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-   -   How To Help Clingy DCB (https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=85740)

jenboo 03-15-2017 11:25 AM

How To Help Clingy DCB
 
DCB is new.He is a new 1 yr old and has been at home until now. This is his first full week. He came a few days for two weeks before this week.
I've already seen improvements in some areas but others are still lacking... its very weird..I'll try my best to explain.

DCB now will wander and play if I am in the room/yard. He doesn't cry anymore or try to cling to me like he used to.
When its time to sit for lunch or lay down for nap, he goes into pure panic mode. He freaks out, cries hysterically and tries to grab onto me as tight as he possibly can. Its very frustrating. If I am touching him he is fine but if he is sitting at the table and I move or stop touching him he panics and screams.
He also does the same thing when I enter or exit the room. If he can't see me, he is fine. If I walk into a room, he is hysterical again and tries to grab me with a death grip.
Yesterday towards the end of nap, he was awake and laying quietly. I had to leave the room. When I came back, he saw me and the crying panic started.

I have never had a child act like this before. How can I help with with adjusting??

Pestle 03-15-2017 11:37 AM

Yikes. It's only been a week of full-time care, so maybe this will level out, but maybe not.

Could he be struggling with transitions? Lunch time and nap time means breaking his focus on an activity, moving him to a different location, separating him from objects he was using, etc.

Or, if the parents are rushing to soothe him when he fusses but not providing positive reinforcement of independent play, he may have learned that contact = love. So he's anxious when reminded that you're not in contact with him. Building motor skills and helping him set his own place at the table and get his own bedding set up could help with that--teach him to be proud of becoming self-sufficient, instead of feeling neglected. At this age, he could learn to take a spoon from a caddy, drag a blanket to his crib, etc.

jenboo 03-15-2017 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by Pestle:
Yikes. It's only been a week of full-time care, so maybe this will level out, but maybe not.

Could he be struggling with transitions? Lunch time and nap time means breaking his focus on an activity, moving him to a different location, separating him from objects he was using, etc.

Or, if the parents are rushing to soothe him when he fusses but not providing positive reinforcement of independent play, he may have learned that contact = love. So he's anxious when reminded that you're not in contact with him. Building motor skills and helping him set his own place at the table and get his own bedding set up could help with that--teach him to be proud of becoming self-sufficient, instead of feeling neglected. At this age, he could learn to take a spoon from a caddy, drag a blanket to his crib, etc.

Its definitely the second. He is so worked up though he literally can't do anything. If i come within arms reach i literally have to pry him off of me.

jenboo 03-16-2017 09:35 AM

DCB has zero coping/ soothing skills. He cries and cries but stops instantly when he is touching me. He doesn't do this with my husband though.
If he does stop crying then he is usually clinging to something in a corner. He doesn't explore like the other kids.

Is there anything i can do to help him learn how to cope?

daycarediva 03-16-2017 11:27 AM

I found that between 12-18 months is a TOUGH time to transition from SAHM or nanny to group care. I do NOT take young toddlers that are transitioning from those 1:1 care situations anymore.

That being said, what have you seen as far as when Mom comes in, is it similar behavior? How does he do at drop off? Are you seeing ANY improvement? Can you make coming in/out of the room a game for him? Rolling a ball, stepping further back until you are just leaving the room, leaving, popping out and saying peek a boo.

Other than that, I would say tough love and try another week before I would quit on him. "I am going to X. I will be right back. YOU are just FINE." and IGNORING all tears.

jenboo 03-16-2017 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I found that between 12-18 months is a TOUGH time to transition from SAHM or nanny to group care. I do NOT take young toddlers that are transitioning from those 1:1 care situations anymore.

That being said, what have you seen as far as when Mom comes in, is it similar behavior? He has a death grip on her and she hands him off to me. At pick up, he runs to her crying and she scoops him upHow does he do at drop off? they hand him over, he stops crying once in my arms. Then they leave and i put him down and he freaksAre you seeing ANY improvement? Yes, we have definitely seen improvements in many areas. Can you make coming in/out of the room a game for him? Rolling a ball, stepping further back until you are just leaving the room, leaving, popping out and saying peek a boo.

Other than that, I would say tough love and try another week before I would quit on him. "I am going to X. I will be right back. YOU are just FINE." and IGNORING all tears.

This is what I currently do.

I think the most frustrating part is that he doesn't do this with my husband. He can be in the room with my husband with my husband moving around and he is fine. If he see me he freaks.
Or, if he is in the room with me and I move 2 in he freaks.
Im confident he will adjust, its just going to a long few weeks. We have to stick it out because we just termed one worse than him and another family left this week as well.

Pestle 03-17-2017 05:03 PM

I hear ya. I have a 9mo and an 11mo who were with a SAHM and SAHD, respectively, and it's a constant scream fest around here these days. At least they alternate days so there's only one child screaming bloody murder at any given time.

You wish you could communicate, "You want to be cuddled. I want to cuddle children who don't scream and flail. Can you figure out a solution to this problem?"


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