New Family Drama
 

I just started a set of siblings yesterday. The kids were great besides the older one had a hard time with food and was a bit rough with my younger kids. That will get resolved easily as I don't put up with it. The problem is that the mother has given me strict instructions about how to feed and care for the baby that goes against all of the training I took for daycare. She wants a bottle to be propped in a bouncer. The baby is to sleep in a bouncer at all times. She is not to be held much during the day. I texted the mom back and said, "So, you want me to prop a bottle in the bouncer?" Her reply was, "yes." I'm not sure that this will be a good fit. Advice please!

"I'm so sorry but that is actually not acceptable practice in child care. Babies are held for feedings and only sleep in a crib with no toys, blankets or stuffed animals. Would you like me to find contact information for a safe sleep course for you?"

Originally Posted by ilgirltrist11:
I just started a set of siblings yesterday. The kids were great besides the older one had a hard time with food and was a bit rough with my younger kids. That will get resolved easily as I don't put up with it. The problem is that the mother has given me strict instructions about how to feed and care for the baby that goes against all of the training I took for daycare. She wants a bottle to be propped in a bouncer. The baby is to sleep in a bouncer at all times. She is not to be held much during the day. I texted the mom back and said, "So, you want me to prop a bottle in the bouncer?" Her reply was, "yes." I'm not sure that this will be a good fit. Advice please!

I would just respond with the truth: I am required to hold a child when feeding a bottle and to respond to their cries with comfort within a reasonable amount of time. This includes holding the baby when he/she needs it. The only recognized safe way to sleep is on a flat surface free of any bedding (other than a tight fitting sheet), and all babies sleep this way, as is required. That would be the end of that conversation for me.

Originally Posted by ilgirltrist11:
I just started a set of siblings yesterday. The kids were great besides the older one had a hard time with food and was a bit rough with my younger kids. That will get resolved easily as I don't put up with it. The problem is that the mother has given me strict instructions about how to feed and care for the baby that goes against all of the training I took for daycare. She wants a bottle to be propped in a bouncer. The baby is to sleep in a bouncer at all times. She is not to be held much during the day. I texted the mom back and said, "So, you want me to prop a bottle in the bouncer?" Her reply was, "yes." I'm not sure that this will be a good fit. Advice please!

What did you say to her?

Nobody can give you permission to do the wrong thing!
Babies must be held or in a chair to eat and sleeping in a bouncer would go against regulations.
I would tell her exactly that. If she wants to continue care on your terms, great. If not, bye.

Why did you enroll her? Didn't you ask about about how the baby sleeps for naps?

I know that this goes against regulations for sleeping and eating. I'm stating what the parents conversation was. Thanks though!

I didn't respond to her after this conversation. I will be talking to her today. The only thing I asked before she started was how long she naps. She was in a crib yesterday and her mom flipped out, which was why the text was sent to me. I understand cultural differences but it's just not going to happen here.

Originally Posted by ilgirltrist11:
I didn't respond to her after this conversation. I will be talking to her today. The only thing I asked before she started was how long she naps. She was in a crib yesterday and her mom flipped out, which was why the text was sent to me. I understand cultural differences but it's just not going to happen here.

I would tell her you would love to partner with her to keep home and daycare as consistent as possible however per state regulations you are required to XYZ. You can go on to tell her what you can do during the day within regulations to be consistent - i.e. allow some crying and self soothing, etc.

Originally Posted by ilgirltrist11:
I didn't respond to her after this conversation. I will be talking to her today. The only thing I asked before she started was how long she naps. She was in a crib yesterday and her mom flipped out, which was why the text was sent to me. I understand cultural differences but it's just not going to happen here.

So strange...I mean, why is a bouncer acceptable but a crib not? What culture is she from? And i don't mean that in a snarky type of way, just generally curious. Does the baby have reflux maybe? Regardless, I would just tell dcm that you can't do that here and be prepared for her to pull. I've found (and yes learned this the hard way lol) going over safe sleep with all new clients and explaining exactly how I sleep babies and what I am not willing to do has helped weed out a lot of people. No, I don't co-sleep with your dcg, no I will not prop food up for them, no you may not bring their ten different blankets and "security objects" to put in the crib at two months old and so on lol.

You could go to http://firstcandle.com/ and print off some resources for her, then have a conference this evening. You may be able to salvage this by simply telling her it is illegal. ;) Some people don't know any better. I, personally, would be more afraid to term than bend over backwards to keep this family (morally).

Aside: I don't understand how they got out of the hospital nursery without some discussion on the topic though, they are also required to educate on this.

If there are cultural differences here then I would give her the benefit of the doubt that she may not know. Explain everything to her and let her know what you CAN do at your home. Then let her know that she can find care elsewhere if this does not sound like a good fit. You are in charge here so let her know that!

Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Aside: I don't understand how they got out of the hospital nursery without some discussion on the topic though, they are also required to educate on this.

easy. those whose first language is not English can tune out the lecture and just nod. kinda like a man reading a newspaper while his wife tells him that she has gonorrhea: "uh-huh..." :D I did it more times than I'm willing to admit :ouch:
if we deal with cultural differences, ELL may be the case here as well.

Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
easy. those whose first language is not English can tune out the lecture and just nod. kinda like a man reading a newspaper while his wife tells him that she has gonorrhea: "uh-huh..." :D I did it more times than I'm willing to admit :ouch:
if we deal with cultural differences, ELL may be the case here as well.

:lol::lol: When I first read this, I took it as you told your husband that you had gonorrhea more times than you're willing to admit! I had to go back and read it again! :o

Originally Posted by Leigh:
:lol::lol: When I first read this, I took it as you told your husband that you had gonorrhea more times than you're willing to admit! I had to go back and read it again! :o

Well, since he did that newspaper thing to me, too (only in his case it was a phone or iPad), I did say something similar to him. :D
The gonorrhea was shamelessly stolen from Judy Blume's "Wifey" :lol:

The family is from Mexico. It seems that a lot of the younger adults put their children to sleep in bouncers. I believe that she is about 22 or so. I've never put my kids to sleep in a bouncer. Although my kids never liked being in a bouncer so I don't really understand the hype.

Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
easy. those whose first language is not English can tune out the lecture and just nod. kinda like a man reading a newspaper while his wife tells him that she has gonorrhea: "uh-huh..." :D I did it more times than I'm willing to admit :ouch:
if we deal with cultural differences, ELL may be the case here as well.

I had a Mexican, (who later became an American) co-worker I had friended. She would do this to our supervisor. One day the supervisor talked to her then came and talked to me. She asked me if I thought my friend understood her, I said no but I would explain it to her later. Just as I expected, my friend came to me and said "what did supervisor say to me?" I explained it to her again and had her repeat or ask questions. She would come to me after every meeting or conversation with a supervisor. One time, I had to ask a supervisor what they said to her as I was not a part of the conversation, they looked at me puzzled and said "but she said she understood?" Later we moved to an area with bilingual co-workers and they became her ears but I never got the nod.
BTW I never spoke any spanish to her, I only know the basics.

Originally Posted by 284878:
I had a Mexican, (who later became an American) co-worker I had friended. She would do this to our supervisor. One day the supervisor talked to her then came and talked to me. She asked me if I thought my friend understood her, I said no but I would explain it to her later. Just as I expected, my friend came to me and said "what did supervisor say to me?" I explained it to her again and had her repeat or ask questions. She would come to me after every meeting or conversation with a supervisor. One time, I had to ask a supervisor what they said to her as I was not a part of the conversation, they looked at me puzzled and said "but she said she understood?" Later we moved to an area with bilingual co-workers and they became her ears but I never got the nod.
BTW I never spoke any spanish to her, I only know the basics.

when I was discharged after having my daughter, I tuned the nurse out after "you should hide the boxes of diapers you buy at Costco under other products, so no one guesses you just had a baby." it was like, "nonsense alert, all tune out! blah-blah-blah..." so, honestly, I remember probably 25% of what she said.
it's not always intentional, but it can be.

Originally Posted by ilgirltrist11:
The family is from Mexico. It seems that a lot of the younger adults put their children to sleep in bouncers. I believe that she is about 22 or so. I've never put my kids to sleep in a bouncer. Although my kids never liked being in a bouncer so I don't really understand the hype.

Really! That's interesting, I wonder if they have anything on safe sleep there? Like the hospital programs here etc.

My oldest had to nap in a bouncer after feedings or she spewed. I wouldn't expect a daycare to do that though. I'd ask that the head of her crib be elevated a few inches and bring in a dr not if necessary.