Crying Spot Not Working For Crier (A Tad Long)
 

I have a 3 year old DCG who is currently going through a "cry over everything" phase. If she's not first, if she can't get a toy she wants, if her turn with something is over, if she's corrected, anything.

Today, she purposely whacked a wooden maraca on the table so hard it cracked like an egg. We've been over how to use the maracas. I made her come sit by me (not in time out, just within arm's reach). She bellowed the entire time, so I took her to the crying spot and told her when she's done she can come on back.

She stood in the crying spot a good 10 minutes screaming "Ms. ______, I'm finished crying!!!" but by the time she'd get to the "-ing" she was back in full wail. Then when she finally got herself together enough to leave the crying spot, she spent another 10 minutes crying under her breath!

I don't have too many criers, but for any other kid who genuinely needs a good cry, they stay in the crying spot for about 2 minutes, get a tissue and move on. She needs the crying spot at least every hour and it seems she'd rather cry so everyone can see/hear her.

Her mom knows and is supportive, but honestly, any issue I come to her with starts a 30 minute stressed-out monologue. I love that she is with me on this, but I can tell she doesn't really know and I don't want to keep stressing her out.

If anybody remembers my posts, this is the Insufferable Tattletale and the Nap Terror (has nap terrors, not is a terror :)). So I have my hands full, and I'll try anything.

Have you tried leaving her there until she truly calms down? Or try making the crying spot in a room by herself so she doesnt get the all eyes attention? Those ones are truly tough and usually not easy to change. Good luck...

I am trying to learn to ask myself in these situations, what is the payoff for the child for acting like this? Then, I remove the payoff.

It sounds like the payoff is attention. Ignore ignore ignore! If she comes up to you still crying, say nothing...just take her back. 100 times if you need to. She gets one explanation the FIRST time, and then no words.

WHen she comes back not crying, act like nothing happens and give her a friendly welcome back!

Originally Posted by bbo:
I am trying to learn to ask myself in these situations, what is the payoff for the child for acting like this? Then, I remove the payoff.

It sounds like the payoff is attention. Ignore ignore ignore! If she comes up to you still crying, say nothing...just take her back. 100 times if you need to. She gets one explanation the FIRST time, and then no words.

WHen she comes back not crying, act like nothing happens and give her a friendly welcome back!

This exactly. I was just going to say pretty much the same, but you did! Also, how long has this been happening. And is she fairly new to your Dc? I have a 3.5 yr old girl who sounds the same as yours, but she got over it, well 97% over it, in about 6 months of being with me. She came just after she turned 3.

Thanks ladies for your replies.

I agree, she does get a payoff of attention sometimes for these episodes, also with the tattling and the crying at naptime. So I remove it as much as possible.

But I don't like how it disrupts everyone else while she does this. If I leave her in the crying spot until she calms down, she just screams from there. I've had several "career screamers" over the years and I haven't figured out how stop the crying.

And she's far from new. She's been in the daycare since she was one and in my room for at least six months. This has just started in the past couple months, but when she was a toddler, she did a lot of biting, hitting, etc.

It sounds like I'm on the right track, though. All suggestions are welcome.

sounds like she is frustrated and when she doesn't get her way she starts crying, just like biting. I'm mean, I would leave her in the spot till she stopped, away from everyone. No attention equals less drama. I tried the turn your back on them, except then they would follow me everywhere crying, and it was so disruptive to the kids.

mom says she's on board, nah, because if she was this behavior would have stopped. The tattleing is attention, I now have a plastic frog that they talk too. Is she an only child, or last of the bunch, I just have a feeling that she's lacking the attention at home so she is doing these things to get attention.