Tell Me if I'm Being Unreasonable
Dcb3.5 has never told me has to use the potty. Mom swears that he uses it at home, and she knows he does not use it here. She tried sending him in underwear a few months ago and he had an accident. She stopped mentioning it up until recently. I should add that I have caught her in several lies, so I never believed that he was trained at home.
Everyday it's "you better uses the potty", "you have to use the potty today or you don't get a treat", etc. He will only use it, and maybe only 75% of the time, if I tell him to sit. He has never told me he has to go. Every diaper change, he is wet. Dcm shows up this morning and said he was in underwear all weekend. She sent him in underwear today. I'm not very optimistic, but we'll see. Dcm said "I figured if I don't put him in underwear it's never going to happen because he's being stubborn about it here." My policy is very clear on potty training that he must be trained at home first with parents, then I will assist here. It also says the child must stay in pull-ups until he/she has shown to be potty trained at daycare. I should've spoke up, but I figured I should believe her when she said he was in underwear all weekend. She told me she packed extra underwear and 2 pairs of pants. But, of course, if he has even 1 accident, he will be going in pull-ups. Should I wait to see if he has an accident then send her a reminder of my policy? How should I handle this? |
You should always enforce your own policies. If they are not important enough to have, then don't have them. :hug: It undermines your professionalism.
Second, he is pretty old to not be potty trained so I understand the frustration for both of you. How many times per day is he being taken to the potty as part of the daily schedule? Is he behind in other milestones? Has she told you of her plans for preschool attendance, yet? Pull-ups over his cloth is not an unreasonable compromise. |
Originally Posted by Cat Herder: Every diaper change I ask him if he needs to go potty. So, around 9:30, 11:45, after nap (around 2:30), and before he goes home (5:00). He is wet every time. I don't think he is behind on any milestones. We just had a 3 day weekend last weekend, and I really hoped she would work on it with him. But, instead she sent him to his grandma's house. I don't have an answer for why he would be "100% trained at home" (mom's words) but not trained at all here. He's been with me since he was 6 weeks old. She has mentioned preschool. She told him that if he goes potty he can go to school every once in a while (it's for 3 hours a day, 2 days a week.) |
Any time you waive, disregard or bend your policies you are telling parents your policies are negotiable.
If you don't want to continue having to defend your policies you need to stand behind them. This child might very well be trained at home but not at daycare. Totally common. However, being trained in daycare is YOUR goal and if he simply wets because he's wearing a Pull-up, then he isn't trained. A fully trained child does not pee in a Pull up just because he's wearing it. I have a couple of DCK's who wear Pull ups and neither of them pees in them. It's just an excuse that throws most providers off. |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: DCM says sometimes he puts his under and pants on backwards. He did it because backwards because no one took the time to show him how to do it right. Now that I showed him, he gets it right. But my question is how do I or should I change the way he sits on the toilet? I feel he would wet less on my rug and his clothes if he sat properly. (He is 3 and we use the toilet with built in potty ring only, no stool to get on with but could add one. Potty chair is also optional to add if needed.) |
Originally Posted by 284878: WHEN they switch to forward sitting and/or standing is individual for each one of them. Some ready before others so I guess that's not much help but there is definitely no one size fits all in this area of development. I hear you though on the amount that doesn't get INTO the toilet. :ouch: |
Originally Posted by 284878: After 1.5 years (3 5 years old) , he realized that he could stand up to pee :( I might have cried a little... because his aim is usually off some. |
Dear daycare providers, is it really a big deal to remind a kid to use the potty?
Any skill doesn't appear from nowhere. So, for the start, it is necessary to remind, a little later, the kid will start doing that without your reminding. |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: Reminding a child to use the potty isn't usually the issue or even where the issue starts. It starts with the parents who put their own needs ahead of their child's. But what do we know, we're just babysitters. :cool: |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: There are 12 kids here. No diapers. The three youngest ones just turned 2yo. Every two hours I just say Ray, Sebie, Jack it's time for potty. That's it. They go and do it. I am too lazy and do not want to change the diapers of 3.5yo kids. Because of that, I start potty training as soon as possible. |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: For me it’s not about me and making my life easier. It’s about the kids and teaching them independence. A gift that gives all through adulthood. It’s why I prefer tie shoes and not Velcro etc.. I remind newly trained kids to use the potty but once fully trained I’m out. It becomes their responsibility. |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: |
Potty training is such a dilemma. First of all, who has the ultimate control? The kid, of course. If you push too hard they push back. If you don't push enough they usually do nothing. And every single kid is different with their personality; do they try to please the adults in their life, do they want to be a big kid like the others, do they want to act like a baby, are they handling fears or changes in their life by regressing, are they testing each adult differently. Consistency is so important in this matter. I've had dcks slowly train, then they come in on a Monday in underwear because magically they did great over the weekend. I secretly roll my eyes and go yeh, okay, we'll see how *this* goes. Sometimes it goes great, other times not so much.
As providers we all know the signs to keep watch for to indicate they're ready. But we also need to help guide them and keep them on task because we also know how distracting life can be for them. And as far as telling us they need to go, some kids just never do. How many times have you smelled something funky and you ask a dck if they pooped, no is their answer when clearly the evidence is in their diaper. :rolleyes: It's just a kid thing. I also had in my policies that the parent has to make the initiative at home with good results, for a couple of weeks. But no underwear until they can go with no accidents. I think going back and forth with pull-ups and underwear confuses them so you need to be sure they can accomplish dryness the majority of the time. And I also think they need to be led to the potty if they're showing signs of needing it. As I said some dcks are so good at it and some need to be helped along the way. I think it's difficult to have the consistency between home and dc that's needed to make the smooth transition. Good luck with this child. :) It was one of the things I loathed about dc. :( I visited with a former dcm last night and she now has a dc of her own. She said she's got a dck who's learning to use the potty and 3x last Thursday he went in by himself, used it to poop, and made a complete mess of the bathroom. An experience like that can completely ruin your whole day. Yikes.:eek: She's learning as she goes but I'm sure we've all had days like that. And just remember our need germ warfare is #1 with this issue.:) |
He did good yesterday. He would try and nothing happened. He held it all day until pick up.
This morning, dcm brings him in and he peed his pants. She changes him and put underwear back on him. I would've put a pull up on. Curious as to how many accidents you allow or is reasonable until you put a pull up back on? |
Originally Posted by CountryRoads: ONE accident and back in Pull-ups until two full weeks dry. |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: I control the environment here. Parents DO NOT GET A SAY in my policies. Ever. The child has not demonstrated they are ready (by the lack of readiness signs), so they are not ready in this environment. I don't care what is done or shown at home. I care about here. |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: Originally Posted by Snowmom: Do they not understand that it's unsanitary to have a child pee his pants in daycare? That there are other kids around? That I don't want to throw away a cot bed because a child peed in it? That it's unfair to expect me to clean up your child's pee over and over? I think she's embarrassed because he's not trained yet and is trying to force it. I don't know if this affects anything, but she always makes threats to him. This morning it was "you're not going to get to see grandpa if you don't use the potty." I know she doesn't do anything with him at home about it. There was a 3 day weekend last week and I really hoped she would've worked with it on him if she really thinks he's ready. But instead she sent him to grandma's house. She told me that last night he went poop in the potty and she was so proud of him and she thinks he's finally getting it. But...she's been telling me for weeks that he is 100% trained at home :confused: Hence why I have a hard time believing her. I think I'm going to have to be blunt and tell her that he cannot come in underwear until he can verbally tell me he has to go here and consistently uses the potty as it's a sanitation issue. Sorry about the rambling, but this has become a very frustrating situation. |
Originally Posted by CountryRoads: You can resort to using the $300 deposit policy if necessary. It really really really works. It goes like this: DCM: "He is fully trained and ready to wear underwear" You: "Sounds good! I'll just need a $300 deposit first." DCM: "For what?" You: "I will use it for professional carpet cleaning if he has an accident on my carpet/furniture/rugs etc and if he is trained like you say and uses the toilet when prompted, necessary and/or reminded for two full weeks, I'll return the money." DCM: "Well, he better stay in Pull-ups or atleast have plastic coverings over them as maybe he isn't as fully there yet." I've never had a parent take me up on it and every parent has back peddled and agreed to have their child wear Pull ups and/or plastic coverings until I say they're free to come in underwear only. Parents start taking my lead and stop sending them in underwear without discussing it with me first. |
DCM came in with pull ups today for just turned 2 year old DCB. He peed 5 times at Grandma's and once at home in the potty. She wants to making into a big boy before she delivers in January. She cold turkeyed his pacifier away for his bday, he was addicted to that thing and it took him weeks of screaming to get over it.
He will be my first, they either come trained or get trained at home then leave for preschool. Anyways, when ever a parent starts talking potty training, I pull out the potty training check list with my policy attached, someone gave me here. They normally can not mark enough boxes to say that there child is ready. This one can't pull his pants on and off. He doesn't speak clearly enough to tell me he has to pee. So I made sure she knew that he may train faster at home then her and that's normal. |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: This^ Teaching children self- help skills is just as important as academic skills. I’d much rather have a 3.5 year old who can blow his own nose and wipe his own bottom rather than name all the dinosaurs. |
If a provider (or parent) is constantly having to TELL a child to go pee...they are not potty trained. You may not have accidents on the floor, but you are training the child that is the adult's responsibility to make sure a potty visit happens.
I do not consider a child potty trained until they have gone two full weeks dry and clean with NO prompting from me. Until then...pull ups. |
so, it just means that your facility is not participating in kids' potty training.
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Originally Posted by Unregistered: This happens AFTER a parent does 75% of the work. Most parents feel it’s a provider’s responsibility. Most parents are incorrect in that area. |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: But those providers that don’t/won’t aren’t wrong. I wish parents understood that. |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: By refusing to contaminate our home and childcare environment in feces and urine? By not supporting a parent's unreasonable demands? By pushing a child into a milestone they are not ready for? |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: I work on potty training with kids when I feel that they are ready. When they are ready, training happens quickly. With my own child, I threw away his overnight diaper and told him that we weren't using diapers anymore and that he would be using the toilet from now on. He never had an accident and never had to be told to use the toilet after that. Most of my daycare kids trained the same way. I have a 3.5 year old boy with delays who would cry when we talked about using the potty. We worked on self help skills and dressing himself and things like that that have to be mastered before potty training. Today, I took him to the bathroom and he cried that he wanted to go home. I asked him to sit on the toilet to see if he knew how. He peed. He celebrated. He left here with dry pants all day. He used the toilet all day. I didn't remind him once. |
After taking a "mostly" potty trained 21 month old dcb, I realized that the whole "if you have to remind they aren't really potty trained" is pretty dang true. Several pee pee accidents a week, sometimes several per day, and even poop ones occasionally! (And one poop during naptime about once per week. -But, he wears a diaper at nap so no biggie.)
He never tells me he needs to go potty. I have to remind. He has his good days about 50 percent of the time with zero accidents. But I just dont consider him potty trained. He STILL isnt at 2.5! And he still doesnt ask to go even though he is so verbal now. With my daughter I trained her in literally one or two days - she had one accident the second day and since then - she is trained. I didn't start her until she was 34 months. With my small daycare I really dont mind catering to parents a bit. But if I had any more kids than five....no way. And, personally, I wouldnt have the patience for it as a parent either! Soo many accidents! I tried training my daughter around 2.5 and she had a couple accidents and just didnt get it and I was like "forget this!" But I just had a feeling at almost 3 she was definitely ready -and she was. |
if you would wait till her 48mo, she would take her diaper off by herself and get trained in one minute without your involving. Even easier to start potty training when kid is 5yo.
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Originally Posted by Lux: Thankfully with their second kid I think they have learned that their methods are not good. No elimination communication at all, no constipation either. |
"100% potty trained at home" means the child gets reminded all day long...goes....and there are therefore no wet pants.
But the child isn't potty trained. The child is taking no responsibility at all. It has learned to rely on a reminder from an adult. No reminder = wet pants. A child is not trained until they are always going on their own with no reminders. |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: Are you saying that you can get a drivers license even though you need constant reminders on how to do it? You have to be able to do it on your own or you're not the one doing it. |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: An instructor teaches you how to drive. It is as an example of a daycare, that is participating to potty training from the start of the process to the end. |
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