As of Today, It's Official! WTD?
 

So as of today, every single one of my DCK excluding DCG age 4 is potty trained. This includes my 21month old DCK and all 2 year olds.

Soooooooooooooo what do I say to the parents of the 4 year old who swear up and down that she is PT at home, but supposedly refuses to only use the toilet here???????

what I want to say and what I should say are two entirely different things???

"Guys. Really. [21 month old] is potty trained here. So is *everyone* else. Seriously. This is ridiculous. A 4 year old in diapers? Come on! Now, I need to see some serious progress on potty-training within 30 days or I'm going to need a doctor's note with a diagnosis of a physical, mental, or emotional problem preventing her from being trained. Otherwise, care will be terminated. You have to train her. Really."

Then...start interviewing...just in case...

Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
"Guys. Really. [21 month old] is potty trained here. So is *everyone* else. Seriously. This is ridiculous. A 4 year old in diapers? Come on! Now, I need to see some serious progress on potty-training within 30 days or I'm going to need a doctor's note with a diagnosis of a physical, mental, or emotional problem preventing her from being trained. Otherwise, care will be terminated. You have to train her. Really."

Then...start interviewing...just in case...

thanks silver..... I do think that is a good idea to require a doc note 30 days from now if there is no progress.

I know that there is nothing wrong with her, it's just a parenting issue.

At her age, seriously they should just run out of diapers and refuse to buy anymore except for nighttime. They should just tell her, "Guess what! You use the toilet now."

People these days :rolleyes:

Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
At her age, seriously they should just run out of diapers and refuse to buy anymore except for nighttime. They should just tell her, "Guess what! You use the toilet now."

People these days :rolleyes:

I tired that here. the child just refuses to use the toilet. SO I am the one who required her to be put back in pull ups.

I used to allow the underwear first with pull up over, but she will just sit and pee and poo in them all day and won't tell me. I have to actually take her to the bathroom and lay her down on the changing mat to see if she is telling me the truth or not

I saw the beginning of your post and immediately thought "yay, the 4 year old is finally trained" . . . then I read the rest :(. Ugh, seriously, they need to buckle down and take control. Some kids really just need a "hard" push and not a gentle "she will do it when she's ready" push. Been there, done that with my dd. Finally when my dd was 3, I gave her a "hard" push because I knew she was more than ready (she just wasn't in the mood to do it herself). Good luck! It won't be an easy road for the parents, especially now that your dcg is 4 and fully believes she's in control.

Originally Posted by spud912:
I saw the beginning of your post and immediately thought "yay, the 4 year old is finally trained" . . . then I read the rest :(. Ugh, seriously, they need to buckle down and take control. Some kids really just need a "hard" push and not a gentle "she will do it when she's ready" push. Been there, done that with my dd. Finally when my dd was 3, I gave her a "hard" push because I knew she was more than ready (she just wasn't in the mood to do it herself). Good luck! It won't be an easy road for the parents, especially now that your dcg is 4 and fully believes she's in control.

I pushed her really hard when she started here, but the parents messed that up with too many bribes. I have had her for about a year and I have tried everything under the sun.

I agree that she has figured out that it is a control issue.

I don't accept children over 3 1/2 who aren't potty trained. I have a friend who's 4 year old son is like this. He pees no problem on the toilet for me but needs mommy to change him. I agree a dr. Note is in order. I hope they put in the time to make it work. Will she hold her pee all day if she isn't in a diaper at your house? Time for the parents to be in charge again instead of the lille one. Good luck and congratulations everyone else is potty trained! happyface

Originally Posted by TheMonkeyFam:
I don't accept children over 3 1/2 who aren't potty trained. I have a friend who's 4 year old son is like this. He pees no problem on the toilet for me but needs mommy to change him. I agree a dr. Note is in order. I hope they put in the time to make it work. Will she hold her pee all day if she isn't in a diaper at your house? Time for the parents to be in charge again instead of the lille one. Good luck and congratulations everyone else is potty trained! happyface

no she will not hold it at all.....she has no problem wetting herself and then won't tell me. so she will sit in it until I discover it.

Ugh. Yup, time for a doc note... and start advertising/interviewing in the event that conversation backfires ;)

What's this kid going to do in kindy? Teachers don't potty assist. Do the parent realize this?

Originally Posted by daycare:
no she will not hold it at all.....she has no problem wetting herself and then won't tell me. so she will sit in it until I discover it.

:eek: :eek:
Oh my! I've never met a child who has no problem wetting themselves. I've only ever had one potty trained kid have an accident and not tell me. She ran to the bathroom to hide. Unfortunately two of the little ones thought it would be fun to play in the "water" :rolleyes: Will she go if you sit her on the toilet every 30-45 mins? I know it's a pain but I would rather go to the bathroom every 30-45 than have to change diapers on a 4 year old!

Originally Posted by TheMonkeyFam:
:eek: :eek:
Oh my! I've never met a child who has no problem wetting themselves. I've only ever had one potty trained kid have an accident and not tell me. She ran to the bathroom to hide. Unfortunately two of the little ones thought it would be fun to play in the "water" :rolleyes: Will she go if you sit her on the toilet every 30-45 mins? I know it's a pain but I would rather go to the bathroom every 30-45 than have to change diapers on a 4 year old!

sometimes. This is the only way that I can get her to go, but it is hit and miss.

I agree that it is a pain, but I would rather tell her to go than have to change her. Just stinks that she will still sit there and not tell me. She does it with poop too.

Yeah the parents need to do potty bootcamp on a weekend and then be on the same page as you.

My dd was also one who would wet herself or defecate (on the cotton panties) and not say anything. The only thing that worked was a weekend battle. It sounds bad, but she is such a stubborn girl and every other nicey nice technique only fed into her ability to control the situation. We had her run around naked for the weekend and we would literally have to drag her into the bathroom kicking and screaming and make her sit to "try" every 30-60 minutes. Eventually, she gave up the battle and realized that she actually has MORE freedom when she goes potty by herself instead of us having to change her. It was a gruesome 3 days, but that is all it took! She has been completely potty trained ever since, even nights (see, we knew she was ready!).

Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
Ugh. Yup, time for a doc note... and start advertising/interviewing in the event that conversation backfires ;)

What's this kid going to do in kindy? Teachers don't potty assist. Do the parent realize this?

I was just talking with a kindergarten teacher who is also a friend. She told me that a 5 year old was sent to school on the first day in a pullup! The child did not have any disabilities. Ridiculous!

Originally Posted by spud912:
I saw the beginning of your post and immediately thought "yay, the 4 year old is finally trained" . . . then I read the rest :(. Ugh, seriously, they need to buckle down and take control. Some kids really just need a "hard" push and not a gentle "she will do it when she's ready" push. Been there, done that with my dd. Finally when my dd was 3, I gave her a "hard" push because I knew she was more than ready (she just wasn't in the mood to do it herself). Good luck! It won't be an easy road for the parents, especially now that your dcg is 4 and fully believes she's in control.

I agree! Yes, it's time we get back to parent lead toilet training, not child lead. In most places around the world kids are trained very, very early.

Originally Posted by LK5kids:
I agree! Yes, it's time we get back to parent lead toilet training, not child lead. In most places around the world kids are trained very, very early.

It used to be this way here too. My most favorite parenting books are by a woman named Louise Bates Ames and they're called "Your X Year Old", from one all the way up to 10-14! They were written in the 50's originally and then updated in the 70's and are still in print. I'm amazed, reading these...children really, really were more advanced back then. Sometime in the last 30-40 years our country suffered a serious and unspoken loss of generational knowledge regarding child rearing. I've been reading the 1 year old book trying to figure out why my son is driving me to the loony bin lately, and they mention potty training quite seriously. I have been potty training him anyway...in the exact way they recommend for the age (hey, instincts, nice to meet you!) and I did the same with DD, actually.

But it's so sad to read what was expected of children at such young ages just a generation ago and now look...

well its punishment time. I'm sorry, it to say but she's playing you. I would not put up with her nonsense. Either call the parents to pick her up, nope cross that out. Your the adult time to take control. Take her to the bathroom and make her sit there. She will fight you but don't give in. If she continues to pee her self you need to take away her prevligies to play. I would let her sit and watch the other kids.

I know some say that parents need to be on board but sometimes its just easier if you do it yourself. I don't do reward charts, no treats here either. I expect them to use the potty because thats what they do.

when she is at home does she wear a pull up, how about when she goes out.

Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
"Guys. Really. [21 month old] is potty trained here. So is *everyone* else. Seriously. This is ridiculous. A 4 year old in diapers? Come on! Now, I need to see some serious progress on potty-training within 30 days or I'm going to need a doctor's note with a diagnosis of a physical, mental, or emotional problem preventing her from being trained. Otherwise, care will be terminated. You have to train her. Really."

Then...start interviewing...just in case...

Everyone is potty trained here (2.5-4y olds)too except one 4y (turned 4 in Aug.). He has no interest, will sit in a poopy diaper, even its going up his back. :confused: I just don't get it. Luckily their hours changed and he only poops here about once a week now so I'm not having to deal with that mess anymore. I've tried having him use the potty when everyone else does too but he never goes or refuses to try.

I have made going to the bathroom here for this child a NON-option.

It is not a choice. I make her use the bathroom. However, if she flat out resit or refuses, I don't force her, I just don't allow her to do anything else until she has used the toilet. This is the agreement that I made with mom.

The DCD did tell me that they have to also force her to use it at home or she just won't do it.

THey have done the bootcamp thing (so they say) no luck there.

This child wears the pants in their family and knows it.

I am at a complete loss about what to do with this child and her family with this issue.

This child can not go to school or pre school unless she is pt...

My niece was this way, she did not want to go potty but when my sister began talking and taking her to preschool so she can see how fun it was, .. but told her that she could not go unless she showed her (my sis) that she could go to the potty.... in less than a week that girl had potty trained herself!

the parents need to be well aware of this!

Legally a school can not turn a child away if they are not potty trained. Believe me, I know. I have teachers for clients and its not uncommon for students (kindergarten) to still be in pull-ups. Yes, they are sometimes still using them at the end of the school year.

Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Legally a school can not turn a child away if they are not potty trained. Believe me, I know. I have teachers for clients and its not uncommon for students (kindergarten) to still be in pull-ups. Yes, they are sometimes still using them at the end of the school year.

Yes this is true CK.. I had this issue with a 5 year old two years ago and guess what the school started the boy in pull-ups. They won't change your child, the child has to change themselves....

My niece also started kinder in pull-ups.....

BOth cases was because of lazy parenting!

Originally Posted by daycare:
Yes this is true CK.. I had this issue with a 5 year old two years ago and guess what the school started the boy in pull-ups. They won't change your child, the child has to change themselves....

My niece also started kinder in pull-ups.....

BOth cases was because of lazy parenting!

Here the teachers aids help them. They get extra money each time they have to change a child.

Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Here the teachers aids help them. They get extra money each time they have to change a child.

here, you get a phone call home to come and change your child. And thats how it should be.

Originally Posted by countrymom:
here, you get a phone call home to come and change your child. And thats how it should be.

likethislikethis
Maybe you can start instituting this rule, Daycare :ouch:

Daycare.....I feel really badly for you. What a pain.

I would first, as PP stated, have a medical evaluation done. It MIGHT be medical.

If it isn't, I would sit down with the child and talk to her about the littles.....see how they use the toilet? see how proud I am of them? if the littles can do it, so can you!!!!

Then, I would tell her, using the potty IS NOT A CHOICE. You WILL use the toilet when you need to potty. I Will HELP you!

Every 30 minutes, ask her if she needs to go.....every 60 minutes, she sits on the potty, even if she says she doesn't need to go. ALL DAY LONG!!!!! Let her know that when she starts using the potty on her own that she will not have to do this all day long, that she will be free to use it when she says she needs to rather than when you say she needs to.

I am not one for punishment with PT......I am also not one for bribes.....BUT, I would consider one special privilege that you KNOW she really likes to take away if she refuses the potty or to offer when she does use the potty. I only suggest this because of her age, her parents bribe her, AND because the other kids are already trained so you do not have to be concerned about having to do this with everyone.

Good luck! :)

Originally Posted by Crystal:
Daycare.....I feel really badly for you. What a pain.

I would first, as PP stated, have a medical evaluation done. It MIGHT be medical.

If it isn't, I would sit down with the child and talk to her about the littles.....see how they use the toilet? see how proud I am of them? if the littles can do it, so can you!!!!

Then, I would tell her, using the potty IS NOT A CHOICE. You WILL use the toilet when you need to potty. I Will HELP you!

Every 30 minutes, ask her if she needs to go.....every 60 minutes, she sits on the potty, even if she says she doesn't need to go. ALL DAY LONG!!!!! Let her know that when she starts using the potty on her own that she will not have to do this all day long, that she will be free to use it when she says she needs to rather than when you say she needs to.

I am not one for punishment with PT......I am also not one for bribes.....BUT, I would consider one special privilege that you KNOW she really likes to take away if she refuses the potty or to offer when she does use the potty. I only suggest this because of her age, her parents bribe her, AND because the other kids are already trained so you do not have to be concerned about having to do this with everyone.

Good luck! :)

Crystal....thanks for responding...

I have done everything under this great given earth to motivate this child. I have downloaded silly apps on my phone that a girl calls to congratulate you when you have Potties or calls you to say good luck next time.

I have tried the lets be a big girl and make sure that we listen to our body next time.

I have tried every video, book and what not under the sun...

I know that it is becuase at home they are not working with her and it is not an issue there. She tells me this all the time. I don't have to potty at home if I don't want to.

Her mom works a lot and so dad is the one who has here in the evenings while mom is still working. This is true what she tells me. Dad does not make her use the toilet at home. Mom and dad fight about it all the time.

I have never punished a child ever for PT issues and I am not punishing this one either. I am just not going to make it a non issue. It's not a choice, you will use the toilet.

I just tell her when she needs to go and I do it all day long. She has to sit and sing one song of the abc all the way through, once done she can get down from the pot. If she did not make anything in the toilet that time, I make note of it, because that means she will go soon. I make sure that she gets back in there within 30minutes so that she can go on the toilet. sometimes she makes it there and some times she does not.

To be honest, I know there is nothing wrong with her. She is a very very smart little girl and she knows what she is doing. It does not work here, but it works at home.

She does the same thing with everything else. shoes, jacket, pants...She hits her parents etc etc....

Originally Posted by daycare:
Crystal....thanks for responding...

I have done everything under this great given earth to motivate this child. I have downloaded silly apps on my phone that a girl calls to congratulate you when you have Potties or calls you to say good luck next time.

I have tried the lets be a big girl and make sure that we listen to our body next time.

I have tried every video, book and what not under the sun...

I know that it is becuase at home they are not working with her and it is not an issue there. She tells me this all the time. I don't have to potty at home if I don't want to.

Her mom works a lot and so dad is the one who has here in the evenings while mom is still working. This is true what she tells me. Dad does not make her use the toilet at home. Mom and dad fight about it all the time.

I have never punished a child ever for PT issues and I am not punishing this one either. I am just not going to make it a non issue. It's not a choice, you will use the toilet.

I just tell her when she needs to go and I do it all day long. She has to sit and sing one song of the abc all the way through, once done she can get down from the pot. If she did not make anything in the toilet that time, I make note of it, because that means she will go soon. I make sure that she gets back in there within 30minutes so that she can go on the toilet. sometimes she makes it there and some times she does not.

To be honest, I know there is nothing wrong with her. She is a very very smart little girl and she knows what she is doing. It does not work here, but it works at home.

She does the same thing with everything else. shoes, jacket, pants...She hits her parents etc etc....

Ugh.....well, how about telling the parents they better start enforcing it at home or you will no longer be able to provide care? It really is unfair to you to have to clean up a four year old because parents refuse to PARENT their child. :mad:

Is this the family that works for licensing?

Is this also the family that is punishing their child for toileting accidents and have gone about the training process in such a screwed up way that they have messed their child up?

If so, I would simply term and be done. This has gotten way out of hand and for lack of better words, down right rediculous. :rolleyes:

You can do everything under the sun correctly but if the parents don't share your views or have even the slightest inkling that they are messing their kid up, I don't think things are going to get better for the poor DCG and things won't ever be resolved.

It sounds like you've really tried everything you could, daycare. This child will soon be heading for school (by the way, our schools send home after accidents or have parents come clean-up/change their child as well) so she won't be a FTer for you for much longer anyhow - I say terminate.
This is a parenting issues now, no longer a daycare issue - leave it solely in the hands of mom and dad.