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Old 12-11-2013, 09:49 PM
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blandino blandino is offline member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Tulsa area
Posts: 1,508

Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I'm getting a lot of responses that this couldn't be separation anxiety since she's too young. Please allow me to explain in a little more detail what led me to think that it is separation anxiety and then I would like to hear what you all think. I think the brevity of my first post might have led to some confusion due to over-simplification. It might be a little long so I appreciate whomever gets through it! I'd love to know what is really going on because if she doesn't get better I'm not going to do my Ph.D.

This is the second daycare that I am trying out. The first daycare started out similar to this one; she did fine the first couple of days. She only goes twice a week for four hours each time. I have no particular nap schedule for her at home. She falls asleep in her swing when she's tired.

I stayed with her for the first day, which was for four hours.

Day two: Provider said she did great. She was eating when I arrived so I sat and waited for her to finish eating. Shortly after she started crying hysterically. I picked her up and she stopped crying. The Provider said it's because she could hear my voice and wanted me.

Day three: Provider said she cried a lot but thought she was just tired.

Day four: I called mid morning to hear her screaming hysterically in the background. Provider said she didn't know why she was crying. When I picked her up, hours later, provider was feeding her and she was crying (not hysterically, though). I picked her up and she stopped crying. In the car she was a little bizarre. She would scream and cry, then laugh, then babble, then scream and cry. It was really pretty scary actually. Seemed like some kind of anxiety attack. The rest of the day her movements were very erratic and hyper. She wouldn't really make eye contact with me.

She started crying more at home.

Day five: There was an assistant there while the Provider was at an appt. After handing her to the assistant she started screaming, wailing. The assistant put her in a seat and she scream even louder. I picked her up, she stopped crying and we went home.

I didn't go back to that daycare. Unfortunately the Provider and the assistant speak very little english so I had no way of really communicating with them.

On to daycare number 2.

The first day I stayed for two hours. When the Provider took her she got teary eyed but I smiled at her and told her she was fine. She teared up a couple of other times when Provider had her but she would look at me and I'd smile at her and she would be better. After I left she was fine the rest of the day.

Day two: Provider sends me pictures about every hour and she did great. All smiles.

She stopped crying at home and started her babbling/whinny voice again (So CUTE!!)

Day three: Around mid-afternoon, two hours into her time there, I hadn't gotten any pictures from Provider in awhile so I knew she must be freaking out. I drove there early to pick her up. When I held her she stopped crying. Provider took her again and she started crying again. I took her back, she stopped crying. Provider said she tried to give her a bottle but she didn't want it.

Provider told me that my lo is starting to realize that I'm not coming back to pick her up.

THE END! So you see, it's not just my observations, I was told by both Providers that she missed me/needed me. The first provider has been in the field for 15 years. Through my own observations as well it seems as though she misses me, or at least feels very insecure where she is. Her napping and eating times at these daycares was not significantly different then what we do on an average day at home.

If after reading this you feel it is something else I would love to hear it! I was also in tears all day today!
I would give it more time, really honestly. I have had several infants who have acted similarly to this, and after some adjustment time they were happy,thriving, children. Some wouldn't take bottles for up to two weeks, and would scream when we tried to feed them. If you feel confident in the care giver's abilities, and level of care she is receiving (which it appears that you do), then I would just allow her to adjust to being there. Adjustment isn't always easy for the parent or child, but it sounds as if an adjustment period to being away from you is going to happen no matter where she is, so your best bet is to choose a daycare that you are comfortable with and just give her the time to adjust. I personally, say 1 month for your average child to adjust, and up to 2 months for some. If you just give it time, she will get used to and get into a groove with her new provider.

Now, I will say because her current provider is a new provider, she might not be used to the adjustment periods. I would just keep an open communication with her about it. Talk to the provider, and keep things consistent from daycare to home. Does the provider have a swing ? Is she allowed to let her sleep in it ? A lot of daycare providers legally can't let a child sleep in a swing, so if that's an issue for her - I would stop it at home. Having no major differences between the way things are done at daycare and at home, is the absolute easiest way to help her adjust. If she is allowed to let her fall asleep in a swing, then it might be worth it to bring your swing back and forth every day. Personally, I would not travel with the swing, and just switch to a new way of putting her to sleep that works for you both.

Even though she is 4 months, and cannot have actual separation anxiety - she is aware that things are different (different smells, different noises, different environment as a whole). It is going to take some adjustment on her part.