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jojosmommy 12-07-2011 04:55 PM

I had a daycare child who repeatedly bit my own son at daycare over a number of months. I should not have put up with it as long as I did as it was not healthy for anyone involved.

I too suggest looking for another daycare. First because it is not healthy for your child (and the kids who are getting bit) but also because you will likely be getting a termination notice soon. I belive it is environment and will be the first to admit that some environments do not work for some kids. Plain and simple it may not be the right place for your child at this stage of her development. Not saying there is anything wrong with the daycare or your child at this point, it is just not the right place right now.

I don't think it is appropriate to ask for proof. Asking for evidence proves you don't trust what the provider is saying and for me that is an immediate termination. Often times kids only bite at daycare and not at home so suggesting that it is not happening simply becuase you have not seen it at home would only irritate me more as a provider.

I would start looking elsewhere, tell the provider you are planning on doing so (because of the biting) and ask them to work with you while you are looking for the right place for your child. Any provider with a heart will let you look for the right place if they can safely have your child in care in the mean time. Otherwise you may be better off using a temporary sitter so that you don't have to be off work everyday.

ycats 01-03-2012 12:38 PM

Parents of biters, keep your head up
 
I recently went through a biting stage with my daughter, she starting biting at 16-17 months and got to a point where I was signing an incident report 3 times a week. Around 22 months, she got kicked out of that facility. In that time frame I was beside myself, hated the fact that other kids where being bitten but also trying to go through every form of discipline and conditioning I could think of. I even did a few spankings, but it was clear to me that they weren't working - one incident she bit right after I had spanked her. The facility she got kicked out of tried to bump up monitoring her as the incidents increased but alas it still didn't help.

We found a new facility and I talked to the director before we admitted her because I wanted her feedback on what they could try, turns out the director's child went through the same frustrations with her child. She assured me that the new instructors would focus on communication techniques ( the words "not nice" entered her vocabulary). But she also assured me that most biters grow out of it, that it truly is a "developmental" problem that many grow out of. My little one did bite a few times at the new facility but I'm proud to say that at 2 years she hasn't had an incident for almost 2 months.

One thing that is clear to me, the new facility has teachers that seem better educated on tactics to deal with behavior issues. And they work! If you are the parent of a bitee, one thing you might want to consider: what exactly are teachers and faculty doing to curb the behavior of the biters? How hard are they working at it? I was blaming myself and my child for her behavior but in retrospect it didn't seem like the facility that she was in was capable of dealing with her issues.

Unregistered 01-26-2012 06:23 AM

To mom who had enough: I would have terminated you for a threat like that

sariejohnston 01-30-2012 01:02 PM

I can relate i have a child in my class who is 2 years old they bite all the time, there are times they do so good not biting for weeks and its out of the blue they start biting again, just last week they bit Three children in one day, my director then told me if they bites again i was to call her mom and have them pick their child up. i always set them in time out and talk to them about biting how it hurts its not nice, but they keep doing it, i have talked to their mom more then once and other parents are getting mad because this keeps being an issue, my daycare doesnt have a policy on it we just put them in time out but i think we need to have a policy on this that says if they become are harming other kids they are no longer allowed due to being dangerous to be around and they can no longer come back until issue is taking care of. i don't know how much longer i can take it, i am always in my room watching after these kids, making sure to keep them busy with activities for them to do. i honestly think this child does it for the attention. today she bit two children i have to talk to her mom when she gets here i don't know what to tell her i am out of ideas.

MMk9987 02-05-2012 12:23 PM

Dear Unregistered


I work in a child care center also I work with 1 year olds and their is one dcb in my class who is known for hitting. on my first day I am a teachers aide I had to write on his daily report so that his mom could see it. I mean none of us workers like that we have to write the children up but they are a year old and they need to know hitting is not okay but also i feel like the parents need to be teaching them not to hit also. if they are not being disciplined at home when they come to school and we have to be the bad guys and tell them no do not hit.

MrsB 02-06-2012 10:36 AM

biting in home daycare setting...
 
As a daycare provider for many years, I have seen my fair share of biters. Although I see the need for the child to be picked up, for the daycare to place sole responsibility on the parents isnt necessarily fair. Since alot of times the parent isnt seeing it at home. With most of the children I have had biting using a technique where you simply say "no biting, that hurts" and exclude them from your attention, the childs attention, and what ever activity they are doing or toy they are playing with seems to help better than going into a big long explanation. When you are talking to a toddler the fewer words you use the more they will understand. Esentially you are giving them a time out but I try not to use the word time out. Kids are in timeout so much that they become desensatized to it. If you can make more fuss about the child who is hurt and more ignoring of the biting behavior then they wont use biting as tecnique to get attention. Also for the kids that are doing out of frustration. You have to "see" the frustration and direct it in the right way before the result is biting. Biting is an end result of frustration. We have a bean bag pillow that the kids use when they are really frustrated and they learn to hit the pillow and use their words to the pillow to calm down rather than hiting or biting the other kids. Once they learn this then they can direct their words towards the kids rather than the pillow.
In one instance, I had a child that was an aweful biter, I tried everything I knew of to try. I was in constant contact with the parent on different things to try. Together with the parent we came up with using a squirt bottle. If I saw him begin to get frustrated or go to bite, I would squirt him more on a stream than a mist. Sure it took alot of time on my part the first few hours, because I had to basically have an eye on him at all times. When I would make lunch, or go potty, I had to have him come with me. It only took one day and about 5 times of getting squirted and he pretty much stopped. Over the next 2 days I caught him going for the bite a few times but then we were all done! The squirt bottle was a last ditch effort and I felt absolutely horrible doing it but it did work. Keep in mind, I was in complete agreeance with the parents and we wrote down everything that I was doing and our "plan" and we all signed it.

Unregistered 03-06-2012 04:36 PM

There are two sides to every situation
 
Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.

saved4always 03-06-2012 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 204798)
Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.

I was fortunate that my own 3 kids did not bite. I have watched a couple of little boys who went through it though. And you are so right. Unfortunately, biting leaves a mark and there is less tolerance for it. I think it is often the way the young child lets another one know to back off.

The latest one who was biting is the youngest of the 3 children I currently watch. I absolutely adore this little guy and have watched him since he was 3 months old. He is 20 months old now and the only other child he has bitten is the 2 1/2 yo little girl. I think he bit her 3 times, hard. I watched very closely after the first time to try to "catch" him doing it so I could intervene. I noticed that he would bite because she would be taking a toy from him and pushing him. The one time, she took a toy from his hand and then held her arm in front of him to keep him away from it and he bit the arm she was pushing him with. I was able to stop him a few times when I saw it coming, but it is not possible to always be able to stop it. When I showed the mother of the little girl the bite, I made sure she knew that she was not an innocent bystander in the biting incident. There was a reason that he was just biting her. And you are right, his parents felt terrible about it and they really worked with him at home on it. He does seem to be over the biting stage now. I am glad that I was never given an ultimatum by the other mother so I was able to work with him to get over it.

I am very sorry that you are going through this with your son. It totally stinks that the biting leaves a mark that the other child's behavior does not. In a perfect world, the other child's parents would understand that their child has a big part in the biting situation and would work with thier child on that to help rectify the situation. Since this is a really imperfect world, that is not always how it is handled. Parents can get a bit hyper about a bite mark. I hope that your son gets over the biting quick so you don't have to feel so stressed.

nannyde 03-07-2012 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 204798)
Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.

I find this post disturbing on so many levels. I can't believe you allowed your kid to attend a classroom where you KNEW there was another child there she targeted SEVEN times over a course of a year. Did you not think it was important for you to protect the safety and well being of that other child? What were you thinking? The center shouldn't have had to tell you to leave.. you should have done that on your own to protect that poor defenseless little one your daughter kept biting. At what point do you feel responsible because you continued to subject that poor child to your child's biting?

Every "expert" you have consulted are telling you it's "normal" because that's what you want to hear and that's what makes them the most amount of money the fastest or gets you off the phone or out of their office the fastest. If they tell you something is definitely wrong with your kid because she is lashing out with biting then you will STAY to discuss or continue to discuss.

I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. I've done it year after year after year.

Keep telling yourself it's normal and you will keep getting booted out of day cares. Next time, think about the poor child on the receiving end of your child's biting and please don't let it go on for a year. Think about the OTHER kids. Do what you have to do to protect them even if it means keeping your own child home and with you.

Unregistered 03-15-2012 07:13 AM

enough is enough
 
How much is enough? In 18 mos my son has been bitten 5 times and received a black eye playing with a "friend" at daycare. I know that at least four of these incidents are from the same child. Unfortunately, I know it was the same child. I say that because I see both sides of the issue and feel for the other family. I have been offered to move my son to another room, but won't because he has not done anything wrong.

They want to work with the child and parent to help the child, but I feel the center is letting down both children in doing so. The incidents do not happen back to back so it always seems like we deal with incidents one at a time rather than looking at the big picture of what's happening. The child also shows very aggressive tendencies with other kids in the room. Their teacher ratios are fine and they have tried shadowing.

I am afraid if I move my son to another center I trade one bag of probems for the unknown. On the other hand I could not live with the regret if something worse happened....did I mention one bite was a week before Christmas on my son's face? Why these boys are not separated when the other room is available I don't know. I think the triggers are jealousy and control between the children and shadowing and behavior mod. at home will not help if they are just not meant to be friends!

I am angry that the daycare is making me feel like I am letting him down.

Greenplasticwateringcans 03-15-2012 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nannyde (Post 205314)
I find this post disturbing on so many levels. I can't believe you allowed your kid to attend a classroom where you KNEW there was another child there she targeted SEVEN times over a course of a year. Did you not think it was important for you to protect the safety and well being of that other child? What were you thinking? The center shouldn't have had to tell you to leave.. you should have done that on your own to protect that poor defenseless little one your daughter kept biting. At what point do you feel responsible because you continued to subject that poor child to your child's biting?

Every "expert" you have consulted are telling you it's "normal" because that's what you want to hear and that's what makes them the most amount of money the fastest or gets you off the phone or out of their office the fastest. If they tell you something is definitely wrong with your kid because she is lashing out with biting then you will STAY to discuss or continue to discuss.

I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. I've done it year after year after year.

Keep telling yourself it's normal and you will keep getting booted out of day cares. Next time, think about the poor child on the receiving end of your child's biting and please don't let it go on for a year. Think about the OTHER kids. Do what you have to do to protect them even if it means keeping your own child home and with you.


From reading your posts it sounds like you are in a very strong position to weed out potential problem families. While I'm sure you run an excellent program a lot of credit has to be given to your ability to choose the cream of the crop clients.

Sugar Magnolia 03-15-2012 11:21 AM

"I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. "

I agree with this 100%. Biting happens because of a lack of proper supervision. Period. A provider who is diligent and aware of every childs actions at all times will notice a problem before it escalates to biting. I have a small center with low student to teacher ratios and a bite is extremely rare here, two in 6 years, and never any repeats by the same child. If your child is bit ONCE at a daycare setting, you need to consider they might not be properly supervised. More than once, you need to leave, ASAP.

Blackcat31 03-15-2012 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia (Post 208104)
I agree with this 100%. Biting happens because of a lack of proper supervision. Period. A provider who is diligent and aware of every childs actions at all times will notice a problem before it escalates to biting. I have a small center with low student to teacher ratios and a bite is extremely rare here, two in 6 years, and never any repeats by the same child. If your child is bit ONCE at a daycare setting, you need to consider they might not be properly supervised. More than once, you need to leave, ASAP.

Sugar, I agree with you about proper supervision and being a diligent provider so that biting does not happen. I also think a majority of biting DOES happen due to lack of supervision.

However, I don't think it is fair to say that one bite means the child was improperly supervised.

I have had 1 biting incident in my 20 years of child care and it was an 18 month old DCG who bit an 11 month old DCG while she (the little one) was sitting on my lap! :eek:

The biter had never bitten before and was going in for what I thought was a hug to the little one. She hugged her alot. All of a sudden, little one arches her back away from the older girl and I realize she was bitten....and badly too. :(

It has never happened again here but it did happen once and NOT because of lack of supervision.

Sugar Magnolia 03-15-2012 12:47 PM

You are absolutely right Blackcat. All I meant was one bite should mean a parent should CONSIDER the supervision is not all it can be. I have had two bites, both were lightning fast and not the result of a problem that was allowed to escalate. Bites happen, but should be super rare, like yours are. But I only meant parents should have eyes wide open if it occurs, even once. These posts about multiple bites and it being "normal" are very disturbing. I was absolutely mortified by my biting incidents, I expected the parents to be upset, luckily they were not. I had a child once that came to us because a big box center was non-chalant about multiple bites. I would fully expect a parent to be concerned to the point of withdrawing their child if the were bit more than once, and even expect a grilling over the first one.

DaisyMamma 04-24-2012 05:44 PM

Great thoughts and ideas. What to do if you have a home daycare and your own child is the biter? I cannot expel her and I am watching the kids. It only takes 2 seconds!

Unregistered 05-07-2012 11:05 PM

First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!

Meyou 05-08-2012 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 227063)
First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!

I would find a new place for your child. Honestly, I would have moved my child long before now. That little girl is not being properly supervised. She shouldn't have access to your son to bite him that much. Your babysitter is not doing their job if your son is still being bitten at all. Her concern is her granddaughter and that isn't going to change IMO.

saved4always 05-08-2012 05:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 227063)
First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!

I am sorry your little one is going through this. I have had a couple biters in my home childcare and both times, the parents (2 different families) were very concerned about the biting and worked on it at home. Both families of the biters felt very badly about thier child biting and apologized (in person or through me if they had different drop off/pick up times...parents knew who the biter was because the bitten child could say the name, plus I only watched 4 kids). I feel that the parents taking it very seriously and expressing thier sorrow to the parents of the bitten child went a long way in helping everyone get through the situation. The biting stage was short-lived for both of these children, thank goodness. I feel a combination of time outs when biting occurred, shadowing to catch the biting situations before they happened and the parents of the biter reinforcing no biting at home all helped it to stop quickly.

saved4always 05-08-2012 05:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meyou (Post 227079)
I would find a new place for your child. Honestly, I would have moved my child long before now. That little girl is not being properly supervised. She shouldn't have access to your son to bite him that much. Your babysitter is not doing their job if your son is still being bitten at all. Her concern is her granddaughter and that isn't going to change IMO.

I agree with this, too. If you feel the parents and your provider are not addressing the biting and it is going on like this, it is time to look for a new provider. It doesn't sound to me like your provider is doing everything she could to stop the biting.

DevorahNA 06-18-2012 09:34 PM

child bitten, and teacher of children who have bitten
 
I have been on both sides of the above situation. I have taught several children who I would call habitual biters and my daughter was bitten many times at daycare.

As the teacher of the biting child, I sat down with parents and the school administrators and mapped out a plan to figure out why the bitting was occurring and ideas of what I could do and what the parent could do at home. I think that generally if the ratios of child:teacher are ok, than the biting can be stopped. but you really have to make a plan and follow through, and adjust if necessary.

As I mentioned my daughter was bitten many times at daycare. unfortunately, I was not aware of the problem until that last 2 weeks of school. I knew that a child in her class bit, and I knew she was bitten a few times. But it was only when I witness her being bitten for no reason that that I made a fuss about it to the director. Then the teachers actually documented how many bites were happening per day. Well it turns out it was multiple times per HOUR. Frankly, I was enraged that my child was being bitten so many times and no one cared to tell me!!! I cannot believe that no on cared to try to stop it. Nobody met the parents or made plans. Frankly, its not developmentally normal behavior to be biting like this! It is a child like this that needs to be expelled. Not because he cannot be worked with, but because the school doesn't take the time to figure out what the child needs to stop biting. YOu have to protect the other children! i am very angry that my baby was in a hostile environment so long. I was understanding when when I thought it was a few times in an entire year, not when I learned it was a few times a week!

Unregistered 06-29-2012 01:35 PM

Question about what I should do
 
My son is 2 and we had just recently placed him in this daycare and right off the bat we started having trouble with the daycare they were complaining about him peeing to much so i brought him to the dr he has no bladder infection the next thing was they wanted to use diapers when i had him in underwear and askd them to please work with me because he is doing so great at home and they would constantly send him home in diapers or other kids clothes and I would ask wheres his clothes they would say oh hes out! That next week I brought a bag of extra clothes with his name on the bag and clothes and that afternoon he was ina diaper! I asked again did he run out she said yes I asked where his clothes were I brought today she said she never recieved them?! They were horrible communicators did not care my problems seemed so small to them. They never communicated with me at all!! I got a call one day stating he was bit in the face and when I got there I asked by who it was the owners daughter who had done it and he has a scar on his face to this very day! I was informed face biting is immediate suspension by a friend?? 3 weeks later he was bit again on his belly by a little boy who also bruised him! I asked the teacher what my son was doing to cause them she said he didnt do anything so I wasnt going to do anything about it to him because it was clearly not my son. Last thing is I got a recipept saying im 3 weeks behind on payment hes suspended if not paid by friday ?!?! I have seriously been paying weekly with cash and I unfortanatley never kept my recipts:( SO it was there word against mine..... I called the owner and told her he wouldnt return because i didnt have 330 to give them right then! she told me i had 10 business days or she would turn it into collections I said okay il see you next week to pay, then I said I was upset she didnt let me know weeks ago that i was behind! she then replied with excuse me thats not my problem you need to take care of your own bills?!?!?! I was shocked she turned that rude on me i then replied with your the OWNER and your telling me that tuition is not your problem why would you even let a parent continue 3 weeks w/o pay?! I told her id be buy the next day to get his clothes and diapers,....she told me "Oh no il lock that in my office you cant get his stuff until i get my money!" I responded with thats my sons personal belongings im not even sure if that legal! she said back if you wanna be rude il add another 110 to your fee! so i told her if i pay for another week he will return and finish the week and she said hes not allowed on her probperty that if he comes she will call the cops on him?!!!! I was in total shock that this lady ive trusted my kid with for 5 months would talkto me like this I really was in shock! So I said okay il get a lawyer and come get his stuff we went back n forth with other stuff said I just need to know is any of that acceptable? I was not rude I told her (even though i know ive paid) id see her next week to pay and only told her i was upset she didnt let me know way earlier my payments were behind that throwing a 330.00 fee on me in one day was financially hard for me! She got immediatly ticked after I told her that.... I think tuition is her responsibility as well as mine! 3 weeks really?!

STC 07-04-2012 12:12 PM

biting
 
I am very surprised only one person has addressed the issue of health/saftey, and not in any depth. Whatever the stage, pyschological angle, or developmental issues are on either side, it's a "so what ?". Once a child has been bitten and it breaks the skin, it enters the bitten child's bloodstream--whatever bacteria is in the mouth has a DIRECT entry to a child's bloodstream and can cause many health problems, including death-- no to be dramatic-- just factual. You don't care how unlikely that is if it happens YOUR child. This cannot be taken lightly and discussed as if it is a problem to be solved by either parent or daycare providers--while either casting blame on each other or working over time to correct the issue. All intelligent and reasonable people will agree and work for a solution in the best interest of BOTH the biter and the bittees--with the first concern , the physical health of the child wno is bitten. All the blame stuff is juvenile--where are the adults?
There, of course, should be caring for the biter--these are just children--who have no idea what harm they are inflicting. There are many great suggestions for stopping this behavior--in the meantime the other children need to be 100% protected-- not 80-90%. There also is not just one way to do that--each situation needs to be evaluated and decided on the basis of their structure and avenues of choices as a team--parents and providers.

littlestarday 07-23-2012 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by judy (Post 12)
I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?

It's very difficult to stop biting behavior. We understand that parents are going to be upset that their children are being bitten, but biting is normal toddler behavior and daycare centers do their best to prevent it, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Becoming angry with the daycare teachers will not help the situation, they don't want to see your child being hurt either, and it can become very frustrating when there are multiple biters in a room. I'm not saying that parents don't have a right to be upset but they should also try to understand how the teachers and the parents of the biters feel about the situation. Parents are sometimes embarrassed that their children do bite. Children don't bite because they have bad parents, they bite because they're trying to express emotions that they cannot yet put into words. What we try to do is: 1. Prevent bites before they happen by watching the biter and removing them when you see them try to bite. 2. Tell the child "no thank you, we don't bite" or a similar phrase. 3. Remove the child from the situation by redirecting them to another play area or engage them in an activity 4. Prevent bites before they happen by keeping the child interested in play (introduce different toys and begin new activites when you see the child becoming bored) These suggestions don't work for all children. We have some children who don't respond to anything and continue to bite, and the best thing that we can do is try to protect the other children and be consistent with our methods.

Unregistered 07-29-2012 05:21 AM

biting with hearing impaired children
 
My son is the biter. I am sorry for all the kids that have gotten bitten. I received a text over the weekend with no warning stating not only him but my other two children were not allowed back due to the biting. First off I should tell you that he is hearing impaired and has to wear a hearing aid. He also has speech twice a week with a sign teacher. So needless to say he doesn't have the words to say let alone the signs foe biting. It has gotten worse this past month because his hearing aids are in the shop. So he literally can't hear you. What am I to do? It is normal for a normal kid to bite but mine is deaf. So you are punishing him and his two siblings for something he doesn't even understand. Oh and he is only 18 months and his speech is the equalivalent of a 9 month old.

Hunni Bee 08-07-2012 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 248875)
My son is the biter. I am sorry for all the kids that have gotten bitten. I received a text over the weekend with no warning stating not only him but my other two children were not allowed back due to the biting. First off I should tell you that he is hearing impaired and has to wear a hearing aid. He also has speech twice a week with a sign teacher. So needless to say he doesn't have the words to say let alone the signs foe biting. It has gotten worse this past month because his hearing aids are in the shop. So he literally can't hear you. What am I to do? It is normal for a normal kid to bite but mine is deaf. So you are punishing him and his two siblings for something he doesn't even understand. Oh and he is only 18 months and his speech is the equalivalent of a 9 month old.

While this information definitely shouldn't have been sent by text, the daycare isn't "punishing" your children by terming them. They are protecting the other children who your son is biting and allowing you find another setting that may be better suited to your son's needs.

What most likely happened (and why you didn't get any warning) is other parents told her that either your son goes or their child goes. As you said, your son's biting has escalated recently because his hearing aids are being repaired. Your provider had to make a rushed decision, and to be honest, it doesn't make sense to keep the family that may drive future business away as well.

It all comes down to the fact that biting isn't something that's acceptable in daycare, no matter the circumstances. And just as you feel strongly to protect your children, other parents feel the same. I wish you luck in finding a better program for your son and other children.

Unregistered 08-29-2012 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by judy (Post 12)
I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?

It's not fair to blame the daycare. #1 that is a psychological problem. Unless the staff have a degree in psychology is sometimes hard to change that behavior in a child and you have to understand that takes time too. instead of contacting the department of social service you should approach the daycare and try to see if they could talk to the kid parent to take him to a psychologist. They know how to help. Sometimes not even parents cant help the child. You are lucky cuz yours don't bite but that is very common in children at a early development stage. Instead of being complaining you need to understand that not all children are the same.

itlw8 08-29-2012 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 258333)
It's not fair to blame the daycare. #1 that is a psychological problem. Unless the staff have a degree in psychology is sometimes hard to change that behavior in a child and you have to understand that takes time too. instead of contacting the department of social service you should approach the daycare and try to see if they could talk to the kid parent to take him to a psychologist. They know how to help. Sometimes not even parents cant help the child. You are lucky cuz yours don't bite but that is very common in children at a early development stage. Instead of being complaining you need to understand that not all children are the same.

While it is a normal develpmental stage taking an 18 month to a psychologist would serve no purpose.

And yes unfortunately once a child has bitten 1 time they are a known hazard and if a parent reports it the center is at fault. Why because they knew the child might bite again.

I was reported 1x because a child was bit. first time ever he was bit and 1x the biter had bitten. I was less than 5 feet away and the room was not crowded. The state said I did nothing wrong except I should have called the parent immediately and not waited for the parent to come 30 minutes later to pick up..... funny the parent thought they would bring the child back. The state could not believe she thought I would take them back

Unregistered 09-13-2012 03:38 PM

Childcare
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by HRH (Post 16)
same exact thing happened to us. they told us the same things. could not even tell us which child bit our child.


It's illegal to tell parents who is the biter. Just so you know. But the children could be sent home after 3 bites in one day. They could have incident reports put in their file for each one and when they hit 10 in one month have a conference. If it happens 10 times a second month they're expelled. Most schools would rather loose one aggressive kid then 5 kids whose parents got fed up with nothing being done about that child.

sandrapitt 09-26-2012 11:20 PM

Not acceptable
 
Children are just not allowed to bite and hurt other kids. A teacher should always be around this kid who behaves like this. It is also important that the parents of this child is informed and told to do something about it. Parents need to check if his biting is occasional and normal or just too aggressive. As child care centers, the center is responsible for the safety of the other kids. It is necessary that they stop this childs behavior and keep a check on him always.

Unregistered 11-12-2012 11:14 AM

Biting in daycare
 
We have a meeting today with my 2yr old son's daycare. He has been bitten several times and so have other children. There are two biters in the room of 6. While I am completely aware that anytime there is a group of toddlers together like that there will be some biting and some pushing etc. It is always difficult to determine if my being so upset is because I am a mother and my son was bitten or if in fact there is a problem that I the school should address or I will need to look elsewhere for childcare/preschool? Any thoughts. One of the biters has actually been biting since the infant room. Since moving to the two year old room teh end of Aug my son has been bitten 4 times prior to moving to that room in a year he had been bitten another four times. How much is too much? Any thoughts?

Cat Herder 11-12-2012 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 284585)
We have a meeting today with my 2yr old son's daycare. He has been bitten several times and so have other children. There are two biters in the room of 6. While I am completely aware that anytime there is a group of toddlers together like that there will be some biting and some pushing etc. It is always difficult to determine if my being so upset is because I am a mother and my son was bitten or if in fact there is a problem that I the school should address or I will need to look elsewhere for childcare/preschool? Any thoughts. One of the biters has actually been biting since the infant room. Since moving to the two year old room teh end of Aug my son has been bitten 4 times prior to moving to that room in a year he had been bitten another four times. How much is too much? Any thoughts?

Honestly, I'd have moved on. :o

IMHO, Something is keeping these kids really stressed out (too much/lack of space, too many/not enough toys, lack of Variety in toys, too much/too little stimulation, too much/too little free play, etc).

I have never seen biting like that in my program. :(

MarinaVanessa 11-12-2012 02:44 PM

I must agree with Cathearder. Especially if there is a child who chronically bites as you stated (has been biting since the infant room) then to me this would mean that the issue is not being taken care of.

The issue of biting is difficult because it's a natural and frankly quite usual thing for young children to do ... this does not mean however that it is ok to do especially in childcare. If your child has been bitten repeatedly and no improvements have been made to correct the issue either from parents or daycare then perhaps it's time to look for childcare elsewhere.

Unregistered 11-15-2012 06:56 PM

I have a biter
 
I have a biter...and while I know this isn't acceptable and it's not okay to harm other children, there is a reason for it. I get frustrated when other parents don't understand the cause and think my child is just a bully or his home life is unsable...he is not a bully and his home life is actually quite normal, and he is actually very sweet. Unfortunately he has a hearing loss and is unable to speak the way a normal 2 almost 3 year old should. He can understand fully what's going on around him and he cannot express what he needs to, when he needs to. When he gets frustrated, anxious, or provoked and feels he needs to defend himself, he expresses that through biting. I don't have rose colored glasses on and think my child is an angel, in fact I know all children are capable of behaviors. If your child is the one getting biten more frequently by a biter, you might want to ask yourself, what is my child doing to provoke this child or better yet ask yourself how you can be part of the solution and not the problem by assuming a biter is a "bad" child.

Unregistered 12-05-2012 12:40 PM

I understand that children bite, and I am sympathetic to the parents of children who bite. But if the child repeatedly bites other children, breaking the skin and causing bruising, the child needs to be removed from daycare until such time as s/he works through that behavior. I'm not saying s/he is a bad kid, or that the parents are doing anything wrong. But at the same time other children are being hurt, and that cannot just be glossed over.

Holiday Park 12-05-2012 02:44 PM

To the pp who said her child has hearing loss, there a couple things to do . Teach him bon verbal communication skills like sign language , and pick a childcare facility who will support that.

I teach all my babies signs so they can "talk" about their needs/wants and have it be known. When my son gets upset because he is having a toy taken away he will look at me or the other child and point. If he wants to nurse, he signs milk. He is 14 months old and has been asking to be taken to the potty by way of signing and he is a hearing child . He also says some words too. But y point is , it Is known why kids bite and thats ehy its important to be proactive in prevention and tackling it at hand when it happens. Like others have said, if it can't be resolved then they can't stay in that particular environment and it is what it is, so the parent should try not to get all butthurt over it. Thats my opinion of course ;-)

Unregistered 12-20-2012 05:15 PM

Biters at daycare
 
5 times is too many times to bite someone else's child. He should be put out and you should your discipline!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 234)
I apologize to all of the victims of bites, but please do not think that the parents of the biter are not good parents. I am saddened that my child hurts others when threatened or when he wants his way and we did not teach him this behavior. He is disciplined at school with time outs and we also discipline at home when he bites at school. My son does not just go around biting children; he bites in times of conflict with another child. We are working with him to use his words and talk to the daycare workers when conflicts occur, but we must also remember that it is harder for some children to master self-control and using words in times of frustration. I know that parents of the biter feel terrible about it and we are parents just like you wanting our children to learn appropriate ways of playing with other children. I work and so does my husband, my child should not be kicked out of daycare. We should instead work together with constant reminders and praise of positive behaviors, time-outs when biting occurs and increased supervision during times of close free play with other children. Especially if it particularly one child who is being bitten. My child has not bitten as much as some of the stories you have mentioned, just having some difficulty with one child in particular during playtime and it has happened 5 times in the past month. Praying for all children and their parents the bitees and the biters.


MamaG 12-20-2012 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Concerned Mommy (Post 150417)
-----------------------------------------------------------

So an update to my 23 month old daughter who had bites... so we are now looking at 4 bites in 8 weeks... and just on Friday, this bite was on the FACE. No bite is ever easy to take when you see marks on your child... but on the face.... it was just shocking and horribly upsetting.

It is not their policy to say who the biter is... but my daughter did say a name... and basically it was confirmed from the conversation I had this morning. This boy is always all over my daughter. When I picked her up one day, I saw him tackler her... I believe he has bit her at least once before... I saw a incident report taped to his cubby the same day she had hers from being bit. I am thinking I need a parent-teacher conference. For daycare professionals out there... is there something that can be done if you have the same culprit biting a certain child? Is it time to move on to a new school?

For the previous incidents that went "unnoticed"... basically they said they never saw her cry... didn't notice anything out of the ordinary... seems unbelievable when you have a bite hard enough to break the skin... they apologized but said they didn't see it. This one on the face though.... everyone could see that... clear individual teeth marks on her cheekbone right below her eye.

If a child bites or otherwise inflicts harm in an act of anger they get three strikes you're out, as in terminated. As a mother I would not care about 'oh he is just frustraighted and we are working on it' blah blah crap! As a provider I've had this issue pop up more then once. I tell parents the 3 strikes rule and the offender is reprimanded and punished! Severely. It is outlines in detail in my policies and in the note that get sent home.

MamaG 12-20-2012 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 262283)
It's illegal to tell parents who is the biter. Just so you know. But the children could be sent home after 3 bites in one day. They could have incident reports put in their file for each one and when they hit 10 in one month have a conference. If it happens 10 times a second month they're expelled. Most schools would rather loose one aggressive kid then 5 kids whose parents got fed up with nothing being done about that child.

I'd find new child care after the 2nd bite! And at my 'center' after the 3rd bite offender gets terminated. But after 1 bite the biter gets glued to my hip, so a 2nd bite has never happened. When they see dang a bite I become miss teachers new shadow. He doesn't get to play with what or where or who he wants too. Pretty much sucks.

Unregistered 12-27-2012 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by judy (Post 12)
I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?

You should have asked or read about information first before filing a report. uncool.

Unregistered 01-22-2013 10:38 PM

17 month biting
 
Today I received an incident note from my sons day care that he bit another child n has attempted or bitten other kids this week ... It's only Tuesday which would mean he did it for two days so far. tomorrow I'm going in extra early to have a discussion with the teacher I have so many questions n things we can try to do to solve the situation. I'm sad to think that any parent would think that a biters parent is a bad parent or that my son is some homicidal freak at 17 months old. He had a problem with this behavior at home a month ago when ever he was excited or wanted to show affection he would bite so I would tell him firmly no bit, and then say gentle gentle while caressing his face and the behavior improved 110% now I find out he is starting at school I feel horrible for any child he bit I'm absolutely horrified and embarrassed by his behavior but I've been researching ways to help solve this issue. this is most definitely a parent / daycare issue both must work together and be consistent n understanding of what the instigators are. My son is a sweet loving n highly intelligent child n has always played well with others so I'm still in shock. I'm wondering if perhaps he is bored...his teacher has told me on many occasions that he is way ahead of the other children n is the most mature though he is not the oldest perhaps he needs more mental stimulation ...guess I will find out tomorrow at any rate please know that this mother of a biter isn't standing idly by but being proactive as I hope his daycare will be as well. Best of luck to everyone in whatever ur situation is and please remember these are still babies n they take all their cues from us so if they are misbehaving we the adults (parents&caregivers) need to take a look in the mirror n make changes!


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