DCM In Car Accident; Wants Extended Hours. WWYD?
 

Here's the scenario:

DCB 3 and DCB1 are brothers in care. They have a contracted pickup time of 4pm, with the exception of 5:00pm pickup twice a month with a week's notice.

Their mother was in a car accident this past weekend. She is going to be OK, but there is soft tissue bruising and she is off work for the next 2.5 weeks at least. This means that her DH needs to do dropoff/pickup instead and the hours he requires would be a 5:30-6pm pickup time. It varies because he is in customer service and could get stuck with a customer.

For M-Wed of this week I have accomodated the later pickup because she said that it would only be until today, but her doc said today that she is not to work for another 2 weeks.

All of my other DCKs are picked up by 4pm. In order to accomodate a pickup later than 5pm I have to call in favours from my MIL to take my children to their evening extracurriculars. The later pickup leaves me feeling frazzled and out of sorts. I feel like my evenings are shot. I accepted this when I thought it would be twice but I'm not sure I can be a good mother/provider with this later pickup for two weeks straight.

I am feeling very torn. The parents are nice enough. The boys are high energy and take a lot out of me but ultimately they are nice children. I feel so badly that she was injured and needs time off. I feel like I SHOULD try to pull strings. But I don't want to use all my emergency resources for their family when something could happen to my own family and I'll need my MIL's support then.

WWYD? I'm sure they will pull if I cannot accomodate. This would not ruin me financially. But does it make me a heartless b*tch? Ugggggggg!!! I'm so torn and sad and stressed about this.

One thing that I can say that I have learned, is that DONT LET OTHER PEOPLES PROBLEMS BECOME YOUR PROBLEMS. This is not your problem.

If I were you, I would have a heart to heart with mom and tell her how sorry you are that this happened to her, however, you are just not able to extend your hours an further. Let he know why and let her know that you have done everything that you can to help them. YOu need to tell her that you can only accommodate them until *** time that works for you.

Is there any way that dad can go into work earlier and get off earlier so that he can pick up on time. Have the dad talk to his boss and see if his boss can help them out. YOU already did what YOU can do.....

let them know that you have tapped out your resources for help that you used to help her and you no longer have that help. It is also not fair to your children to have to forgo their extra curricular activities so that you can care for her children past normal business hours.

OR the only other thing I can advise is for you to charge her more money per day for the next two weeks that would make it more beneficial to you...

But once again, this is their problem, not yours

I don't know.... Soft Tissue Bruising is preventing her from being a Mom?

Sounds off to me.

Would she be willing to pick up early every day for two weeks without a discount if the roles were reversed?

This is really tough spot to be in. I think it was really nice of you to accommodate for this week but can you tell her what you've told us? I'm sure she would be understanding if they're nice people. Maybe she's just asking you but has other people who can help out? My DCM always asks me first for this type of thing but also lets me know that if I can't she has others that can do it (late pick ups, getting kids off bus etc). I'd simply let her know what you've told us and ask if there is anyone else that can pick up the kids besides the dad.

I agree that it's just not your problem and her problems are creating stress in your life and that's just not fair :(

I would not keep them for the extra time. I had a family do this to me once. Both the DCM and I were pregnant, and she was on "modified bed rest." I started keeping her son until the father could pick up - sometimes as late as 6:30 (I am always closed by 4:00). I told them I would do it short term. Then I started seeing that mom was shopping (she would post it on facebook). When I told them I had to start ending my day at 4:00, I got a HORRIBLE letter from the DCD, calling me a terrible, heartless person. Mind you, I was working an extra 10 hours a week for this family to help out, and I was also pregnant.

From that point on, I have learned to never extend my day for anything more than an emergency situation. It is her responsibility to figure out a way to make it work. Doesn't she have a friend, neighbor, high school kid, family member, or someone to help her out? How would she feel if her boss just told her she had to work and extra two hours every day for free? You have a family, and they share you enough. Be strong, and don't do anymore than you are contracted to do. You might feel bad about it initially, but you will feel better in the long run. Good Luck!!!!

I personally would not do it, simply because as soon as business starts negatively affecting my personal life and time I'm out. No daycare center in the universe would accomidate this situation and stay open later than their regular business hours - why should a HOME daycare?

I am sure that sounds harsh, but honestly, I think this is asking way too much. I wonder if they even bothered exploring other options before asking you?

OP here.

She just copied me in an e-mail with her family stating that the doc wants to reevaluate in 2 weeks, but that she may be off another 6 weeks in addition to that. She is suffering post-concussion issues, apparently, and she is not allowed to drive for the duration of that time.

I am going to call her and tell her that I'm sorry. I think that the potential of this being 8 weeks is too much for me. I have to think of being fair to my children (and the $$$ it cost to sign them up for extracurriculars) and I can't burn myself out. I'm hopeful that her family will help. It's tougher because I am not in their town. I am in the town where she works; a 45 minute commute from her house, and 20 minutes out of the way for her husband to drive to.

Thank you ladies. This is so very tough.

Why can't the mother pick up the kids? Does she not have a car? Do they live in another area?

It would all depend on the relationship I had with the family. If picking up late is causing your family problems, then let her know.

If I chose to do it, I would definitely charge extra.

I feel bad for the Mom but even worse for you being put in this situation. Been there done that with the pity. I have learned the hard way over the years not to let clients problems become my problems. I have done that same thing extended my hours way up until 10:00 pm for months even and that Mother still turned on me. I trust no one now! What is the problem that prevents her from resting on her own sofa and allowing the kids to play all day?

Honestly I would explain your situation first and make it known the bind it would put you in and although you feel for her you just can't commit to disrupting other family members schedules. You would be surprised at the back ups clients suddenly manage to pull out of thin air when it comes right down to it.

If you feel so strongly that you want to help then I would make a compromise. Maybe just a couple days or for an increased rate. Do not do any special favors without a compromise!

Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
I personally would not do it, simply because as soon as business starts negatively affecting my personal life and time I'm out. No daycare center in the universe would accomidate this situation and stay open later than their regular business hours - why should a HOME daycare?

I am sure that sounds harsh, but honestly, I think this is asking way too much. I wonder if they even bothered exploring other options before asking you?

likethis

In a way it does sound harsh but it's true! I have started acting more like a business because the softer I am the more people expect!

I would tell the parents that you can only accomdate if you can take they DCK with you to your children's evening activities, and charge extra. Tell

them you would be willing to give them a detailed invoice for the extra charges as they might be able to get the money back from their health insuarance.

Originally Posted by daycare:
One thing that I can say that I have learned, is that DONT LET OTHER PEOPLES PROBLEMS BECOME YOUR PROBLEMS. This is not your problem.

If I were you, I would have a heart to heart with mom and tell her how sorry you are that this happened to her, however, you are just not able to extend your hours an further. Let he know why and let her know that you have done everything that you can to help them. YOu need to tell her that you can only accommodate them until *** time that works for you.

Is there any way that dad can go into work earlier and get off earlier so that he can pick up on time. Have the dad talk to his boss and see if his boss can help them out. YOU already did what YOU can do.....

let them know that you have tapped out your resources for help that you used to help her and you no longer have that help. It is also not fair to your children to have to forgo their extra curricular activities so that you can care for her children past normal business hours.

OR the only other thing I can advise is for you to charge her more money per day for the next two weeks that would make it more beneficial to you...

But once again, this is their problem, not yours

Yeah there you go!! Great idea!

No different than expecting providers to make adjustments.

In response to the people that do not understand why mom can not pick up and take care of her own children. Mom is supposed to rest not just

physicaily but mentally. This type of injury can be very serious. In the military for every head related injury reguardless of brain brusing or not the "patient"

is put on 48 hours of not being alloud to do anything. Then treatment goes from their depending on how it is going.

I can see 48 hours but not 6 weeks. What is she going to do at home, rest, I think not. I don't understand why she can't watch her children or even has some family come by and help her out. To me I would say no, because I know how much activities cost. And seriously its not your problem that she was in an accident. Ask yourself this, "would she be accommadating if you were in an accident and you couldn't watch her kids"

I would accommodate them but I don't have the short hours you do. That or I would take the kids home on my way to my kids activities, for a fee of course.

I am sorry to hear about what happened to the mother. I would charge her extra time or offer them to take the kids home that I would still charge them for your time. That is what I would. Problem solved!

I have much sympathy for head injuries. I had one myself 6 years ago that took months to recover from. I walked away from a fender bender only to collapse at work 20 hours later unable to speak clearly or stand. They called 911. I LOOKED normal but I couldn't read (6 months), watch tv (4 months) or do simple activities like dress my children (close to 3 months). I wasn't allowed to be alone with them for 3 months. I was given a really, really hard time at work and by friends and family. I'm STILL not the same. I don't read as fast, I can't do the mental math I used to be able to and my short term memory is crap. I take lots of notes. lol I'm lucky I was a smart cookie before this happened or who knows what shape my brain would be in now.

That being said...I would try and work something out with Mom and Dad. I wouldn't be willing to do 8 weeks of 2 hours per day but I would offer something like 2 days per week (my choice) and Dad could figure out the rest. I wouldn't charge extra but I would be an end date on the extra days.

Ok, that makes more sense. Head injuries are a different story that a bruise.

I still would have to tell Dad this is his time to shine, it is part of being a FATHER. This is a burden befitting family. :ouch: At best I'd offer to be available one day a week, the rest is on them.

Granted if this was a single parent without relatives in-state, I'd probably work out something but would expect payment for it. Remember she will most likely be getting insurance money and disability. She most likely will not be going without income, neither should you.

I feel you OP -- it's too hard on your own family to say yes, and it sounds like you've decided to say no, which is great. If it helps you feel better, why not give the parents a list of names of teen babysitters in the area, and tell them you'd be more than willing to let a babysitter pick up (with their permission, of course) at the regular pick-up time?

I know I've had parents that have mentioned that they need someone to watch their little one on the weekend, as if to feel out whether I would do it for them. I do NOT work weekends, but because I'm terrible with saying no, I always have a list of names on hand to give them :Sunny:.

Originally Posted by DBug:
I feel you OP -- it's too hard on your own family to say yes, and it sounds like you've decided to say no, which is great. If it helps you feel better, why not give the parents a list of names of teen babysitters in the area, and tell them you'd be more than willing to let a babysitter pick up (with their permission, of course) at the regular pick-up time?

I know I've had parents that have mentioned that they need someone to watch their little one on the weekend, as if to feel out whether I would do it for them. I do NOT work weekends, but because I'm terrible with saying no, I always have a list of names on hand to give them :Sunny:.

That is a great idea! I'm going to start this too. I know there are a few teenagers on my street who are always looking for new babysitting clients.

To the OP; that's a tough situation! I know in my case it wouldn't be possible to take the DCKs to extracurriculars because my own 4 kids take up all the seats in my van. I'm sorry you have to decide this.

Why should you use all your emergency back ups, let her use hers? She will just use your for convenience, and while I feel bad for mom. I would tell them that you really cant extend your hours. I am sure dad can work with his schedule, and if not someone can come get kids and take to mom for few hours?

I am in a different situation, close a little later then you, and would be willing to take to extra curriculars for extra money of course. Good luck!

I would do it for one of my families if I knew it wasn't forever. I already close at six and my dh helps out getting my five sons to their sports its just part of having this type of job.

This is after school ours right? Why not suggest they hire a high school senior, that can drive to pick up the kids and babysit them at home for the 2 hours?

This is a tough one. There is no way, I could work longer than my work hrs. I have so many things in the evening, with my own children. I am already late at things, because of parents being late for pick up, or they are right on time, but they talk, etc.. take forever to place on coats, etc.. I try to have every child, ready for parents, to pick up, but this isn't always possible.
I would definately say to them- is there a friend, Grandparent, etc. that could pick up. Otherwise definately go to their emergency back ups to pick child up.

I agree with previous posters...the mother should have to call in favors from her own family and not ask the provider to go above and beyond. It is the family's issue so the family needs to figure it out.

OP~ If you do end up accommodating this family, I suggest making sure you attach an after hours fee or over time fee for these extended services.

Just for giggles and grins, I'd have my sister, a neighbor, family friend, whoever you can find to stake out her house.

I'd be willing to bet my weekly paycheck that she is out driving around while those kids are in your care!

How else is she getting to the doctor?!

This mom is milking it for what it's worth. Don't oblige to her requests. If their pick up time is 4pm, it is up to mom herself to pick the kids up or find someone who can. End of story.

Originally Posted by wdmmom:
Just for giggles and grins, I'd have my sister, a neighbor, family friend, whoever you can find to stake out her house.

I'd be willing to bet my weekly paycheck that she is out driving around while those kids are in your care!

How else is she getting to the doctor?!

This mom is milking it for what it's worth. Don't oblige to her requests. If their pick up time is 4pm, it is up to mom herself to pick the kids up or find someone who can. End of story.

I agree with this. Who is driving her to her appointments, why can't family help out. I totally understand about having activities at night, I have 4 kids,and its crazy. Tonite 2 have gymnastics, 1 has karate and 1 had highschool open house, I had to call my mom in for help.

Holy moly TexasJeepGirl! I love color but the super duper large print is way too hard to read! :eek:

~ I am not trying to be rude... :ouch:

FWIW, I agree 100% with what you said though.... ;)

Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl:

To the ORIGINAL POST:

I've been where you are.. and I've done what you are currently doing.
I WILL NOT do it again..
PERIOD..
I love my kids.. I LOVE my daycare families.. and I love my job...
But.. this is 'MY' DAYCARE BUSINESS..
I set 'my' hours.. I set 'my' fees..
and that's it...
I am very clear in my PARENT HANDBOOK that I have a family.. a home.. children (and now a grand daughter)...
I am very clear that my policies... hours.. and fees are very well THOUGHT OUT.. and are NOT NEGOTIABLE.

Although my daycare OPENS at 7 a.m..I climb out of bed each day at 5 a.m.. I am a LICENSED HOME DAYCARE .. I'm licensed for 12.. currently have 9 in care..but.. often times have a full 12 children enrolled..
I work alone. By the time 5 p.m. arrives.. I'm WORN OUT.. as all of us are...
I close at 5:30.. but I warn all new clients.. I am watching the clock.. and...if your child is still in my daycare at 5:28.. I am not very happy.. I begin to be concerned about whether you will be picking up late.. and if you are late.. you pay the late fee.. I also very clearly tell them.. I DO NOT WANT YOUR LATE FEE.. I want your children to be picked up.. signed out.. and gone.. BY 5:30...

Several weeks ago.. one of my absolute FAVORITE daycare clients sent me an email.. asking for 'help'..
She is the mother of 2... 3 year old boy that I've had in care since 14 months..and.. 6 month old girl..
The help she needed?
She wants to start working out.. at gym.. at her office. after work ..to loose weight...get in shape..
Says she knows I work a long day.. and HATES TO ASK.. but.. would I consider.. for a fee.. keeping her 2 kids 'a little bit later' several times per week... so that she doesn't have to impose on her family to get kids picked up. She goes on to tell me that money is tight.. but.. she'd be willing to pay 'something' for the inconvenience..

HONESTLY.. I sat at my desk.. staring at that email.. and I swear.. steam started pouring out of my ears.. I'm sure of it..
I 'may' have had a MINI STROKE...
I got so mad..
I had to very carefully word my reply email to her.. so as not to be RUDE...
Basically I just told her that I was sorry.. but there was just NO WAY I would be willing to do it..
I am completely frazzled and worn out at the end of EVERY DAYCARE DAY... even the one's that are smooth with no problems..
and I know myself..
After almost 20 years.. I am sure of one thing..
there is NOT ENOUGH MONEY to make it worth it .. There's just NOT..
At 5:16 and 1/2.. I really want all the kids to be gone..
Honestly.. let's call it 4:55 p.m. .. :)
I am 45 years old..
I have been doing this for 19 1/2 years.. and... the answer is just no.
No further explanation..
EXPLANATION SHOULD NOT BE REQUIRED.. simple.. clear.. NO NEGOTIATION.

~~~ NO ~~~


www.tammyschildcare.com

www.texasjeepgirl.shutterfly.com

lovethis Absolutely loved your post! As with ANY provider...our days are long and at times difficult. I'm younger than most of you women and I'm in good physical shape and I refuse to work anymore than my 10.5 hour day. That's it. Come 5pm, I'm tapped out! I have 5 children of my own that I have to tend to between chorus concerts, hockey, cooking dinner, family game night, etc.

There's a fine line between a favor and a request. These parents want you to work an additional 1.5 to 2 hours per day! That's up to 10 additional hours per week. Might as well work 6 days a week if you are going to do that!

Take Jeeps advice. Let them down gently and DON'T GIVE IN!!!

I don't think a mom working out is comparable to a mom with a head injury but I do agree with you in principal.

What's all the shouting about over here??? I heard it from the quiet center... :p:lol:

Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl:
Sorry girls. I didn't mean to get carried away with the FONT..
.

:lol::lol::lol: Just giving you a hard time... It REALLY gave my new reading glasses a jolt. I felt like I had been kicked in the face....:p Talk about 3D!!

Grr...getting old stinks. :cool:

Originally Posted by Catherder:
:lol::lol::lol: Just giving you a hard time... It REALLY gave my new reading glasses a jolt. I felt like I had been kicked in the face....:p Talk about 3D!!

Grr...getting old stinks. :cool:

It SURE DOES

My earliest child is dropped off at my house at 6:40 a.m. and my latest pick up time is 4 p.m. That pick up time is NOT negotiable and all my DCP's know it. All my families have a parent who is a teacher so they can all be at my house by 4 p.m. If the parents cannot pick up on time, they always have a grandparent or other family member pick up. They respect my family time. There is no way I would ever agree to keep children until 5:30 or 6 p.m. except in an absolute emergency...and that emergency cannot last for weeks. ;) I am doing daycare in my home to make some extra money while still being home for my youngest daughter when she gets home from school. I set the hours I do so that daycare does not interfere with my family as much as possible. When it gets to be in the way of my family's activities and my time with them, I will quit. I would tell your DCM that she will need to make other arrangements while she is not working...either someone else to pick up or someone else to provide the daycare. As someone else said here, try not to make her problem your problem. It is not your responsibility to ask your resources for favors to accomodate this DCM's problem. It would really stink for you if you needed your MIL to help you anytime soon with something actually for your family but she is worn out from this. I would feel bad for the mother that was in the accident, but I would not let it affect my own kids.

Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl:
Sorry girls. I didn't mean to get carried away with the FONT..
Head injury.. working out.. doesn't really matter.. UNLESS it is an EMERGENCY situation.. Wreck happened this evening... can't get there to pick up children.. it is all a request for after hours care..

The font was actually the easiest for me to read...LOL! I am also 45 and gotta use the dreaded bifocals. :lol:

Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl:

To the ORIGINAL POST:

I've been where you are.. and I've done what you are currently doing.
I WILL NOT do it again..
PERIOD..
I love my kids.. I LOVE my daycare families.. and I love my job...
But.. this is 'MY' DAYCARE BUSINESS..
I set 'my' hours.. I set 'my' fees..
and that's it...
I am very clear in my PARENT HANDBOOK that I have a family.. a home.. children (and now a grand daughter)...
I am very clear that my policies... hours.. and fees are very well THOUGHT OUT.. and are NOT NEGOTIABLE.

Although my daycare OPENS at 7 a.m..I climb out of bed each day at 5 a.m.. I am a LICENSED HOME DAYCARE .. I'm licensed for 12.. currently have 9 in care..but.. often times have a full 12 children enrolled..
I work alone. By the time 5 p.m. arrives.. I'm WORN OUT.. as all of us are...
I close at 5:30.. but I warn all new clients.. I am watching the clock.. and...if your child is still in my daycare at 5:28.. I am not very happy.. I begin to be concerned about whether you will be picking up late.. and if you are late.. you pay the late fee.. I also very clearly tell them.. I DO NOT WANT YOUR LATE FEE.. I want your children to be picked up.. signed out.. and gone.. BY 5:30...

Several weeks ago.. one of my absolute FAVORITE daycare clients sent me an email.. asking for 'help'..
She is the mother of 2... 3 year old boy that I've had in care since 14 months..and.. 6 month old girl..
The help she needed?
She wants to start working out.. at gym.. at her office. after work ..to loose weight...get in shape..
Says she knows I work a long day.. and HATES TO ASK.. but.. would I consider.. for a fee.. keeping her 2 kids 'a little bit later' several times per week... so that she doesn't have to impose on her family to get kids picked up. She goes on to tell me that money is tight.. but.. she'd be willing to pay 'something' for the inconvenience..

HONESTLY.. I sat at my desk.. staring at that email.. and I swear.. steam started pouring out of my ears.. I'm sure of it..
I 'may' have had a MINI STROKE...
I got so mad..
I had to very carefully word my reply email to her.. so as not to be RUDE...
Basically I just told her that I was sorry.. but there was just NO WAY I would be willing to do it..
I am completely frazzled and worn out at the end of EVERY DAYCARE DAY... even the one's that are smooth with no problems..
and I know myself..
After almost 20 years.. I am sure of one thing..
there is NOT ENOUGH MONEY to make it worth it .. There's just NOT..
At 5:16 and 1/2.. I really want all the kids to be gone..
Honestly.. let's call it 4:55 p.m. .. :)
I am 45 years old..
I have been doing this for 19 1/2 years.. and... the answer is just no.
No further explanation..
EXPLANATION SHOULD NOT BE REQUIRED.. simple.. clear.. NO NEGOTIATION.

~~~ NO ~~~


www.tammyschildcare.com

www.texasjeepgirl.shutterfly.com

WOW!! :lol: That about knocked me out of my chair!! I know everything is bigger in Texas big but WOW fonts too? ;)

Kidding. I agree with you!!

Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl:
lol..
no bifocals here....YET...but.. It may not be far away..

As for BIGGER IN TEXAS...love that comment..
Again.. sorry. girls... I usually stick with the '# 3' size.. I have no idea why I moved it up that big... I guess to get everyone's attention... ?
hey what the heck..? why not?

I love the big font, it was so easy to read. But I have to agree with you. I'm so worn out, that I think people don't realize it. Like today I had 5 kids, 4 of them are 3 and the 1 yr old who cries all day (read the post below, I was asking for help) by the time 430pm comes, I'm so tired and can't wait for the baby to go home (i close at 5pm but don't have anyone here that late) then I still have my 4 kids who come home from school, and start dinner, take them to activities, homework...I rarely get quiet time because I'm always doing something. When I use to work outside of the home, it was so easy to go to work, and leave work at work. My work never ends here, I mean never, off to put dishes away.