|
There is hope....my son WAS a biter.
I will spare everyone the details, but my story mirrors many of your stories. There is a wonderful book called NO BITING. You can find it on Amazon.com. After my son was expelled from many well-meaning schools, I came upon this book and it changed the way I thought about biting. The cure for biting is a process and one cannot expect a young child to stop just because it is what adults want. Each child is different and the reason for a child to bite may differ from child to child. Please read NO BITING and lend a copy to your daycare provider. It really did help my son and me.
|
I Agree
I too think it's interesting that someone who supposedly knows children advocates biting them back when they bite. I am a childcare provider, and as such make it my business to understand NORMAL childhood stages and also to know and advocate educated safe ways to deal with and correct unacceptable behavior. She didn't say how her children turned out, did she? Is her last name "Dahmer" by any chance? :-)
Originally Posted by Unregistered: |
Try this . . .
As a director of a childcare center, I know that nothing makes parents more angry than their infant or toddler getting bitten. We have a little guy that got bitten a lot from his old childcare center, they pulled him and brought him to us, and SURPRISE, he started biting. A lot. We have a policy that after three times in a day, we send them home. We were sending this little guy home every day, and nothing was working. So, I logged when he was biting (usually around the hour before lunch), and I asked his mother to come in and shadow him for this time. He was done biting in less than three weeks. I've done this now twice and it's worked great. I know that most parents cannot afford to leave work for an hour or two, but it really does work well. It seems to even work better than another teacher shadowing the biter.
And yes, that biting book that was mentioned above is an awesome resource in child care centers! |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: |
get it stopped
Our policy is that WE stop them! No child is ever allowed to bite.
And, it is the staff's responsibility! The need to pay attention and discipline when needed- or terminate the child that is biting. That's ridiculous!!! Maybe you threaten them with a law suit .,.maybe then they'll find the time to take some action. However, that was a very good decision on your part to file a report --- but also contact her inspector - and turn them in for allowing abuse. Ms.Sue |
Update
I posted on 09-18-2008. Here's what has happened. After my posting my son continue to be bit almost every day by some other toddler. Supposedly, 5 different toddlers and a different toddler each day. He always had a bruise on his face or arm. I looked and looked for other daycare. Finally, I decided to take him to another building run by the same daycare company. WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!! He hasn't been bit. He doesn't wake up screeming at night like he had a bad dream. It is just wonderfull. My advice. If you child is either bitting or being bit. Take the child to a different daycare. Almost curtain there is something going on at the daycare that is causing problems. It could be anything from the schedule, to the other childern, to even the daycare people. Who knows because the child can't tell you. But it does make a difference being in a different enviroment. The new center I do see that the lady's that work in the toddler room are much more caring and loving. They will actually pick up a child that is crying. The other daycare had a lady that I never saw her hold one of the toddlers except to pick them up to change them. She preferred to carry the clip board around to write notes down and keep up with her huge amount of paperwork she was always complaining about.
Advice for daycare centers. Find a way for the people working there to care for the childern and quit filling out paperwork! This was the 2nd daycare center I had this same problem with. Give them a specific time of day to step out to do the paperwork. Not expect to take up a toddler eating table to do the work. Toddlers and childern need attention and loving care. NOT SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO FILL PAPERWORK OUT!!!! |
Update on Biting at Daycare
Thanks for the update! Remember, even before your baby is born, you are your child's best and most important advocate. It seems difficult after finally placing your child in a daycare to start thinking about finding another. There are choices and we need to find the ones that benefit our children the most. It is a constant quest for quality. For those looking for other daycare facilities:
https://www.daycare.com/listing.html Our story: https://www.daycare.com/story/index.html |
It is so easy for a biter to bite, even when closely watched. I handle biters (actually all issues) with the parent/s knowing everything going on. A repeat biter is never left alone with others, they don't go inside closed tunnel play places (McDonald's, etc...), they will have to sit out or stay home and we explain why, it is a safety/health issue.
In every case of repeat biters, if a parent (only parent) bites a child back, they stop (I know many will object - but we have seen it work, every time "bunerous times"). It needs to be done carefully and on their finger, with the back teeth, as follows: 1. First the parent has to say "no biting, biting hurts, ouchy" (that plants the idea it hurts) 2. Take their finger and with back teeth, bite down just enough for it to not feel good and hold that pressure for about 5 seconds (not biting down any harder) Try it on yourself first, you don't have to bite hard, but holding a mild pressure does the trick (it can't be to soft or they will laugh and not feel the lesson). Make sure that after you do it, yoou say, ouchy, biting hurts (the words you use and the attitude you display, is very important) I have had so many parents try it and so many confirm biting works to show them it hurts. You might have to adjust the pressure, but it is the 5 seconds or so that makes them feel like they are being bit hard. Try it yourself, it isn't wounding them and it works. A biter can cause a lot of damage and get a child to be a repeat biter, getting kicked out of multiple daycares, which does more damage to the biter and can make them end up being a problem child. |
what do you think?
My child just started at a new daycare and last thursday was bitten twice in the same arm by the same child. She was being shadowed after the first bite but when the second bite happened the teacher was tieing another child's shoe. They went the bitter home after the second bite that day. I kept him home from daycare friday. My guess is she would've bit him again that day as well. The following monday the same child bites my son on the face this time and she is immediately sent home. I'm irrate as you can imagine! All the center can tell me is that they are moving her to another room and that she is not being put on probation or anything else. The lady at the desk did share with me that my son is the second child she has bitten and keep in mind that she has now bit my son 3 times now, twice on the arm and 1 time on the face. They said if she bites while in the new room then she will be put on one week probation. All this seems like she is being given way too many chances and should have already been kicked out, especially after biting a child in the face. She has targeted my son the past 3 times she has bitten in a matter of days and no further action has been taken yet. I"m at a loss of what to do????? what do you think????
|
Biting
Dear Judy,
I worked in a licenced child care center for nearly 20 years. There was a boy many years ago who was CONSTANLY biting the children. Believe me he wasn't even 2 years old and he was quick! Anyway the director was more concerned about money than her center. When several parents finally ganged up on her and said either you kick him out or we are taking our children out she got scared and asked him to leave. However this was a Tuesday and she told the parent that they could finish out the week. Ironic it seemed that on that last Friday this biter bit the rocking chair SO hard it cracked the wood. The director said oh well...he's gone after today! Sad to say but sometimes people see green before their eyes and not the children they are required to be caring for. |
Biting in Day Care
My child has been bitten like 5 times in the past month. They wont tell me if it is the same child or not. I think if it is they should be watching this child closer or removing the child from the day care. I'm unsure what I can do about the situation. I hate taking my son somewhere where he keeps getting bit.
|
I've never spoken to a parent who hasn't gone through the biting phase. All children try it and every child is different in how they get over it. I am lucky that my children got over it rather quickly (maybe it was because they are very close in age and i was able to deal with it at home myself, rather than having to trust the day care staff). The worst situation I ever encountered with a biter was actually the child of the owner of the daycare my children were attending in Pennsylvania. The preschool teacher was unable to tell me which child was biting my children, but my children told me themselves. The confrontation was difficult... I tried to make it parent to parent, but it was also parent to daycare staff. However, I believe that the communication between the parent of the biter and the parent of the bitten child was essential in dealing with the problem. It took some time and a lot of patience on all of our parts, but doesn't every problem involving children take time and patience? There are no enemies when dealing with such a problem, and the more involved we are as parents, the quicker we can resolve behavior issues.
|
Biting at daycare!
I have also had the same issue at the daycare that my son attends. He was playing outside and another child walked up and stuck his fingers in my sons mouth, so my son bit down. Well then the child grabbed my son's arm and nawed on it like an ear of corn breaking the skin. The staff didn't even bother to notify me about the incident until I picked him up at 6pm and it had happened at 3pm. I asked for a copy of the incident report, and the manager informed me that they don't file reports for incidents.
|
Help my son is a bitter
I've read some pretty interesting comments on this blog.. I am in search like many, it seems for help. My 2 year old son was just expelled from DC today for continual bitting. I can go on an explained the different things that happened that got us to this point, but I fear that it wouldn't matter. He doesn't bite at home because he is an only child, however on occasion he will bit my nieces and nephews when he is upset or frustrated. When he does bite them I quickly "spank" him and tell him no bitting and ask him to say sorry to the child that he has bitten. This has greatly curb his desire to bite children around me, At DC its a different story, to their credit they have tried to shadow him, and prevent bites when they see it coming, but everytime he does bite I get a report and on the third time that a report was written, they expelled him. Before expelling him the director did inform me that he was in danger of being expelled because he was on his second write up, and since I am not at the DC to "handle" the situation, I asked her what I should do at home with him and you know what she said? she said that I should pray. That is great advice and I do pray but that doesn't stop his bitting and less than a week later he got his third write up (today) and was expelled. My son has come home with lots of bit marks and scratches on his face, just yesterday he came home with two big knots on the back of his head, so now I am wondering what is the daycare doing? I am trying not to feel like this is my fault, that some how I am doing something wrong--Some of the comments I have read here makes the child who bites and their parents seem like criminals and that is crazy to me. I've heard the saying that parenting is the hardest job you will ever have and being a first time mom at 37 I am so agreeing. Tommorrow I will head to my nearest bookstore and get the book no more bitting and I will start my search for another daycare.This has definetly helped me.
|
Harmonious and CHILD CENTERED
Originally Posted by Kelly: |
biting
I have to say that I disagree with the earlier thread. No, not all biters bite at home! I am the mother of a three and a half year old son who bites. He does not do it everyday, maybe once a week. This is a new behavior. He has just recently starting going to a new daycare (within the last two weeks) nd that is when the behavior started. The teachers tell me that he is the only one in the class doing it. He has NEVER done it a home. It only happens when he is in an argument, or confrontation, usually over a toy. It does not mean that I am a bad parent or that I do not care about my child hurting other children. I am a very involved parent. I have done everything to get the behavior to stop. I thought it did. He didn't bite for one week, but then he did it today. I have spanked him, taken away toys/ privileges, even bitten him back! I am at my wits end and was reduced to tears today. He is a sweet kid and has no other problems. I just don't know how to get this behavior to stop.
|
It happens in all daycare.
Very young children are often biters not so much out of anger but out of frustration at not being able to speak. They know they are supposed to use their mouths, so they use them differently. Generally, biting clears up when a child can make his/her needs known in language. Just know that as he starts to use his words the biting will subside. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. |
When I was preschool, I was kicked out of one school for biting. My mother told me that it wasn't aggressive with other children normally, and that it was mostly likely that I was tired and frustrated and the teachers weren't monitoring me closely enough.
|
To the Parents of Biters
I just removed my 11-month-old son from daycare due to being bitten five times by the same biter in one month (and my son was not the only child being bitten). The first time it happened I simply thanked the teachers for letting me know: I understand these things happen. The second time he had two bite marks on his arm (that would be 2 and 3). I called the director and was told the "biter" was being shadowed. A few days later, bite 4 happened. My husband and I sat down with the directors and said this was unexceptable. We agreed to change rooms so my son and the biter were never together. Then the day came when the daycare was short staffed. It took only a few hours for bite number 5 and only seconds for my husband and I to inform the directors we were out.
Here's the thing: everyone wants to talk about how removing a biter isn't a fair punishment. I have news for you. It's not about punishment; it's about protecting everyone. Can you imagine how you would feel as a parent if your child bit another child's lip and it was permenantly damaged? It's happened many times. That's a huge liability. You will be sued, your daycare will be sued, and because of documentation, you will lose. Is that risk worth keeping your child in daycare until the behavior changes? Most importantly, is it worth harming someone esle's child? Look, I'm not done having kids. My next one could very well be the biter. However, I'd rather inconvenience my own schedule and help my child through the behavior myself than put someone else's child in harm's way. This isn't about punishing a child who's struggling to understand. It's about protecting everyone involved. |
Licensing Regulations...
I am a child care provider, and because of the regulations that WE HAVE to follow there is only so much we can do to a child who bites. We have a child who bites at least once a week, we have explained this to the parents about the situation and they are trying to work with us also to correct the situation. There is only so much they can do also. To be brutally honest with you, this is something that happens in all day cares. It isn't always easy to shadow a child when the ratio is to the max. If you look up Minimum Standard Rules you can see that we are very limited on how to handle the situation.
|
OK...so there has been a lot of conversation about younger children who bite...what about a child that is nearly 4 years old? She has bitten on and off since, well since she had teeth!
Now, my daughter was a biter and I was able to resolve it pretty quickly...as for this child, to date, nothing has worked. Any advice? |
Originally Posted by jen: By the age of 4, kids know wrong from right, and what's acceptable and what's not. This worked with our son.....but you can't do with a DC kid. He was about 3...climbed in my lap and bit me on the shoulder. I bit him back. He doesn't bite me anymore. |
Originally Posted by Chickenhauler: Mom comes in and tells dck that since she bit, she will have to sit on the couch and watch TV...she can't play at all...and she has to throw out the puppy toy she got in her happy meal...yeah, not gonna work. I suggested to Mom that she try what we've done with our dd when she hit another daycare child--she was 5 and knew better. I told her to wait in her room until after daycare was over. I went in to talk to her calmly about hitting and then I spanked her bare butt. (Just so you know, she had hit several times, knew right from wrong, and lived to tell the tale of being spanked--no permanment damage no matter what some critics will tell you.) Guess what...Mom actually took my advice and I had the first peaceful day in weeks. Yay! |
Kick them out!!
Our son has been bitten 3 times in the last 3 weeks by the same little monster at his day care. We are working with the Director to remedy the situation, but I am pushing hard for this child to be expelled. This has been an ongoing problem with this child per one of the teachers and I think it's time to stop protecting the attacker and start trying to protect the victims. You parents of habitual biters who whine about how it's not fair that your little angel be kicked out for biting are selfish, egotistical walking nightmares in your own right. It's no wonder your little brat likes to attack others. There should be consequences for bad behavior at any age, including being removed from a situation where you are the problem.
|
Biting/Spanking
Whomever said that they need to WATCH the kids/babies is right. If they are not watched, they can't be disciplined, and the biting will not stop. The biter should be set in time out and even though this is a pain it is something that has to be done AS SOON as the biting occurs! If there is no discipline after the action it will not stop and everyone else's kids will continue to suffer. The MAIN problem is they pay the people who watch our kids the same as what a McDonald's worker makes - NOTHING!!! Almost minimum wage. Therefore the people who watch our kids are under-appreciated, under-educated, and under-paid! Not a good situation.
Our country pays a basketball player millions of dollars while they pay the people who do the most important job in the world nothing. This simple fact makes me irate! I have been tempted plenty of times to actually pay my son's teacher under the table to make sure he is cared for the right way!!! I should not have to feel like this. The director needs to get a car that is not so expensive, and several other staff need to down-grade what they have in order to compensate the people who actually do the work! About spanking, we try No and of course that doesn't work, we try time-out and sometimes that doesn't seem to work to well either. We've spanked lightly on the bottom a few times and that always seems to make the behavior worse. For now we are sticking to time out because that makes the biggest impact on him, when he has to sit still and can't play. We only put him in time-out however for the amount of minutes/years so since he's 2 he has to stay there for 2 minutes. This is how it should go. Studies show that spanking actually does more harm than good so I too am glad that guy on here (Mister old school you know who you are) doesn't care for my kids! |
Originally Posted by StressedMom: PS: I have a degree in community psychology, have been doing daycare for 4 years, my oldest is 15, a straight A student, plays basketball, wants to be a doctor...and he's been spanked. Get it together before you raise a kid that doesn't have any friends and adults can't stand to see coming... |
Originally Posted by jen: amen to this! Glad i am not the only one that believes in true discipline. |
Amen to both of you! It is very easy now-a-days to see what has happened to the kids who KNOW that there is no painful consequences when they deliberately disobey. Here's a link to a NEW study, for those of you who raise your children based on studies, that shows that spanked children are better adjusted adults. Most of us don't really need a study to tell us that though.
http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapi...ok_calvin.html |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: |
But He’s an Angel at Home ?
|
Sensory processing disorders are rarely diagnosed. Good book- "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz, MA
|
Small world!!! Same thing "miraculously" worked for us.
Parents forget that the same laws of behavior exhist inside the classroom as out, as well as the same recourses. My son was bullied by a child twice his size for months, but everytime I called I was blown off. So I did the same thing...told them the might ought to give the boy's parents a call, because next time my child was touched I'd be there with the sheriff's deputy to have the child taken into custody and be pressing a grocery list of charges on him. OVERNIGHT!!!!!! the bullying stopped.
Originally Posted by MOM WHO HAD ENOUGH: |
Biting allowed? I know it happens but to do nothing?!
Originally Posted by Unregistered: If our school system would not teach my own little any of these things I would be furious!! As for the biting issue: They should change their policies! For myself I know biting happens but if and when it does I immediately take action. I keep notes, call my licensor to report it, then call the parents of both children and explain what happened. I talk about it so that they understand that this cannot happen in my daycare. If it continues to happen I repeat the steps above, have a meeting with the offending child's parents and make a plan of action. If is still continues to happen I let the child go. It's that simple. I would rather lose one child rather than risk losing all of my other littles because of one child's behavior. I agree that most children’s issues are due to the fact that the parent does not interact enough with their own child but not all children act the same at home than they do in my daycare. That being said however, my littles usually act like angels until their parents arrive to pick them up. My child never went through the terrible two's because I although I spoke to her in a soft and soothing voice I never used "baby talk". No goo-goo gaga for me. "Good morning Isis. How are you this morning? Are you a happy baby today? Yes you are. I am going to dress you now. This is your sock. It goes on your feet." etc. I also taught her and myself simple sign language with flashcards. If at one she couldn't communicate with me through words she used her hands and she has ALWAYS known that hurting herself, others and things are never allowed (she's 5 now). Try this: Just like was said before, daycares don't want to lose clients. Talk to other parents and try to get them on board. Get a few WRITTEN concerns and complaints that state you are all thinking of looking for another daycare because you FEAR the SAFETY OF YOUR CHILD due to their NEGLIGENCE in addressing the situation appropriately. Then ask them what they are going to do about it. If you still see no results have a meeting with their director and again address your concerns. If you are not happy with the response let the director know that you are upset and are filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. It is so simple to do you can do it online. Chances are they don't want the negative review. Calling the licensing board may also help you if you file a formal complaint but you should leave that as a last resort. It may start an investigation and sometimes if they find something wrong they get a violation and a fine but if they find it to be really serious they could get shut-down. I would like to know what course of action you decided to take and how it worked out for you. Please keep us posted and good luck. |
Horrible!
Originally Posted by Chickenhauler: |
FYI for the parents threatening assault charges on the preschool/toddler biter- cant/wont happen ... Most states have a minimum age to charge even juveniles with assault. A 2 or 3 yr old biter doesn't go to juvie- so the threat is not valid. The child does need intervention, whether in the form of strict discipline/loss of priveledges, (or if a parent chooses to spank their child if they bit someone), assistance in communication and learning emotional control, etc. More direct supervision etc.... intervention when the child is frustrated, before they bite. I know where I live the sheriff's dept would NOT even show up- they would say its a "civil" matter, to deal with the daycare or move your child.
|
Originally Posted by judy: i have a degree in early childhood development so i know that biting is developmentally appropriate. i've also worked in daycares where children bit, and i've had my own children in daycare where they were bitten. while i KNOW that biting is developmentally appropriate, my son was being bitten to the point that i threatened to pull him out of daycare. he had 2-3 incident reports EVERY day. it got to where he would cry when i dropped him off after the biting started. it was the same child every day who bit him, and only him. while biting is normal, excessive biting and targeting a particular child is NOT normal! if your child is getting bitten on a regular basis (daily or more than once daily) then i reccomend doing what i did: i told the director i was going to withdrawal my son. i told her she would lose a child either way, whether it be the biter or the victim - but i thought making the victim leave was unfair if it came down to that. she came up with a solution - since the biter was almost ready to move up to the 2 year old classroom, she offered to go ahead and move her a little early if i would stay. i agreed. when the girl got moved up, the biting stopped! all of the kids in her new classroom were older and she didn't dare bite them! i would reccomend having a bottom line: either you move my child, the other child, or i'm leaving! it WILL work! |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: |
Bites at Daycare
My son who just turned 3 this month goes to a good daycare I think but Friday he got biten the 2nd time by the same kid. Now this time was it was on the middle of his back and much worse then before.I'm talking black and blue now and teeth marks top and bottom with broken skin. I am very upset that this happened and I think the child should be removed because he does nothing but bully other kids. Am I wrong to tell the daycare that when He goes back tuesday? I just don't want it to happen again because I know I won't be nice the 3rd time around. My son said his back hurt and that the kid was mean and he didn't want to play with him. Why didn't they keep them apart?
|
to tell the truth
Alot of times if a child is biting that much is because the worker is not watching the children the are to busy talking to there friends instead of taking care of the children. That happened when my son was in daycare, he would come home almost everyday with a bit mark on him and they would stay almost two weeks. Come to find out they were being left alone with no teacher in there and my son is was only 12 months old.
|
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:45 AM. |