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-   -   Have You Ever Felt Badly About a Term? (https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=75345)

Shell 12-30-2014 11:11 AM

Have You Ever Felt Badly About a Term?
 
If you've read my other posts, you would know that this family needed to go. I expected dcm to flip out and be angry, but she took it so well that I feel horrible about it and feel like a real (b) witch. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

NoMoreJuice! 12-30-2014 11:20 AM

The only time I've ever termed was because I could not, after a whole year, put up with a disrespectful dcm. I do feel terribly guilty about losing dcg, especially when dcd mentioned afterwards that she misses her friends. A little guilt and second-guessing is just human nature I guess.

DaveA 12-30-2014 11:29 AM

Honestly- No. I don't term often, so if I do it means something isn't working and isn't likely to improve. It's almost always because of idiot DCPs. I've only termed once over DCK behavior and in that case the adults were pains, so no guilty feeling there.

SignMeUp 12-30-2014 11:48 AM

I felt bad that I couldn't 'make it' work out.
But I wouldn't have re-made the decision.

midaycare 12-30-2014 12:00 PM

I felt bad when I had to term my best (now ex) friend's son. He was SA and horrible. I knew that going in, but wanted to help her and DS loves playing with her boy. They are the same age. It ended our friendship but ... it is what it is. I tried my best.

daycare 12-30-2014 12:43 PM

i think because we truly care about these families both good and naughty ones, it's just not possible to not feel bad.

I have termed for both parental reasons and children. I always feel bad in some way. I feel bad that the child is so out of control and the parents don't realize the problems they are creating for their children. I feel bad for the kids when their parents have their heads in the sand, it's not the kid fault.

No matter why it happened I always seem to feel bad in some way, but I don't lose sleep over it....lol

daycarediva 12-30-2014 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daycare (Post 515124)
i think because we truly care about these families both good and naughty ones, it's just not possible to not feel bad.

I have termed for both parental reasons and children. I always feel bad in some way. I feel bad that the child is so out of control and the parents don't realize the problems they are creating for their children. I feel bad for the kids when their parents have their heads in the sand, it's not the kid fault.

No matter why it happened I always seem to feel bad in some way, but I don't lose sleep over it....lol

This. I've termed more in the last year than ever before. I want parents who respect me/policies, and kids who are a good fit. I no longer will put myself through repeated/over the top parental rudeness and/or behavior that is over the top without improvement in a specified time frame.

I do feel bad, I don't LIKE delivering bad news. I feel bad, and then I move on knowing I did the right thing.

KiddieCahoots 12-30-2014 02:48 PM

Yup! Even for the extreme situations, where they just really had to go. I always start to second guess myself, wondering if there were something else I could've, should've, or would've done.
But.....
Seems like it passes soon enough, then hind sight kicks in, and you sigh that breath of relief.
Wait for it Shell, it'll come ;)

daycare 12-30-2014 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots (Post 515174)
Yup! Even for the extreme situations, where they just really had to go. I always start to second guess myself, wondering if there were something else I could've, should've, or would've done.
But.....
Seems like it passes soon enough, then hind sight kicks in, and you sigh that breath of relief.
Wait for it Shell, it'll come ;)

so so very true...while I may have felt bad about having to term, I have never regretted my decision.

sharlan 12-30-2014 03:23 PM

Yes, I have. I have only termed 2 families in my 30 plus years.

One, I have no regrets. The other upsets me after 8 years.

I absolutely loved the mother, loved 2 of the kids, but liked the 3rd. The eldest starting making up lies. I termed with no notice - come get your kid, he's gone type of notice. I felt bad because I knew it was really a bad time for me to dump things on her, but I had to protect myself and my family.

CraftyMom 12-30-2014 03:39 PM

The first one I did not feel bad about...I only felt bad that I let him stay 3 whole days...he should have been gone the first day

Then I had 2 other mutual agreements that it wasn't a good fit. I tried in each case to work it out, longer than I should have, which made me miserable. I feel bad that I couldn't make it work because I really liked the parents in each case, but just didn't mesh with the kids.

If a situation is bad enough to term, then don't feel bad. You would be miserable if they stayed.

Unregistered 12-30-2014 04:14 PM

No. Parents leave at the drop of a hat and don't feel bad. Most of the time I've terminated, because the child either wasn't ready for daycare or had "issues". There are places for a two year old who can't talk and barely walks. It's not my home. The best is there is free services, but the parents want to pretend their child is "normal".When being here doesn't benefit the child or the child is making others have a bad time here, it's time for them to go else where. For anyone who feels bad, I was a teacher in a public school preschool for many years. Not all children belong in the same setting. When you "force" them to, it usually just ends up hurting the others. I think it's better to term too "early" then to say keep the child and they do something that scars the other children emotionally or physically.

Shell 12-30-2014 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots (Post 515174)
Yup! Even for the extreme situations, where they just really had to go. I always start to second guess myself, wondering if there were something else I could've, should've, or would've done.
But.....
Seems like it passes soon enough, then hind sight kicks in, and you sigh that breath of relief.
Wait for it Shell, it'll come ;)

Thanks, I needed to hear that! Thank you to everyone that responded- this is one of the tougher aspects of this job!

Unregistered 12-30-2014 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharlan (Post 515188)
Yes, I have. I have only termed 2 families in my 30 plus years.

One, I have no regrets. The other upsets me after 8 years.

I absolutely loved the mother, loved 2 of the kids, but liked the 3rd. The eldest starting making up lies. I termed with no notice - come get your kid, he's gone type of notice. I felt bad because I knew it was really a bad time for me to dump things on her, but I had to protect myself and my family.

THIS! I terminated a child the day of when he claimed I called him a ret@rd. The "funny" thing is he kept saying that word and how other adults in his life call him that. My husband, a police officer, actually said he thinks he was trying to put the word in my mouth. Like reverse psychology. Children like that are evil and I have no problem saying so. I'm hyper aware ever since in my area there was a teacher arrested for "raping" two girls. It was in the papers in my town. He killed himself. A few months later, it was made public that the girls later confessed they made it up because they were bored. Hell, there are videos on Youtube about how to lie and get teachers fired made by teens. Sometimes, I think we have to be the "boom". Too many children coast by on this bad behavior and claim "I don't know" or "No one ever told me". Then, when they end up a parent at 16 or in jail at 18, no one knows why.

grateday 01-01-2015 08:08 PM

liars
 
Only one out of the 3 in my 3 years of providing childcare did I feel bad about but I don't regret it. Termed because mother lied and I caught mother in lie because father said something.

Because of mothers lie, my son was very ill and ended up taken to the emergency room and I had to close daycare for many days and other children would be absent the subsequent week.

**dose and drop flu**********

So angry and termed and it was one of my sons best friends. He still misses his friend and I miss his friend, but I don't miss my son nearly dead because of it!!!!!! Protect your family and protect your childcare families from people who break policies or try to fly under the radar.

A liar is a liar and does not usually stop

Janiam 01-02-2015 03:09 PM

I have only termed one family in 20 years. I had no regrets in fact, it was quite liberating! DCM/teacher refused to come pick up sick child. She said he had an upset stomach at drop off. DCB said he had a fever of 101 last night. Of course he started throwing up all over the place right when I needed to take kids out to the bus. She finally picked up after a few angry calls ...termed on the spot. My DD told me he was at school later that day throwing up in the hall. DCM sends me a nasty letter saying how judgmental I am and the reasons why they live in a luxury yurt! I couldn't have cared less about their living arrangements, to each their own. Take care of your own child when they are sick and show some respect to your provider , the other families and the whole entire school. Nope.... didn't feel bad, but I won't take teachers kids either.

Blackcat31 01-02-2015 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shell (Post 515091)
If you've read my other posts, you would know that this family needed to go. I expected dcm to flip out and be angry, but she took it so well that I feel horrible about it and feel like a real (b) witch. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

See, if you could predict the behaviors of these kinds of parents we wouldn't have to term them. LOL!

Seriously, parents react oddly for lots of reasons....sometimes they already knew the term was coming, sometimes they are relieved or maybe they are just not sure what to say.

If you were professional (even if you were firm) its all good. It's hard not to feel bad but I wouldn't look back as previous poster is correct, this too shall pass. ;)

Unregistered 01-02-2015 04:17 PM

The only term I had so far I do not feel bad about. Now I have less stressful days and enjoy my time with the other children. I kept the sibling and wish I termed both of them because dcm is driving me nuts. Hopefully they will be leaving soon.


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