About to Go Crazy!
 

Sorry first for the vent, but need to vent. I have a 3 ,almost 4 yr old DCB, who is having a really big hissy fit at the moment! He was pushing my 2 yr old DCG around and grabbing the toy she had and she was crying. Told him to stop and give the toy back to her and he started his hissy fit and screaming his head off.He is a difficult DCB anyway, doesn't listen, wants his way all the time and has hissy fits when he doesn't get his way. Have talked with his parents a million times about his behavior and they told me to handle him what ever will work for me here,they are having problems with him at home also and we are trying to work together to help with this issue.
How do you go about handling a 3,almost 4 yr old who throws tantrums and just won't listen to you? Time out just doesn't work with him and talking to him doesn't do any good either. I really like this DCB and have become really attached to him, so I am trying to work this all out. Other than talking to the parents again, any suggestions:eek:!

I have 2-4 year olds that do this. When they do I either take a toy they have away for the day. Or I make them sit with me. I had the dcb sit at the kitchen table every time I had to do something for the morning and just have him a coloring book and crayons. That's it! He has not acted up like that again!
And the dcg was acting up outside so I had her sit on the porch with a coloring book and crayons and watch everyone play.
Now I've still had issues with these 2 but not nearly as bad as those 2 days so I think it somewhat helped.

Originally Posted by care giver:
Sorry first for the vent, but need to vent. I have a 3 ,almost 4 yr old DCB, who is having a really big hissy fit at the moment! He was pushing my 2 yr old DCG around and grabbing the toy she had and she was crying. Told him to stop and give the toy back to her and he started his hissy fit and screaming his head off.He is a difficult DCB anyway, doesn't listen, wants his way all the time and has hissy fits when he doesn't get his way. Have talked with his parents a million times about his behavior and they told me to handle him what ever will work for me here,they are having problems with him at home also and we are trying to work together to help with this issue.
How do you go about handling a 3,almost 4 yr old who throws tantrums and just won't listen to you? Time out just doesn't work with him and talking to him doesn't do any good either. I really like this DCB and have become really attached to him, so I am trying to work this all out. Other than talking to the parents again, any suggestions:eek:!

What are his main issues?

I give my dcks a LOT of control over the choices they make, and therefor the consequences. I use language, verbal and body, that make time out (taking a break) not such a negative thing. It is a cool down period when you aren't in control. 3-4 would get a lot of reminders of rules before hand, with a warning when the behavior occurs to allow them a chance to own their actions and change the behavior "dcb, the rule is we are nice to our friends. You can give the toy back to Amy or you can sit. Your choice." I am neutral, they KNOW they aren't getting me riled up. Me getting worked up FUELS their poor behavior. EVERY TIME. If he chose to give the toy back he would get "Nice choice!" with POSITIVE energy. If he chose not to, there would be an immediate consequence that won't be surprising because I just told him. "You chose to sit." and move him away from the group.

Consistency is key. Set rules, set consequences, reminders before activities, during and after. Not 2-3 times is this allowed until Mrs. stops me this time, 1x the next, etc.

Originally Posted by Tdhmom:
I have 2-4 year olds that do this. When they do I either take a toy they have away for the day. Or I make them sit with me. I had the dcb sit at the kitchen table every time I had to do something for the morning and just have him a coloring book and crayons. That's it! He has not acted up like that again!
And the dcg was acting up outside so I had her sit on the porch with a coloring book and crayons and watch everyone play.
Now I've still had issues with these 2 but not nearly as bad as those 2 days so I think it somewhat helped.

This is what I do too. Love and Logic! Empathize with them (I know you want that toy, it is very nice) then throw in the logic (but we can't take toys from others, it is not nice) then throw in consequence (since you are throwing a fit you can sit at the table until you are done, others don't like to listen to fits) escort to table and give paper and crayons. All done calmly but with no room for disobedience. If the child starts to scream, hit, kick, etc I say "Okay, you can sit in TO until you are back in control of yourself" then escort to TO.

Originally Posted by daycarediva:
What are his main issues?

I give my dcks a LOT of control over the choices they make, and therefor the consequences. I use language, verbal and body, that make time out (taking a break) not such a negative thing. It is a cool down period when you aren't in control. 3-4 would get a lot of reminders of rules before hand, with a warning when the behavior occurs to allow them a chance to own their actions and change the behavior "dcb, the rule is we are nice to our friends. You can give the toy back to Amy or you can sit. Your choice." I am neutral, they KNOW they aren't getting me riled up. Me getting worked up FUELS their poor behavior. EVERY TIME. If he chose to give the toy back he would get "Nice choice!" with POSITIVE energy. If he chose not to, there would be an immediate consequence that won't be surprising because I just told him. "You chose to sit." and move him away from the group.

Consistency is key. Set rules, set consequences, reminders before activities, during and after. Not 2-3 times is this allowed until Mrs. stops me this time, 1x the next, etc.

I am going to try this route! Thank you...I have a dcg that has been beyond terrible lately. She has always been tough but, lately has been running after kids to get their toys!:eek: She will go around them from behind and put her hands around their necks trying to get them too, which obviously is NOT ok. I get very worked up each time and it is not working. This may work. I don't know why the sudden regression in sharing toys but, I am at my wits end.:( She just turned 3 this summer.

Choices don't really work with this boy. You tell him it is up to him to either give the toy back because it is not a nice thing to do or he gets a privilege taken away, he will just stand stand there and do nothing. Time outs do not work with his boy as he won't listen and go into the time out corner. Sometimes he will throw the toy and start a tantrum.
Taking him and letting him color and not play to me is not really fixing his behavior as he is not learning that it is not nice to do what he did, it is just getting him to do something else. He needs to know that he can not do that anymore period. Even not getting to play doesn't seem to work, he is just very stubborn and wants what he wants when he wants it and that is not how things work. Giving this boy choices is not a option as it is not solving his behavior issue, he needs to know that it is not acceptable behavior. Sometimes the choice things work for people, but sometimes it just isn't really taking care or solving the issue at hand and they seem to keep doing what ever they were doing that wasn't nice.

Originally Posted by care giver:
Choices don't really work with this boy. You tell him it is up to him to either give the toy back because it is not a nice thing to do or he gets a privilege taken away, he will just stand stand there and do nothing. Time outs do not work with his boy as he won't listen and go into the time out corner. Sometimes he will throw the toy and start a tantrum.
Taking him and letting him color and not play to me is not really fixing his behavior as he is not learning that it is not nice to do what he did, it is just getting him to do something else. He needs to know that he can not do that anymore period. Even not getting to play doesn't seem to work, he is just very stubborn and wants what he wants when he wants it and that is not how things work. Giving this boy choices is not a option as it is not solving his behavior issue, he needs to know that it is not acceptable behavior. Sometimes the choice things work for people, but sometimes it just isn't really taking care or solving the issue at hand and they seem to keep doing what ever they were doing that wasn't nice.

But the coloring is sending the message that 1. In the end, you didn't get to take the other child's toy and play with it and 2. That if you take the other child's toy then you will have to do an activity that the provider chooses and not get to choose yourself. In time, it should solve his behavior issue as long as every single time the same thing happens.

Either that or every single time he does something like that you take him by the hand and he goes with you and doesn't leave your side. That will get pretty boring for him after awhile.

Laurel

Originally Posted by Tdhmom:
I make them sit with me. I had the dcb sit at the kitchen table every time I had to do something for the morning and just have him a coloring book and crayons. That's it! He has not acted up like that again!
And the dcg was acting up outside so I had her sit on the porch with a coloring book and crayons and watch everyone play.
Now I've still had issues with these 2 but not nearly as bad as those 2 days so I think it somewhat helped.

likethis that has worked for me as well

Originally Posted by Laurel:
But the coloring is sending the message that 1. In the end, you didn't get to take the other child's toy and play with it and 2. That if you take the other child's toy then you will have to do an activity that the provider chooses and not get to choose yourself. In time, it should solve his behavior issue as long as every single time the same thing happens.

Either that or every single time he does something like that you take him by the hand and he goes with you and doesn't leave your side. That will get pretty boring for him after awhile.

Laurel

Tried the coloring book today as he was acting out again in the morning and after lunch. After lunch when he acted out again, I took him out of the group and he said to me"now I get to color". It doesn't seem to mean anything to him except he thinks when he acts up now, he gets to color. So it is not resolving the problem at hand, so I need to do something else to get him to understand that it is not nice to take toys away and push the other kids. He is a very smart boy! Having him sit with me or be with me while I do something will not work either as he will start to wander and I tell him to get back here and he starts his tantrum thing and screams. Besides terming him, what other ideas does anyone have as to how to get through to this kid,make him understand that he can not do what he is doing, but giving him some other thing to do is not getting through to him,he just thinks what he did was ok and now he gets to do something else, do you see what I mean? Nothing is working and he keeps doing the taking away and pushing. It is not solving the issue. I am at my wits end,never have had a child that is so stubborn and won't listen.

Instead of coloring books I do books at the table. Only board books so if they are mad they don't rip the pages.

Originally Posted by care giver:
Tried the coloring book today as he was acting out again in the morning and after lunch. After lunch when he acted out again, I took him out of the group and he said to me"now I get to color". It doesn't seem to mean anything to him except he thinks when he acts up now, he gets to color. So it is not resolving the problem at hand, so I need to do something else to get him to understand that it is not nice to take toys away and push the other kids. He is a very smart boy! Having him sit with me or be with me while I do something will not work either as he will start to wander and I tell him to get back here and he starts his tantrum thing and screams. Besides terming him, what other ideas does anyone have as to how to get through to this kid,make him understand that he can not do what he is doing, but giving him some other thing to do is not getting through to him,he just thinks what he did was ok and now he gets to do something else, do you see what I mean? Nothing is working and he keeps doing the taking away and pushing. It is not solving the issue. I am at my wits end,never have had a child that is so stubborn and won't listen.

Really it takes more than one day to get e desired response sometimes. He may think coloring is cool right now but day after day gets boring. Also, let the others do something super fun so he realizes his actions have made him miss something more fun than coloring. Consistency is the key rather than trying one thing once andthen trying something else.

Also, he may very well know it pushes your buttons that he think coloring is fun! It won't take long for the novelty to wear off! Call his bluff! I'm almost sure coloring will not be "fun" for long.

I can see this child breaking all the crayons! I'd only give him a few...if he breaks them, he gets gets little broken ones!

Within a week he will be bored of coloring. One suggestion--blank paper instead of a coloring book.

Originally Posted by Cradle2crayons:
Really it takes more than one day to get e desired response sometimes. He may think coloring is cool right now but day after day gets boring. Also, let the others do something super fun so he realizes his actions have made him miss something more fun than coloring. Consistency is the key rather than trying one thing once andthen trying something else.

likethis

Laurel

Originally Posted by LK5kids:
Also, he may very well know it pushes your buttons that he think coloring is fun! It won't take long for the novelty to wear off! Call his bluff! I'm almost sure coloring will not be "fun" for long.

I can see this child breaking all the crayons! I'd only give him a few...if he breaks them, he gets gets little broken ones!

Colored pencils work for crayon breakers too.

Laurel

If worse comes to worse, give him his own toys for a while. Anytime he tries to take something that is not his go right away and get it. Put it back on the shelf or give it to whoever he took it from.

I might say "Sorry Johnny, you can only play with the toys in this box/shelf until I see that you won't take toys from the babies. Maybe this afternoon you will be ready not to take a toy someone has in their hand. We'll see." Just keep repeating and doing it. When you think he may be getting it then give him a trial and tell him "Well let's see if you are ready."

I would send him elsewhere to cry. We have the 'crying step' where they can cry all they want but can't get up until they are finished. After a time or two all I have to say is "It is okay to cry but please go to the crying step and cry." They almost always stop crying just at the mention of it.

Laurel

Originally Posted by Laurel:
If worse comes to worse, give him his own toys for a while. Anytime he tries to take something that is not his go right away and get it. Put it back on the shelf or give it to whoever he took it from.

I might say "Sorry Johnny, you can only play with the toys in this box/shelf until I see that you won't take toys from the babies. Maybe this afternoon you will be ready not to take a toy someone has in their hand. We'll see." Just keep repeating and doing it. When you think he may be getting it then give him a trial and tell him "Well let's see if you are ready."

I would send him elsewhere to cry. We have the 'crying step' where they can cry all they want but can't get up until they are finished. After a time or two all I have to say is "It is okay to cry but please go to the crying step and cry." They almost always stop crying just at the mention of it.

Laurel

Thanks, I will try this, hopefully it will work.

Originally Posted by care giver:
Tried the coloring book today as he was acting out again in the morning and after lunch. After lunch when he acted out again, I took him out of the group and he said to me"now I get to color". It doesn't seem to mean anything to him except he thinks when he acts up now, he gets to color. So it is not resolving the problem at hand, so I need to do something else to get him to understand that it is not nice to take toys away and push the other kids. He is a very smart boy! Having him sit with me or be with me while I do something will not work either as he will start to wander and I tell him to get back here and he starts his tantrum thing and screams. Besides terming him, what other ideas does anyone have as to how to get through to this kid,make him understand that he can not do what he is doing, but giving him some other thing to do is not getting through to him,he just thinks what he did was ok and now he gets to do something else, do you see what I mean? Nothing is working and he keeps doing the taking away and pushing. It is not solving the issue. I am at my wits end,never have had a child that is so stubborn and won't listen.

I choose this time to do something super fun with everyone else. I have a rice tote they get to play with on rainy days so I got that out and let the toddlers play in it while the preschoolers did craft. And then the preschoolers got to play in while toddlers did craft, all where he could see what was going on. It drove him crazy!
He got sent to the table for kicking/throwing toys (toy hit his sister in the head) I used to do time out for it and it never worked. I did this to him ONE day and he hasn't thrown another toy since then.
Same with his sister. She pushed one of my toddlers down the stairs going outside to get to the swing set. She had to sit on the porch with just crayons and book while we were outside. She walks very carefully down the stairs now away from everyone when she does it.
Try to make sure he knows he's missing out on something when he behaves that way. And that your not going to tolerate it.
Best of luck!!!

Originally Posted by care giver:
Tried the coloring book today as he was acting out again in the morning and after lunch. After lunch when he acted out again, I took him out of the group and he said to me"now I get to color". It doesn't seem to mean anything to him except he thinks when he acts up now, he gets to color. So it is not resolving the problem at hand, so I need to do something else to get him to understand that it is not nice to take toys away and push the other kids. He is a very smart boy! Having him sit with me or be with me while I do something will not work either as he will start to wander and I tell him to get back here and he starts his tantrum thing and screams. Besides terming him, what other ideas does anyone have as to how to get through to this kid,make him understand that he can not do what he is doing, but giving him some other thing to do is not getting through to him,he just thinks what he did was ok and now he gets to do something else, do you see what I mean? Nothing is working and he keeps doing the taking away and pushing. It is not solving the issue. I am at my wits end,never have had a child that is so stubborn and won't listen.

If coloring is stopping him from doing the behavior it is working. I do see where your coming from, but at his age he doesn't have that logic in his brain yet. If separating him and having him do another activity works I would go with it.

Originally Posted by LK5kids:
Also, he may very well know it pushes your buttons that he think coloring is fun! It won't take long for the novelty to wear off! Call his bluff! I'm almost sure coloring will not be "fun" for long.

I can see this child breaking all the crayons! I'd only give him a few...if he breaks them, he gets gets little broken ones!

or throwing them. I would do the books instead. Just a place to calm down and reflect.