Parent Text, How to Respond
 

DCM sent me a text asking why I don't allow my DD to see her DD (who is not enrolled) when she picks up her son. DCM brought her DD in to pick up her DS, and her DD asked to see my DD. I told her she was in her room. DCM's DD fussed a little bit and said she never gets to see my DD. I wished them a good night and went about my evening.

Few minutes later I get a text from DCM telling me her DD has been crying wince they left because she couldn't see my DD and DCM doesn't understand why my DD is always in her room when they come.

How do I respond to this?

DD leaves the room for a few reasons.

1) she acts out when parents are here. We all know our children do this

2) DD is 6. She is old enough to understand what I am saying to parents in regard to their chikds day and it's a privacy issue.

3) It's my BUSINESS. If I don't want my DD in the classroom at arrival and departure times, she won't be.

I probably wouldn't even respond, you don't owe the mom an explanation and her child doesn't need on either!

I'd just tell her it's nothing personal, that your kiddos enjoy a little "me" time so you can give 100% of your focus to work and your daycare children and families at drop off and pick up time.

But really ... sounds like someone(s) overreacted.

"She is doing her homework before family dinner. "

Also, she does not work here. :p

"My dd has friends visiting after school who cry if she doesn't play with them and give them her undivided attention. If she came out to see your daughter they would cry. That would be so upsetting to their mothers. I'm sure you understand."

"If you have any questions regarding DS and his care, I will be happy to answer them."

Thanks everyone.

I emailed and told her it was due to privacy reasons and my DD completing her nightly homework and chores so we could spend family time together without distractions. And it's true. Parents and I discuss a lot of private stuff in regard to their children at pick up and drop off times. DD is old enough to understand what is being talked about and it's none of DD's business. In addition, I have 2 hours between the end of work and my children's bedtime to spend with them. It is filled with dinner, bath, stories, play time, talking about our day, etc. If homework/chores aren't done prior to that then that takes away from our uninterrupted family time :(

What upset me the most, was she made this personal. Asked if her daughter did something to upset me or my DD and that's why I made no offer for my DD to come out and say hi to her DD. DCM was upset because her child was crying at not seeing my DD....but mom did not ask permission or get an okay with me before saying anything to her DD. How can she get upset at me for promising her DD something without checking with me first?

Originally Posted by nannyde:
"My dd has friends visiting after school who cry if she doesn't play with them and give them her undivided attention. If she came out to see your daughter they would cry. That would be so upsetting to their mothers. I'm sure you understand."

:lol: :lol: :lol:

She probably gets easily offended and is now passing that trait onto her kid. As a mom I would have listed a million reasons to my child as to why your DD was not available and told her to get over it and never in a million years would I have taken this personally! Some people think everything is about them.

Originally Posted by Ariana:
She probably gets easily offended and is now passing that trait onto her kid. As a mom I would have listed a million reasons to my child as to why your DD was not available and told her to get over it and never in a million years would I have taken this personally! Some people think everything is about them.

SO true. Tears. Manipulates mom every time.:rolleyes:

Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
"She is doing her homework before family dinner. "

Also, she does not work here. :p

Yep.

And this is why I started sending my own kids to preschool, camps, lessons, and even play dates, etc. during day care. Parents truly start thinking your kids/family is part of the "package" they pay for. :rolleyes:
I had a parent be shocked that I closed on a Federal holiday when my kids were little, because even though they were off they wanted to send their DD in. They even said to me "it's not like you won't have any kids!" :rolleyes:
Part of why I keep everything separate. ;)

Originally Posted by Play Care:
I had a parent be shocked that I closed on a Federal holiday when my kids were little, because even though they were off they wanted to send their DD in. They even said to me "it's not like you won't have any kids!" :rolleyes:

I know I would've shrugged something like that off but oh the replies I'd come up with after the fact. Just makes you wonder why some parents become parents. Honestly wonder.

Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
"She is doing her homework before family dinner. "

Also, she does not work here. :p

likethislikethislikethislikethis

Why didn't DCM extend an invite to your DD to play with her DD on HER watch if her child is so upset?

Originally Posted by Ariana:
She probably gets easily offended and is now passing that trait onto her kid. As a mom I would have listed a million reasons to my child as to why your DD was not available and told her to get over it and never in a million years would I have taken this personally! Some people think everything is about them.

Absolutely. This isn't the first time I have not allowed DD to come out when DCM's DD requested it. I would have thought mom would have gotten the hint and told her own DD not to ask or to remain in the car :confused:

Originally Posted by Play Care:
Yep.

And this is why I started sending my own kids to preschool, camps, lessons, and even play dates, etc. during day care. Parents truly start thinking your kids/family is part of the "package" they pay for. :rolleyes:
I had a parent be shocked that I closed on a Federal holiday when my kids were little, because even though they were off they wanted to send their DD in. They even said to me "it's not like you won't have any kids!" :rolleyes:
Part of why I keep everything separate. ;)

I would love to be able to send her to a camp, lesson, etc during part of DC hours but can't. I don't transport my DCK's and there would be no way to get D to/from the camp, lesson, etc. So we manage here :)

But yes, totally, parents start to think your child(ren) are part of what they pay for. My DD lives here. This is her home. And although she loves the DCK's and enjoys spending time with them she is not a regular part of DC due to her own commitments and responsibilities.

And privacy!!! Mom is an RN so I would think (?) she would get that. A DCP is not going to look at me and ask if I can send my child to another room so they can talk to me about custody arrangements, behavior issues, payment issues, etc. So it is up to ME to ensure that she is already out the room so parents have the opportunity to discuss those issues with me. Because that is what they pay for ;)

I can tell mom was not satisfied with my explanation. She usually uses exclamation points and smiley faces in her correspondence. This time there was none of that in her response.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Why didn't DCM extend an invite to your DD to play with her DD on HER watch if her child is so upset?

She did not do it on this particular occasion, but she has offered to watch my kids before. I did not ask nor did I take her up on it. Just thanked her for her offer.

But yes, if her DD is this upset then DCM saying "Hey, my DD really misses your DD. Can we host your DD at our house for a play date on X day?" Would have solved that.

I’d be too annoyed To pay it any more mind. Honestly I think I’d of ignored her in irritation. Though your answer was great so good on you.

This is a special snowflake parent, putting stress on you for no reason. It’s none of her business and not her place to put you on the spot like that just because her daughter is upset.
If she were a considerate parent she would have been more than happy with your answer and realized “oh right! My daycare provider and her kids have their own lives and family time they’ll look forward to.”
She would have apologized and been Normal in her response.
She’s just showing her ass.

Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
DCM sent me a text asking why I don't allow my DD to see her DD (who is not enrolled) when she picks up her son. DCM brought her DD in to pick up her DS, and her DD asked to see my DD. I told her she was in her room. DCM's DD fussed a little bit and said she never gets to see my DD. I wished them a good night and went about my evening.

Few minutes later I get a text from DCM telling me her DD has been crying wince they left because she couldn't see my DD and DCM doesn't understand why my DD is always in her room when they come.

How do I respond to this?

DD leaves the room for a few reasons.

1) she acts out when parents are here. We all know our children do this

2) DD is 6. She is old enough to understand what I am saying to parents in regard to their chikds day and it's a privacy issue.

3) It's my BUSINESS. If I don't want my DD in the classroom at arrival and departure times, she won't be.

Wow alert the presses, her precious snowflake was crying? Oh my gosh. How old is her child? Why doesn't she explain to her child that your child isn't there to entertain at pickup times. This lady has some guts really. I would just say that your daughter is doing homework period. You really don't need to explain anything about your family.

So... mom gave her 2 week notice tonight. Sent me a text and said "please don't take it personal and it has nothing to do with yesterday."

Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
So... mom gave her 2 week notice tonight. Sent me a text and said "please don't take it personal and it has nothing to do with yesterday."

Oh my gosh!!!! How long has she been with you? What was her reason for giving you 2 weeks notice?

Maybe something was going on with her job and that's why she was so testy with you?

Start advertising tonight, and keep the next two weeks very professional business like. Things will be more peaceful soon.

Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Oh my gosh!!!! How long has she been with you? What was her reason for giving you 2 weeks notice?

Maybe something was going on with her job and that's why she was so testy with you?

Been with me for 10 months. DCB is 2.75 and I am his 5th provider. So, I guess I'm not totally surprised?

Although they gave zero indication of being unhappy. No complaints, questions, nothing. Yesterday, with my DD, was the first incident.

Mom sighted DCB having the opportunity to spend time with friends from karate via summer camp. DCB mentioned something about going to Mrs. X house. I didn't think much of it at the time. But now looking back, Mrs. X is a local provider with an opening.

Just out of curiosity, does Mrs. X have children of her own?

Originally Posted by redmaple:
Just out of curiosity, does Mrs. X have children of her own?

Yes, a younger daughter.

Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Been with me for 10 months. DCB is 2.75 and I am his 5th provider. So, I guess I'm not totally surprised?

Although they gave zero indication of being unhappy. No complaints, questions, nothing. Yesterday, with my DD, was the first incident.

Mom sighted DCB having the opportunity to spend time with friends from karate via summer camp. DCB mentioned something about going to Mrs. X house. I didn't think much of it at the time. But now looking back, Mrs. X is a local provider with an opening.

Oh boy. 5 providers and he's not even 3? I think I would tell her 2 weeks isn't needed, she can leave right now. Good luck Mrs. X

Poor little boy—he doesn’t have the opportunity to bond with a provider before he’s moved to the next one.

I wonder if dcm is changing because she’s embarrassed about her own behavior.

Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Been with me for 10 months. DCB is 2.75 and I am his 5th provider. So, I guess I'm not totally surprised?

Although they gave zero indication of being unhappy. No complaints, questions, nothing. Yesterday, with my DD, was the first incident.

Mom sighted DCB having the opportunity to spend time with friends from karate via summer camp. DCB mentioned something about going to Mrs. X house. I didn't think much of it at the time. But now looking back, Mrs. X is a local provider with an opening.

Just to clarify, today was the first day DCB mentioned Mrs. X.

I don't know. I am super bummed though. I tried to do what was best business wise, and it didn't go over well. Damned if you do and don't type of situation I guess.

For me you don't owe them an explanation. It's your DD and you have the right who she would talk or even play because you're the mother. Maybe she just gets offended easily.

Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Just to clarify, today was the first day DCB mentioned Mrs. X.

I don't know. I am super bummed though. I tried to do what was best business wise, and it didn't go over well. Damned if you do and don't type of situation I guess.

I doubt she had a new daycare lined up due to something that happened the day before. Sounds like something else was up with her well before that and if she's been through that many daycares, then she has issues. It's nothing you did. You did nothing wrong at all. Maybe she thought she could get snippy with you about your daughter because she already knew she was leaving.

Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
I doubt she had a new daycare lined up due to something that happened the day before. Sounds like something else was up with her well before that and if she's been through that many daycares, then she has issues. It's nothing you did. You did nothing wrong at all. Maybe she thought she could get snippy with you about your daughter because she already knew she was leaving.

This sounds most likely. It could have been something as simple as $5 less per week or they allowed her to "do" some trivial annoyance that seems "important" to her now.

Sorry it happened but glad you won't have to deal with her. Most likely her drama meter is just starting to kick up.

Wait! They were with you less than a year and there's drama because her dd is soooooo attached to yours?

The award for best actress in a drama goes to...

Day care mom!!!! :lol::lol:

I agree with Cat Herder, I wouldn't be sorry to see them go.

Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Just to clarify, today was the first day DCB mentioned Mrs. X.

I don't know. I am super bummed though. I tried to do what was best business wise, and it didn't go over well. Damned if you do and don't type of situation I guess.

Oh hey....don't be bummed. Always be glad you did what is best for your business. It is YOUR business and parents will teach you over and over that they will ALWAYS do what's best for them so there really is no emotion that should be put into play here.

She more than likely already had plans to move due to money, your DD or her wanting to be the one in charge...whatever...she's clearly had no issues moving from care to care so I would most definitely not take any of it personal. If it were personal you more than likely would've been her first or second provider not the 5th...kwim?

That (being the 5th provider) should have been a clue that you set aside while they were in care knowing full well (due to being 5th) that they will at some point up and pull their child from care. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior in many cases.

Either way, I'd not give it another thought.

I'll miss you DCB but life goes on....find a replacement and view the whole thing as a positive... It won't be you or your DD that DCM is guilt tripping into being playmates to her DD so.... it's probably a good thing.

Plus if you handle it 100% business (towards DCM anyways) and not let on that you are bummed at all or that you'll miss DCB that lack of sadness at their departure will more than likely bother DCM. :ouch::lol:

I'm sorry this went down this way though...I too hate the change up when any kid leaves and a new one starts.

:hug:

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Oh hey....don't be bummed. Always be glad you did what is best for your business. It is YOUR business and parents will teach you over and over that they will ALWAYS do what's best for them so there really is no emotion that should be put into play here.

She more than likely already had plans to move due to money, your DD or her wanting to be the one in charge...whatever...she's clearly had no issues moving from care to care so I would most definitely not take any of it personal. If it were personal you more than likely would've been her first or second provider not the 5th...kwim?

That (being the 5th provider) should have been a clue that you set aside while they were in care knowing full well (due to being 5th) that they will at some point up and pull their child from care. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior in many cases.

Either way, I'd not give it another thought.

I'll miss you DCB but life goes on....find a replacement and view the whole thing as a positive... It won't be you or your DD that DCM is guilt tripping into being playmates to her DD so.... it's probably a good thing.

Plus if you handle it 100% business (towards DCM anyways) and not let on that you are bummed at all or that you'll miss DCB that lack of sadness at their departure will more than likely bother DCM. :ouch::lol:

I'm sorry this went down this way though...I too hate the change up when any kid leaves and a new one starts.

:hug:

When I enrolled, I kept this in the back of my mind. Told myself she would be here about 6 months, then leave as that was the average time she spent with a provider. But, as the days passed and the compliments flowed....it was pushed aside and I felt like maybe I would be the provider to change that behavior. :lol:

Sort of like feeling like you could be the girl who changes the guy. It never works out well.

My two half day kids also gave notice, and will no longer attend once summer begins. So, beginning in August I will be down to 2 children (4 is max.) Which is funny, because looking at my past posts I was also down to 2 children September 2017.

I am thankful for the time I had with full enrollment and have started advertising. Funny how one day you are thinking of letting someone go because you are full, and the very next day you have 2 open spots.