My 4 Year Old Is Hurting Other DCKs And Babies....
 

This child does things like pushing babies that are just learning to stand, holding on others' arms and pressing hard using fingers, dragging kids around by the hand.... nothing is working that we've tried and this child has severely injured others through pushing....

Originally Posted by Unregistered:
This child does things like pushing babies that are just learning to stand, holding on others' arms and pressing hard using fingers, dragging kids around by the hand.... nothing is working that we've tried and this child has severely injured others through pushing....

If the child is a danger then they can't be around other kids in any way that would allow them to hurt other kids. I would term.

This is your own child? This is unfortunate.

So you have a preschooler of your own inside your family day care with infants?

Did you just open your day care? There's probably a lot of jealousy going on.

I have a strict "Nobody touches the babies but me" rule. NO EXCEPTIONS. Doesn't matter if it's gentle touches or not. Anybody who touches the babies has to go sit in the quiet corner.

The day care area is gated off from the living room, and I allow my 4yo to come and go. If she gets too wild or I'm worried she's getting angry, she HAS to go. She can play quietly in the living room or go to her own room. I don't force her to participate in the day care program.

If your child isn't trustworthy or obedient enough to go play elsewhere, then unfortunately I don't see any way to keep your day care open with babies in it. You can't provide safe care for other people's children so you shouldn't take the children in, knowing that they're in danger of injury.

If your child is able to play separately, you may find that they outgrow this jealous, rough stage and can gradually be re-introduced to the day care. You might also consider switching to preschool-only care--kids those age are hard to come by and you can't charge as much, but at least you could keep making money from home, if your child has better behavior around peers.

Another thought: Maybe you have a family member or friend who can come over and provide care for your child during day care hours for a few days or weeks, acting as an assistant assigned just to your child, to see if that kind of close attention helps change the behavior.

"Severely injured others through pushing" and "nothing is working" means this child needs to be completely seperated from the group either through termination or physically being barred off from the rest of the group.

Other children deserve to be kept safe in your home. They did not ask to be terrorized by this child and it can do great psychological damage.

Originally Posted by Pestle:
This is your own child? This is unfortunate.

So you have a preschooler of your own inside your family day care with infants?

Did you just open your day care? There's probably a lot of jealousy going on.

I have a strict "Nobody touches the babies but me" rule. NO EXCEPTIONS. Doesn't matter if it's gentle touches or not. Anybody who touches the babies has to go sit in the quiet corner.

The day care area is gated off from the living room, and I allow my 4yo to come and go. If she gets too wild or I'm worried she's getting angry, she HAS to go. She can play quietly in the living room or go to her own room. I don't force her to participate in the day care program.

If your child isn't trustworthy or obedient enough to go play elsewhere, then unfortunately I don't see any way to keep your day care open with babies in it. You can't provide safe care for other people's children so you shouldn't take the children in, knowing that they're in danger of injury.

If your child is able to play separately, you may find that they outgrow this jealous, rough stage and can gradually be re-introduced to the day care. You might also consider switching to preschool-only care--kids those age are hard to come by and you can't charge as much, but at least you could keep making money from home, if your child has better behavior around peers.

I agree with this. Your child is TELLING you he cannot handle this. Either keep him separated, or quit caring for other children. It wouldn't take much to seriously injure an infant.

"child has severely injured others through pushing"

Firstly, I'm confused about the child. Is this your child or a child in your daycare?

If it's a daycare child, I wouldn't allow the child to be in daycare. Any child harming others after trying to stop the behavior is terminated.

If it's your child, maybe think about putting them into pre-school. A 4yr old needs more stimulation than a daycare fullwith children younger than them. Or... keep them separated as stated above so they have no contact with the other children.

It's my own child. I never thought about having him separate from the daycare kids. He can't go to preschool yet because he's not potty trained. Been trying for like a year with little success or interest. Think he also has ADD/ADHD.

Also we live in a new house (1year) new baby sibling (6 months) and opened my biz 4 months ago...

It sounds like he has a LOT of stressors going on right now:

-New sibling
-Other kids in his house, taking his parent's attention and using the stuff and space he thinks of as "his"
-Changed schedule due to the day care
-New house
-Undiagnosed executive function disorder or learning disability without early intervention
-A missed window of sensitivity for potty training (if he's four now and you started a year ago, then you probably started too late for him to easily transition in--kids are ready at very different ages, some as early as just past a year old)

You may have limited resources as far as money, time, family support, and state programs go. However, your son needs intervention. He has nobody else looking out for him, and each delay will make his potential disability more difficult to cope with, while you work to provide for your family through the day care. You're busy right now learning how to care for infants, but your son needs you to learn how to best care for him. It's a challenging situation for all of you.

Please get in touch with a local gov't agency that can help you identify programs your son qualifies for--you may be able to get help with testing and a diagnosis, or find a preschool that will take him. Some care providers find they have to put their own kids in care for everybody's health and sanity.

We got a psych eval referral from the pediatrician. Time to call them....

That's great!

Originally Posted by Unregistered:
It's my own child. I never thought about having him separate from the daycare kids. He can't go to preschool yet because he's not potty trained. Been trying for like a year with little success or interest. Think he also has ADD/ADHD.

I would get him evaluated by the local school district. He might qualify for free, special education preschool.

Originally Posted by Pestle:
It sounds like he has a LOT of stressors going on right now:

-New sibling
-Other kids in his house, taking his parent's attention and using the stuff and space he thinks of as "his"
-Changed schedule due to the day care
-New house
-Undiagnosed executive function disorder or learning disability without early intervention
-A missed window of sensitivity for potty training (if he's four now and you started a year ago, then you probably started too late for him to easily transition in--kids are ready at very different ages, some as early as just past a year old)

You may have limited resources as far as money, time, family support, and state programs go. However, your son needs intervention. He has nobody else looking out for him, and each delay will make his potential disability more difficult to cope with, while you work to provide for your family through the day care. You're busy right now learning how to care for infants, but your son needs you to learn how to best care for him. It's a challenging situation for all of you.

Please get in touch with a local gov't agency that can help you identify programs your son qualifies for--you may be able to get help with testing and a diagnosis, or find a preschool that will take him. Some care providers find they have to put their own kids in care for everybody's health and sanity.

Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I would get him evaluated by the local school district. He might qualify for free, special education preschool.

ITA with all of this!

He's enrolled in a free special ed pre-k program but it's only during the school year and is only 3 days a week :/