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Unregistered 06-29-2010 02:22 PM

sometimes the its not the biter who is the aggressive one
 
I've spent a lot of time watching my son interact with other children. (he is 18 months).

I have stopped him from biting 2 times total and he has bitten 1 time at DC.

He has an interesting temperment. He basically seems to have no fear of bigger children. If they try to take his toys or move him out of the way he almost never loses, no matter how big the other kid is. Smaller children he basically leaves alone, and he never goes out of his way to take things from others.

In all 3 biting incidents. It has been the case that he was provoked by a bigger child. The child he bit a day care previously scratched him across the face drawing blood. Both times they were in an altercation over a toy (my son had the toy and the other baby wanted it).

I havn't seen anyone say it yet, but I would bet that often its the child who was bitten that was the aggressor. I would think this is especially true if your child is the only one who is being bitten.

Janet 06-30-2010 08:27 AM

Biting
 
It stinks, but it is a part of the daycare experience. I've been very lucky with the whole biting situation. I currently have no biters and I've only had biting incidents a total of 3 times in 6 years and none of them were major. I find that making sure that the kids know that I have my eyes on them is helpful. They think that I REALLY have eyes in the back of my head. It's funny when they look for them!

Robinssong37 07-01-2010 08:30 AM

Biting
 
Wow.... As a parent some of the things you where told by teachers anger me. As a teacher for 20 yrs. A Preschool Teacher at that! I have been biten , hit, etc. I just left a job due to the fact that the owners and management would not follow thru on procedures when it came to certian Children in our Center. I could no longer be a part of what was taking place. It is so unfair to the victim of the biter no matter what the reason... Your child should be safe from harm no matter what. I as a teacher was still limited as to what I could do from the classroom. I have opened my own Child Care Center. We have Zero tolerence for biters.... If you bit you must go home. If it continues the child is un-enrolled for our school. I have seen alot of things in the 20 yrs that I have been teaching and the only way to make things work and keep everyone safe is to make it known that you as parents have rights and that the kids above all have rights... I encourage you to stay on top of things when it comes to your child(ren). No Matter where they go to School. I have seen to many coners cut at the expense of our Children.

jen 07-01-2010 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet (Post 34834)
It stinks, but it is a part of the daycare experience. I've been very lucky with the whole biting situation. I currently have no biters and I've only had biting incidents a total of 3 times in 6 years and none of them were major. I find that making sure that the kids know that I have my eyes on them is helpful. They think that I REALLY have eyes in the back of my head. It's funny when they look for them!

Yep, biting stinks but it happens to the best of us!

Unregistered 07-28-2010 07:49 PM

Stay Awhile..... Before Judging
 
Not all biting incidents occur because a teacher or 'worker' is not watching the children. How do you know that all teachers are 'talking to their friends' when this occurs? Your statement is a generalized blanket, and could not be further from the truth.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Talena (Post 32225)
Alot of times if a child is biting that much is because the worker is not watching the children the are to busy talking to there friends instead of taking care of the children. That happened when my son was in daycare, he would come home almost everyday with a bit mark on him and they would stay almost two weeks. Come to find out they were being left alone with no teacher in there and my son is was only 12 months old.


emosks 07-29-2010 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 38261)
Not all biting incidents occur because a teacher or 'worker' is not watching the children. How do you know that all teachers are 'talking to their friends' when this occurs? Your statement is a generalized blanket, and could not be further from the truth.

Our biter here does it right in front of us. So fast that sometimes you can't get their name out and it's over.

Unregistered 08-12-2010 08:11 AM

Could this be me?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 2865)
I have read this entire thread, thank you for your thoughts. I come from a different perspective. I'm a lead teacher in a room with a child who bites. She is almost 18 months old and has been biting for 6 months now. She bites several times a day, some children getting bitten 3+ times in one day, let alone a week. Other parents are upset, obviously and rightfully so. We are staying at ratio (1 staff to 4 kids) and no matter how much we watch her, she still bites someone. Just the turn of a head is all it takes. She will do it just after nap time, just after eating, when standing next to someone, will walk across the room to find someone to bite, rarely is it over a toy (which is one we do understand), there is no real pattern to her behavior, other than her biting. We've tried the 'no' technique, time out, talking to her, keeping her away from other kids (but then she goes looking for a child to bite), we've given her her pacifier which did work but now she takes it out to bite a child-same with her 'blankie'. What else can a teacher honestly do? I can't watch just her, I have other children in the room as well. I don't want to isolate her, it's not fair for her either. Oh, another catch-the biggest catch of all...she's the director's daughter. Definitely open to ideas!!!


Well unfortunately...I am this mommy! I am the director of a child development center and my daughter is 18 months old and she is a biter! This post is obviously not about my daughter because of the date it was posted but as I ressearched online on how to deal with biting I fould this forum. I must tell you it is AWFUL to be the person in charge and having your daughter down the hall biting. She has more recently started biting in the last week or so. I hate to use the cliche..."she is teething" but you can see the swollen gums and her fingers in her mouth all the time. Here is a question for you all...how do I handle it? Do I let my teachers handle it? Do I go down and handle it? How do I teach her that she isn't the "queen bee?" She is fully aware that Mommy is "in charge" and has the ability to wander throughout the building before and after we are open. All of the staff know her and most of the parents..she is delightful entertaining child...but has a biting problem. I have a good relationship with my daughters teachers, personally and professionally. I have told them I am open for their suggestions and as a parent willing to do whatever. I am just waiting for the first parent to come with me witha concern about the biting...do I tell them it is my child? Do I express my condolenseces and frustration? Will they assume that it will continue because the staff won't discipline my child?

Unregistered 08-12-2010 08:26 AM

Really??
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 18727)
Our son has been bitten 3 times in the last 3 weeks by the same little monster at his day care. We are working with the Director to remedy the situation, but I am pushing hard for this child to be expelled. This has been an ongoing problem with this child per one of the teachers and I think it's time to stop protecting the attacker and start trying to protect the victims. You parents of habitual biters who whine about how it's not fair that your little angel be kicked out for biting are selfish, egotistical walking nightmares in your own right. It's no wonder your little brat likes to attack others. There should be consequences for bad behavior at any age, including being removed from a situation where you are the problem.

Well I seriously hope that your children do not have any behavioral issues down the road. I question your ability to teach your own child forgiveness and understanding. You truly disgust me stereotyping a group of children you don't know as brats and better yet calling their parents selfish egoistical walking nightmares. Someone obvioulsy needs to teach you a thing or two about manners as well as child devleopment. It isn't always black and white...their are shades of gray in the world! Perhaps you should look at things a little differently...maybe this child has special needs...should they be punished for that? Should they be punished because their development is slower or different than your child's?

Not all children are angels and I'm guessing that your child has had their moments...has your child never hit? or pushed? or pinched? How would you feel as a parent if your child was the biter? How would you handle it? Would you want a classroom of parents ganging up on your for a behavior your child has only at school? Most parents of biters feel helpless...they want to know what they can do to remedy the issue. Perhaps when you grow up you will have the ability to look at things through someone elses perspective and realize each child is an individual and deserves a chance to be successful you may have a change of heart. I'm guessing your children will need that opportunity some day. And although you don't believe my biting bratty daughter deserves it.....I hope your children get that opportunity. They should not be punished for a parent who is so close-minded that they don't wish success for all children.

Unregistered 08-12-2010 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 40701)
Well unfortunately...I am this mommy! I am the director of a child development center and my daughter is 18 months old and she is a biter! This post is obviously not about my daughter because of the date it was posted but as I ressearched online on how to deal with biting I fould this forum. I must tell you it is AWFUL to be the person in charge and having your daughter down the hall biting. She has more recently started biting in the last week or so. I hate to use the cliche..."she is teething" but you can see the swollen gums and her fingers in her mouth all the time. Here is a question for you all...how do I handle it? Do I let my teachers handle it? Do I go down and handle it? How do I teach her that she isn't the "queen bee?" She is fully aware that Mommy is "in charge" and has the ability to wander throughout the building before and after we are open. All of the staff know her and most of the parents..she is delightful entertaining child...but has a biting problem. I have a good relationship with my daughters teachers, personally and professionally. I have told them I am open for their suggestions and as a parent willing to do whatever. I am just waiting for the first parent to come with me witha concern about the biting...do I tell them it is my child? Do I express my condolenseces and frustration? Will they assume that it will continue because the staff won't discipline my child?

This is a tough problem to deal with, and hopefully you will find a solution sooner rather than later. I have had a home daycare for 15 years now and the thing that seems to be most effective for me is this: Immediately after the "bite", take the two children aside, and say something to the effect of "Sally, do you see how Johnny is crying? He is very upset because when you bite him, it really hurts! Do you see this mark on his arm? That's where you bit him and it really hurts! Can you make Johnny feel better?" Usually here the "biter" will give a hug or say sorry if they are verbal. This works best if you tackle the problem as soon as the biting starts, so I'm not sure how it will work for a little one who's been biting for awhile. And obviously it works better if the child who is bitten is upset and doesn't just take it in stride.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

Unregistered 08-27-2010 12:48 PM

mom of a biter
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by praetorian (Post 2516)
Well, this is my first post to the forums and I wish I didn't have to make it.

I am in a bit of a unique situation I think. My son (5) and daughter (16 months) are in a 5-star, NAEYC accredited learning center that is owned/run by the pharmaceutical company I work for. I DO have to pay for my children's care, but at a reduced rate since I am among the lowest paid employees of the company.

My daughter has become the repeated victim of biting. In the last 2-3 months she has been bitten 7 times. At least 3 of the bites were by the same child, although some of the other bites were from different children. I have spoken to the director of the daycare and she has confirmed that there are several children in the class who are in a biting stage. I understand that it could just as easily hae been my daughter biting other children and that there is very little that can be done to stop the biting, but it is still VERY frustrating. Each bite had left bruises and scrapes, although none of them, luckily, have broken the skin. In EVERY case the reports have stated that the bite was completely unprevoked. The director explained the centers policy to me which amounts to watching the biter when there are extra teachers to put in the room, which is seldom to never.

After the last incident, the center hired an outside counselor to come in for a "bag lunch workshop" for the parents to help them learn thing to do at home to try andchange the biters behavior patterns. The workshop was on Monday and I found out today that not a single parent of any of the biter children came to the workshop. being that this is a company owned daycare, every one of the parent/employees could have easily gotten off work for the workshop.

It seems to me that the parents of the biters don't care about my daughter (and other kids in the class) being bitten over and over again. The daycare is aparently going to do NOTHING else at this time.

Because of the discounted rate, and my wife and my work start times, I can't pull my kids out and put them in a different center, besides which I don't think that my children should have to leave.

Any thoughts/comments/advise would be appreciated.

Thanks

Just wanted to say sorry to all those kids that are getting bit..my son is 21 months old and didnt start biting til he got bit first...it started out that he was only biting this one little girl.. i felt so sorry for her. now he bites different children for different reasons..sometimes it is because they take his toys or are just simply in his space... there are times the daycare teachers say he does it for no reason what so ever... im not there to see what happens...he does not bite at home nor does he get bit at home... i have no idea what to do about it.. i dont know if the daycare just cant keep a close enough eye on the kids or what but i do know the rooms are not that big...so again im sorry for those babies and kids that get bit over and over...every day that he does bite i make him tell the child he is sorry and to give them a hug.. i explain before and after everyday that biting is a no no and it hurts and it is not a nice thing to do to your friends...again im sorry i just dont know what else to do at this age....

Unregistered 08-27-2010 01:11 PM

mother of a biter
 
my son is not quite two yet. he started biting after he was bit. We all have tried to stop this very awful bad habbit...he bite for all sorts of reasons and he bites for no reason at all. I do believe it is to get someones attention. It works for him. He gets put in time out. They call me and i come get him. I always make him apologize the the child he bites. And for those who say that it is bull when a parent states the child does not bite at home.. you have no idea what you are talking about. My child knows the punishment at home is more than a time out when they do something they are not suppose to...i am truely sorry for all those little children who are the victims that get bit over and over. my daycare has tried to do a positive reinforcement with my child..giving him treats and praise when he doesn't bite but it doesn't work everyday..only when they really stay on top of it...am i really soppose to punish him when we get home for something he has done 3,4,6, hours after he has done the biting?? i have takin him to the doctor and he says it just a phase to wait it out...ive researched biting in toddlers and done all the things they say so what am i, and parents with the same problem, soppose to do?? please anyone have any ideas? i guessing not for some toddlers they are just going to have to grow out of the stage.. my son has had a lot of ear problems and just got tubes put in. he has been behind in his speach.. so maybe that has something to with it.. i just dont know. i feel bad for all those kids but what to do????

QualiTcare 08-27-2010 10:49 PM

my daughter never bit anyone until a child started biting her at daycare. normally, when i'd pick her up from daycare, i'd pick her up, hug her, kiss her, talk to her, etc. the day i walked in and saw the incident report saying she bit someone, i didn't pick her up or hug her. i said something like, "you do NOT bite! i am not happy!" i made her walk to the car and i didn't hold her hand or talk to her AT ALL. normally, i'd carry her and talk. she bit one more time after that and i did the same exact thing. she never bit again.


there was a girl biting my son every single day, multiple times a day and i was MAD!! biting is normal, but biting the same child repeatedly for no reason is not nomal. he's very sweet natured and would never bite back or do anything. it got to where he cried when we got close to the daycare because he knew he was going to be chewed on all day. i was there when the mother of the child who was biting picked her up one day. she walked in, picked her daughter up, hugged her, kissed her, and was rubbing her head as she was saying, "why are you biting?" in a little baby voice. OBVIOUSLY, that approach was not working.

kids bite other kids their age - so just because they don't bite their parents or siblings at home is no indication whatsoever of what they do at daycare with peers.

anyhow, i think dealing with your child who bites depends on the dynamic between you and your child. what i did with my daughter worked like a charm because she hated that i was upset and i made it CLEAR that i was. it's not being mean - it's being stern. biting HURTS and they need to know that you are very unhappy when it happens.

Unregistered 09-02-2010 08:04 PM

My grandson 19 months old was biten 2 times in the butt. The boy took his shorts and diaper off to do this. The licenced sitter watchs 5 childern in her home, one being her own 4 yr. old. Whats so bad about this story is she says she don't know what happen. When my daughter pick him up she asked if her son ever takes his diaper off. He has 1 time when he was in his bed without shorts on. When my daughter changed his diaper she noticed it and called sitter who pretend that she didn't know anything happened and he didn't cry all day long. What I'm wanting to know is who to report this to. She doesn't need to be watching kids. This happened in Corydon, In. My grandson no longer goes there.

Unregistered 09-04-2010 08:23 PM

Puzzled
 
I am the Director of a DC where a complaint with Protective Services was filed against us because of a biter. A tot in our care has been bitten 4 times in the past 5 weeks, 2 of the bites coming from one child. The investigation led to interviews with her teachers and myself, viewing the incident reports and a home visit with both the victim and the biter's parents.

After being read the complaint by DCF, which according to the mother, was made by a friend of the child's family.(information received via mom's FB posts w/pictures ) I have just one question. If this is what she thinks and feels about the quality of care given to her child WHY IS SHE STILL INTRUSTING US WITH HER CHILD'S CARE??????

Unregistered 09-07-2010 04:21 PM

biting imo
 
I think states need to change the ratios, lower the amt of kids per teacher in centers.
Working in a center now I understand how fast it can happen.

Then if they did that rates would go up due to more staff needed to be paid. But that is another topic.

Unregistered 09-14-2010 08:15 PM

Tollder biting
 
I have been a toddler/preschool teacher for many years now. I want to let both the biters and the victims parents know that we spend our entire day with your children and care for them very much. We don't want to see the victims injured hurting or upset and we don't want to see the biters frustrated and upset. We are not in the childcare career for the money, although tuition for most centers is very high we do not get paid well at all. We choose this career because we love children and enjoy helping/watching them learn and grow. In an ideal classroom all of the children would be happy and gentle to their "friends" for the entire day. But in a realistic classroom there are 9 children in 9 different mindframes throught the day. One minute the children could be thoroughly enjoying singing the abc's and a second later 2 of the children may be crying one of the children may be trying to hit and or bite their friend and the others may still be sitting enjoying singing. We shadow the biters to the best of our ability however it only takes half a second for a biter to bite. We understand the frustrations from both the biters parents and the victims parents. Belive me, we feel for both of you!! The most important aspect of preventing biting is communication with the staff members in your childs center. It is also very important to remember that consistancy is EVERYTHING. If your childs center is using "sitting out time" and you are doing something different at home the child is not going to understand either consequence. It is also very important to remember to be patient, biting is NOT going to stop overnight. We all wish that it could be this way but it is an unrealistic expectation. We understand that you (both biters parents and victims parents) are very frustrated with this behavior and believe me we get frustrated sometimes as well. It is important not to show the child that you are frustrated, show them with words and facial expressions that you are "not happy" and "sad" that they are biting and HURTING their friends. To the victim we show comfort understanding and most importantly love! I hope that this has helped mostly with the parents who's children are in daycare centers to understand where we the care providers are coming from.

Unregistered 09-16-2010 08:49 PM

My 16 month daughter was bitten today and yesterday by the same child. I can understand the first time, and I can mostly understand the second time - giving the benefit of a doubt that it was a one time occurrence.

I've made it very clear that my expectation is that this does not happen to any child in that room again for a very long time. They are now aware that there is a problem and it is entirely possible to prevent it from here on, it's not convenient, but it's possible. If the only solution to the problem is an additional person following this child around the entire day, then do it. I will not accept this type of injury to my child because they want to maximize their profits.

Further, I was also told that they cannot legally divulge who the other child was. I researched the governing daycare laws for my state and could find no such requirement. I've requested that they specifically show me where this is written.

You are your child's advocate! Don't take anything you're told for granted and make sure your child is protected!

Unregistered 09-25-2010 08:37 AM

I'm a daycare asst in a toddler room and also a mom of 3. None of my children ever bit or were the victims of a biter. But none of my children went to daycare which I now know is a whole different situation.

To say that daycare workers aren't paying enough attention is simply untrue. The daycare I work at was fortunate for almost an entire year. Not one of our children were biters, but as our enrollment grew, it was bound to happen. A 2 yr old boy enrolled from another school and mom failed to tell us that her child tended to bite. And the first chance he got he bit. It happened right in front of my eyes and for no reason. I've read some posters blame dcworkers as being too underpayed & overworked to properly supervise in these situations. And I have to protest that this is false. As a dcw who has cared for these toddlers - you become quite attached to these children and are in fact their surrogate parent. You sometimes spend more time with them than their own parents do & sometimes these children will slip & call you mommy. When they are bit while in your care - it hurts them and hurts you. I was absolutely horrified and even more so because this bite looked bad. It broke skin, bled and swelled immediately. And I have to admit, that I couldn't help but feel some anger towards the offender. But we have been instructed that this is nothing new - and some children bite out of anxiety or stress. And this child was new.

We did everything we were supposed to do. We separated the biter - spoke sternly to the offender. He cried & truly looked upset over his actions. We coddled the victim & administered first aid, called both parents and wrote up a boo-boo report. Our policy (though never needed before) is 3 strikes & you're out. We have also been told that we should never give out names of the offender for legal reasons. To the parent who wonders if this is valid - you better get used to this. It's the same reason why minor-aged lawbreakers are never identified and this will happen time & time again as your child progresses through school. The law is not of our making - but we are forced to follow it. And sometimes it might be your own child who benefits from this rule.

And then it happened again - even though I tailed the biter like a shadow. He managed to bite the same child and without warning. We were all looking out the window at some large birds on our school lawn and like a cobra, this kid struck. This time not only was the child hurt, but I (being responsible for tailing this biter) felt horribly. I had been speaking to the intended victim at that precise moment - I watched her eyes get large & could see her pain. It was my job to protect her and believe me, I'd have taken that bite in her place if possible. I speak to her mother all the time - and we've become friends, so that just added to the stress. We followed the same procedures as before - and this time I made sure this biter was nowhere near the victim... ever. It was tiring & I couldn't let my guard down for a second. I always stood between them. But it happened again. But this time with another child & it happened when I had gone home. Unfortunately, being the 3rd strike, the biter was expelled. We are business after all and our administrator did this to protect the other children. I had gotten attached to this child too (the biter) and feel badly for everyone involved. I wish we could have bent the rules to let him stay, because I'm sure we could have stopped him eventually - but we couldn't do it at the expense of the other children. Dcworkers do care - we care for all involved - the parents, the biter, the victim. It has nothing to do with being underpayed.

Unregistered 10-04-2010 09:51 PM

Victim of Biting
 
My daughter was recently bitten for the 8th time. When I sat down to chat with the owner/director, which I did in a calm and non-accusatory manner, she informed me of the steps the center was going to take to protect the children getting bit.

That same day, when I picked up my daughther, the owner/director had left a letter "requesting" that I find a new provider.

I feel terrible that I ever even exposed my daughter to this center, and I feel worse that I have to so quickly up-root her.

Any thoughts/suggestions?

JenNJ 10-05-2010 07:27 AM

It is possible that these 2 children are antagonizing one another and the center wants to protect itself legally. I have seen both the biter and victim guilty of aggressive behavior and both children asked to leave in centers before.

Unregistered 10-15-2010 09:32 PM

Mom of a Biter Conceding
 
I've read every post here. I am the Mom of a biter. She is 2 and has a 7 year old non-aggressive brother. She does attempt to bite at home so I know it happens at DC and home. No denying that. She has not been expelled yet but after reading these posts I've decided to pull her out. I will take vacation time until I find her new DC with hopes that change in environment will help her. I cannot stop working, I am the primary insurer and my son and husband need their health insurance. If the next DC doesn't work, I will pay the additonal cost and have a caregiver come to our home. I had not seen that suggested. What are the experiences to at home care by a caregiver and re-introducing to a DC after 6 mos or 1 year?
I will add for the more recent comments about what prompted the biter to bite. My daughter is almost 2 1/2 and extremely verbal for her age. After all the incidents, she has been able to express why she bit. The most common reasons were: she was pushed by another child (in one instance to the ground), a child played a game she didn't like (seriously doesn't like), her toys were taken from her, she was forced to sit to close to another child when she needed personal space. In all instances, the report was written up as "unprevoked" biting. Doesn't seem that way to me. I understand that it is less severe to have the child that takes, pushes, is annoying, etc but some children don't just back away and get bullied....some children re-act back. Unfortunately, I have the reactor. So maybe now in a new setting, they will set things fair for her and others and she'll stop this awful biting. (and I've also ordered the book "No Biting" express mail....) Will post a review and follow up.

Unregistered 10-24-2010 02:34 PM

My son bit, too-daycares don't treat every case equal
 
My son was a biter, too. When he was a year old at a large corporate nation wide chain daycare, a child with a known biting problem at enrollment was allowed to join the daycare without notice to the parents. After my son was severely bitten many times and the daycare downplayed and refused to tell the parents anything, the biter finally left voluntarily. Yes, the biter was not terminated and the daycare didn't say anything to the family except sending her home after she'd bitten many times. They didn't even seperate her from the group when she had to be picked up and she bit more during that time. My son would have huge bruised bite marks on his back - she would bear hug him and bite while the teacher was changing diapers. I found out years later from other teachers that he would be hysterical for the rest of the day and would be screaming for mommy. I'm haunted by that to this day. They only had one teacher classrooms, so she couldn't be effectively shadowed. During the time and for a long time later, my son would night wake with night terrors. Even saying her name would start the night terrors again. The damage was done. I don't blame her - she had no business being in a large group setting with her type of biting problem - I blame the daycare. My son started biting immediately and he bit regularly until he was 3. He only bit 2 different kids the entire time. And believe me, those parents were both teachers in the school system and made my life hell for years. Daycare intervention is a big one. I requested for years that the daycare seperate my child from the 2 he was biting - they never did and that was a shame. One of those 2 was also a biter who picked it up from the original biter as well, so my son and the other child would sit and bite each other for the fun of it while the teachers watched and laughed. Teachers told me this. There was even a daycare teacher with a child who was a biter who picked it up from the original biter as well. They bent over backwards to move him around and help out the teacher mom - even switching her child and my child in 2 different classrooms to accomodate the teacher mom. They refused to accomodate my child in any way regardless of my suggestions. Every one of my suggestions was used with all the other biters in the daycare, but they refused to try that with my son. My child was the only one that ever got punished - I know because the daycare teachers told me and so did the parents. Go figure! If hindsight was foresight, I would have taken him out of there after the first bite and enrolled him somewhere else. I'm positive I would have never had any problems with him - he never bit outside of daycare regardless of situation. He got sent home a couple of times but I was threatened with termination every week and my child bit maybe once or twice per week and rarely ever left a mark - they even wrote him up for attempting to bite! Fastforward 2 years later and I find out recently that this same chain daycare allowed another child of same age to bite every day for a year and the only thing ever done was give her parents handouts, never even had a conference with her and certainly never mentioned termination! Found out from the parent herself. Talked with other parents who had been complaining about the biter to the director. Biter had never been sent home even once. The mom is a teacher in the local school system - conicidence you say, I think not. In every case where the biting was overlooked, the parents were teachers in the local school system. I was the only one not in the school system and only had one child. The others were paying $24,000 and $36,000 per year in daycare tuition. I was only paying $12,000 because I only had one at their daycare and therefore was easily expendable. I'm sure not much I could do now, but trust me, when I have more children, I will use my experience. Everyone tells me to avoid me large group daycares and hire in home small centers instead and I agree. I've polled all my friends and not one single one had a problem with small in home centers. Live and learn I guess. I wished I'd discovered this forum years ago, it could have really helped me back then.

Unregistered 11-01-2010 11:32 AM

biting
 
My grandson was bitten 11 times by the same child, sometimes on the face. The daycare handled it by moving him to a different room. Each time the other child was moved up to the room my grandson was in, the child would bite again. My grandson was not the only child who was a victim.

The daycare told my daughter that they would have the child removed if that is what she wanted. She told them to remove the child and they did not. My grandson is now in another daycare. If their intention was not to lose a client, it didn't work.

Unregistered 11-23-2010 07:08 PM

i amhaving the exact same issue... i dont know what to do....
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by RNmom (Post 280)
I am the mother of an a very sweet 18 month old that started biting shortly after starting daycare two months ago. Until then he had only been cared for by family or friends. He loves to play and cuddle, cries when we leave the room- I thought it was the perfect time for him to enter an environment with organized play while everyone stays in the same room! He started to bite his older sibs at home and quickly stopped doing so after stern words and a short “time out”. The day care director assures me that his biting is not out of anger, aggression or frustrated. I have addressed HALTS with her (common reasons for toddler to bite, including Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Teething, or Sleepy), adding a late snack-that he may or may not get. No new teeth and 4 hour naps rule out the other two. I have attached a pacifier to his shirt-which he never used before. I have even had an early prevention professional come in and assess him and the class. She claims the reason he bites seems to be related to his lack of communication-despite his use of sign language. Still he continues to bite, sometimes twice in one hour. Today I was told he was a “danger to the classroom”. It is becoming my belief that some settings just might not be a good fit for a particular child/personality. Maybe the “lonely” aspect of HALTS is not being addressed. And if these child care professionals are so frustrated with my child, are they really providing optimal care?

I am having the exact same issue i need help dont know what to do the only available child care that convienient in my area... what do i do they are trying to put my daughter on a 1 week suspension... im at a hault and im a sinlge parent she dont bite at home and shes sweet and gentel to everyone that i asses her with, they make the reports sound so vulgar... theres on lady that works at the daycare and and her daughter almost same age as my daughter is one of the kids that is geting bit i honestly think its conflict of interest... how do i reslove this situation???? halts sounds great i need more info... some one help me

Unregistered 11-24-2010 11:07 AM

you couldn't have said it any better, way to go
Quote:

Originally Posted by MLB (Post 1026)
As a director I can say that this is always a sticky situation. We are not allowed to tell who bit either. This policy protects all families in the center. Kids do bite for several reasons so it is hard to have an iron clad policy. Dismissal is the last resort but sometimes necessary when looking out for a whole group. We can't make everyone happy we either have the biter's parents upset with us for not handling the situation or the one that got bit parents all upset about what we are going to do to fix it. It depends on why their biting, where, how hard, how frequent. Just because we have to occasionally disenroll children for biting does not mean we do not care about the kids or if we keep a biter that we are just in it for the finances. Hence, we are always in the middle of a sticky situation. Shadowing sounds great but is usually not reasonable in a group setting with ratios. There is no set answer for this problem but if your childcare has been reasonable then try to understand the decisions that they have to make. It is just a part of life and being vendictive and filling complaints and making threats is just silly and a waste of perfectly good energy that could be used to better your child's situation.


wvmomof2kids 12-20-2010 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 17)
Children in daycare are too be watched at all times. Of course they can do something about it. They can watch the child and when he/she starts too bite another child, they should remove the biter from the area and explain that he/she can not bite....period. If that doesn't work after a few days, the child should be removed for the other children in care too be safe. I would also ask too speak too the parents of that child, if mine was on the other end of those bites.


yes, kids should be watched at all times.
yes, we can try to intervene on another child's behalf.

let me ask you a question... do you work at a daycare? just curious. sometimes those who do not work there do not understand what we deal with on a daily basis. When one child bites or acts up, the others soon follow. It would be nice to say that we could be perfect and swoop down like superwoman and intervene every time something happens or is about to happen. It doesn't work that way. we do our best to take care of the situation such as removing each child from the situation (that's a whole lotta fun too especially when you are also the one who is bitten- talk about your "on the job hazards"!) and telling the child who was bitten to not bite and that hurts. We console and hug the child who was bitten and do our best to keep them apart for the rest of the 6 hours that we are there at work. Please remember that we often have up to 10 kids or more in each room and it is physically impossible to be everywhere at once. Often daycares are short staffed and we don't have a lot of people to cover each area of the rooms in the daycare.

Candyland 12-20-2010 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOM WHO HAD ENOUGH (Post 817)
my son was repeatedly bitten, hit, etc by a bigger child. i complained and got all the same responses and "lines". i finally told them they needed to give the other parents a heads up because i was going to file an assault charge against the child the next time he touched my child. (not that i would have) but would you believe it stopped instantly and completely?

hmmmmmm?

I was going to ask...what about the bitten kid's parents? What do they say when they see marks on their child?!!!

Unregistered 12-20-2010 11:28 PM

A two year old definately can "get" time out...you're not giving young kids enough credit, when my 11 month old would bite he got a smack on the hand, a firm "NO!" and 2 minutes in the playpen while everyone else got to play with toys, he's 12 months now and doesn't bite, ever....if a lab rat can learn to hit a lever to get a pellet of food, a 2 year old can learn "NO"

i'm a daycare provider, and let me tell you it gets old when i hear other providers say "kids bite, it's just what they do, we can't stop it" um, i'm sorry but it's your JOB to stop it, you are in charge of protecting and nurturing children! If you see Jack bite Jill, you pull Jack aside, you tell him NO he show him what he did to Jill and in he's old enough you make him apologize, if he's too young to apologize you put him in a crib, playpen, whatever for a few minutes and he will learn that biting = NO, and time out

Unregistered 12-31-2010 01:20 PM

Mom of a biter and a DC provider
 
I am just offering a new perspective that is all :)

I have read the thread and noticed a few people said that children often bite when they don't have words. My son (who is now 10) was a horrible biter. He bit children at the DC I worked at, chairs, his twin, me, whatever was close to him when he was frustrated. I tried everything, and believe me when I say everything. I do believe in spanking my own children and we tried that and every suggestion in every book and class i could find. It went on for at least a year.

As he got older, his speech issues that I couldn't get any one to take seriously since he was on the tail end of "normal" became more and more obvious. He did finally stop biting at about three. Today, at the age of ten, he is still well below the 1st percentile in almost every speech category but of course no longer bites. He can't read because of his disorders and cries frequently when frustrated, but no biting :)

I just want to offer hope to parents of serial biters, I thought we would never get through it but we did finally. I have had many children in my DC who were biters and just bullies and appropriate discipline usually put an end to it quickly. However, children who keep biting and nothing seems to work, please pay attention, there may be a deeper issue at work. Listen to your instincts and if you think something else is going on, keep pushing until someone listens. My son was never abused or anything like that but he was premature and when he was frustrated he couldn't express it. No amount of "giving" him words helped, although in other situations it might be a great help for children who just don't have the words but are capable of them. However, his speech and language processing disorders were just too severe.

momatheart 01-18-2011 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 179)
I can tell you why aggressive behavior is allowed.
Providers may not like what I am about to share, but it is the truth...
States are pushing towards child led everything. They have taken the rights away for any punishment except time outs. Sure, they can oust the child out of their program, but if competition is stiff, they aren't going to want to give up their income. Then you have Quality ratings. They set the standard for this 1,2,3,4, or 5 star quality that everybody wants to receive so badly because it means they can carry that title. But, do you realize that within this quality ratings, you are so limited on what you can and can't do with children, including what and how you teach. A child expressing aggressive behavior must be left alone, and area cleared so as not to hurt him/herself. That's right, let them have their fit... it's okayyy. Don't make them do ANYTHING they don't want to do... it's all child led. Check out what high scope learning is all about, you'll see some of what I am describing. It'll blow your mind. They tell us that preschoolers shouldn't be taught fundamentals, like letters and numbers (they'll learn that soon and easy enough in K.) and they aren't ready for that kind of structure, it's too hard for them. BUT, let the child lead what you teach. Oh, yes... never teach anything that has clear cut answers, always teach open-ended subjects, where there is no wrong answer, and take away any games that are competition so they don't "experience losing" rather, don't teach them to be a good sport, so we will just make sure that there are enough chairs out when playing musical chairs and never take one out when the music stops. It makes my head spin. Then we wonder, why are there so many aggressive children, no manners, no values? It's because the parents aren't with their children enough and teachers aren't allowed to teach. That's why.
Oh, by the way... I am a preschool teacher with an education. I refuse to be conformed by their low standards and low expectations of children. The children in my preschool are well behaved, happy, and know how to be a friend, and have fun, even when they are the ones left standing when playing musical chairs.

I too am a preschool teacher in a daycare/preschool setting and I agree 100% with you!!!

cillybean83 01-18-2011 08:32 PM

My 13 month old son is a biter. He has a mouthful of teeth (11!) and he has a molar coming in which is *part* of the problem, but he also bites for fun, to get attention, and when he's mad. If I'm sitting in the chair in the playroom and have a dck on my lap, my son will walk over and bite my toes to get my attention! I'm lucky that it is MY kid who is the biter because I can smack his hand and say no and put him in the playpen for a couple minutes. I wouldn't know what to do if one of my dck's was the biter, all I could think to do is separate the biter from the group and tell them no. So far my son hasn't bit any daycare kids, but he's starting to get that he gets in trouble for biting because he bit a stuffed animal then pointed to himself and yelled "NO"...so maybe he'll outgrow it soon

Unregistered 02-11-2011 01:41 AM

biting at daycare
 
Biting is perfectly normal at daycare and it comes and goes. Just because there had been streaks of biting doesn't mean that it's a bad daycare or the teachers weren't watching. And parents who think their kids can do no wrong need a reality check. We had 4 kids in our toddler room biting one child, who provoked each bite by pushing and taking toys away. His parents complained and threatened, and finally left... miraculously all biting stopped! Yes there are now some biting incidents here and there, but nothing like with that child. Sometimes a change of environment stops the biting. We have some kids who got kicked out from other centers for biting but have not had one biting incident with us. So if you're parents of a child who keeps getting bitten, either be patient and wait it out or just find a different daycare. No need to make a fuss and play the blame game with teachers or biters.

Michelle 02-22-2011 06:24 AM

biting at church...eeek!
 
My son bit a child in the nursery at church!
I was mortified and felt horrible for that child, so I took him out of the room to a private area and spanked him, told him biting hurts! (calmly and in control)and he never bit again.
Parents are so afraid to discipline! I read "Dare to Discipline by Dr. Dobson and The Strong Willed Child when my kids were young and they are all in college and doing very well. I spanked them very rarely and for severe issues. Most of the time we used time outs and taking privileges away.

I really think allowing an undisciplined biting child to remain in daycare is a form of abuse.

Baby teeth are sharp and these bites leave bruises and can break the skin. Parents need to step up and discipline
Just my loving opinion...I really love my daycare kids, like my own:)

Habshockeygrl 02-22-2011 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 234)
I apologize to all of the victims of bites, but please do not think that the parents of the biter are not good parents. I am saddened that my child hurts others when threatened or when he wants his way and we did not teach him this behavior. Praying for all children and their parents the bitees and the biters.

This was well said. My child became mobile at a very young age and would take toys from the kids that couldn't move Daycare's fix was to move him in with older kids that had the same skill set. He has moved room early every time. Unfortunately the big kids push him around. He may be on the same physical level but not the same verbal and emotional and so out of frustration he began fighting and biting. He only started biting after another kid started biting him. He does not bite or hit at home so we can not punish him for it and at 15 months he is too young to punish hours after an incident. So as a parent whose kid has become the trouble kid you might want to look speak to the parents before you blame

Unregistered 04-06-2011 07:30 AM

Regarding the message below
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by HRH (Post 16)
same exact thing happened to us. they told us the same things. could not even tell us which child bit our child.

We cant controll the biting case among all the children. And predict what going to happen next. We may not know who is in fault. It is because children tend to bite someone when they get frustrated with that someone. Its confidential for a childcare to let out a child's profile.

Unregistered 04-18-2011 02:34 PM

My child is a victom of biting too.
 
Ok so In my case I run a daycare at my home. I have 3 chidren of my own and I watch 5 other children. The one year old that I watch is always biting my 8 month old child. I mean not just once a week, but 5-8 times a day!! If I walk out of the room to make a bottle or take another kids potty, At every chance he gets he bites. I have told the parents about it and all they say is to bite him back. Now I'm not about to bite a child so I put him in time outs. The child does not do it at home. The father says if he did it at home, it would stop real fast. Now, I'm at a loss of what I can do. My child looks like he was attacked by a dog. He almost always bites him on the head. And the parents don't really seem to show that they care. So now I'm asking you guys for tips to get a one year old to stop biting. Please help!!

jen 04-18-2011 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 105911)
Ok so In my case I run a daycare at my home. I have 3 chidren of my own and I watch 5 other children. The one year old that I watch is always biting my 8 month old child. I mean not just once a week, but 5-8 times a day!! If I walk out of the room to make a bottle or take another kids potty, At every chance he gets he bites. I have told the parents about it and all they say is to bite him back. Now I'm not about to bite a child so I put him in time outs. The child does not do it at home. The father says if he did it at home, it would stop real fast. Now, I'm at a loss of what I can do. My child looks like he was attacked by a dog. He almost always bites him on the head. And the parents don't really seem o show that they care. So now I'm asking you guys for tips to get a one year old to stop biting. Please help!!

Personally, there is no way in the world I would leave an 8 month old unattended wih other children ever. Not to use the restroom, change a diaper or make a bottle.

Bring the baby with you, or put him in a pack-n-play.

If you leave an INFANT alone, especially with a kid you know is going to bite, the only one to blame is you.

Unregistered 06-20-2011 09:53 AM

I Agree!!!
 
I completely agree with this poster. My three year old is truly such a kind, sensitive and loving little person. He is in no way aggressive. However, at times of frustration or being provoked he does tend to bite instead of using his words or telling his teacher. No matter how many talks, time outs, etc. Nothing seems to work in him remembering what to do in that moment. Impulse seems to take over. I know he will eventually grow out of it, but at present it's very frustrating.

Unregistered 07-05-2011 11:35 AM

I don't have small children anymore...
 
....but when my dogs start chewing on things and 'speaking' with their teeth, I offer them some 'teething aides'. I believe they may still make such items for children!?!

Unregistered 07-07-2011 05:02 PM

My son is a bitter!
 
My son will be two in september, he has been bitting since before he got teeth. It started by he would give "kisses" and just close down on your cheek. Well when he got teeth these kisses would hurt, so we did everything we could to put a stop to it! I went to work when he was 8 mths old had no problems with him when he was in the infant room. Then when he got to be a year old he was moved up and he would sometimes bit, well then all of a sudden he starting bitting. He would bite at daycare, at home, anywhere and anybody. He bit me many times and I would try many different things telling him "no", time out, popping, bitting him back, and even popped him in his mouth which I hated but it worked. He stop bitting at home and then after that stopped bitting at daycare.

Well then he started back, he starting bitting everything toys, children, and even himself. But he was still not bitting his father or me. At home he was just bitting his toys or himself so I would try to stay on him about not bitting. Well he stopped bitting again.

No just this week he has started back bitting children at school. He bit muliple times daily and even bit a boy in the face. I truly feel horrible for the other parents and children and I dont want them to think that I am not doing my job, becasue he has still not been bitting at home so I haven't been to punish him more harshly then "time out". I have talked to daycare teachers and director and we do have a plan of using a shadow person and when they can't stand by him then they will place him a play pen.

I don't think my son should be expelled and some of the posts hurt my feelings, I understand people's concerned especially if their child is getting bitten. But there are parents who care and daycares that care. I really hope that we can teach him that it is not ok to bite and to use his words. If this new strategy works I'll let you know!


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