Hitter
My question is about the kids getting hit not the hitter....If there is a child who constantly hits all day (we are working with him on this) should the kids be forced to play with him? Because kids are so resilient some of the younger kids forget oh he hit me 2 minutes ago I'm going to play with him again but many of the older kids run away and don't want to play/share with him.
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No, a natural consequence to being mean is that no one will want to play with you. The children avoiding him is more likely to curb his hitting problem than anything an adult can do.
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Originally Posted by Unregistered: Depending on age, he may get a second chance to play with the others but hitting a second time would warrant him being shadowed continuously for the remainder of the day. Like nanglgrl said, a natural consequence for hitting your friends should be no friends. |
Originally Posted by nanglgrl: Maybe your dcks are of a younger set and dynamics are totally different. Maybe try group activities more often, such as sensory table, group games or playdoh. I wouldn't force the dcks to play with him but try to encourage togetherness in a different way. |
Originally Posted by Josiegirl: My DH and I recently got a puppy. One of the first things we had to teach him was not to use his teeth to nip or "taste" his humans. Part of that training process was an immediate negative reaction to the behavior. Even at 12 weeks of age, he understood the connection between the unwanted behavior and the immediate results or consequence. I think having "friends" not want to play with you is just as simple of a concept for kids to understand....especially from around 12 months and on.... At 3, I'd term a kid that continually hit others. Like I said, I know your heart is in the right place but you just made the same argument EVERY permissive parent makes for giving in to their child's bad or unwanted behaviors.... You feel bad. ;) As for the DCG having her heart broke....it apparently didn't effect her too much as it should have squashed the hitting or it should have sparked a conversation then about why her friends don't want to be her friend... :) |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: :eek: NO!! I did, didn't I? EEEEK But I never acted on it.:o No further than showing her/explaining to her why they were acting that way towards her and trying to get them to include her, but not forcing them. I just said I felt bad. :o Wow BC, you're tough.:lol: |
Originally Posted by Josiegirl: It's hard to see from our own view but easily seen from an outsider view (when it comes to parents) isn't it? :p :) I know you didn't act on it and I know you know......but I just had to point that out because almost all parents that give in almost always say "but I feel bad" ;) :lol: |
If any child got into the habit of using force to get his/her way I would be that child's shadow every minute of their child care day.
If I had to go to the kitchen to serve lunch the child would come with me where I can have him/her in my sight always, if I had to take another child to the bathroom this child would sit right outside the bathroom door by me with a book, if we went outside to play the child would be my playmate and I would follow him/her around always, if I had to change a diaper ... you get the idea. All of the children have a right to be in a safe place and a child that hits constantly is obstructing them from having that. It might take a lot of reminders and resistance at first but they get the idea. |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: I separate mine from the group for the DAY after the second incident. Everyone else deserves to not be hit. |
That one violent child
The one violent child is gone and vacation. Wow things are calmer. It is so pathetic, but I am enjoying this break from the drama that one causes.
I do everything I can, I teach, I teach, I seperate. Seperating and shadowing is the only thing that seems to work with this child. When I even attempt to teach, the child is either so headstrong that they don't listen or so worked up that they were seperated. The headstrong child will only listen if I discuss behavior stories before starting the day, or after a time in break to calm down. The child will roll on the ground in anger, say no repeadetly, will not look me in the face or hear me. By the end of the week the child gets it but then Monday rolls around and I sometimes wonder if it is permissive parenting, combined with part time schedule too. The weeks I have the kid more often go better, than when I have the child less often. I often ponder because the child is being let to run the show at pick up time with one of the parents but not the other. I pray it is the other who picks up, but is often the permissive one that does...........:eek: What other behavior interventions work for a headstrong child who goes into this sort of zone of anger? I get that it takes a calm presence, non threatening presence. But what do you do when even that fails with this kind of child who is so stuck in wanting to push, hit, kick, grab/pinch,shove, and occassionally bite. |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: |
Originally Posted by Unregistered: I certainly wouldn't make being my shadow a fun thing to do and it wouldn't be hard for the others to see that it's not that much fun....especially if you are generous with the positive reinforcement and praise for the other kids that ARE behaving nicely. My shadow would definitely sense that I am unhappy with his actions. If you are sitting with and playing with the other kids and doing so makes it impossible to have a shadow, then you have two choices...not play with the others or let the child that is a habitual hitter go. I know that isn't always what posters want to hear but keeping the group safe is a priority and something all parents expect as part of the services you offer. Yes, kids do hit but continually hitting is simply not acceptable and if it can't be managed in group care, then something within the group needs to change. HTH :) |
Originally Posted by Blackcat31: Using shadowing that way has worked for you to get the child to stop hitting? The child I'm referring to is a bit under 2. What do you do outside? Keep the child by your side. They can't play with the others? |
Originally Posted by Lorna: With kids I have done with this in the past - outside I would just follow them. If I needed to go somewhere, I just hold their hand and lead them. |
Originally Posted by Lorna: However, yes... in other situations having the hitter be my shadow has worked great! How long and how often to use this technique is completely dependent on the child and how quickly they catch on. I also do what Controlled Chaos said and make sure the hitter goes NO WHERE unaccompanied. ;) |
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