How to Know When to Not Take a Family
 

I was referred a family by a friend that also does in home daycare. They came and toured tonight, mom was seriously so sweet. The child on the other hand was aggressive, taking toys from my kids hands, yelling in his moms face, trying to rip down my gate because he wanted to go back downstairs. Mom said "he gets very angry because he can't use his words". He has had problems with ear infections in the past which is why he doesn't talk. The person who referred him said she thinks he is autistic which isn't necessarily a problem, but I don't know anything about it so I don't know how I would be able to help him. I know kids act the worst around parents but this tour just left me feeling like he wasn't a good fit for my program. I'm torn between enrolling him and giving him a chance or just leaving my spot open. I feel like if I turn them away my friend might be upset with me and I don't want that either.

Originally Posted by mamadaycare:
Mom said "he gets very angry because he can't use his words".

Personally, I would pass. :hug:

My RUN! meter went off.

I would kindly decline them if they asked if they had a spot

That would be a hard pass for me. Don’t worry about your friend being upset....you’re the one who would be dealing with the child.

Pass
 

I agree with the others and would pass on this family if you don't feel he would fit in your program. Having him join may negatively impact the whole dynamic of your current group of children.

Wait does your friend also do childcare?Then I would pass seems this child is not a good fit for your program.

Originally Posted by rosieteddy:
Wait does your friend also do childcare?Then I would pass seems this child is not a good fit for your program.

Yes she has an in home as well. He went to hers before she was laid off. But she also puts up with a lot of stuff that I refuse to. I am going to have to politely decline them. I love helping people but I need to help myself as well

Originally Posted by mamadaycare:
Yes she has an in home as well. He went to hers before she was laid off. But she also puts up with a lot of stuff that I refuse to. I am going to have to politely decline them. I love helping people but I need to help myself as well

Don't feel guilty. :hug: Your first priority is to the kids already enrolled.

I wouldn’t enroll him either.

Originally Posted by mamadaycare:
Yes she has an in home as well. He went to hers before she was laid off. But she also puts up with a lot of stuff that I refuse to. I am going to have to politely decline them. I love helping people but I need to help myself as well

Your last sentence says it all. And as someone else commented, the whole current group's dynamic will change. When enrolling a child you need to keep all of that in mind to make it work well for everybody.

If your friend is a real friend, she'll understand.

RUN!

Two times I've had bad feelings about a child after the interview but I enrolled anyway, and regretted it later.

I've learned that there are always families looking for care so I can pass on one that doesn't feel right.

I denied this family! Thank you everyone for your support and experiences. I feel SO much relief knowing that he will not be coming to my house everyday.

Originally Posted by mamadaycare:
I was referred a family by a friend that also does in home daycare. They came and toured tonight, mom was seriously so sweet. The child on the other hand was aggressive, taking toys from my kids hands, yelling in his moms face, trying to rip down my gate because he wanted to go back downstairs. Mom said "he gets very angry because he can't use his words". He has had problems with ear infections in the past which is why he doesn't talk. The person who referred him said she thinks he is autistic which isn't necessarily a problem, but I don't know anything about it so I don't know how I would be able to help him. I know kids act the worst around parents but this tour just left me feeling like he wasn't a good fit for my program. I'm torn between enrolling him and giving him a chance or just leaving my spot open. I feel like if I turn them away my friend might be upset with me and I don't want that either.

why the friend not want to take him, and referred to you instead? I think for every "friendly" referral, there is something hidden behind it.

Originally Posted by Unregistered:
why the friend not want to take him, and referred to you instead? I think for every "friendly" referral, there is something hidden behind it.

Not necessarily. I refer to other providers often because my waitlist runs over two years.

I do have to say that the kids I referred that were already enrolled here were ones who "outgrew my program". ;);) AKA: Parent wants no nap or parent wants kid out of diapers but won't do the work themselves. :ouch: BUT the one I send those to offers both services and is made aware.

Originally Posted by Unregistered:
why the friend not want to take him, and referred to you instead? I think for every "friendly" referral, there is something hidden behind it.

She said he had to leave her program because mom was laid off (she worked at a large retailer that closed all stores). She quit taking her son and my friend filled his spot because she couldn't take the hit in income. I appreciate all the referrals I can get! All the kids I have in my programs are from referrals! It isn't always a good fit, but I don't want them to stop referring either. My friend has never worked in childcare and just started her in home last year so she allows ALOT that I would never (letting parents drop off and pick up whenever they want, being over ratio, basically being a 'yes' man) I did childcare for 12 years before opening my in home so I already know how manipulative parents can be. And what kind of a shift my center would make by allowing him in.