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-   -   Any Tips On Awkward Last Days? (https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=75473)

Indoorvoice 01-07-2015 01:13 PM

Any Tips On Awkward Last Days?
 
I wrote a week or 2 ago about terming a family I have who are also close friends of ours. I wasn't having any major issues with them, but I'm in a position where I need all full time families right now to make my numbers work. I offered them full time and they didn't want to take it so I told them up front that I would be advertising to find a full time family. When I actually found someone, the term did not go very smoothly. The mom was upset that I didn't give them the option to go full time again. It wasn't the worst ever by any means, but mom is not very happy with me. I gave them a whole month and told them their last day would be at the end of January. Mom texted last night saying today would be their last day. This whole day I have a pit in the bottom of my stomach. I just feel sick over it. I feel bad that a business decision had to be made at my friend's expense, I feel bad that she didn't even try to understand what I'm going through or why I had to make this decision, and I feel bad that I didn't want to try other things to make this work. I don't know how pick-up will go, but I imagine it will be awkward. Dad is picking up and has not had one thing to say about this whole situation, so I'm not sure what he is even thinking. What do you say to families as they leave for the last time? Is there anything I can say to make this better or less awkward, or should I just keep it business as usual? I made a DVD of pictures for my last family who left me on good terms, but DH said that was in poor taste in this situation because I am the one doing the terming in this case. I don't know what my question is exactly, I'm just looking any experience you may have had with terming friends, good or bad and maybe what I should say to them as they walk out the door... "I will miss you" or "bye see ya later"?? Ugh!

TheGoodLife 01-07-2015 01:22 PM

I know it's hard, but try not to feel bad. She was putting you in a bad situation asking you to lose money and keep them PT; you offered her a FT spot once that she declined. YOU have done nothing wrong. You don't need to take a financial hit for the benefit of a friend, nor should they ask/expect you to. Try to stay positive and keep it simple; maybe, "Bye DCK, we will miss you! See you later!" Smile at DCD and act normal :)

I'd be offended at the no-notice (I require 4 weeks and would hold that, but that's just my business side talking ;) ) but DCM obviously feels she needs to get back at you for not doing what she wants. Maybe a sit-down later after things cool off, and explain that you had to do what your business required and that you couldn't take a financial hit in the name of friendship and understand that she chose not to go to PT for the same reason. I'd urge you to keep in the back of your mind, though, a REAL friend would not ask nor expect you to lose money for them! That is wrong on her part and hopefully she will understand that and the friendship can remain intact! :hug:

butterfly 01-07-2015 01:27 PM

I would just say "thank you, goodbye"

I wouldn't get into any other conversation, unless they initiate it.

Unregistered 01-07-2015 01:32 PM

Since you were close friends prior to this going down, if it were me I would try to pretend like we still are. Sometimes, ignorance (real or otherwise) is bliss. I would give the child a big hug, saying how much I and all his/her friends are going to miss him/her at daycare. Then, say something to DCD along the lines of seeing them real soon, or giving them a call, or any other normal thing that close friends say to each other.

DCM is just temporarily mad because she didn't get her way. If she's snippy, just remind her it was only business and not personal against her or her child.

daycare 01-07-2015 01:50 PM

I would say business as usual. I agree, a friend would not do this to you and would understand that you need to run your business.


I personally would have still made the pic cd. Unless the term was because of lack of payment or broken rules, then I would not.


I would maybe email her after today and tell her.

It seems like you guys are upset with me, I hope you can understand that I have to do what is best for my business regardless of a business or personal relationship. Of course, should you ever need full time care in the future, I would love to have you guys come back. Just as much as I understand your need for PT care, I hope you guys can understand my need to only provide full time care.

something like that. If they don't talk to you again, then it's not a friend you want anyways........

Play Care 01-07-2015 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 516434)
Since you were close friends prior to this going down, if it were me I would try to pretend like we still are. Sometimes, ignorance (real or otherwise) is bliss. I would give the child a big hug, saying how much I and all his/her friends are going to miss him/her at daycare. Then, say something to DCD along the lines of seeing them real soon, or giving them a call, or any other normal thing that close friends say to each other.

DCM is just temporarily mad because she didn't get her way. If she's snippy, just remind her it was only business and not personal against her or her child.

I like this!

Indoorvoice 01-07-2015 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 516434)
Since you were close friends prior to this going down, if it were me I would try to pretend like we still are. Sometimes, ignorance (real or otherwise) is bliss. I would give the child a big hug, saying how much I and all his/her friends are going to miss him/her at daycare. Then, say something to DCD along the lines of seeing them real soon, or giving them a call, or any other normal thing that close friends say to each other.

DCM is just temporarily mad because she didn't get her way. If she's snippy, just remind her it was only business and not personal against her or her child.

Thanks, I did do this, and it went smoothly. DCD didn't say anything about the term and they just left as usual. We are supposed to go out with them Saturday so we'll see how that goes! haha!

Shell 01-07-2015 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indoorvoice (Post 516462)
Thanks, I did do this, and it went smoothly. DCD didn't say anything about the term and they just left as usual. We are supposed to go out with them Saturday so we'll see how that goes! haha!

Wow! I didn't realize just how close you were with this family. I had to term a family that became our good friends, and our ds and theirs became best friends, too. It was an awkward month waiting for them to leave (they were pt, so it wasn't all that much time). Dcm sent dcg who rarely ever picked up. I handed him dcb's diapers and belongings and said goodbye. Dcd didn't say a word. It took 2 years or so, but we are friends again :lol:

Indoorvoice 01-08-2015 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shell (Post 516490)
Wow! I didn't realize just how close you were with this family. I had to term a family that became our good friends, and our ds and theirs became best friends, too. It was an awkward month waiting for them to leave (they were pt, so it wasn't all that much time). Dcm sent dcg who rarely ever picked up. I handed him dcb's diapers and belongings and said goodbye. Dcd didn't say a word. It took 2 years or so, but we are friends again :lol:

I'm glad to hear that it's possible this will work out. I had no idea how much drama this would cause when I decided to term. I guess I just thought she would understand since I was very honest about my intentions AND they already have a nanny who comes the days I wasn't watching them so it's not like it would be hard to find care. She even told me the nanny had asked to go full time not too long ago.I just don't understand the need for drama in this situation! It works out for EVERYONE!

Play Care 01-08-2015 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indoorvoice (Post 516518)
I'm glad to hear that it's possible this will work out. I had no idea how much drama this would cause when I decided to term. I guess I just thought she would understand since I was very honest about my intentions AND they already have a nanny who comes the days I wasn't watching them so it's not like it would be hard to find care. She even told me the nanny had asked to go full time not too long ago.I just don't understand the need for drama in this situation! It works out for EVERYONE!

I think it's the combo of change and being told they're done. Parents like to be in charge of the "sitter" and it irks them when they get the boot. Even if the have other care options:ouch:

MOM OF 4 01-08-2015 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indoorvoice (Post 516426)
I wrote a week or 2 ago about terming a family I have who are also close friends of ours. I wasn't having any major issues with them, but I'm in a position where I need all full time families right now to make my numbers work. I offered them full time and they didn't want to take it so I told them up front that I would be advertising to find a full time family. When I actually found someone, the term did not go very smoothly. The mom was upset that I didn't give them the option to go full time again. It wasn't the worst ever by any means, but mom is not very happy with me. I gave them a whole month and told them their last day would be at the end of January. Mom texted last night saying today would be their last day. This whole day I have a pit in the bottom of my stomach. I just feel sick over it. I feel bad that a business decision had to be made at my friend's expense, I feel bad that she didn't even try to understand what I'm going through or why I had to make this decision, and I feel bad that I didn't want to try other things to make this work. I don't know how pick-up will go, but I imagine it will be awkward. Dad is picking up and has not had one thing to say about this whole situation, so I'm not sure what he is even thinking. What do you say to families as they leave for the last time? Is there anything I can say to make this better or less awkward, or should I just keep it business as usual? I made a DVD of pictures for my last family who left me on good terms, but DH said that was in poor taste in this situation because I am the one doing the terming in this case. I don't know what my question is exactly, I'm just looking any experience you may have had with terming friends, good or bad and maybe what I should say to them as they walk out the door... "I will miss you" or "bye see ya later"?? Ugh!

I wouldn't feel bad at all. First, think about your friendship. If she were a TRUE friend to begin with, she would not have asked/expected you to take a hit like you were doing for much longer. You did her a BIG FAVOR for a long time, and that she should be grateful for. Secondly, you DID offer the spot, and SHE declined. How many times are you to offer spots? You told her after the declination, you were interviewing, you did so, and you filled the spot. This was not a big secret. Why would you interview and tell the next person "welcome" only to have to tell them "Oops, never mind, my friend changed her mind, so you can't start". That's bad business. Third, your friend KNEW you were looking and at ANY time she could have come to YOU and said "Have you filled spots yet? No? Well, I wanted to chat about maybe taking a FT spot after all..." She did not, so now she put HERSELF in a position where she lost her spot. None of this is your fault.

It sounds like you did the RIGHT thing at pickup. If she still wants to continue the friendship outside the daycare, then that's great! If not, then you know how solid your friendship wasn't to begin with...

I would also advise: in the future, do not do business with friends. Maybe on a "drop in" emergency basis only, but I would never do FT with them.


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