when they don't want to creates other issues). 2. If one child leaves to go lay down, the other kids tend to focus more on eating. They don't want to go lay down. :p All my kiddos eat fantastic! I think because we don't allow unnecessary food drama at the table. I have several families that don't buy veggies because the parents don't like veggies too! But oddly, their children are the biggest veggie eaters here. Favorites here are odd ones too....pepper strips, broccoli, asparagus, beets, snow peas etc. I guess it's a perfect example of how different approaches can net the same results. Nice! likethis |
Nap is directly after lunch here, too, after washing hands and pottying, so some will actually eat slow to avoid the nap:lol:
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Originally Posted by Leigh: |
Originally Posted by Leigh: My schedule has nap immediately after lunch also so for me giving them the option to move on to nap after lunch works. If my routine was different maybe it wouldn't for me as well. |
I wouldn't give choices. He gets what you make, no special requests. If you have to, put one bite of each item on his plate so there is less waste. If he eats it and he wants more than that, then he can. If he doesn't want to eat, let him up.
Here they ask to be excused. Before they can do anything they must first clear their places, wash their hands and face, make their beds, then they may pick a quiet activity. However, by the time the first kid who got up from the table completes that, the last kid eating is finishing up. Maybe if you let him up, you can give him a few uneventful things to do that the others won't feel like they are missing out on. |
I'm in the "I don't care" camp.
I have a 2.5 yr old who didn't eat a single thing her first whole month here. She drank her milk and that's it. Now she eats some things but is still VERY picky and sometimes goes a whole day without eating anything. I NEVER comment on what she does or doesn't eat. I give her a bare minimum of food to avoid wasting too much - no alternatives. If she does eat something and asks for seconds I give her seconds, even if she didn't eat anything else (same rule as everyone). No one gets thirds unless their plate is clean. I give her the Food Program minimum requirement of milk, then 3-4 oz water so she doesn't fill up on liquids. I think the lack of power struggle makes a difference because she does try some new things when she thinks I'm not looking. Most of the time she spits them out, but I don't say anything, not even "Good job!" for trying something new. |
We go to the playground after lunch to burn off energy and allow time for digestion before potty time. ;);) Limits those naptime accidents and they sleep well. likethis
We eat in the dining room. "Go play toys" occurs in the playroom that they just left after 45 minutes of free play. They are over it and it removes their audience. :lol: I have great eaters and the occasional moody 3-6 year olds that need reminding I am immune to tantrums. |
Originally Posted by Leigh: |
All the kids remain seated together until the end of the meal here as well.
If you're finished that's fine, make pleasant conversation (I had a picky eater visiting this week ... he made conversation about how much he didn't like the food ... not quite what I was going for, but he was as pleasant as could be about it). Don't want to eat? No problem, sit and chat. My family has always eaten meals together and remained at the table until the end so I guess it's just normal to me and I prefer it, I can't imagine not doing it this way, and it always catches me off guard when a new child starts and expects to get up when they're finished eating. I do not base the menu around the kids preferences, for the most part. The exception is if someone really likes something I like to make - then I'll definitely serve that when they're here. And I often wait until the meal has begun to serve their milk - that way they'll eat before filling up on milk. |
Alot of kids don't eat because the parents feed alot if junk food. Just do your best, present it and move on.
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Originally Posted by 284878: Later at last snack, she saw that I was serving yogurt and asked that I not because she doesn't like yogurt. I said sorry it is what is on the menu for today. She then was saying that she was hungry and started to beg, I got out wheat thins (which she has refused to eat before) and served them. She says I guess I will have to eat them. She asked for more, but it is a snack and I only served one serving. (BTW it was dcb first day back after summer break and he knew he would eat everything I served that day, it was my way of celebrating his return and her departure) |
St our center, we try to have everyone stay at the table until we call that table to go throw out their trash. Obviously it doesn’t really work that well with the 2 year olds. But we all sit together and have our meal. Then it’s hand washing/ bathroom/ diaper change. They all know the routine. I cannot force anyone to sit at the table, but it’s not fun to get up when all your friends are at the table. We turn some of the toy shelves around to face the wall during lunch so there are less temptations, plus cots go near them. Anyway, we encourage everyone to sit until mealtime is done.
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I just serve the food, tell them what all it is, and that's it. I don't engage in a food power struggle as that just causes more issues. If they say they don't want it, I just say "Ok, well we aren't eating again until (lunch)." And that's about it. Anything else is working against you.
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